by Amber Garza
“You seem to be everywhere that Emmy is, Chris.” Josh cocks one eyebrow at me.
For a split second I wonder if Emmy told him about our kiss, but then I shove the thought away. The guy has an ego the size of Texas. No way would he stay with Emmy if he found out she was making out with me last weekend.
“He’s family.” Cal’s face hardens in a challenge.
Josh throws up his arms in surrender. “Relax. I was just making conversation.”
“Maybe your conversational skills need some work,” I respond dryly.
“I’m definitely not takin’ lessons from you two.” Josh’s gaze shifts between Cal and I.
I open my mouth to respond when I spot my Mom’s car pulling up to the curb outside. Cal’s eyes widen. She deserves a warning about what she’s walking into. “I’ll be right back.”
Cal nods. Josh glances out the window, spotting my mom. I’d give anything to get rid of this clown permanently. He’s nothing but trouble. With my head down I hurry out of the family room. I’m just rounding the corner when I bump into Emmy. Her scent washes over me, conjuring up memories of Saturday night. I step back from her abruptly.
“Um…sorry,” she mumbles.
“For what? Bumping into me or inviting that asshole over?”
“Keep your voice down,” she whispers. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, I know. And why is that?” I growl. “Why would you stay with him?” Before I can stop myself, I grab her arm.
“That’s none of your business.” She pulls away from me.
Footsteps sound on the walkway outside. My heart freezes. “I’ve gotta warn my mom about Josh.”
Emmy’s face softens. “I didn’t know your mom was coming to dinner.”
I shrug. It’s not the admission I want. She doesn’t get it. “I guess she’ll have to get used to being around him.”
She nods. Clearly she thinks I’ve resigned myself to the fact that she wants to be with Josh; that she’s chosen him. But that’s not the case. Even if Emmy and I can’t be together, I’ll never be okay with her relationship with Josh.
“You know, since we play ball together,” I add. Then I step around Emmy and open the door to greet my mom.
EMMY
I thought it would be easier if Josh were here.
It isn’t.
If anything, it’s worse. But when I found out Christian was on his way, I panicked. I wasn’t sure how I’d face him all evening. Our kiss is all I can think about. It fills my head day and night, desire burning me up. I’ve tried everything to eradicate him from my mind, but nothing works. Not even kissing Josh. Every time I press my lips to his, its Christian’s lips I imagine. Then I feel ashamed and dirty. Sometimes I wonder if Josh knows; if he can see right through me. But when I look into his eyes, I can tell he doesn’t suspect a thing. Why should he?
I’m not exactly the cheating type. I’m the follower. The good girl. The one who goes with the flow. Besides, Josh thinks he’s god’s gift to women and that I worship the ground he walks on. Which I guess is my fault, since I have for most of our relationship. I’ve overlooked so many things I probably shouldn’t have, and it would appear that I’m doing the same thing now. Only I know better. I’m only with him to protect my heart from the one person I truly want.
But whenever I’m in Christian’s presence I want to abandon my plan. I want to dump Josh and throw myself into Christian’s arms. However, that can never happen. Mainly because Christian doesn’t want me that way. Not that it matters. Even if he did, it would never work out.
Christian is part of our family.
And our kiss is screwing things up. I can feel the tension between Christian and me like a tangible thing, and I worry that everyone can pick up on it. But no one else seems to notice. When I bump into Christian in the hallway before dinner, the anger on his face cuts to my heart. I think I see jealousy painted across his features. As hard as I try to fight it, hope arises, my heart skipping a beat.
But then he mentions his mom and I feel like crap. Of course this isn’t about me. It’s about Olivia. I should’ve known. Christian’s dislike of Josh runs deeper than me. It runs deeper than all of us.
I never would’ve invited Josh tonight if I knew Olivia was coming. I try to explain this to Christian, but he’s still angry. And I don’t blame him. It’s not uncommon for Olivia to come to dinner. Olivia and Christian eat here all of the time. Therefore, I should have asked. Perhaps I should have assumed, but I wasn’t thinking. I was desperate, so I reacted. Not that I can say any of that aloud. I can’t admit any of it.
