“What was that?” asked Arthur.
“Because they knew that true love is such a powerful and beautiful force that it is worth giving up everything to find, including life itself. No man will find love without some sacrifice and pain, but to live forever in it can only come from corrupted love and that is a pain worse than death. I am warning you Arthur, if I am right and you return to her she will instill within you feelings of inadequacy. She will give you the impression that she is perfectly righteous, so righteous that it seems as if God himself bestowed upon her perfect beauty, grace, and every other quality favorable to the female sex. But this is a lie. It is a tactic to get you to feel evil, to plunge you into the deepest recesses of sadness and pain, to make you feel personally enslaved, weak, and incapable of moving forward. These feelings will make you feel more insecure than ever. Women have the extraordinary ability to understand the feelings that exist between a man and a woman. A woman can understand the movements and motions of love, the way love arises and falls, and the way a man expresses love. It seems that love or romance is their primary subject of understanding. But, besides all their power and ability to love, they lack one thing—the ability to know and sympathize when a man suffers needlessly out of love. You can find that even the loveliest of women can leave you, the once strong man, subject to the most powerful feelings of unfulfilled love, thus leaving the noble and virtuous man subject to the pain and decay of ominous living, or living without love. Know this Arthur: incomplete love, or unreciprocated love, is far worse than no love at all.”
“Merlin, you speak of love as if it can never last,” said Arthur. “Is it true? Does love never last?”
Merlin sighed and pointed down at the fire. “You see this flame Arthur,” said Merlin. “This flame burns on wood and burns only as long as I feed it. This is the most common type of love—love that we humans must continually feed to keep alive. And I suppose that all love in some way or another begins this way. Eventually, however, the hope is that we may create a love that is eternal or everlasting. But your love of the witch can never develop into that type of love, which is why I say you must find a backdoor.”
“But Merlin, what if I have already found a backdoor—a method to alleviate the whole situation even if she does not fall for me?”
“Of what do speak of Arthur?” replied Merlin.
“She gave me a tour of her palace and in her palace I saw the rose you spoke of, but besides that she showed me a potion. It was a love potion that she said had the power to make anyone fall in love within anyone. If I needed to, and had no other choice, I could give her this love potion and by so doing make her fall in love with me. Then we could rule the kingdom together, ending the evil reign of witches.”
Merlin sat back in his chair, staring at Arthur ominously. “Know this Arthur—no magic can truly and eternally change our natures. Our natures only change if we allow and consciously choose them to be. The witch had bad things happen to her yes, but she chose to be a witch. She ultimately chose to embrace the dark magic. You think that you can fix her, but you can’t, no matter how hard you try or how good she is. She will change you. If you let her she will take your heart and make you never want to love again. Just run away! Go somewhere else! As long as she doesn’t have you she will feel unfulfilled and Camelot will be safe. She wants you more than anyone else. If she is able to get you then she will feel like she has won.”
“But I can change her.”
“No, you can’t!” exclaimed Merlin, sounding more upset than ever. “You think you can but then you will become just like all the men that have ever ventured to her mansion to win her heart. You simply cannot do it and you will fail trying. You think that you can succeed in making her fall in love with you. But perhaps what you want is selfish love. You don’t consider the fact that true love is most often disregarded or taken for granted. People don’t care about true love anymore. That is why all those men left their wives and families for this idol of a woman. They wanted to work to have her. They wanted to force love, but you cannot force love. Love simply comes and all we have to decide is whether or not to accept and acknowledge this love. Your love for your daughter—now that is love and love that you must work to keep. I hope you will eventually understand that. A man could live a thousand lifetimes, rule the mightiest kingdom, and lead the greatest army, but if he does not understand love then it will have all been in vain.”
“But what if?”
“There is no what if…the only reason you want to go back is because you want her for yourself. You think you can make her fall in love with you using her dark magic and then expect there will be no bad consequences. But there will be bad consequences. It doesn’t matter if you use evil for good or evil for evil. Evil will always reap evil and when this evil returns it will return and attack, not your sword but your heart. Then when it does attack your heart there will be nobody there for you. It will just be you and this witch, this new witch that you have molded.”
“I don’t believe you,” replied Arthur. “You don’t know her as I do.”
“Don’t you see? The reason this witch began in the first place was because of evil men who wanted to force a woman to be theirs. You are doing the same thing that these wicked men did to create the witch in the first place. Just let it be…” Merlin took a deep breath. He was clearly exhausted from all this speaking. “You must know that as long as she is alive she will continue to destroy this land. She will be preoccupied with finding you and, if you stay outside of the realm of her vision, she will not be able to find you and this will drive her crazy. You will have escaped her grasp and she will suffer for it.”
“Then why did she let me go?” asked Arthur. “She just simply let me leave her palace.”
