Discoucia

by Nicholas Lovelock

  “You’re a funny guy,” said Archie who left the ship and joined Arthur and Jo on the ridge, looking down at the ruins of the temple.

  It was a large open space and sticking out of the floor like jagged teeth were the ruins, columns and broken walls, and a camp with people milling around in the centre. Their ship was at the other side of the valley and with the sun rising so high, it was baking hot. “Are there other people doing the same as us Archie, you know, adventuring and such and such?” asked Jo.

  “It depends on what you mean, when your tale is being read it’s happening, so by that logic Bilbo is on his travels with the dwarves, Frodo is taking the ring to Mordor, Harry is sitting in his cupboard under the stairs feeling slightly dejected, Sinbad is fighting a Cyclops with a genie and Bugs Bunny is avoiding Daffy Duck. These adventures are all happening at once because people are reading them, it’s the beauty of stories,” explained Archie.

  “Are all these stories in books?” asked Arthur.

  “Yes they are, well most of them,” said Archie.

  “Are they in your library?” asked Jo.

  “They are all there, just don’t mention their names or The Evil Lord Copyright will get you,” said Archie, who half smiled but continued to look down at the valley with a telescope.

  She saw something that obviously caught her attention, and she gave the telescope to Arthur and then went back to the ship for some unknown reason. Arthur then looked down at the camp, and saw that a woman was standing in the centre, and she wore a white dress and had a white headscarf that obscured her hair and only showed her face.

  “Who is that?” asked Jo, who took the telescope after Arthur.

  “No idea, I’ve never seen her before,” replied Arthur.

  Archie returned with her hair tied back and carrying a back pack slung over one shoulder. “Where have you been?” asked Jo.

  “Gearing up for war,” replied Archie.

  “Who is that woman?” asked Arthur.

  “You’ll find out, but we’re going down to have a word,” said Archie, who ran down the stone path to the valley floor. When they reached the bottom of the valley, they walked through a crumbling arch and into the excavation.

  For once they were not set upon by guards, and were instead greeted by one of the professors, who introduced himself as Professor Manjaro. He was happy to see Archie for some reason and she couldn’t understand why.

  “Good afternoon Miss Archaelia, and you too Sir Pageon, Professor Bloom is here and she will love to see you again,” he said.

  “Sorry, but who is Professor Bloom?” asked Arthur.

  “Professor Daisy Bloom,” he replied.

  “Oh Daisy, yes, I know her and I would love to see her again,” said Arthur. Jo coughed, and Archie nudged her. Arthur just looked blankly at them both and then carried on talking to Manjaro.

  “And who is the head of your excavation?” asked Arthur.

  “Professor Cordelia Paradise,” said Manjaro. Arthur and Jo both looked at Archie, who didn’t look very happy.

  She didn’t say anything; she instead just walked into the centre of the camp where Paradise was sitting at a table, her back to Archie. “Good Afternoon Archaelia, it’s nice to see you again,” she said, not turning around.

  “I wish I could say the same, but then again I really couldn’t,” replied Archie.

  “I hope you don’t mind but I am really busy here,” she said.

  “Doing what?” asked Archie.

  “That is of no concern of yours, why don’t you go back to paradise and don’t bother me,” she replied.

  “Whatever you are doing, it can’t be good and I want you to stop, even though I don’t know what it is I still don’t trust you,” said Archie.

  “Why do you insist on foiling my brilliant plans at every turn?” asked Paradise.

  “Because you are an evil and malignant person who delights in inflicting torment on others, and frankly I know what you’re really like,” said Archie.

  “I see that you have found some new companions, and I wonder if they will be as friendly if they knew the real you,” said Paradise menacingly.

  “I think that you just need to leave my world and once you are gone, I can be happy,” said Archie.

  “Do you want to have another duel, and if you win I will leave, but if I win then I will continue to stay for another one thousand years,” said Paradise.

  “Very well Persus, what is the competition?” asked Archie.