My only option is to endure this night the best I can. As I trek into the family room to retrieve Josh, I find myself wishing I had magical powers that could make this entire night disappear. Then again, if I’m wishing for superpowers, maybe I should wish for something bigger. Like to go back in time and make my kiss with Christian disappear.
My heart squeezes at the thought, and I realize I don’t want that. I should want that. God knows I should. But I don’t. Even if it can never happen again, I don’t regret it.
And that makes me feel even worse.
Guilt riddling me, I approach Josh. He and Cal are involved in some kind of pissing contest, and they both shut their mouths when they spot me.
I cross my arms over my chest, raising my brows. “Don’t stop on my account.”
“We were just talking baseball, baby.” Josh opens his arm, motioning for me to step into it. Reluctantly, I do. Cal frowns.
“Sure you were,” I mutter.
“What’s that?” Josh asks.
“Nothing.” I smile sweetly.
Cal shakes his head. “I’m gonna go find Chris and say hi to Olivia.”
I feel Josh’s stare boring a hole into the side of my face as Cal exits the room.
“You didn’t tell me that she would be here,” he says, his tone laced in betrayal.
Man, this night is a disaster. “I didn’t know.” I turn to him. “But Olivia is part of this family, so play nice.” I don’t usually speak to Josh like that, but there’s no way I’m letting him disrespect Olivia. I love her like she’s my own mom. In fact, there have been times when she was more of a mom to me than my own mother. Olivia is creative as well, but in a different way than my mom. And, since she runs her own business, she’s more levelheaded, more organized. She gets me in a way my mom never has. I can’t even count how many times Olivia has offered me a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
Besides, I don’t even understand why he hates her so much. The scandal that blew up her life didn’t hurt Josh. In fact, it’s safe to say, it helped him.
Josh pulls away from me, his arm slipping from my shoulders. “When we started dating I had no idea how much family you had.” He says the word “family” with sarcasm, and an edge of disgust.
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Probably.”
Ah, always the romantic. “Thanks a lot.” I scowl.
“What do you expect me to say?” He lowers his voice. “You know how I feel about Olivia.”
Well, at least he’s being honest. That’s more than I can say for some people. Case in point, Christian appears in the doorway of the family room. His gaze sweeps over me, then lands on Josh. His lips curl downward.
“You can leave if you want,” I whisper to Josh, a part of me hoping he will, while another part of me wants him to stay. Not so much because I want him here, but because it will be embarrassing if he ditches me in front of everyone again. Besides, I’m not sure my parents like him that much. If he skips out on dinner, they won’t like him at all.
“She should leave. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
I bite my lip to keep from saying what I’m thinking. It disgusts me how this town keeps making Olivia pay for something that happened so long ago. “She’s my mom’s best friend. She’s not leaving,” I say in a hushed voice, careful to make sure no one hears us. Anywhere else in town Josh cou
ld get away with talking bad about Olivia. But not here. If anyone else hears what he’s saying, they’ll throw his ass out. And it makes me feel sick that I don’t have the guts to do it.
“Fine.” He throws up his hands. “I get it. I’ll be on my best behavior.” Leaning down, he kisses me swiftly on the mouth. “For you.”
It’s the kind of statement that used to make my heart soar. I used to live for moments like this. Now I see them for what they are. Lines. Words with no real meaning. Still, I force a smile, reminding myself that it’s my fault he’s here.
Not just in my house, but in my life.
“Thanks. C’mon.” Grabbing Josh’s hand, I guide him toward the dining room where everyone else has congregated. The scent of garlic and chicken wafts under my nose, causing my stomach to growl. I’m surprised by the reaction since my stomach is so nervous I doubt I’ll be able to eat a bite. When Josh and I enter the dining room, everyone except for Mom is seated. She’s still fluttering about like a butterfly, setting platters of food on the table. All eyes fall on us, and my chest tightens. No one speaks, and I find myself once again wishing to disappear.
