Falling by Design

by Lind, Valia

  "Whatever, you. I'm right. I know it." I didn't reply to that, because I knew it was no use. When Dakota made up her mind, there was no changing it.

  Grayson continued to stare at me through the science class we shared, right before lunch. Every time I glanced up, he'd duck his head, his expression unreadable. But what did I really know as a twelve year old kid? I was beyond confused, but not as confused as when he came up to Dakota and me while we were heading to lunch.

  "Hey Brooklynn, Dakota," he greeted us as if we'd been best friends forever. Dakota gave him the deadliest of stares but his eyes were fully on me. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

  At first I thought he was talking to Dakota, so I glanced at her, but she just shook her head and took a step toward Grayson.

  "I'll be over there and I'll be watching," she stated, before she left me with the boy who filled my life with constant teasing.

  "What do you want?" I tried to muster up some of her courage, but all I ended up doing was clutching my sketchbook to my chest and trying not to shake.

  "I was, umm, I was wondering—" he started, but wouldn't meet my eye. I couldn't imagine what he may be trying to ask me. It wasn't like I could help him with his math homework. He was an A student, just like me.

  "I wanted to ask you about your clothes." He finally blurted out, and I took a literal step back.

  "My clothes?"

  "Well, umm, yeah. I mean, you make it all yourself right?" I didn't think a boy would know something like that but it wasn't as if I made it a secret.

  "Yes?"

  "Well, I'd like to, umm, see your book and stuff. I've seen you carry it around." He still wouldn't look me in the eye and I had no idea what to say. How in the world was I supposed to respond to this?

  "Why do you care all of a sudden?" was the only question I couldn't come up with at that moment. His eyes finally met mine and I didn't know what I saw in them, but it was something I hadn't seen before.

  "Because it's cool," he said, his voice shaking just a bit and for some reason, I believed him. No guy ever showed interest in my designs before. Well, except Chance, but I never showed him anything. I wasn't sure I was going to share anything with Grayson either, but if he wanted to start being nice to me, maybe we could work something out. I told him so. He looked somewhat guilty for a second, then asked if he could eat lunch with us today. I really had no answer to that at first, but I nodded eventually. More than anything, I was curious.

  I should've listened more closely to that saying about curiosity killing the cat. My inquisitive mind wanted to find out if his tormenting was something other than a boy being mean. I’d lied to Dakota. I’d noticed the way he sometimes looked at me when he thought no one was watching. I wanted to find out if maybe he was finally growing up, turning over a new leaf, if I was part of that growth. I was apprehensive, and yet, I let myself be pulled in. I should've listened to my head instead of my heart.

  We walked into the cafeteria together, my hands still clutching the notebook closely to my chest. I felt like everyone was watching us, waiting for something to happen, and I was right. As soon as I sat down, Grayson mumbled something under his breath, something that I thought sounded like 'sorry' before grabbing the book out of my hands and flinging it into the trash.

  I cried out, but before I could move Grayson was reaching for me once more and that's when I felt the cold sticky soda make its way down my back. I stared at him in horror as his friends descended on us, my eyes fastened to his. I could hear laughter all around us, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. One of his friends slapped him on the back, shouting "Say it, say it!" I didn't know what they were talking about, and then I did.

  "Your clothes are stupid," Grayson began, his words almost drowned out by the laughter, "It looks like something you found in the trash, and now it smells like it too."

  I thought something flashed in his eyes then, but I didn't stay to find out what it was. Standing up, I hurried out of the room, stopping just long enough to grab my sketches out of the trash. I didn't cry.

  Not then.

  Later.

  Dakota ranted for twenty minutes about how she wanted to go kick some boys where it hurts, and how she'd gladly ran them over with her car when she could finally drive. Or she could get someone to do it. She helped clean me up and held me as I trembled from shock.

  After I wiped my stained sketchbook as much as I could and vowed to never wear another piece of my own clothing in public, or ever speak to Grayson again, then, I finally cried.

