Sweet Montana Christmas

by Casey Dawes

  She shoved back from the table. Her half-full dish landed on the counter with a clank.

  Shit. He was screwing everything up. And he had no idea how to make it right.

  That wasn’t quite true. He could stay in Missoula.

  Sue Anne’s back was stiff as she moved around the kitchen area, slamming leftovers into containers and shoving them into the refrigerator. Was she worth it?

  Pat said the chief had given Zach a chance. If he left, there would be no way he could ever come back to Missoula.

  His chest contracted. Was he being a fool?

  He pushed the thought aside. Pat’s girlfriend had come to Missoula to be with him. Would Sue Anne consider a change? She could sell chocolate anywhere, couldn’t she?

  Even as he approached her to ask, he knew it was a stupid move.

  “Sue Anne, I’m sorry.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Let’s not fight. I promised you a good Christmas, and I meant it. I’m going to get everything on your list and make it your most memorable Christmas ever.” He was sure he could do it, even though the unopened envelope she’d given him was sitting on his dresser.

  “And then what? Leave?” She turned to face him, her eyes red with unshed tears. “Don’t bother. I didn’t think you could get everything on the list. Now I’m sure of it.”

  “Look, Sue Anne. What if ... what if ... I asked you to come to LA with me? I ... um ... really like you.”

  She looked at him like he had two heads.

  “I have a business here.” Her words were carefully enunciated. “A business I have spent the last year building from the ground up. I invested everything I had in this building. I am not walking away from it. If you want to run away from your problems, go ahead.”

  “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

  “I think that’s your pattern. You screw up in Denver, and you leave rather than face it. You have problems with Erin, and you move out. We’re getting too close for you, so you run away to the big city.”

  “They offered me the job.”

  She shook her head. “You were looking. They wouldn’t have offered if they didn’t know that.”

  Was he running away from a chance at happiness because he was stubbornly sticking to his plan? And if she was right, why would she want him around? He wasn’t any use to anybody.

  “I have to take this opportunity.” Maybe if he said it often enough, he’d believe it. “We knew there was this possibility. I told you from the beginning. I don’t even know if I have the job or not. Can’t we keep seeing each other through the holidays? I know you don’t want to be alone.” Even as he continued talking, he knew he sounded like a jerk.

  “No.” There was a steely resolve to her voice. “I don’t want to be in a relationship that’s going nowhere. I deserve more than that. If this job doesn’t materialize, there’ll be another one. It’s over, Zach, Christmas or no Christmas. I’ll be fine.”

  Her shoulders straightened, and she stared him directly in the eyes.

  “Well, that’s that, then.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So, do you want a ride to the airport?”

  “No, thanks. Reed doesn’t have my keys anymore. My car should stay where I put it. And I’ll remember to turn out the lights this time.”

  He took a deep breath.

  “I should probably go.”

  “Probably.”

  He debated whether or not he should kiss her.

  “I’m sorry. I really am,” he said.

  “So am I.”

  The door’s thud behind him sounded hollow in the dark night.

  Chapter 20

  Sue Anne cried herself to sleep, Sugar as close to her as the dog could get.

  She was an idiot. He’d told her he was leaving. She thought she could change his mind.

  She pounded her pillow.

  Damn. Damn. Damn.

  She’d known better. Now she was facing another Christmas alone. She’d had a lot of hope she could change his mind. Too much hope.

  But her mother had been right. She needed to show respect for herself if she wanted anyone else to do it. Staying in a dead-end relationship for the sake of the holidays was no way to treat herself.

  At five-thirty in the morning, she gave up the search for sleep. Somehow she managed to stagger through the morning. Midafternoon, Jaiden ran into the shop, boots clomping on the floor, door clanging behind him.

  “Miss Sue Anne, there’s some man handing out flyers about your shop. They say you use infer ... inferi...”

  “Inferior?”

  “Yeah. He says your stuff is bad. Look!”

  He handed her a crumpled piece of paper.

  “Don’t buy Sweets Montana chocolates!” screamed the headline.

  She scanned the rest of the paper, which claimed she bought the cheapest ingredients and marked up the prices to make a killer profit.

  Reed. It had to be. He was making good on his threat to ruin her.

  “Where is this man, Jaiden?”

  “Over by Higgins.” The boy pointed east.

  “Okay.” She looked around. She couldn’t let this threat stand.

  The bell jangled again. Zach.

  Could this day get any worse?

  “What do you want?” she asked, her tone as cold as she could make it.

  “I needed to talk to you. Then I saw this.” Zach held up another flyer. “I swear I’m going to pound the...”

  Sue Anne cleared her throat and looked at Jaiden.

  “Oh. Yeah. Well, you know what I mean. I’m going to make him stop.”

  “Can I go, too?” Jaiden asked. “That man has no right to spread lies about the shop. These chocolates are the best!”

  “You can say that again, buddy.” Zach high-fived the boy.

  The ache in her heart increased. He was a good man.

  A good man with a fatal flaw.

  “I have an idea,” Zach said to her.

  “What?”

  “Can you make up a list of ingredients you use in plain fudge? Brand names and everything.”