  “I challenge you to collect the fourteen gems of Discoucia, and without any powers, we will both give those to Phoebe in the hills above the ruins of Tanalos,” she explained.

  “I knew that I would be collecting gems, but I already have two,” said Archie.

  “I know you do, and they are now in the vault on Harrha; I couldn’t give you an advantage now, could I,” she said in a mocking voice.

  “Look I don’t want you to really go if you would just be constructive for once,” said Archie, changing her tone it what could only be described as swings and roundabouts.

  “Oh come on, do you really think this world needs us again? For crying out loud, you’ll be trying to convert my daughter next,” replied Cordelia.

  “I’ve never actually met your daughter,” said Archie.

  “Is that so?” asked Cordelia, sipping her tea.

  “Oh, and Hyperion asked that if I saw you to tell you that he has begun to build the Constellation CP065xrT in the alien city somewhere in Hypaxxion. As much as you think I am a bad person that you always need to bring down, he might destroy the planet,” said Cordelia.

  “He went to Chargunthi-Khlora and tried to resurrect that stuff, is he insane?!” asked Archie.

  “Well I guess he just wanted to get to know how our parents lived, it’s been so long since we had a visit from them huh?” she asked.

  “There’s no empirical evidence that we gained our powers from alien life and we both know that we had retrograde memory loss when we all woke up. Everything just kinda formed around it and here we are,” said Archie.

  “One day they are going to have to know, the world will have to know that their comprehension of the planet is skewed and that there is a deep dark secret below Seraphale Island that I may never set foot on. Oh and by the way I have to ask you if you think bright pink gothic Victorian is something I should attempt,” she said.

  “I wouldn’t wear pink in a million years, unless I was disguised as an old person again but that ain’t gunna happen. And gothic is supposed to be dark and depressing you know,” replied Archie.

  “When our contest begins, I’ll be the one looking fabulous while you simply run around in that tattered old thing,” she replied.

  “I like this dress, and what you wear looks so uncomfortable and probably took you ages to put on anyway,” said Archie.

  “What happened to us? I know that you think the worst of me but I at least had fun doing what we did,” asked Cordelia.

  “I don’t want to start this again, you can’t stand me because I believe in making people happy without asking anything in return and I can’t stand you because you believe in punishing people to such an extent that it destroys both them and other innocent people,” replied Archie.

  “I don’t have a problem with what you do, I just don’t understand why you do it,” said Cordelia.

  “Are you trying to get out of the bet?” asked Archie.

  “Are you trying to be funny?” asked Cordelia.

  Arthur and Jo had already met Daisy, and they stood watching the intense confrontation between the two people. “You will do everything in your power to stop us won’t you?” asked Archie.

  “Of course I will but since we won’t be gods for a year, our power will be significantly reduced,” said Paradise.

  “None of your usual pre-preparation, well you know what I mean,” said Archie.

  “No I won’t be doing a thing, you would know about it as much as I would,” she replied.

  �
��You’re right, I would, and you know that what we promised must happen if either one of us wins,” said Archie.

  “Of course and I’ll be waiting for you, all four of you,” said Paradise.

  Archie then shook hands with her which made the air around them go a peculiar clash of pink and blue, then she walked up to Arthur and Jo. “We’re leaving, now,” said Archie.

  “Why?” asked Arthur.

  “Because we cannot stay, please, we have to leave,” said Archie.

  “Very well, goodbye Daisy,” said Arthur.

  “It was lovely to see you again,” said Daisy, who hugged Arthur, and shook Jo’s hand awkwardly. They walked back to the ship and when Archie clicked her fingers, the ship started on its own. Corky was half asleep and he struggled to control the ship as it flew north, away from the ruins and away from Larntone entirely.

  “OK, what happened?” asked Arthur.

  “I met Persus, and I have a chance to be rid of her forever,” said Archie.

  “How can we help you?” asked Jo.

  “You’re going to help me?” asked Archie.

  “It’s what friends do,” replied Jo.

