It’s easy to change if you give it
EVAN/JARED:
Your
CONNOR:
Your
EVAN/JARED:
A-
CONNOR:
A-
EVAN/CONNOR/JARED:
-ttention
All you gotta do
Is just believe you can be who you wanna be
Sincerely,
CONNOR/EVAN:
Miss you dearly
JARED/EVAN/CONNOR:
Sincerely, me
EVAN:
Sincerely, me
EVAN/CONNOR/JARED:
Sincerely, me
Sincerely, me
NINE
Larry and Cynthia sit in the living room, reading from a stack of printed pages.
Evan stands, anxiously awaiting some kind of response.
EVAN: These were just some of the emails I found.
(Silence.)
I mean, I can print out more. I have a lot more. Connor and I emailed all the time.
CYNTHIA: It’s . . . difficult. To read these. It doesn’t sound like Connor.
(Evan realizes that he’s made a terrible mistake.)
EVAN: I’m sorry. I um . . . Maybe, I shouldn’t have . . .
CYNTHIA: No, no. I just . . . gosh, I don’t remember the last time I heard him laugh. But you two, you would . . .?
EVAN: No, yeah, we would, we laughed all the time.
CYNTHIA: There are more of these? More emails?
EVAN: More . . .? Yeah. There are a lot more.
CYNTHIA: We would love to see them. We would love to see everything.
(She looks to Larry, who has said nothing.)
Wouldn’t we?
LARRY: Mmhmm.
(Zoe enters, freezing when she sees Evan.)
ZOE: Why are you here?
CYNTHIA: Oh Zoe. Wait until you see what Evan brought us—emails from your brother.
LARRY: How was your first day back?
ZOE (Dry): Terrific. All of a sudden, everyone wants to be my friend. I’m the dead kid’s sister, didn’t you know?
CYNTHIA: I’m sure they mean well.
EVAN (Taking the hint): I should probably go.
CYNTHIA: You’re not staying for dinner?
EVAN: Oh. Well. Just. I hadn’t planned on it . . .
CYNTHIA: Then we’ll do another night. I can cook something for you . . .
EVAN: You don’t have to.
CYNTHIA: It would be my pleasure. We would love to have you.
(Cynthia looks to Zoe and Larry for affirmation.
Neither says anything.
Larry, picking up on the tension, motions to Evan.)
LARRY: Why don’t I show you out?
EVAN: Oh. Thanks.
(Evan and Larry go, as Cynthia turns to Zoe.)
CYNTHIA: So. How was band today? I bet they’re happy to have you back, huh?
ZOE: You really don’t have to do this, okay?
CYNTHIA: Do what?
ZOE: Just because Connor isn’t here, trying to punch through my door, screaming at the top of his lungs that he’s going to kill me for no reason—that doesn’t mean that, all of a sudden, we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.
CYNTHIA: We are all grieving in our own way. I know how much you miss your brother. We all do.
(Cynthia sets down a stack of emails on the sofa, looks at Zoe.)
You can read these when you’re ready.
(Cynthia exits.
Zoe halfheartedly flips through the emails.
She puts them down, instantly dismissive.)
REQUIEM
ZOE:
Why should I play this game of pretend
Remembering through a secondhand sorrow?
Such a great son and wonderful friend
Oh, don’t the tears just pour?
I could curl up and hide in my room
There in my bed still sobbing tomorrow
I could give in to all of the gloom
But tell me, tell me what for?
Why should I have a
Heavy heart?
Why should I start to break in pieces?
Why should I go and fall apart for you?
Why
Should I play the grieving girl and lie?
Saying that I miss you and that my
World has gone dark without your light
I will sing no requiem tonight
(Light reveals Cynthia in Connor’s bedroom, sitting on his bed, reading emails.
Larry enters, stands in the doorway.)
LARRY: I’m going to bed.
CYNTHIA: Come sit with me.
LARRY (Sighs): Cynthia . . .
CYNTHIA: You can’t stand to be in his room for five minutes.
LARRY: I’m exhausted.
CYNTHIA: You know, Larry, at some point, you’re going to have to / start . . .
LARRY: / Not tonight. Please.
(She holds out one of the printed emails.)
CYNTHIA: Just read this.
(Reluctantly, Larry takes the email without even glancing at it.)
LARRY: I’ll leave the light on for you.
(He goes, stepping into the hallway.)
I gave you the world, you threw it away
Leaving these broken pieces behind you
Ev’rything wasted, nothing to say
So I can sing no requiem
CYNTHIA:
I hear your voice and feel you near
Within these words I finally find you
And now that I know that you are still here
I will sing no requiem tonight
ZOE/LARRY:
Why should I have a heavy heart?