  “Okay.” Her voice was dubious.

  “I’m going to buy a pound of that fudge right there.”

  “You don’t have to...”

  “Shhh,” he said with a grin. “I’m handling this.”

  She quickly wrote down a list of the items that went into the fudge—it wasn’t much since she didn’t add anything like preservatives. Still unsure of what he had planned, she handed it to Zach.

  “I’m going to need your help,” he said to Jaiden. “We’ve got man things to do.”

  “Sure!”

  “Okay,” he said to Sue Anne. “Cut up the chocolate into little pieces—just enough for a bite. Can you put it in two boxes? Half and half?”

  “Sure.” She was beginning to get an idea of what he had in mind.

  She saw him add “Sweets Montana” in big letters to the bottom of the list of ingredients.

  “Okay, buddy, let’s go.”

  Zach and Jaiden left. Why did Zach have to be so wonderful and an ass all rolled into one? She wanted to place her shoe in his butt, kick him onto her bed, and then crawl into his arms and cuddle all night.

  Nothing had changed. He was still leaving. What could she say that could change his mind? They needed to end it now, before the holidays, before she had another Christmas memory to forget. Her chest ached with pain.

  An older woman opened the door a crack. “Is this Sweets Montana?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, good. What a lovely place. I don’t know why I never noticed it before. Your nice young man pointed me in this direction. He’s so sweet with your son.”

  Sue Anne started to explain that Zach wasn’t her man, nor was Jaiden her son, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

  “What can I get you?” she asked.

  “I want some of that fudge I just tasted. It was amazing. And a bunch of other things. The ladies are coming over for bunko on Sa
turday, and they’ll just love your chocolate. And make sure you give me lots of business cards. I don’t know what that other guy thought he was doing, running down your sweet little shop. I could tell the minute I tasted it that you used only the best ingredients. I walked right over to that Neanderthal and gave him a piece of my mind.”

  Sue Anne laughed out loud. Zach and Jaiden had saved the day for her shop.

  If only ... She pushed the desire from her heart. No use wishing for things that weren’t possible.

  • • •

  “How did you know you loved Grandpa?” Sue Anne asked her grandmother, who was resting on the couch after finishing her physical therapy exercises, a cold ice pack on her knee.

  A dreamy expression floated across her grandmother’s face.

  “Henri made my heart flutter the moment I met him,” she said. “Then, everything he said and did cemented him in my mind as a kind, considerate, and loyal man. He was human, but his intentions were always good. He treated me like a queen and supported everything I did.” She patted Sue Anne’s hand. “Why? Do you think you’re in love?”

  Unfortunately, the answer was yes, but she still didn’t want to say it out loud.

  “You’re thinking too hard,” Grandma said, picking up her cup of tea from the round table beside her. “You either are or you aren’t. Love can slowly grow and then wage a sneak attack when you least expect it. Or it may slowly blossom as you get to know a person. But either way, you’ll know it when you feel it.”

  Oh, she knew it.

  Sighing, she picked up her laptop and sat at the table to check out the orders from the test site she’d started a few weeks ago. She’d found a company that was willing to pack and ship the fudge on a regular basis, complete with dry ice to keep it cool during the hot weather.

  Melted fudge was not pretty.

  She’d asked some of her friends in Texas to place a few orders so she could test the system of getting the chocolate to the shippers, to the customer, and most of all getting paid.

  So far, things seemed to be working well.

  An hour later, her grandmother stood up, a groan accompanying the movement.

  “You okay?” Sue Anne asked.

  “Yes.” Her grandmother waved her hand. “Just a few aches and pains—to be expected. It’ll get better.” She hobbled to a cabinet in the corner and took out a rectangular box. “It’s ironic that you opened a chocolate shop. I wanted to see if you made a go of it before I gave you this.” She held out the box to Sue Anne.

  Sue Anne pulled open the lid. Nestled inside, yellowed newspaper cradled several metal molds of Santa Claus and reindeer.

  “Oh, my God. These are amazing!”

  “They belonged to Henri’s grandfather. He made chocolate in a small village in France before the family immigrated to the states. He set up shop again in Charlotte. The molds have been passed down for generations. Now you should have them.”

  She hugged Sue Anne close to her. “Your father would have been so proud of you.”

  Tears formed in Sue Anne’s eyes, as the love from generations wrapped around her. This is what she wanted in her life, the love to continue on to her grandchildren. She’d let Zach go, mend her heart, and find the right man.

  “I’m glad you waited,” she said. “I’m stronger than I was last year. I’ve launched my business, and it’s going better than I could have expected. Reed is out of my life, and my mother and I are closer than ever.”

  “What about whoever you’re in love with?” Her grandmother put a kettle of hot water on the stove.

  Tea. Her grandmother always made tea for serious discussions.

  Sue Anne put the molds on the table and settled into a kitchen chair.

  “How do you know?”

  “I can see it in your eyes. You seem sad, though. It’s not going well?” Her grandmother set the floral English teapot on the counter, with two bone china teacups and saucers next to it. Henri may have had French ancestors, but her grandmother was solidly British.