But it’s Olivia who breaks through the tense moment. She stands and steps toward me. “Emerson! It’s so good to see you, sweetie.” Olivia is the only person on earth that calls me by my full name. She’s also the only person who calls my brother Callahan. But I don’t mind. In fact, it would probably sound weird if she called me Emmy. Wrapping her arms around me, she pulls me into a tight embrace. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I welcome the affection. Besides, I missed her too. The last few times she came to dinner I was out with Josh or Ashley.
Drawing back from me, her gaze lands on Josh. “You’re Josh, right?”
Josh narrows his eyes and my insides coil. But then he nods. “Yep.” It’s not exactly a warm reception, but at least he doesn’t say anything rude.
“Olivia.” She sticks out her hand.
Josh looks at it, but doesn’t take it. “I know who you are.”
“All right.” Mom claps her hands. “Dinner is on.”
I’m grateful for the interruption. Throwing Olivia an apologetic glance, I yank Josh’s arm, tugging him toward the extra chair Mom put out for him. As I slide into my chair, my eyes meet Christian’s. He looks pissed. Like really pissed. Lowering my gaze, I take a deep breath. Mom sits at the head of the table and everyone starts passing the food around. Josh’s arm brushes my elbow periodically as he scoops food onto his plate. Conversations spin around me, but I keep my head down willing the night to end.
Pretty soon my plate’s filled with food, but I can’t eat a bite of it. My stomach churns so hard, I’ve lost my appetite. My head bent, I push food around my plate with my fork. Apparently Josh’s appetite is still intact though. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shoveling in forkfuls as if he’s never eaten before. Annoyance surfaces. He’s ruined this night for me, and he’s not fazed at all. Typical.
“Cal, did you see that play that Aaron made at practice yesterday?” Christian says.
“Yeah, dude, that was awesome.”
“I know. He’s the best shortstop we’ve had. It’s gonna suck for you guys when he’s gone next year, Josh,” Christian says, an edge to his voice.
My head snaps up. Josh’s face reddens.
“I’ll be on shortstop then, so we’ll be fine.” Josh seethes.
“If you really want them to put you on shortstop you better step up your game.” Christian lets out a tiny chuckle.
“Yeah, man, you’ve bombed at second the last couple of practices,” Cal interjects.
Seriously. Get me the hell out of here.
“I have not.” Josh bristles.
“Boys,” Mom interjects. “No more sports talk about the table.”
“Okay. Why don’t you tell us how Bracken is? Didn’t you say he was going in for chemo today?” Cal laughs, humoring her.
“Why, yes, actually. So, you do listen to me.” Mom beams.
Josh appears puzzled.
I shake my head. “Bracken is one of Mom’s newest characters,” I explain, desperately wishing I was one of Mom’s characters, too so I could hide inside the pages of a book.
Josh leans down to whisper in my ear as Mom launches into her latest plot. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your family is weird.”
Trust me, I’m aware.
Josh’s lips graze my cheek when he pulls back. Pausing, he stamps a kiss on my skin. But it doesn’t feel like an act of love, more like he’s marking his territory. Glancing up, I catch Christian staring at us, his eyes steely. He looks ready to pop a fuse. It almost seems like he’s jealous, but I know better. This whole dinner I feel like I’m in the middle of a war between these boys. The funny thing is that I’m not sure it has to do with me at all. I’m nothing more than the tennis ball being volleyed back and forth. The object they are using to inflict harm in their stupid battle. And it’s giving me a massive headache.
Tired of it, I excuse myself and hurry to the restroom. Once inside, I close the door firmly and blow out a breath. My nerves are frayed, my insides quivering. It’s my fault. I set this whole thing in motion. Now I want nothing more than to quit the game. To blow the whistle, signaling the end.
Fortunately, dinner is almost over. Josh had mentioned earlier that he had homework to do later, so I’m praying he’ll take off pretty quickly. Then I can finally get my wish. I can escape into my room and hide under the covers.
