“Well, isn’t that what you want?” Derek thumped his glass down on the table.
“Yeah, but...”
“It’s what you want. Do it. You don’t feel like you have the kind of confidence she wants? Fake it. Eventually it becomes real.”
He waited for Joe to process the concepts, enjoying his whiskey. For several seconds Joe appeared stunned, then his face seemed to thaw some. His eyes hardened in determination.
“I’ll do it.” He slammed his hand on the table. Even though his hair was still sticking up on one side, he seemed to grow from a lost kid into a man right before Derek’s eyes. If that didn’t impress Sarah, nothing would.
“Good. Good for you. I bet you won’t regret it.” God he hoped not.
“I’ll do it. I’ll do it right now.” He struggled to his feet and then had to sit heavily back down.
“Uh.” Derek held up his hand. “I’d wait until tomorrow. Maybe after the wedding, in case things get...emotional.”
“You’re right.” Joe grimaced. “Besides, I probably smell like a distillery.”
“Could be.” Derek pushed Joe’s water toward him. “I’d switch to the soft stuff now. Make your plan tonight. Tomorrow you’ll be in much better shape.”
“God, if this works, Derek...” Joe laughed nervously. “You’ll have made me the happiest guy on the planet.”
“Wait, you two are getting married?” Paul walked into the room and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “That’ll make tomorrow a really big day.”
“No. No. Not him.” Joe put both hands up. “I want to marry your sister.”
“Yeah?” Paul grinned and took a sip of water, clearly not surprised by the news. “I was just in her room talking to her. She’s pretty bummed.”
“Because I’m leaving?” Joe asked hopefully.
“That would be a big fat yes.”
“See?” Derek gestured to Joe, then to Paul. “Hey, Paul, tell us how you feel getting married.”
“Oh, good, is this my groom interview?” Paul pulled out a chair and sank into it, pretended his water bottle was a microphone. “Well, I’ll tell you how I feel, Derek. Ellen is the best woman I’ve ever met and really right for me, so I guess that means I feel pretty freaking great. In spite of the fact that I can’t sleep.”
“Nervous about marrying her?” Joe asked.
“No, no, not nervous about the marriage.” Paul put the bottle on the table. “Maybe nervous about all the details. Mostly excited about how important the day is to both of us. And also because up in my room lies the mighty Kevin, who snores like an angry yak.”
Joe burst out laughing. Derek drained his whiskey glass, thinking of how the story of Paul and Ellen’s rocky start might help Joe.
“So you met Ellen and that was that?” Derek knew the answer of course, but when Paul looked at him incredulously, he tipped his head imperceptibly toward Joe.
Paul’s face cleared. “Oh, no. I nearly let her get away from me. I didn’t, but I still panic sometimes thinking how close I came to messing up my whole life. Just because I was afraid.”
“Hear that?” Derek pinned Joe with a meaningful stare. “You know what you want, you gotta stop hanging around feeling defeated and go after it. You want Sarah to go with you next year to Phoenix? Ask her. You have strong feelings for her? You need to...tell...her.”
He froze in his chair, feeling as if he’d just kicked himself in the chest.
Holy shit.
“Derek?”
Derek found himself on his feet, gaping at Paul and Joe. He forced himself to focus on his friend’s concerned face. “Paul. Was Addie in the room when you were talking to Sarah?”
“No, why?”
“Any idea where she is?”
“No.”
Derek was already half out the door. How stupid could he be? Had he told Addie how he felt? Had he told her what he really wanted?
He’d just given Joe the exact advice he needed to hear himself.
* * *
ADDIE SAT ON the promontory where she and Derek had walked to watch the sunset his first night on the island. Wednesday night. Today was Friday—or rather the wee hours of Saturday. Three days. It was ridiculous to be feeling that strongly about him so soon, and it was stupid to be sitting out here this late. She should be in bed so she could enjoy Paul and Ellen’s wedding the next day without being exhausted. Where was her common sense?
She didn’t know. All she knew was that at the moment, she couldn’t move. The hypnotic rhythm of the sea, the glittering reflection of even the tiniest crescent moon, the sense of wild wide-openness around her—who wanted to be confined to a cabin, to a bed? If she could, she’d blast off into space and just keep traveling to infinity for all eternity.
No, she wouldn’t.
She’d summon Derek here with magic powers she didn’t have, and cast a spell to force him to fall in love with her so they could live happily ever after.
If only it was that easy. Her superpower was not the ability to summon hot men; it was being rational and practical. Like this: she knew that the intense feelings she was experiencing right now were simple infatuation, and that they’d pass easily once she was back to her old life, away from this seductive and wonderful-smelling place. And away from Derek.
The rehearsal dinner had been so lovely, the intimacy between Paul and Ellen so beautiful. Watching the way they knew each other inside out and were so looking forward to making the ultimate commitment—the more Addie saw, the more she realized how silly to think she could have fallen for Derek in such a short time. He must have realized it, too. They’d started the evening with longing glances, not ready to show the gang their new status as...what? Not a couple, yet. Lovers, anyway. A concept well demonstrated by Kevin and Carrie, who were practically humping each other into the bonfire.