  “You could say that. I thought we had something worth sticking around for. I mean, Zach told me if the opportunity came along for him to move to a bigger airport, he’d go, but I thought if he loved me enough, he’d stay.”

  “I take it he’s going. Would you sell your business and follow him?”

  “Hell, no. I’m just getting started.”

  The hot liquid streamed into the cups.

  “It’s so much more complicated today with different careers and desires,” her grandmother said. “It wasn’t much easier for Henri and me, but there was still the holdover thought that a woman followed a man’s career, so that’s what we did.” She set the teacups on the table. “It worked for us.”

  “But I’m not talking about a career. I’m talking about a building and a shop—something I’ve invested every last penny I have into. Giving it up makes no sense—financially or otherwise.”

  “I see your point. And it’s a good one.” She sipped her tea. “Have you told Zach how you feel?”

  “You mean have I told him I care about him? Of course.”

  “Care about him?” The eyebrow arched with practiced ease. “How can he give more emotionally if all he thinks is you care about him?”

  “Well, I certainly can’t tell him I love him.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes.”

  The tangy lemon flavor swirled around her tongue as she sipped the tea.

  “You really think I should tell him how I feel?”

  “I can’t tell you what to do.” Her grandmother’s teacup rattled in its saucer. “But I know if I’d never taken a chance and told Henri how I felt, I wouldn’t have spent decades with the most wonderful man I could have ever found.”

  “You said you loved him first?”

  “Of course. Henri was very good at thinking. Not so good at letting people know how he felt about them.” She smiled the dreamy expression of memories. “But I never had any doubts about how he felt.” She shrugged. “I just had to be the one to put it into words.”

  Would Zach’s choices change if he knew how she felt? Or would she be depriving him of his own choice? He had the right to work where he wanted to go, didn’t he?

  “You’re overthinking.” Her grandmother put her hand on hers. “If you never take a risk, you’ll always regret what might have been. He’s a grown man and needs to make his own decisions. But he has to have all the facts first.” She released Sue Anne’s hand and gave it a few little pats. “Now, let’s get some laundry done so you can pack for your trip home tomorrow.”

  But even as her grandmother got up, Sue Anne sat and stared at her tea. Did she have the courage she needed to have to reach for the brass ring of happiness? What if it fell from her hand?

  What about her self-respect? She couldn’t go chasing a man who wanted to leave. If he knew she loved him, would he stay? Or would it make his departure that more difficult?

  • • •

  “Am I an idiot?” Zach asked Pat as he spotted his friend lifting weights.

  “Depends on what we’re talking about.” Pat said as he set the bar back in the rack with a grunt. All around them, the clank of metal hitting metal reverberated.

  Pat sat up and wiped the back of his neck and his face. Both men were dripping from heavy exertion, as they pushed each other further down the fitness track.

  Zach liked their friendly competition. In fact, he and Pat had done a lot together over the last few months—from hikes, to grabbing a beer and talking trash about sports. He was going to miss the Alaskan once he went to LAX.

  Which brought him back full circle to his question.

  “About leaving Sue Anne,” he said.

  “How do you feel about her?” Pat asked as they walked back to the locker room.

  “I like her.”

  “That’s it? You’ve been seeing this woman on and off since March, and all you can say is you ‘like’ her? Then why does it even matter?”

  Zach st
umbled over the question. Why did it matter?

  Because he was lying to himself. His feelings for Sue Anne ran deeper than a mere friendship. But was that enough of a reason to change his entire life plan?

  “Your turn.” Pat gestured to the weights.

  Zach slid under the bar and braced himself. He steadied himself, blowing in and out a few times. Competition with Pat had pushed him to the edge of his physical ability, something he didn’t regret.

  He lifted the bar from the rack, engaged his pecs, and thrust the bar up as far as he could. Everything was steady as he slowly lowered, feeling the pain of tiny tears in his muscles, minute damage that would only make him stronger in the long run.

  Maybe a person grew stronger the same way.

  The new perspective made him lower the bar slowly back to the rack.

  “Ready for another one?”

  “I think so,” Zach said.

  The men finished their workout, then stopped at the protein bar for a shake.

  “I never did answer your question,” Pat said after they were served. “But for the record—yes, you’re an idiot. You have friends, a good job in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and a woman, who, from the looks of it, would give you a shot at a pretty happy life. And you’re ready to walk away from it all because of some master plan you made up when you were twenty-one.”

  “That’s quite the speech,” Zach said.

  “I’ve been practicing it for weeks. Just waited for the right moment.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “But if you don’t love her, forget what I said.”

  “I don’t know.”

  Pat shook his head. “What are you so afraid of?”

  “I’m not...” Zach stopped himself. Pat was saying the same thing Sue Anne had said—he was running way. “I guess I don’t want a repeat of Denver.” He’d given Pat a high-level view of the whole situation during one of their hikes.

  “So when did that happen again?”

  “Couple of years ago.”

  “Don’t you think it’s about time you got over it?”

  Zach stared out the window at the traffic on Reserve. In his head, he knew Pat was right, but some part of him still wanted to hang on to the hard kernel of fear. What if he took the risk and everything turned out wrong again?