  “Well, God Girl will be joined by her three companions in a battle of good against evil,” said Archie.

  “Who is God Girl?” asked Jo.

  “That would be me,” said Archie, and there was a flash of smoke.

  Archie changed into God Girl, and she looked like a strange superhero with an equally strange costume. She had dark patches where her eyes were, and the torn strips of fabric that made her look like a wraith in a kind of poncho, and her wrists were now banded with black fabric on white. No skin could be seen, and Archie now had a black hood with white lining. “Oh, right,” said Jo, wondering how it ever came to this.

  “Where did you get that style from?” asked Arthur.

  “I don’t think they want me to say,” said Archie, and Jo felt the same way as Arthur did watching Archie talk without actually seeing her talk.

  “You know, this might be a little over the top and I’ll look at something else in The Twilight Vale. I can be anything and everything, maybe even a war hero” said Archie, switching in a puff of smoke to her.

  “You hate war, it seems a little bit hypocritical,” said Arthur.

  “We can get it in editing,” replied Archie.

  The ship flew to the north, and then suddenly stopped. Arthur, Jo and Archie walked out onto the deck, and the volcanic island of Starkellone was in eruption. Corky had stopped so that everyone could watch the amazing spectacle. The ship then dropped, and landed on the water, which sent a spray of water into the air.

  ‘It’s raining all over the world’

  The island of Availa is situated closest to the blue sand shores of Lesiga, and is home to Penguin Beach Resort where people come to see the penguins. The Island is ruled by Sir Richard who is probably the most sensible ruler in all the islands, and lives in a large mansion on the north side of the island. It was originally just flat land but it was converted with walls and lowered gardens to accommodate trees. It was from the islands that most of the timber was cut and shipped to Discoucia to build houses before stone was found to be a better material. After all the trees were cut down, the island was left a barren wasteland, but penguins from the southern continents still migrated there.

  The ship landed with a shake next to a large stone wall just in sight of Sir Richard’s mansion. It was a spectacular building with an imposing brick wall built around it. The roads on the island were raised and below them were the acres and acres of sand dunes that stretched as far as the eye could see.

  “I’m going for a walk, it isn’t every day that you get to take a trip across miles of sand dunes,” said Arthur.

  “I’ll come with you,” said Archie.

  “I want to see the penguins, so you two can come back to the resort when you’re done and we can have dinner,” said Jo.

  “I am hungry, it’s like we haven’t eaten in chapters,” said Archie.

  “What do you mean ‘chapters’?” asked Jo.

  “Nothing, I sometimes say things that are just in my head and that don’t really mean anything,” said Archie.

  “Well you carry on with that,” said Jo, who jumped down the rigging and walked off to the south.

  “Come on, we can have a nice chat about things,” said Archie.

  “There are a few things that I want to ask you,” he said, as they walked down from the road and onto the dunes. There was grass growing everywhere, but it was a thick matted grass that had sand in odd areas. It carried on like this for miles.

  “Shall we walk to the sea?” asked Arthur.

  “Why not? Anyway, what did you want to ask me?” she said.

  “What is your domain like?” he asked.

  “It’s more of a place for the eyes and its eternal majesty and beauty cannot be described in words, but I’m sure I’ll give it a good go soon,” she said.

  “And what can you tell me about Persus?” asked Arthur.

  Archie then looked very serious and stared at Arthur in a way she hadn’t done before. “I can’t, she is someone who I would rather forget about than discuss but if you really want me to, then for you I will,” she said.

  “Go on then,” he said, now intrigued.

  “The god system in Alavonia works very simply. I am the elemental god of Water and my legendary familiar is Seashorelle. Then there is Cordelia who is the elemental god of Fire and her familiar is Ignatio. After that is the pleasant Phoebe who you would know as The Misty Morning Rider, she is the elemental God of Earth and her familiar is Altatia. The last is the somewhat unhinged Hyperion who controls the Air, his familiar is Evere and he does some silly things” she explained.

