I smiled. “Like a date?” I thought back to just the other day when Jacquie had been talking about the rumors of Spencer and me being together…did that alter his thoughts about me? I wondered. Or has he always felt this way?
“Sort of, I guess. Well…yeah.”
“Sure,” I replied. “That’d be nice.”
“Cool, um…how about this Saturday? There’s this new movie coming out that looks pretty good.”
“Fine with me.” I smiled again.
“Alright, I’ll pick you up at seven?”
I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll see you in P.E.”
“See ya.” I watched him walk away, with a big grin on my face. I let out a deep breath and smiled. I’d just been asked out by Spencer Stevenson....
Chapter 4
FIGHT
After school on Friday, I decided to go shopping for groceries. There wasn’t a Wal-Mart or anything in Shabbona, just a little, overpriced market store, two ice cream shops and two gas stations. The closest Wal-Mart was in DeKalb.
I went into my room and reached under my bed to find the jar of money I kept there. I counted the cash and sighed as I realized there was only fifty dollars left. Well, it would have to do. I took the cash and shoved it in my coat pocket as I ran downstairs.
I knew I needed a new job, so when I was shopping, I picked up job applications at a few places including my favorite bookstore, Lakeview Books. I was surprised that there was a Lakeview this far away from Chicago, but apparently they were expanding. While I was picking up an application, I began to recognize the boy standing at one of the registers. He was about my height, maybe taller, with dark skin that showed he was either Filipino or Thai. His dark brown eyes stood out, and I couldn’t help but know who he was.
“Matt?” I asked softly.
The boy looked at me with curious eyes.
“Sydney? Is that you?” he asked incredulously.
“Yeah,” I smiled excitedly, walking over to the register where he stood.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Don’t you live in Chicago?”
“Yeah, but I just moved down here to my grandma’s farm,” I replied. Matt Johnson had been another one of the kids I hung out with at my grandma’s bonfires, like Spencer. Matt and I had been closer than Spencer and me, though. Matt’s mom had been a friend of my mom at one time.
“Cool.”
“Why didn’t I see you at school?” I asked him.
“Oh, I moved up here to DeKalb a few years ago,” he explained.
“Oh, well it’s great to see you,” I noted.
“Yeah. It’s good to see you, too. You look great. It’s weird seeing you without the short pig tails, ribbons and the little dresses you used to wear.” He smiled.
“Yeah, I think I’ve grown out of them.” I giggled.
“You’re what…sixteen now?” he wondered.
“Seventeen.”
“Me too,” he said. “Hey, we’ll have to hang out sometime.”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Are you applying here?” Matt noticed the application in my hands.
“Yeah. I love to read, so I think it would be cool to work around books.”
He nodded. “You know, I’m junior assistant manager. I might be able to pull a few strings to make that happen.” He gestured towards the application.
“Could you?” I asked, excited.
“Sure,” he shrugged. “I just have to tell my manager, Isaac, that I know you and how good you would be for this job.”
“That would be amazing, Matt.”
He shrugged again. “I’ll see what I can do. Hey, do you have a cell phone or anything?”
“Um…yeah,” I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my phone. It was an old black flip phone my mom had given me a year before.
“What’s your number? I’ll call you, and we can hang out later.”
“Okay,” I smiled, giving him the number. He gave me his, and I stored it in my contacts.
“Thanks, Matt.”
“No problem, Syd. Well, I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll talk to Isaac about the job.”
“Cool. Thanks so much.”
He winked at me and smiled widely. “As I said, it’s no problem. It was great to see you again.”
“You too.” I walked out the door, shoving my phone back into my pocket.
That night, after I filled out my applications, I listened to my Celine Dion CD again.
On Saturday at seven, I saw Spencer’s car in my driveway. I’d dressed in my favorite ivory sundress for the occasion. I’d never been on a date before.
“Hey Sydney,” he said brightly as I got into his car.
“Hi Spencer. So, what movie are we seeing?”
“I think it’s some action slash romance flick. I’m not really sure, but Jacquie recommended it, so I thought we’d see it.”
“Sounds good,” I said as he turned on the radio quietly for background music.
“Sydney?” Spencer asked. I looked over at him and he continued to stare out the front windshield.
He waited a long moment before he spoke again. “You look really pretty tonight,” he said.
I looked down at my hands folded in my lap and smiled.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. Butterflies filled my stomach and I couldn’t stop smiling until we got to the theater.
In the movie theater, Spencer bought our tickets and we sat in our seats. He put his arm around me and I smiled shyly at the screen.
When the movie ended, we walked back outside, and Spencer’s hand took mine. I looked down at the ground and smiled. My teeth lightly bit down on my bottom lip in anxiety, but I kept his hand in mine until we got to his car.
“That was fun,” I said truthfully on the ride home.
“I’m glad you liked it. I had fun, too.”
It was silent for a few minutes, and then Spencer said, “Hey Sydney?”
“Yes?”
“I was wondering…do you think that maybe you might want to…”
“What is it, Spencer?” I asked, hopeful.