But over the course of the evening, the tenuous tie that had been formed between Derek and Addie on the private beach started fraying, strand by strand. Their hot looks turned lukewarm, their conversations with people around them intensified. They didn’t seek out or spend time alone. Not that there was that much opportunity, except to say good-night.
Such a comedown. But good. The hurt showed her that she was really no good at this wild woman thing. Jumping into a sexual relationship wasn’t something she could handle. The sharing of their bodies so soon after meeting had only confused the issue, making her think their feelings were deeper than they were.
But, oh, they had felt so deep. Everything about Derek Bates had been intense from the moment she first said hello to him on the house’s front steps. She should have known their lovemaking would seem to engender intimacy so soul-wrenching it put all her other relationships to shame.
So. She’d made a mistake. If they had truly connected that deeply, if their souls really had been...uh, wrenched...that connection would not have eroded a mere hour or two later. They’d be upstairs in his room right now making wrinkles in the sheets.
She stiffened. A rustling through the woods behind her. A light bobbing closer. Someone was coming.
Immediately Addie told herself not to get excited, that it wasn’t necessarily him. And even if it was, she shouldn’t get excited. There were twenty plus people on the island, which made the odds of it being Derek a mere—
“Addie.” His deep voice shot thrills through her. Oh, Addie. Be sensible. “What are you doing out here so late?”
“Hi, Derek.” She turned her head to acknowledge his presence, awareness of him making her skin feel as if it were coming to life, nerve endings reaching for his touch. Shameless little buggers. “I’m sitting here soaking in the atmosphere. I wasn’t sleepy.”
“It is beautiful.” He sat down next to her, turned off his light. Addie held still, every cell in her body screaming at her not to be
sensible. Hadn’t she just told herself her deep reaction and emotional tumult around this man had faded?
Yeah, uh, never mind.
And hadn’t she just told herself that those feelings weren’t to be trusted anyway?
Uh-huh.
“You okay?”
“Sure.” She stared out at the water, annoyed at herself for avoiding a meaningful answer, but what was the point? She wasn’t okay, and wouldn’t be until she was back home in New York among all her familiar people, places and things and thoughts of Derek had finally left her alone.
He took her hand, lazily stroking up and down her fingers. “We need to talk, Addie.”
Nerves burned through her in spite of her being sure there was nothing to say except hey, that was fun, seeya later. She should tell herself instead that it was nice of him at least to want to do that. Many men wouldn’t bother. “Okay.”
“I don’t want to talk here.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with here? It’s beautiful, it’s private and it’s got a great long drop onto jagged rocks in case I need to push you off.”
He laughed and her heart soared with pleasure. Stop it, Addie.
“I want to talk to you out on the water in a rowboat under the moonlight.” He glanced up at the toenail clipping of a moon. “What there is of it.”
“What?” She turned to gape at his dim shadow. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, why?”
She couldn’t believe he had to ask. “It’s the middle of the night.”
“Yeah...?”
“As in dark.”
“Dark, yes.”
She gestured toward the water. “Very dark.”
“It sure is.” He squeezed her hand. “Want to go?”
“But...” A giggle was trying to come up her throat. He had the perfect amount of patient amusement in his voice, which had made her listen to herself to find out why he was amused, and to discover that she sounded like a dork. He didn’t have to say a word and he got his message across.
Addie didn’t want to be a dork.
“It’s dead calm. We’ll stay close to shore.” He got to his feet and held out his hand, his palm a pale invitation in the black night. “Yes?”
She put her hand in his, and let him help pull her to her feet where he held her inches from him for a few charged seconds that had her heart beating up a storm. “Okay.”
“Good.” Keeping her hand, he turned the flashlight back on and pointed it toward their feet, guiding her safely into the woods and back down to the beach, where Lucky’s skiff was waiting.
Ten minutes later, Addie couldn’t imagine what she thought might have been remotely bad about this idea. The air was cool and fresh, the stillness mesmerizing, the creak and splash of oars a wonderful atmospheric addition. Hard to imagine the vastness of the water they were part of when the darkness made the space feel so intimate. And being with Derek made her so agitated and worked up, but also, very strangely, content. If you could be content while filled with a violent longing for wild sex.
“So.” Bumping sounds of wood on wood as Derek stowed the oars. “Let’s talk.”
“Okay.” She sighed. How much better just to keep drifting, away from land, away from troubles and issues and everything that had seemed so important?
“We probably should have had this talk at the beach this afternoon. But we were too busy...being active.”
Addie smiled. “Is that what we were doing?”
“And, in my case anyway, being waylaid by emotions I didn’t expect or, frankly, want to have. Which made it hard to sort them out.”
Addie held her breath until it occurred to her it would be pretty hard to have a conversation if she wasn’t breathing. “What emotions?”