Gathering courage, I take three deep breaths. One. Two. Three. Then I reach for the door knob and turn it. With my head held high, I step into the hallway. The minute I do, Christian comes around the corner.
Super. Just my luck.
I try to skirt around him, but he sidesteps, blocking my path.
“Why him?” he growls.
I freeze. “What?”
His face is so close to mine I can feel the warmth of his breath. My pulse spikes. “Why him?” He repeats. “Out of all the guys in the world, why do you have to date him?”
I step back, my heart hammering. His proximity is making my head spin. I’m grateful when my back hits the wall, knowing it will keep me upright. “He asked.”
“That’s all it takes, huh? You’ll just say yes to anyone who asks?”
When he puts it like that, it sounds pathetic. “I don’t know.” I don’t know anything when Christian’s standing this close to me.
He grunts, running a hand over his head. “I mean, you had to know it was going to be awkward bringing him around my mom and me.”
“My dating Josh has nothing to do with you. It’s not like I consider you in every damn decision I make.”
“Clearly.” His eyes flash.
I sigh. Man, I hate fighting with Christian. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Truth is, when I met Josh I didn’t make the connection between he and Christian. And once I figured it out, it was too late. We were already dating.
“Oh, I think it’s exactly how you meant it.” He pushes past me, his shoulder bumping mine. After he vanishes into the bathroom, slamming the door, I lean my head against the wall. I’ve screwed up royally, and I’m not sure how to fix it.
I’m starting to wonder if it can be fixed at all.
CHRISTIAN
I’m not a morning person. I’m a night owl. I walk around like a zombie for most of the day, only to get a second wind around nine o’clock at night. In fact, I threatened to quit playing baseball the first time we had a game at eight am. My mom, on the other hand, is up every morning at the buttcrack, so she’s never understood my aversion to mornings.
After last night, I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day. Truth is, I’m scared of seeing Josh at baseball practice this afternoon. Not because I think the wuss can hurt me. No, it’s because I’m scared I won’t be able to keep my emotions in check around him. All night I dreamt of beating him to a bloody pulp, and I’m a little worried
I might try to turn that into a reality once we get out on that field.
The scent of freshly brewed coffee fills my senses as I head down the hallway. I’ve already showered and dressed, and a chill runs through me as I enter the kitchen. As if on cue, the heater kicks on. Mom sits at the kitchen table sipping coffee and picking at an English muffin. She’s dressed in a long skirt and floral top, her hair is in a loose bun, and her face is bright.
“Good morning,” she trills.
“Yeah,” I mumble, reaching for the coffee pot. I’d pour it straight into my mouth if Mom would let me. But I’d tried that before, and it didn’t go over well. So instead, I grab a mug and fill it to the brim. The coffee is so hot it burns my tongue, but I don’t care. If I’m going to have to face Emmy with Josh today, I’m going to need a lot of this stuff.
“Why don’t I hook you up to a coffee IV?” Mom teases.
“Is that a thing?” I banter back. “Because if so, sign me up.”
“You wish.” After one last bite of her muffin, Mom stands, wiping her palms on a napkin. She drops her plate into the sink, and turns to me. “Okay, I’m off to the shop. Have a good day at school and practice.”
“Hey,” I stop her before she can walk away. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” She knits her eyebrows together. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I know that it must have been hard having dinner with Josh last night.”
“He was fine,” she says evenly. That’s Mom. She doesn’t get rattled easy. “Besides, I get it. I know why he doesn’t like me. He’s protective of his family. I can respect that.”
“But why? It doesn’t make sense. What happened was before he was even born. You’re not hurting his family now.”
“I’m sure his mother has poisoned him against me since he was a little boy,” Mom says.
“But why?”
She shakes her head. “Let’s just say that Heather and I were very good friends once upon a time. After everything blew up, she harbored a lot of resentment toward me.”
“I still don’t get it.”