He smiled in the darkness. Anyone would react that way. And, strangely, instead of being in an agony of suspense waiting for her answer, he felt relaxed, freer and happier than he’d felt in a long time. Too long. He hadn’t hidden, hadn’t closed down and entered the hell of “what if?” He hadn’t held himself aloof, gone about his own business and let others do the same. Because he wanted Addie to be his business, and vice versa. What she decided was beyond his control, but he’d gone after what he’d wanted, the same way he’d gone after Joie de Vivre, even knowing it would be a long, tough fight.
Until he met Addie, he hadn’t recognized how far he’d stepped back from life after getting the boat. Addie had brought him screaming—and shouting and skipping and laughing—back into it. For that he’d always be grateful, even if she fried his heart by turning him down.
“I asked if you’d come live with me on my boat next year.”
“You... But I can’t just... I mean...” She struggled to sit up straighter, away from him. “We’ve known each other three days.”
“True.” He let the silence hang, listening to her sputter, practically able to hear the wheels turning in her head, knowing he probably came across like a crazy person. “Don’t answer now. Just think about it. This might be the change you’re looking for in your life, or it might be too much change. We might find we’re meant for each other, or we might want to hurl each other overboard after two weeks. I don’t know. I just know that I haven’t met anyone like you in a long time, maybe ever. I want to find out what’s here, and I think maybe you’d like that, too.”
“If course I would, but...” She slumped down then straightened again. “Derek. Look, this is really sweet of you, but I can’t—”
“Shhh.” He pulled her back against him, nuzzling her hair, leaning her to one side to gain access to her beautiful neck. “Don’t use reason. Not now.”
“Not now? Now is the perfect time. There probably won’t ever be a more perfect time than now.”
“Why?” He pressed his lips against the smooth skin under her ear.
“Because...something like this, something this big...We have to be sensible.”
“Why?” He slid his hands up her rib cage, stopping just under her breasts, then let his thumbs explore their rounded underside while his mouth explored her throat.
“Because this is a huge, vitally important decision that affects every aspect of our lives, and you can’t—” She gasped and arched against his hands, which had moved up to cover her gorgeous breasts. He shifted under her, getting hard. This woman drove him wild. “Um, you can’t just... I mean— Will you stop that?”
“Why?” He slid his hand under the elastic waistband of her shorts, and moved between her legs, over the cotton of her panties. She gasped again, but held still, letting him finger her.
“I, um... Oh, hell, there was some reason.” She moaned as he lightly stroked back and forth, barely touching her through the thin, soft material. “Derek, you’re not playing fair.”
“Do you want me to?”
A long sigh. The tiny gurgle of waves against the planks of the boat. The far-off cry of a loon.
“No.” She turned her face to his and he took her lips in an explosive kiss that made his erection swell so painfully against her beautiful bottom he was nearly ready to come himself. Somehow he kept his cool, kept up the gentle brushing touches across her cloth-covered clitoris. She was breathing fast, moving in jerky bursts as if it was getting harder to control her body.
She was turning him on like crazy.
“Derek.” His name came out a breathless plea. Addie tried to wriggle around to face him, rocking the boat dangerously.
“Shhh. Wait. Hold still.”
She obeyed, breath coming in pants, her skin getting damp. Derek returned to torturing her, increasing the pressure and speed of his fingers—but only slightly.
“Derek. Oh.” Her cry was desperate; her fingers clutched his arms so hard it hurt. He kept her on the edge, stroking slowly, holding her tight against him so she couldn’t move from his grasp. “Please...”
“I’ll make you come. I’ll make you come so hard you’ll scream. And next year on my boat I’ll make you come every day. Every morning, with my tongue between your legs, and every afternoon bent over the seat by the helm, and every night in my bed.” He murmured the words into her ear, voice low and passionate, his cock harder than it had ever been in his life. But in spite of the pure eroticism of his words, he felt caveman protective, possessive and oddly tender. He wanted to give her those moments, every day, show her how she was desired, wanted, respected.
And maybe someday more.
Instead of terrifying him, the idea of falling in love added new power and excitement to this time with her. Why else would he want her to move onto his boat? He’d never invited any woman he was dating to do more than experience Joie de Vivre for a day or two.
Addie. He gave in, gave her what she wanted, what she needed, slid his fingers underneath the by-now damp cotton and found her clitoris.
She exploded nearly instantly, her body tensing, a long, low cry ripped from her.
He plunged two fingers inside her, feeling her heat, her moisture, the contractions grabbing at him. It took everything he had to keep his own needs under control while she came. He wanted to turn her around, have her straddle him and bury himself in her as deeply as he could go.
As if she read his mind, instead of coming down slowly and savoring her afterglow, she gathered her legs under her. He could feel them trembling. “Addie.”
“Shh.” She pulled down her shorts then offered him her gorgeous rounded behind.
Derek groaned and yanked open his jeans, jammed on a condom while she waited, keeping his eyes on her beautiful shape, nearly out of his mind with desire.