She didn’t expect him to answer right away. Or at all, really. It was unfair to ask him to be so vulnerable by exposing his feelings when she hadn’t been planning to let out any of what she’d been—
“I feel very strongly about you.” He spoke easily, in a steady voice, as if he was telling her he liked her outfit. But the effect on her...thank goodness she was sitting down or she’d have pitched off the boat. I feel very strongly about you.
She had no idea what to say. She had to say something. She couldn’t leave him hanging out there.
“Oh.”
He laughed. “Well, not quite what I’d hoped for, but okay. I’m a patient guy, we have time.”
“That’s one thing we don’t have.”
They drifted farther, the white sand beach a barely visible crescent, stars crowding the sky above them, the sliver of moon showing just above the island’s treetops.
“It’s funny, when we were kids thinking about our futures, even when we were just out of school, didn’t it seem as if whatever we did would be under our control? Maybe we wouldn’t get the exact job we wanted right away, or the apartment we wanted, but somehow we’d work it so we had it all eventually. No matter which doors we picked, the others would still be open to us if we wanted them to be.”
Addie thought about her life and which doors she’d chosen. Always the safe ones, the ones that would take her where she’d already planned to go. She hadn’t really considered any other paths. They’d been closed in her mind all along. “I never really wanted too many doors open at once. But I do know what you mean.”
“These days every now and then I come up against a door that’s locked in my face. I bought Joie de Vivre understanding that life with her would be all-consuming. It was and still is what I wanted. But, Addie...” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t count on meeting someone like you.”
Addie stifled a gasp, feeling torn in half. Part of her was thrilled. He’d said exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, and how often did that happen? And yet...it wasn’t the right thing, because there was no point admitting feelings for each other. She didn’t want a pen pal for a boyfriend.
“I agree, it would have been nice to have more time together to understand what we started.” Addie stopped her speech abruptly, rolling her eyes. Derek had been passionate, sincere and direct, and she sounded like she was talking about developing a new insurance policy. She’d try again, keeping firmly in mind that she had plans to start a new, more interesting and involved life back in New York. This man was not her final and only chance for happiness or personal growth. “Knowing we have to leave this here...is really hard.”
“You have no idea how hard.”
“Ha.” She snorted. “I’m sure you’ll be back to women in every port very soon.”
“Doubt it.” He eased himself off the seat onto a waterproof cushion on the boat’s floor and opened his arms. “Because you’re the only one I want. Come here?”
“Derek...”
“Yes?”
She sighed heavily. The sensible, rational Addie thing to do was to explain that there was no point in them indulging in any more romance because it would only make it worse when they had to leave each other.
But...Derek must again be bringing out the wild woman in her, because she was finding it very hard to convince herself that sitting here on a cold seat alone was a better idea than sitting in his lap with his warm arms around her.
She pulled herself together and addressed his silhouette. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to touch each other.”
“Not a good— Are you nuts? It’s the best idea I’ve had all day.”
His response was so unexpected she burst out with a nervous giggle. “Derek...”
“I get what you’re saying, Addie. I really do. But I need to ask you something, and it would be a big help to hold you while I’m doing it.”
Ask her what? Addie stared at his dark form. How could she refuse him? She couldn’t. She didn’t want to. Relief swept over her as she moved toward him, giving
in to what she’d wanted all along, and sat down between his legs on the other half of the cushion.
His strong arms came around her, his chest was broad and warm at her back. He laid his cheek on her hair. She felt sheltered, protected, cared for.
Irresistible.
“So.” She’d meant to speak in a no-nonsense tone, but her throat was thick with emotion, and all she managed was a gentle syllable. “What’s so frightening that you can’t face it alone?”
“My life on Joie de Vivre.”
She laughed. “I’d say you’ve done pretty well alone so far.”
“I have.” His arms tightened around her. “But I don’t want to do it anymore.”
Her brain started a tornado of thoughts. Her heart was pounding. Be sensible, Addie. He’d met her three days ago. He was not about to do anything crazy, like sell his boat and move to New York.
Was he?
Of course not. She hated when her brain went sailing ahead into unlikely waters.
“I was talking to Joe.” His jaw moved against her hair when he spoke. His chest rumbled.
Addie turned her face closer to his, unable to resist the temptation. “About what?”
“I was yelling at him for not taking the risk of coming right out and telling Sarah how he felt about her, and what he wanted and needed from her.” He kissed her temple, bent his head to lay his cheek against hers. “And then I realized I was doing the same thing with you.”
Addie closed her eyes, struggling to stay calm. “Derek, he and Sarah have known each other for almost ten years.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s the same deal. If I don’t ask you this now then I lose you for sure.”
Her argument died. Her heart was hammering, blood hot in her cheeks. Was he going to change his life for her? For her? “Ask me what?”
“Addie.” He paused, long enough that she nearly started to panic. “I want you to spend the next year on Joie de Vivre. Working and living with me.”
13
“WHAT?” In Derek’s arms, Addie stiffened into an iron statue, exactly as he’d expected her to. “What?”
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