  THIRTEEN

  I'm not anti-social. I'm selectively social. There is a difference. - Author Unknown

  It's been a month since the school started.

  It really amazes me how fast time passes us by. Aunt Evie has been extra needy lately, having me come in earlier and stay later. Not that I'm complaining, per se. Money is good for the college fund. However, I've been so busy with school and work, I haven't had a chance to sign up for volunteer positions and today it’s finally caught up with me. I'm walking out of my History class, looking through my bag, when I hear my name called.

  "Ms. Summers, could you come here please?" Mr. Blooms asks as I'm passing his desk. "I've heard you haven't picked a volunteer position yet. Any reason for that?" he asks coming around the table, and settling on the corner of it. He's dressed in a flannel shirt, with an orange sweater over it, sleeves rolls up to the elbows, and jeans. He's definitely the only teacher in this school who can pull that off. I like the way he always uses patterns and solids together. He also layers a lot, which I can appreciate. I meet his eyes and realize he's waiting for me to reply.

  "Umm, I've been a bit busy with work and classes, just haven't had a chance to go by the counselor's office," I give him a sheepish smile, shrugging my shoulders a little.

  "I guessed something like that." He returns my smile reaching behind him. "Which is why I got you this." I take the paper from his outstretched hands and read the heading.

  "They're looking for volunteers again?" I ask glancing up at Mr. Blooms.

  "They're always looking for volunteers, and I remember how much you enjoying helping out last year, so I thought since we need a few more bodies, I'll give you a chance to sign up." And this is exactly why Mr. Blooms is my favorite teacher. He doesn't only dress like a model, he gets his students excited about important things in life, like volunteering at an animal shelter.

  Chance and I helped out at this one last year and we had a blast. Our two favorite places to volunteer have always been animal shelter or the library. I know Chance loved working with animals and wanted to do it again this year, but I hadn't had opportunity to look up positions. I open my mouth to ask, but Mr. Blooms beats me to it.

  "Yes, Chance has already signed up. I know how you two love working together so I’ve talked to him as well."

  "Thanks Mr. B," I reply reaching for a pen. I sign the paperwork and give it back. I turn, seeing the room has cleared and calling over my shoulder. "Bye." Leaving the classroom, I see Chance has waited for me.

  "So?" he asks.

  "Yes, I signed up." He whoops, sweeping me into a quick hug. When Chance gets excited, he get’s excited. He spins me around a bit, making a big scene, but not that many students stuck around after my conversation with Mr. Blooms didn't provide much gossip material. But Chance doesn't care. His excitement is not for show, but because he's genuinely that kind of a person. He puts me down on the floor, tucking my hand in the crook of his arm as we head to lunch.

  "Can you believe it, Cosmopolitan? It’s the last time we’ll be signing up for something like this while we’re still in high school."

  "What are we talking about?" Dakota asks, materializing out of thin air the way she does. She looks daggers in Chance's direction, then focuses back on me.

  "Volunteering. Mr. B had me sign up for animal shelter with Chance."

  "Of course he did. Not like he had to twist your arm right? Not with those gorgeous baby blues." Dakota nudges me a bit
with her elbow as we enter the cafeteria.

  "What is this I hear?" Chance asks as we pick up our food and settle at a table, "You have a crush on Mr. B?"

  "Who doesn't?" Dakota replies and I have to hide the smile blossoming on my face at Chance's expression. His face is all scrunched up and he throws me a look of desperation. I can read the panic in his eyes. His mind is going over how he’s supposed to compete with a teacher for Dakota's attention. I try to give him my best encouraging smile and he shrugs a bit, before turning to Dakota and announcing,

  "I don't."

  The amusement is displayed clearly on my face because I receive a mean look from Dakota. She turns a little, blocking Chance out of our conversation. She's done talking to him. He made it all of five minutes with her. Sadly, that's a new record.

