She came toward him, and he took the last few steps in return to close the gap between them. He didn’t dare reach out to touch her, though he wanted nothing more than to hold her against him and promise over and over that he would never keep the truth from her again. “Katie, I know—”
She held her hands up, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Stop, Chad. Please. Just listen to me. You’ve had all the time in the world to talk to me, yet you chose not to, so it’s my turn to speak, all right?”
Her words stung as though she’d reached out and slapped him, but he couldn’t blame her. She was right, absolutely right. Therefore, he nodded, scared out of his mind of the words that might fall from her lips next. Katie seemed unsure where to begin, but he didn’t attempt to bridge the silence. When her gaze rose to meet his, he braced himself.
“I really don’t give a damn who you are, Chad.”
Chad stood there, unable to respond. Whatever he’d expected, it hadn’t been that.
“However,” she continued, her eyes never wavering from him. “I do care that you felt you couldn’t tell me.”
“I’ll tell you—”
“Everything?” Katie cut him off. “Oh, so now you’ll be truthful?”
The venom in her tone poisoned Chad’s resolve, but he remained silent. He knew she wasn’t finished, anyway.
“Your lovely ex-wife was all too keen to bring your real identity and motives to light, Chad. That’s quite the life you walked away from.” She crossed her arms. “And it’s very intriguing that your wife left you for my fiancé, and somehow you just ended up waltzing onto my property without knowledge of who I was at all. So, tell me, Chad, have you been playing me just as badly as Jay has?”
He stood there, dumbfounded. “No, Katie, wait. Motives? I didn’t know Liz had left me for your fiancé! She told me his name was Jonathan.” For weeks, that name had circled countless times through Chad’s mind, haunting him and taunting him, the man who had taken Chad’s world and tossed it into the gutter.
“His name is Jonathan, but so was his father’s. He was called J.J. growing up, but it was shortened to Jay once he got older. But you already knew that.” Her steely stare announced the truth that her words had merely danced around. Katie didn’t trust him anymore.
“Katie, my God! No, I swear, I didn’t—” He made to reach out to her, anything to convince her of how misguided her presumptions were.
She stepped away from him, holding her hands up to keep him at a distance. “You’re honestly going to stand there and lie? That you had no idea my ex-fiancé worked in Nashville, too? That he was the music executive, Jonathan Kunes, the one your girlfriend left you for? You’re going to tell me you didn’t show up here just to prove to them that you could move on, too? And maybe, just maybe, do that moving on with someone who might hurt them a little bit, just the same way they hurt you? Admit it, Chad, you used me.”
His jaw was slack, his mouth gaping at the scene spiraling out of control before him. “Katie, no. I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan on you. I swear to God, I never knew!” Desperation was tainting his voice, causing it to crack and become hoarse as it constricted with emotion. “You’ve got to believe me, Katie. Please.” His mind was spinning, unable to sort his thoughts. All there was left to do was plead, and, damn it, he wasn’t above doing it.
Katie exhaled audibly, the conversation obviously wearing on her as well. “Do me a favor, Chad. Take your stuff from here, and go.”
“Katie, you’re wrong—”
“Wrong? No. Wrong was when I opened my home up to you. Wrong was when I opened my son up to being hurt by your lies. Wrong was when I let my guard down and opened my... my heart. We’re done here, Chad.”
He opened his mouth to call out her name once more, to beg for her to believe what a huge misunderstanding this all was. Katie had already turned away from him, though, not looking back as she picked the cake pan up from the porch steps and disappeared through the screen door. The audible click of the lock carried through the air and hit his ears with the loudness of a bomb, the finality of the sound deafening him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
KATIE
Katie wanted to slam the door in anger and slide her back down it to the floor where she would do nothing but cry the tears that would rid her of her brokenness and anguish. She wanted to scream, a loud and desperate release of the pent-up energy and betrayal that was gnawing away at her. Mostly, she wanted to be able to go back outside, stomp down the porch steps with such defiance and power that Chad wouldn’t even see the hurt within her eyes, and announce to him that none of this matters, that she knew better than to actually trust someone ever again and that he, in fact, didn’t just shatter the heart she thought she’d perhaps been in the process of mending.
There was only one problem.
Nothing Katie wanted mattered anymore. Not to anyone else, and not to herself. Why should it? She could want things to turn out a certain way, want people to be who she truly thought they were, and want her life to veer onto a path that would lead her to something that resembled happiness. Time and time again, however, things seemed to backfire on her. Katie never thought she’d wanted too much out of life; a healthy family, a job she loved, and a life she could be proud of. It turns out, though, that her life had led her down a road that included a family that was either broken or dead, a job she’d left because of that family, and a life she was living that wasn’t, in fact, hers.
The truth was, Katie had given it all up for her family and, in response, they had given up on her. Her father had passed away, Jay had decided she wasn’t worth the time and effort he’d spent on her, and Chad had...