Protected, he grabbed her hips and positioned her over his vertical cock, which was so eager for her it was jumping and pulsing like a creature with a mind of its own.
Around Addie, he’d started to wonder.
She took hold of his erection with warm fingers, making his breath hiss out between his teeth, then, using her strong thigh muscles to keep herself up and balanced, she lowered herself onto him.
Almost.
He could feel the hot entrance to her vagina nudging the tip of his erection.
Oh, no. Payback for the way he’d made her wait for her climax. He tried to thrust higher, but she straightened, lifting herself so his cock stayed only that tantalizing inch inside her no matter how far he strained.
“Addie, you don’t understand.”
“No?”
“See, it’s okay for me to tease you. But you need to give me what I need when I need it.”
“Ahhh, really.” She started manipulating her body, squeezing, releasing, squeezing, releasing.
“Addie.” His teeth clenched. Sweat gathered at his hairline.
He might not survive this.
“Ye-e-s?” She swiveled her ass in a gloriously sexy circle, taking his cock on the ride of its life. Then, she sank an inch lower, pulled back up immediately. Did it again.
Too slow, too shallow. He wanted to come now.
And yet. This was elegant, sensual torture like he’d never had before, even more intense than on the beach, and the part of him that wasn’t ready to scream was enjoying it—and Addie—very, very much.
He wanted her with him next year, all year, every day of it.
Another inch, another, then she froze, held still with him halfway home. She could probably feel the impatient jumps of his penis inside her. Derek waited as long as he could, ragged breathing betraying his true state.
“Addie. Have mercy.”
“Like you did on me?”
“Well, eventually...”
She laughed and half twisted he
r upper torso, started playing with her breasts for his benefit—or detriment as the case might be—pushing them up in a sublime offering, drawing her palms across the nipples, letting her head drop back with the pleasure she was giving herself.
That was it.
He took hold of her waist and pushed her firmly down on top of him, letting out a hoarse sigh at the tight, slick feel of her around him. All of him. Finally.
“Derek!”
He ignored her outrage, lifted and dropped her, pushed and pulled, thrusting his hips up and down, making her have to steady herself by grabbing the gunwales of the boat, her head bouncing, moans showing her own pleasure.
His orgasm didn’t wait long. He lost control in a few more seconds, pumped her savagely, and came in a huge burst that made his mouth open in a long, silent yell.
Holy moly.
It was a few moments before he could move again.
“Addie.”
“Yes?” Her tone was soft, tender, sweet. He lifted her off him, cringing with regret when he slid out, a regret that was swiftly over when he pulled her back against him, wrapped his arms tightly around her, even knowing their time was nearly over, wanting to keep her close.
She wouldn’t move to be with him on Joie de Vivre. Why would she? She had a job, an apartment, a whole life. It was completely absurd for him even to entertain hope that she’d give it up for him.
And yet...if he’d let huge odds keep him from trying, he wouldn’t be a yacht owner at all.
“What would you say if I asked you again, Addie?”
She laughed, relaxed and warm against him. “This answer wouldn’t count.”
“No?”
“No. Sexually induced slavery is not a fair bargaining tool.”
He grinned. “I’m pretty sure the slavery goes both ways here.”
“Derek.” She was serious this time. “I have a job.”
“I know.”
“An apartment.”
“Yes.”
“It’s not like I can just leave.”
“No.”
“I mean...” She gestured in exasperation. “Jobs aren’t exactly a dime a dozen.”
“Right. I understand.”
“And rent-controlled apartments are even rarer.”
“Got it.”
“Besides, I’m thinking—”
“Come on, Addie. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
She giggled in his arms, and he felt a powerful piercing sweetness in his heart that could only be one thing. He loved her. It had happened, much sooner than he thought after meeting her, much later in life than he expected. So he was capable of the emotion, he just hadn’t been in the right place at the right time with the right person. And now, he’d fallen within a few days of knowing Addie, as if his capacity for love had been hiding in the wings his whole life waiting impatiently for him to get it right, and now couldn’t wait to let him know he had.
“Right now I’d do anything you asked me to.”
“Yeah?” He pretended to think it over. “How about swimming over to that island and picking me some—”
“Except that.”
He laughed and kissed her, then kissed her again, and since it didn’t seem as if there could possibly be anything more wonderful in the world to do, he settled in to kissing her, tasting her mouth over and over, holding her warmth to him, immersing himself in their cocoon of intimacy in this tiny boat on this vast, dark ocean.
“Jobs can be put on hold,” he whispered. “Apartments can be sublet.”
“I know. But...” She sighed, running her fingers down and across his arms in a gentle caress. “I’m just not the kind of person who can make such a huge decision on the spur of the moment. Honestly, I wish I was. It’s tempting, it sounds as if it would be incredibly exciting. I certainly feel closer to you than I should after such a short time, but it’s just... Well, it’s completely crazy.”
“You’re right. No question.”