“Maybe you’d like to do this again sometime…as well….my girlfriend?” he asked quickly. “I know it’s a little fast, but I mean, everyone’s been talking about it, and I just think it would be great to have a relationship with you, and well if it doesn’t work then…I’m just going to stop talking…”
I smiled, and thought about it for all of about two seconds. I’d never really had a boyfriend before. Well, when we were younger, Matt and I used to consider ourselves “married” for the few weekends I’d visit a year, but that didn’t really count.
“Sure. I’ll be your girlfriend.” I figured I could give it a try. What was the worst that could happen? My first boyfriend. It was all happening a little fast, but that sounded nice. Spencer, my boyfriend. He was a nice guy. More than nice actually. Very…um…I didn’t know the right words but he was kind, handsome, smart…the kind of guy I would have wanted if I’d had the chance to think about it.
“Cool, ‘cause I’ve been wanting to do this without hesitating.” He he took my hand in his. “For a while.” He smiled his heartbreaking smile at me once more, and then looked out the window.
* * *
The next school week went by fast, probably because I was only there for two days. I went to school Monday and Tuesday, but Michael didn’t let me go after Tuesday night when he got home from vacation. He told me that I hadn’t kept the house clean enough while he and Maddie were gone, and he made himself very clear that he was not happy. I’d been having such a great time with Spencer, and then they came home and ruined it. I sat on my bed and winced at the pain as I remembered that night two days ago.
I was in the kitchen cooking dinner when they arrived. Michael was drunk and slammed the door shut when they came inside. Maddie went straight upstairs and Michael came over to me and pushed me away from the stove.
“This place looks terrible,” he told me in an
angry tone. “You’re worth nothing. I leave for a week and you can’t even clean the house!”
He pushed me against the counter and I fell to the ground. My head throbbed from hitting the cabinets above the counter. I felt tears running down my eyes, and I felt like I was in a haze. Nothing was clear. I closed my eyes and the next thing I felt was a scorching burning on my hands that covered my face. I screamed louder than I ever had, and I tried to throw away what ever was burning me, but the burning didn’t stop. I heard Michael storm away screaming, “Useless girl!”
I continued to scream, but I felt like no one could hear me. After what seemed like hours of screaming, I finally was able to stop and open my tear filled eyes to look down at my hands, that were bright red and swollen. They still hurt terribly and I looked around at the dark room and noticed that the clock said 12:45 A.M. I sighed and stood up to turn on the cool water in the sink. I slowly ran my hands under the water and winced at the pain it caused.
Later that morning, I woke up in my bed and my hands throbbed. It was noon, and I realized I had missed the beginning of school. I got out of my bed and went over to my dresser to pick up a clean shirt and it hurt to even pick up something as thin and soft as a T-shirt. I sighed, and went back into the bed to try to sleep.
When I woke up again, my hands were sore and still red. I went over to my door to go downstairs and tried to open it, but realized I was locked in.
“Hello?” I yelled. “Lillian?”
I tried to open the door again and I heard Michael’s voice.
“You’re not leaving that room until you don’t look so much like shit. You can’t go out like that.”
Tears fell from my eyes and I sighed, turning around and leaning back against the door. I spent the rest of the night in my room alone. I heard when Lillian and Rebecca got home from school, and I heard Michael leave for the night, slamming the door behind him telling Maddie he was going out for a few drinks with the guys.
Spencer called later that night and asked why I hadn’t been at school. I told him I hadn’t felt good all day, and that I might not be back for school the next day. He asked if there was anything he could do, and tears came down from my eyes as I told him, “No.”
Spencer called every night that weekend and asked if we could hang out, but I had to continue to tell him “no.” Michael wouldn’t let me leave the house while my bruises and burns were still fairly new. I was worried that I might lose Spencer, although, when I got back to school the next Monday, I could tell that he was definitely excited that I’d agreed to be his girlfriend. He held my hand firmly as we walked to P.E. and also during lunch. It was like he never wanted to let me go. It was a little too tight for my own comfort because of my recovering hands, but all of our other friends noticed, and were so happy to see us together.
After school that Friday, I went to DeKalb to turn in some applications. While I was at Lakeview, Matt said he was going to a party with some of his friends the following weekend, and invited me to go.
“Um…actually sorry Matt, but I already have plans on Saturday, so that wouldn’t really work for me,”
“Oh, well, that’s cool. We’ll hang out some other time,” he’d replied with a curious expression. “Who are you having plans with?”
“Some friends,” I replied. He looked at me curiously, and I just smiled.
Lillian and Rebecca were at friends’ houses spending the night, so I didn’t have to be home to make dinner at any certain time. It was only six, so I decided to stay at Lakeview. I didn’t want to go back home now that Michael was there.
I looked down at the table and saw that my phone had a new message. I picked it up and read the text.
Hi Sydney,
It’s Jacquie. Hey, I know you and Spence were going to go out tomorrow, but all of us are going to go see that new Batman movie at 4 up in DeKalb. You should come!
I replied:
Hi Jacquie,
It’s Sydney. I’ll come to the movie tomorrow if you want. Just let me ask Spencer.