ZOE:
Why should I say
CYNTHIA:
I’ll keep you with me?
I’ll keep you with me
Why should I go and
Fall apart for you?
CYNTHIA/LARRY:
Why
Ah
Should I play the grieving
Girl and lie?
Ah
Saying that I miss you
And that
ZOE:
LARRY:
My world
My world
Has gone dark
Has gone dark
CYNTHIA:
Without
I can see
Your light
Your light
I will sing no requiem
Tonight
’Cause when the villains fall
The kingdoms never weep
No one lights
A candle to remember
No, no one mourns at all
When they lay them down
To sleep
So don’t tell me that I
Ah
Didn’t have it right
Ah ah
Don’t tell me that it
Ah
Wasn’t black and white
Ah ah
After all you put me through
Ah
Don’t say it wasn’t true
Ah
That you were not the monster
That I knew
’Cause I
Cannot play the grieving girl and lie
Saying that I miss you
And that my world has gone dark . . .
LARRY:
I will sing no requiem
CYNTHIA:
I will sing no requiem
ZOE:
I will sing no requiem
Tonight
CYNTHIA/LARRY:
Oh
Oh
ZOE:
Oh
ZOE/CYNTHIA/LARRY:
Oh
TEN
Evan and Alana, online.
ALANA: Evan. Hey, it’s Alana. How are you? How is everything?
EVAN: Um. Fine. Thanks . . .
ALANA: Oh my God. Jared has been telling everyone about you and Connor, how close you guys were, how you were like best
friends . . .
EVAN (Troubled): Oh.
ALANA: Everyone is talking about how brave you’ve been this week.
EVAN: They are?
ALANA: I mean, anybody else in your position would be falling apart. Dana P. was crying so hard at lunch yesterday, she pulled a muscle in her face. She had to go to the hospital.
EVAN: Isn’t Dana P. new this year? She didn’t even know Connor.
ALANA: That’s why she was crying. Because now she’ll never get the chance. Connor is really bringing the school together. It’s pretty incredible. People I’ve never talked to before, they want to talk to me now, because they know how much Connor meant to me. It’s very inspiring. I actually started a blog about him, like a sort of memorial page . . .
EVAN (Nervous for a moment): Were you friends with Connor, too?
ALANA: Acquaintances. But close acquaintances.
(Evan nods, relieved.)
Can I tell you something? I think part of me always knew that you guys were friends. You did a good job of hiding it. But. I don’t know.
(Heidi enters.)
I could just tell.
HEIDI: Who are you talking to on the computer?
(Evan quickly shuts the laptop and Alana disappears.)
EVAN: Oh. Um. Just Jared. It was Jared.
HEIDI (Pleased): It seems like you and Jared are spending more time together. I’ve always said he’s a great friend for you . . .
EVAN: Yeah, really great.
HEIDI: I’m proud of you. Putting yourself out there.
EVAN: Thanks.
HEIDI (Turning to go): Well, I’m leaving, but I left money on the table. Order anything you want, okay?
EVAN: I thought we were doing tacos tonight. Looking at the essay questions.
HEIDI (Suddenly remembering): It’s Tuesday. Oh my God. Oh honey. I completely forgot. Shit.
EVAN: That’s okay.
(She tries quickly to put a good face on things, spinning this as a positive development.)
HEIDI: You know what? You should go ahead and take a look at the questions without me. And then if you have any ideas, you can email me, and I can write back with any ideas that I have . . . That’s better anyway, isn’t it? That way you can really take your time?
EVAN (Hiding his disappointment): No. Yeah. For sure.
HEIDI: We can do tacos another night, Evan. We could do tomorrow night. How about tomorrow night?
EVAN: I can’t tomorrow. I have . . . I’m busy.
HEIDI (Glancing at the time): Shit. I’m late.
EVAN: You should go.
HEIDI: No, let’s figure this out.
EVAN: It’s fine.
HEIDI: Evan . . .
EVAN: I’ll make dinner for myself.
(Evan exits, leaving Heidi there in his bedroom, stricken with guilt, as lights snap up on Cynthia, calling upstairs from the Murphys’ kitchen.)
CYNTHIA: Dinner will be ready in ten minutes, Evan. I hope you’re hungry . . .
ELEVEN
Cynthia goes as lights find Evan standing in Connor’s bedroom, alone, looking around, a complete stranger.
A long beat.
Zoe enters.
ZOE: Why are you in my brother’s room?
EVAN (Caught by surprise): I was just waiting for—
ZOE: Don’t your parents get upset that you’re here all the time?
EVAN: Well, it’s not like I’m, I’m not here all the time . . .
ZOE: Just two nights in a row.
EVAN: Well. It’s just my mom and she works most nights. Or she’s in class.
ZOE: Class for what?