“When I was a girl, my parents taught my brother and me that there was a right way to do everything. A right way to speak and behave and eat and dress and wash...right programs to watch on TV, the right people to know. Everything was so black and white for them, everything was so carefully worked out. My brother rebelled in a big way. He spent his whole life doing as much wrong as possible. Drugs, women, dropping out of college to wander around the world, making just enough money at whatever job he could find in order to take him to the next country and the next job, making friends with the lowest of the low, in short rejecting everything they taught us.”
Derek chuckled. “He sounds like someone I’d like to meet.”
“He’s great. He really is. I admired his rebellion as much as I was appalled by it. I bought into my parents’ version of life because I was so shy that any form of rebellion would have plunged me into anxiety and panic.” She twisted around to peer up into his face, though neither of them could see much. “Do you see what I’m saying? If I said to hell with it, I’ll come with you, it would probably destroy us, Derek. I’d be a complete wreck away from everything I know and feel safe around.”
He wanted to point out that she’d changed her life several times already. Going to college, moving to New York, that life on a boat wasn’t nearly as foreign as she probably imagined. That after a few weeks that life would start seeming normal and everyday as well, full of the same dull moments and repetition and routine as any.
But instead he gave her a final squeeze, understanding that he’d get no further tonight. It was beyond late and they were both exhausted. He’d back off and enjoy Addie tomorrow at the wedding, then ask her once more Saturday night and then again Sunday morning before they left if he had to.
“I understand, Addie.” He kissed her lightly. “Want to go in? Big day tomorrow.”
“We probably should.” She moved out of his arms regretfully and sat in silence on the row back to Storness.
At the top of the hill the house was dark and quiet. Derek led the way in and to the bottom of the stairs, and then gave Addie one last kiss, guessing neither of them would sleep much during what was left of the night.
But as he said good-night and watched her walk through the living room to the bedroom she shared with Sarah, his arms and body itching for the feel of her, he knew that even if his hopes of returning to the Joie de Vivre with her beside him were obliterated this weekend, he’d still find some way, any way, that they could be together again.
Because having found a woman like Addie Sewell, he was not going to settle for anyone else.
14
PAUL AND ELLEN’S wedding day dawned sunny and clear. Well...it had probably dawned that way. Dawn happened during the one or two hours of sleep Addie managed to get before the household was up and working, taking down tents and cleaning and closing up the house. Right now Addie was carrying a load of borrowed sleeping bags down to the beach so Lucky could transport them back to the mainland.
The previous night, she’d dragged herself away from Derek’s warm arms and kisses to lie awake in tense bewilderment over the enormous decision he’d handed her. Of course her practical side thought the idea of ditching everything she knew to follow a near stranger out to sea was completely ridiculous, and that she’d never allow herself to do such a thing. That side of her was cranky and exhausted by the turmoil and change and utterly unpredictable nature of the past several days. That side of her wanted to climb onto a plane and go home, get a solid night’s sleep and wake to peace and blissful routine, and not give crazy ideas another moment’s consideration, because what was the point of torturing herself pretending there was a decision to be made? There was no decision. The answer was clear.
But...
The side of her that had recently been awakened, that had just started to tune into all
the things she’d been missing since she was a girl, carefully scheduled out of any control of her own life and decisions by well-meaning parents who saw themselves merely as guides, not tyrants—that side, which was only just starting to be tired of always playing it safe, was tempted enough to want to keep the options alive, to keep more than one door open, as Derek had put it last night. That side, so long deprived, was now hungry. The beast had awakened. It wanted to make up for years of hibernation, to explore and indulge these new and powerful feelings, to shake up her life and for once do something completely irresponsible and totally unlike herself.
But...
This was not the way she would have preferred to awaken that beast. She would rather it awoke bit by bit, comfortably, leisurely, getting used to each stage of awakening before it progressed to the next. Small risks? Like finding new and exciting places and ways to seduce Derek? Yes, yes, bring them on. Risk finding herself out of a job and an apartment, floating around in a new life she could turn out to hate with a man she might not ultimately be compatible with? That was like being woken from a deep sleep because your house exploded around you.
So...
Maybe there was a compromise? Some way to indulge her new hunger for change—and for Derek—without completely abandoning the woman she’d always been? She could visit him in Hawaii, or wherever he happened to be, and go along on a short cruise to wherever he was scheduled to go. He could visit her in New York. They could meet somewhere in between.
But...
If they really wanted to test the viability of their relationship, long-distance with only occasional passionate too-short reunions was hardly the way to go about it. Addie was nearly thirty, she wanted to settle down, and who knew when or if Derek would ever be able to do that.
And yet...
Addie groaned. She’d been going around and around on this for the past twelve hours. That morning, she’d seen Derek, but apart from a warm smile and a surreptitious hand-squeeze, there had been no chance to mention the importance of their possibly life-changing discussion the previous night. All of which left her feeling it had not been quite real, and that maybe she was angsting for no reason.
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