I texted Spencer, and he said he would be fine with changing our plans, so I let Jacquie know that we'd meet them at the movie theater the next day.
I drove home listening to my Michael Buble CD. I wasn’t as addicted to him as I was to Celine Dion, but by the time I got home, I was singing along. I was having so much fun that day…that is, before I saw Michael on the back deck waiting for me. The dark color of the wooden deck seemed to almost blend into the pitch-black sky, and only the white shingles of the house were visible.
I took my backpack with my CD player and text books in it, got out of my car, slung the backpack over my shoulder, and started walking slowly towards Michael; who stood smoking another cigarette with one hand, and holding a half empty plastic bottle of whisky in the other. I shuddered as I saw him chug down the last of the whisky. I tried to walk into the house without making contact with him, but as my hand was about to grab the doorknob, he said, “Sydney, we need to talk.”
I was silent as I slowly put my hand on the door.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me,” he warned. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him.
“We need to talk about your rent,” he told me.
“Rent?” I asked.
“Oh, don’t play dumb. While you are living in this house, you need to pay the rent. That’s how life works.”
I stared at him angrily. “It’s my house. Grandma left it to—”
“I don’t care who your stupid grandma left it to!” he yelled. “As long as I am living here, you will be under my rules, which means you have to pay for the time you spend here. You are always wishing to get away and live on your own, well that is what you’ll have to do when you’re alone! You need to take responsibility and pay your rent!”
“No.” I whispered.
“NO?” he asked, taking my chin in his hand and making me look straight into his dark eyes. They were filled with hate and anger as he removed his hand and pushed me to the ground. The force from his hit pushed me onto the hard deck. Through the tears, I saw my backpack about three feet in front of me. I heard Michael’s footsteps come towards me again. His hand grabbed my ponytail and yanked me off of the ground, pushing me back against the house. The only thing I could see through the tears was a blurry version of his angry face.
“You will respect me as the head of this house, and follow my rules! Do you understand?” he screamed. I was silent as tears fell down from my eyes.
“Answer me!” This time, he hit me as hard as he could. He then took the lighter out of his pocket, lit the cigarette in his mouth, and pressed the hot end against the skin of my stomach. A scorching pain ripped at my skin, and I screamed. He pulled me toward him then threw me back at the house. My head slammed against the wall, giving me the worst headache I could imagine. I could taste the blood in my mouth from me biting my tongue by mistake.
“Do you understand me?” he pressed himself against me, squishing me against the house. I started losing my breath.
“YES!” I screamed with the rest of the air I had. He dropped me, and I landed on my knees, coughing and trying to breathe. I didn’t hear him walk away. The only thing I could hear was the ringing in my ears and the pounding in my head. The pain was too much to bear, so I crawled off of the deck and tried to lie down on the cool grass, hoping the queasiness in my stomach would go away, but I threw up onto the grass. I clenched my hands together in fists to try and stop them from shaking, but my whole body seemed to tremble, even though it was not at all cold.
That was the worst experience I had ever had with Michael up until then. Will this get worse? I thought. What more can he do to me?
I sighed heavily as my breathing started to slow to its normal rate. I wanted to just lie in the grass and die. I knew if the abuse kept getting worse, I would never make it to my eighteenth birthday, but I knew I had to keep trying, for Lillian and Rebecca. Tears continued to fall from my eyes as I sat up. I stood slowly and my head spun, maki
ng the dark night seem as if it was moving. I went back up to the deck and grabbed my backpack. I wobbled over to my car, opened the trunk, took my favorite blanket out, and headed slowly over to one of the barns.
Chapter 5
ACCIDENT
I woke up late the next morning and got up from the cold, hard barn floor, barely able to walk straight. I could see the bruises on my arm because my sleeves were rolled up, so I pulled them back down. I did not want to see the damage. I was still shaking and wondered if I had even slept five hours. Probably not. My eyelids drooped, and my whole torso felt sore.
I grabbed my backpack and when I got to the yard, the sun hurt my eyes. I looked over to the driveway, and Michael’s truck and Maddie’s car were gone. The only car in the driveway was mine.
I walked over to the sidewalk that leads up to the house, and my vision got a little clearer. As I neared the sidewalk, I saw a figure walking toward me. Spencer. I forgot that he would be there, helping his uncle farm.
“Sydney?” he asked concerned.
I looked down in embarrassment. I didn’t want him to see me like that.
“Sydney, what happened to you?” He walked closer to me. I could see his clear, shocked face. He was in jeans and a thin, dirt-stained white T-shirt, and he was wearing a baseball cap.
I lost the rest of the energy I had, and collapsed. Spencer caught me, and held me in his arms.
I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him all about Michael and what he had done to me. I wanted to give him the real explanation for why he was holding this mangled person in his arms. But I couldn’t get myself to say it. I couldn’t tell anyone about Michael. He would find out that I told. I wasn’t brave enough, so I used a new excuse.
“I...” I was still having trouble breathing. “I was trying to put some things up in the barn but I fell…and blacked out.” I started coughing. I could feel Spencer’s grip around me tighten, making me wince as he pressed on the bruises without knowing they were there.
Taking Chances Page 4