“Because she knows she has you in her grasp! Don’t you see? You can’t change her. She has her evil magic because she is evil. The moment you attempt to change her is the moment you end up changing yourself. Don’t do it! Don’t go back to this woman! She is someone who only takes and will never give anything to you. In the end, if you do go to her, she will end up poisoning your heart. Know Arthur, she is not called the “Poison Rose” for nothing. Please, if you heed anything I say, don’t go back to her. You will lose yourself in trying to save this woman and, in the end, you still won’t save her.”
Merlin sighed, clearly exhausted from all his speaking. “But never mind me…these are the ramblings of an old man.” Merlin stumbled forward, pushing himself up from the table with his cane and wobbling over by the fire. Arthur had yet to finish off his plate. “I am sorry Arthur, I do not mean to be your father and I do not presume to be your father. Your real father died long ago…” After this moment it seemed as if the argument and tension dissolved. The room was silent. Neither had been in this situation before—Merlin as advisor to Arthur on the affair of love, and Arthur, torn between love of his kingdom and love for this woman.
“Merlin, for all my life I have always believed of putting the collective above the individual, but now I sense that in helping the collective I must first help the individual.”
“Yes, but make sure you help the right one,” said Merlin. The talking for a moment then ceased. Merlin moved over to the current statue he was working on, located in the center of the hut, picked up his tools, and began sculpting it. The statue was clearly incomplete, with only a part of the face and body revealed. But from what Arthur could see it was of some kind of military man—the armored man stood looking up towards the skies with his sword drawn and pointed upwards and outwards. Arthur was curious and moved more towards the sculpture, as if to examine it. “Who is that?” asked Arthur.
Merlin stopped sculpting and looked up at the statue as if this had been his first time even considering who it might be. “Well I am not sure? I just had an image in my mind and decided to sculpt it.”
“That looks like me,” said Arthur, clearly more invested in the sculpture now.
“No…it can’t be could it,” replied Mer
lin. But as he gazed in the eyes of the statues he saw a familiar face. “Why yes, Arthur perhaps that it…the image in my mind…it is becoming clearer and it does look like you…” Arthur looked down, dismayed. Merlin looked over at him and smiled, as if he should be pleased that he were finally getting around to sculpting a statue of him; but then he finally realized what he had just said. “Oh no Arthur, I am sure this means nothing…I sculpt lots of people…not just people who are going to die. It could mean anything really.”
“It’s alright Merlin. I think I now know my fate.” Arthur moved away from Merlin and back towards the door.
“Arthur, listen to me!” said Merlin. “You are destined for greatness far more than you could ever know. Don’t throw it all away for witch, for a false hope.” Arthur stopped, looked Merlin in the eyes as he would a loving, but erroneous, misunderstood father, and then opened the front door.
“Merlin, what are we as humans if we do not trust our feelings? What are we without a heart?”
“Wait! Please don’t go!”
Arthur shook his head. “Sorry, here’s your sword back. I am not going to need this anymore. I now know my destiny.” Arthur lifted his sword up from the hilt, its blade shining brightly through the hut room. Merlin looked astounded but reluctantly took the blade.
“Arthur you have more of a destiny than any man I know! In the future I foresee a time when people will all tell stories about you, when they will see you as a great hero…”
“That destiny is slowly slipping away…” replied Arthur.
Merlin then realized there was nothing he could do to stop Arthur from making this trek. He knew he would have to learn the hard way, but perhaps this was the only way. “Arthur, the trip through the woods at night will be fraught with danger and you are exhausted. At least stay here for the night. Let me care for you here…please…”
“Come with me,” said Arthur, extending his hand. “Leave this wretched place and come somewhere much nicer. She will take anyone. Just come and you will see her for yourself.”
Merlin smiled, but it was not a happy smile. Instead, it was a soft and sad smile, a smile Arthur had seen before. “You know I will never leave this place Arthur, but you are free to go. Go if you must and if you need any help I will always be here.”
“I am sorry Merlin, but I must go. This is goodbye,” said Arthur sadly, before he turned and moved through the door out into the dark night. Merlin sighed. He knew that it would be a long night.
Chapter 10: The Return to the Poison Rose Palace
Arthur moved outside of Merlin’s hut only to find his head bombarded with water. It was raining now and raining hard. The ground was muddy and it would be another long journey back to the Poison Rose palace. But he had no choice. While he loved Merlin and trusted his judgment he knew that he could not retreat. He could not abandon his kingdom to this woman and he could not stand letting a moment go by without having settled this once and for all. He had to admit that his heart longed for her and he would be willing to traverse any number of miles in order to win her heart. Now it was not just the woman he longed for, but what she represented, that perhaps she could fill the void in his heart left by the death of Guinevere while also mending the void in the heart of the kingdom. Perhaps, Arthur thought, the greatest weapon against this kingdom could in fact be used to bless and eternally sanctify it. Just perhaps, this woman was the key to everything.