  These two have been at each other throats for years. While Grayson and I battled our differences in a full out swords and lasers way, Chance and Dakota actually seem like friends. No matter what one says or does, they always come back to each other. Not that either one would actually admit that out loud, not even Chance. It took me way too long to get any confession out of him, and even then, I cheated. I made him tell me how he felt about Dakota when he was half passed out on my couch during a movie. I found out a few years back that when he’s half asleep, he tells secrets. It's almost like he talks in his sleep, but he's not quite as asleep as he could be. We read up on it afterwards. Needless to say, he wasn't happy with me when he realized I knew his deepest and darkest. However, he appreciated the support when it came to Dakota.

  "I just don't see what all the fuss is about." Chance states after taking a long drink of his lemonade. "The guy is not that impressive."

  "Only a boy would say that," I point my fry at him, before popping it in my mouth.

  "Don't tell me, Brooklynn, his fashion sense makes all your creative parts tingle?"

  "Who's tingling?" And of course, Grayson makes himself present the moment Chance opens his big mouth to embarrass me. It's like the new law of the universe or something. I shoot Chance a look to keep his trap shut, but he ignores me. As usual.

  "Brooklynn. She's got a thing for Mr. B and all his fashion brilliance." I kick Chance under the table, making him jump. I'm going to have to strangle him, no other choice left. I don't know what transpired between Chance and Grayson that day at the diner, but Chance has been giving me weird looks every time Grayson is around. I make a mental note to drag Chance to the side and have a few choice words with him later.

  "Mr. B, huh?" Grayson ask, settling down beside me on the bench. His proximity does something to my insides and I fight the urge to scoot away. I don't exactly have anywhere to go besides falling off the seat. I think Grayson knows this, because he shifts just a bit closer to me. My cheeks, pink with embarrassment a moment ago, heat up again under his pointed gaze. I steal a look at Dakota and Chance and find them watching us with amusement. I'm really going to have to get me some new friends. "Isn't he a little, err, stale for you?"

  Wait, what? I shoot him a look, trying to figure out what he can possibly mean by that and find his eyes light up in the same challenge that runs through me.

  "Excuse me, what does that even mean?" I focus my attention fully on Grayson.

  "It means you need someone fun. Someone who experiments beyond flannel and solids." With every statement, Grayson leans in closer and closer, until our faces are just a breath apart. The logical side of me knows I need to move away, but logic plays no part in the way Grayson has been making me feel since his return. "You're a good girl. Mr. B just doesn't fit with your good girl image."

  "And you know all of this, how?"

  "Because I know you." He says it almost at a whisper, his sweet breath sweeping over my skin. His lips form a smile that looks more like hunter going after his prey than anything friendly. Even so, I feel that smile rush over my being and the urge to bang my head against the table in front of me is strong. I need help. I need some serious help.

  I have to get a hold of myself. I'm not a little kid anymore and I don't have to let Grayson get to me. His mind games are what made him so dangerous in the first place, but now, coupled with good looks and smarts, he's like a lion ready to pounce. I have to turn it around, I can't be the victim anymore. Determination washes over me, my mind set on making my stand. If only this one time, I'm not going to let him keep the upper hand. So I do the one thing that I never thought I'd be brave enough to do. I lean in. I feel his body go frigid still as I trace my finger slowly over his arm, the smell of something that's distinctly Grayson overpowering my senses. My lips are a breath away from his ear before I whisper,

  "Maybe you don't know me all that well. Maybe I'm not so good after all."

  I stand then, smiling down at Grayson's shocked expression. His eyes are wide open, his mouth hanging. I watch as his chest rises up and down as if he's trying to calm his racing heart, catch that runaway breath. My own heart is not that far behind, but I try and appear nonchalant. My skin buzzes from the tiny feel of his under my finger, but I can't give him any indication to just how unnerving his closeness is to my emotions.