  “Right, so you four run around causing all kinds of mayhem to us mortals” he asked.

  “Hey, you wouldn’t believe what some of us go through and sometimes what we look like wears out,” she said, making a gesture over her whole body.

  “Is what you look like a disguise?” asked Arthur.

  “Yes and no, I don’t think you have ever seen what I really look like,” said Archie.

  “Can I?” he asked.

  “No, I’m afraid that if you saw me as I truly was it would give you a heart attack, but don’t let it put you off,” said Archie.

  They decided to return to the ship and Arthur changed the topic of conversation. “When you said that you gave us wishes, is it any kind of wish or do you have limitations?” asked Arthur.

  “Yes; I tell you what, try a wish and I will tell you if it is possible, and this doesn’t count as your wish,” he said.

  “OK, I would probably wish to have a nice retirement in a huge stately home, with Jo at my side and three kids,” he said.

  “No, that I can’t grant because like Lilia’s wish it has a good chance of coming true without me,” said Archie.

  “It’s going to happen?” he asked.

  “Look at it this way, you have enough money to buy anything, you have a fiancé who loves you and three buns in the oven,” said Archie.

  “Wait a second, Jo’s pregnant?” he asked.

  “Oh, umm, congratulations!” said Archie, who didn’t know what to say.

  “I can’t believe this,” said Arthur.

  “Look I didn’t mean to tell you, but yes she is and I want you not to say anything, promise me you won’t,” she said.

  “I’m so happy, I can’t not tell her,” he said.

  “I know, but she won’t notice a thing for the next nine months, and then the second nine months is when the babies will begin to give her one heck of a time,” said Archie.

  They reached the path, and by now it was late afternoon. The Ambro Restaurant was situated in the south and overlooked the penguin beach. Jo was sat at a large table and was stuffing herself with bread rolls. “I see you’ve already started, sorry we’re a little late,” he said.

  “It’s OK, I haven’t seen anyone I recognise and I ha
ven’t seen any monsters running around either,” she said.

  “Dinner time, I suppose,” said Archie.

  “They have everything here and it’s all sea food too,” said Jo.

  “I’m in the mood for all you can eat,” said Archie.

  “So am I, I think they have one of those contests here,” said Jo.

  “What kind of contest?” asked Arthur.

  “You have to beat the champion at an eating contest, and if you can you get a trophy,” said Jo.

  “I’m up for it, who is the eating champion?” asked Archie.

  “You’re looking at her,” said Jo.

  “You?” asked Arthur.

  “I went here once with my father and I beat the previous champion, now you don’t get the trophy unless you beat me,” she said.

  “You kept that one quiet,” said Arthur.

  “I know, apparently it’s not ladylike to be the champion at eating huge amounts of food,” said Jo.

  “Nuts to the Penguin Mutant, I challenge you, Princess Josephine,” said Archie.

  “But you’re a god, I can’t beat you,” she said.

  “Well, I do have an organic body like you and limits too, so no opening voids inside me so the food goes elsewhere,” said Archie.

  “Okay then, consider this a battle of food,” said Jo.

  There was a table set out in the centre of the restaurant, and a group of people crowded around the two. Jo was sitting confidently staring her opponent down. Archie was sat nonchalantly picking her multicoloured teeth with a toothpick. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have now a battle of titanic proportions: the champion has returned, and she is challenged. Miss Archaelia of The Great Rim wishes to challenge Princess Josephine Olandine of Evermore in an all you can eat contest,” the announcer said.

  “You’re going down,” said Jo. “Sure I am, and if you believe that then at least one of us is severely deluded” replied Archie.

  “The first wave of food will be a starter, one hundred deep fried prawns each,” he said. A huge pile of deep fried prawns were placed in front of Jo and Archie, and they looked at them with interest.

  “They look amazing, but can I have some sweet chilli sauce?” asked Archie. A chef dumped a big bowl that was full of the sauce, and it had to be big since Archie would be doing an awful lot of dipping.