Arthur knew that he couldn’t stay with Merlin another night. Every night that passed without being near Dani made his heart feel more and more pain. He felt something in him now that he couldn’t explain, nor could he find it in himself to explain it to Merlin. He felt what he could no doubt define as the paradox of love. It was a paradox because when he was with her he felt so good, but also so bad. He felt a pain in the deepest recesses of his soul when he was with her because his soul was reminded of the fact that Guinevere was gone and that this woman may or may not be a fulfillment of the desire of his heart. However, at the same time he felt a joy unlike any he had ever experienced. It was a joy at the thought of converting her, of bringing her back into the light. It was one thing to be with such a beautiful and powerful woman, but it was yet another to bring her back from the shrouds of darkness and deception back into the light. This was a joy Arthur felt was worth fighting for more than any other.
Arthur approached Llamrai but she seemed surprised to see him. She bucked her head up in glee for one moment, but, once she realized Arthur meant to ride her through the darkness, she moved her head viscously away from him. “Llamrai, I am sorry but I call upon your service once again. I can no longer remain here in Merlin’s abode, not while the woman in the mountain lives without me and, more especially, now that the land and my people still suffer.”
So Arthur undid her rope and flung himself up onto her back. He knew the trip would be long and Llamrai was more exhausted than he was, but he had no choice. He urged Llamrai forward and she immediately began moving through the muddy landscape, darting away from Merlin’s hut and into the forest. Mud flung through the air, but Arthur kept his head down as they moved quickly through the wet forest.
The two traveled the entire night. Arthur thought about stopping at Camelot on the way there, but, due to the threat of being noticed, he decided to press onward. After taking a moment to stare up at the moon while at Badon Fields Arthur finished off the last of the food that he had been given for his journey. Then, when both Llamrai and Arthur were almost entirely without strength, they watched as, yet again, they stood face-to-face with the wall surrounding Poison Rose palace.
It was still dark, but Arthur knew that the sun would soon rise. This would begin the third day since he had departed from Camelot on his quest. The wall before him was even grander at night and glowed with a powerful bright white. There, again, he saw the foreboding words inscribed delicately in bright red, “Property of the Poison Rose.” This would be the second time entering this palace, but he knew now everything would be different. Now he knew this woman and her palace. There was nothing he felt she could surprise him with. Instead he would surprise her. He now felt that he had the advantage.
Looking up at the great wall was an intimidating act. It would make any rider feel small and insignificant against such grand of magic as this. Arthur felt he would have to say something for the gate to open, but he found that, just before he was about to speak, the gate suddenly creaked open as if she knew they had arrived.
Llamrai limped forward through the gate, with Arthur barely hanging onto her reigns by one hand. While they were both terribly exhausted they found that, immediately after entering the bounds of her palace, they felt strength come back to them again. It was something mystical, something difficult for them to describe. But Arthur knew it must be the witch’s magic that gave them strength.
Arthur looked down and saw that Llamrai must have noticed the change too because she lifted her head up and began walking much faster now, even though she was walking up a steep hill. Now that it was still dark, Arthur could observe the beauty of the pathway in the dark because it, like the wall, shined a bright white. Even the garden bushes, trees, and grass seemed to glow slightly. Besides the darkness, everything in the garden was very much the same as when he left it—green, vibrant, lush, and without a doubt magical.
The pathway up towards the palace quickly ended and Arthur found himself again in front of the witch’s palace. The palace doors quickly opened and Dani stood there with a glowing smile, her hands clasp together in front of her. “You are here Arthur. And you have returned so quickly to my presence. You are honestly an amazing and devoted king to have returned so quickly. But it was not for me that you returned? Did you worry about me so?”
Arthur shook his head in denial. “It was not you I worried about my lady, but me and my kingdom.”
“Indeed, I would have supposed nothing less from a great king. Well, come inside and leave your steed outside. As you know he is not permitted to enter.” Arthur watche
d as two groggy, hooded, hunched over men quickly came and led Llamrai away from Arthur’s presence and back towards the stables. Arthur then followed Dani into her mansion where she led him up, up the stairway to the very top tower room in her palace. He had never been this far up in her palace and the room itself was small, much like the tower room he had back in Camelot.
The room itself was entirely open, covered only by a pointed dome of a roof, held up, and surrounded entirely by thick round pillars. Just outside of this room was a closet-sized balcony over which she could look over the entire kingdom. The witch led him out onto the balcony. She smiled like Arthur had never seen her smile. She extended her hand and he extended his.
The Poison Rose: A King Arthur Tale Page 12