  "I'll see you guys later," I call over my shoulder as I turn and walk away. I know Dakota will follow in a few, probably after she recovers from my unusual display of feminine wiles. And Chance, well, I'll be hearing from him later, no doubt. Right now, all I know is that I can't sit there without making a fool out of myself. Especially after that performance. Grayson is much better at games and if I stay, I'll lose what little ground I just gained.

  Who would've thought I could baffle Grayson Banks?

  Score one for Brooklynn.

  FOURTEEN

  Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

  - Author Unknown

  Two days after the cafeteria incident, I start my volunteering assignment.

  Chance and I meet up outside the old building that houses our school administration offices, planning on driving over together. Dakota walks with me to the car since she has to go to the library for her assignment. Her volunteer position is a reading hour with the kids, which makes it easier for her since she already works at the library. That and she's not big on smelly animals, so working with us is definitely out of question.

  "I have to admit," she states as we make our way through the parking lot, "Grayson is definitely rethinking his approach with you."

  She's been on this overanalyzing spree since she followed me out of the cafeteria two days ago. After giving me a huge hug and a high five, she started spewing all of these ideas on how Grayson is going to retaliate to gain his footing back. For some reason, she really views Grayson and my relationship as a reality show she gets to watch. I swear she's going to start taking bets. I'm done trying to talk her out of predictions.

  "When we were little, you never stood up to him or anything. Now that you're all Elizabeth Bennett, he can be all Mr. Darcy and bam! Happily ever after." I laugh because I can't help it. If Dakota doesn't start writing down all the crazy ideas running through her head I might have to. We'll make a fortune.

  "We hardly have an epic romance going," I have to point out, not that it will help any. Dakota is pretty set in her ways. Chance hasn't exactly been helping either. Speak of the devil.

  "Are we talking about Grayson and Brooklynn?" he asks, coming up beside me. These people really need to stop sneaking up on me and my conversations. I can't keep anything low key around here.

  "Of course we are," Dakota answers, giving Chance a full-blown smile. His face lights up in a way that I find adorable, but Dakota doesn't even realize she just shocked Chance speechless. Not with her words, but with the fact that she shared her grin with him. I hide my own and turn to Dakota.

  "We have to go."

  "Fine, but we're talking about this after." Of course. She wiggles her fingers in a little wave, before weaving off to find her own car.

  "You can close your mouth now," I say poking Chance in the stomach. He jerk
s, giving me a dirty look for a second before throwing his hand over my shoulder and guiding me to his Cassandra. Like a proper gentlemen, he opens the passenger door and shuts it behind me. When he’s done arranging himself in the driver seat, I turn my attention to him.

  "But seriously Chance, when are you going to talk to Dakota? You're going to have to if you guys ever give this tension between you an opportunity to be anything more."

  "Thank you Dr. Laura," he grumbles not taking his eyes off the road, "But Dakota and I are perfectly content in our current state of irritability. But speaking of relationships, when are you and Grayson diving off the deep end and actually going on a date?"

  "Try never?"

  "Come on, Brook, I know you have a past. Hello, I was there. But Grayson is not the same guy you remember. Have you ever thought maybe you don’t know the whole story?"

  "Maybe not, but no one just comes back, finds their biggest enemy, and tries to befriend them. The world is not that perfect."

  "Your trust issues aren't very attractive."

  "Good thing you're not actually attracted to me then, right?" He glares at me, and I fear we'll have one of our "special" talks but he doesn't start up on how I'll meet someone perfect one day. It's not like I want Chance to like me like that. He's perfect just where he is in my life, but he does have a tendency to play it up a bit. Especially around audiences. Not that this is important right now.

  It took me a long time to let Chance into my inner circle of friends, so he knows exactly how much work trusting anyone is for me. It's hard to see the good in people when you can't even be supported by those who should be the first in line to cheer you on. My sister was the first to betray my trust, and ever since then, it seems like everyone else followed suit. I can’t even imagine trusting Grayson enough to have a normal conversation with him, without coming up with the worst case scenarios in my head.