EVAN: Legal stuff.
ZOE: Where’s your dad?
EVAN: My dad is um . . . he lives in Colorado. He left when I was seven. So. He doesn’t really mind either.
(Pause.
Evan stands there, awkward.)
Your parents . . . they’re really great.
ZOE (Matter of fact): They can’t stand each other. They fight all the time.
EVAN: Everyone’s parents fight.
ZOE: My dad’s, like, in total denial. He didn’t even cry at the funeral.
(Beat. Not knowing what to say, Evan changes the subject.)
EVAN: Your mom was saying, gluten-free lasagna for dinner. That sounds really . . .
ZOE: Inedible?
EVAN (Laughs): You’re lucky your mom cooks. My mom and I just order pizza most nights.
ZOE: You’re lucky you’re allowed to eat pizza.
EVAN: You’re not allowed to eat pizza?
ZOE: We can now, I guess. My mom was Buddhist last year so we weren’t allowed to eat animal products.
EVAN: She was Buddhist last year but not this year?
ZOE: That’s sort of what she does. She gets into different things. For a while it was Pilates, then it was The Secret, then Buddhism. Now it’s free-range, Omnivore’s Dilemma . . . whatever.
EVAN: It’s cool that she’s interested in so much different stuff.
ZOE: She’s not. That’s just what happens when you’re rich and you don’t have a job. You get crazy.
EVAN: My mom always says, it’s better to be rich than poor.
ZOE: Well your mom’s probably never been rich then.
EVAN: You’ve probably never been poor.
(Beat.)
Oh my God. I can’t believe I just said that. I’m so sorry. That was completely rude.
ZOE (Laughs): Wow. I didn’t realize you were actually capable of saying something that wasn’t nice.
EVAN: No, I’m not. I never say things that aren’t nice. I don’t even think things like that. I’m just, I’m really sorry.
ZOE: I was impressed. You’re ruining it.
EVAN: I’m sorry.
ZOE: You really don’t have to keep saying that.
(Beat.)
EVAN: Okay.
(Beat.)
ZOE: You want to say it again, don’t you?
EVAN: Very much so, yes.
(They smile a little.)
ZOE: You’re weird.
EVAN: I know.
ZOE (Difficult to ask): Why did he say that? In his note?
(Evan looks at her, unsure what she means.
She’s embarrassed to have to say it out loud.)
“Because there’s Zoe. And all my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don’t even know and who doesn’t know me.” Why would he write that? What does that even mean?
EVAN (Hesitates): Oh. Um . . .
(Zoe looks away, realizing that he doesn’t have the answer.
Seeing her disappointment, Evan feels compelled to offer something.)
Well, I guess—I’m not sure if this is definitely it, but he was always . . . he always thought that, maybe if you guys were closer—
ZOE: We weren’t close. At all.
EVAN: No, exactly. And so he used to always say that he wished that he was. He wanted to be.
ZOE: So you and Connor, you guys would talk about me?
EVAN: Sometimes. I mean, if he brought it up. I never brought it up. Obviously. Why would I have brought it up?
He thought you were . . . awesome.
ZOE (Skeptical): He thought I was “awesome.” My brother.
EVAN: Definitely.
ZOE: How?
EVAN (Struggling to articulate this): Well. Like . . . whenever you have a solo. In jazz band. You close your eyes and you get this—you probably don’t even know you’re doing this. But you get this half smile. Like you just heard the funniest thing in the world, but it’s a secret and you can’t tell anybody. But then, the way you smile, it’s sort of like you’re letting us in on the secret, too.
(Evan realizes he isn’t getting through.
He decides to start over.)
IF I COULD TELL HER
EVAN:
He said
There’s nothing like your smile
Sort of subtle and perfect and real
He said
You never knew how wonderful
; That smile could make someone feel
And he knew
Whenever you get bored
You scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans
And he noticed
That you still fill out the quizzes
That they put in those teen magazines
But he kept it all inside his head
What he saw he left unsaid
And though he wanted to
He couldn’t talk to you
He couldn’t find a way
But he would always say:
“If I could tell her
Tell her ev’rything I see
If I could tell her
How she’s ev’rything to me
But we’re a million worlds apart
And I don’t know
How I would even start
If I could tell her
If I could tell her”
ZOE: You know the first time he ever said anything nice about me? In his note. A note he wrote to you. He couldn’t even say it to me.
EVAN: He wanted to. He just . . . he couldn’t.
(Zoe hesitates, feels silly even asking.)
ZOE: Did he say anything else?
EVAN: About you?
ZOE: Never mind. I don’t even really care / anyway . . .
EVAN: / No no, he just, he said so many things about you. I’m trying to remember the best ones.
Dear Evan Hansen Page 5