Chad had broken her battered and bruised heart, that’s what he had done. She had confided in him, opened up to him, and trusted him. In return, he had spent the whole time setting up a façade that was purely a ruse to get back at the wife he’d lost because of Jay, not giving a damn about Katie in the process at all.
She’d thought he cared about her. Christ, she’d believed him when he alluded to wanting her. Evidently, she had learned nothing from the pain and bitterness Jay had left her with.
Now, the truth was out. Chad wasn’t who he had portrayed himself to be. Oddly enough, of all the lies built up around the person she thought he was, the fact that he was a known singer in the country music capital of the world actually meant very little. When it came down to it, lying about your career choice was easily trumped by lying about your motives for making someone think they meant something to you.
And I’d believed him, Katie thought again, her lip trembling.
From the beginning, she had known he was lying about his job, and she’d let him. Secrets had their way of surfacing, and if no one was being hurt by keeping them, then she had been content to let Chad withhold information. Not once, however, did she ever think he was purely playing a role in a game that starred their exes.
Katie slammed her fist against the locked door in frustration. She was right, she’d known better than to trust him, to put herself out there and think there was something good between the two of them. It was her own fault for falling for it. For falling for him.
It was true; she wanted to melt into an emotional puddle and let the pieces of her heart cascade in fragments all around her.
But she couldn’t.
Instead, Katie pushed her weight from the door, wiped the stray tear that had escaped from her eyelids, and swallowed every toxic emotion that she was feeling. There was a little boy in the other room, and right now, it was up to her to make sure he wasn’t hurting after the scene made at his birthday party. She had to see to it that he was okay, that they would be fine.
Just the two of them.
***
The persistent knocking reverberated throughout the old farmhouse, the noise echoing from room to room. Katie was startled awake, her heavy eyes reluctant to open fully. When her mind finally caught up, orientating itself to place and time, she bolted from the couch she�
�d fallen asleep on and fought to make her way around the corner to the door, immediately upset that the insistent visitor was going to wake Mason up. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was only six o’clock, and there was no way her son needed to be awakened at that time of day. As vivid memories flashed through her mind, Katie, quite frankly, didn’t want to be awake either.
Up most of the night, Katie had finally given up on sleep and retreated to the living room long after midnight, staring aimlessly through the window up at the pale moon that peeked out from behind steadily moving clouds. Her mind had twisted and turned every thought as it came to her as though each one were tangible, malleable entities. Unfortunately, her efforts resulted in being no further off and waking in a groggy stupor, still dressed in her silly dress from the day before.
The knocking sounded again, this time rattling the screen door just as Katie reached it.
She swung the door open. “For the love of God, what—” Heat rose instantly in her cheeks. Whether it was from embarrassment or anger, she wasn’t sure, but both emotions were welling up inside her.
“I’ve said all I needed to say to you,” Katie snapped, meeting Chad’s eyes squarely.
He stood in the doorway, leaning his elbow against one side. His gaze was just as direct. “That might be true, Katie, but I haven’t. Not even close.”
The way patience was emanating from him, like he had all the time in the world to explain, caused her throat to constrict slightly. Undeniably, she wanted to hear what he had to say, wanted him to explain away all the lies and coincidences that had plagued her in the darkest moments of last night, the things she herself couldn’t seem to comprehend on her own. But no, she couldn’t let him. It would be just one more chance to sugar coat what had happened and brush the truth of it under the rug. Not again, she swore silently, gripping the door and swinging it closed.
Unfortunately, she’d moved too slowly, and Chad’s hand darted out, clamping down on the door. Katie swung it hard enough, however, that the momentum was more than he’d expected, and she watched as the door bounced after hitting the door jamb, Chad’s fingers caught in between. A muffled grunt escaped his lips, and Katie saw him wince and flinch as he jerked his hand back, his mouth pursed tightly to hold in the expletives he undoubtedly wanted to hiss.
Katie gasped. “Damn it!” She hadn’t meant to say the words out loud—or to slam his hand in the door, for that matter—but seeing his clenched jaw as he cupped his injured hand in the other and glanced away, she was unable to stop herself from holding her hand out. “You should have just let me close the door! Let me see it.”
It was Chad’s turn to step away from her. “I’m fine, Katie.” This time, it was his voice that was gruff, and Katie pulled her hand away. She nodded as though confirming something silently, then once again reached for the door. In the flash of an instant, Chad’s foot stepped forward, and this time his entire body held the door in place.
“I want to talk to you. If it takes being hit by the damn door all day, so be it.”
“Chad, Mason is going to be up soon—”
“Good. I need to apologize to him, too, for the mess at his birthday party. Did he get my gift?”
Katie’s eyes shifted warily. “Actually, no. It’s still at Aunt Belinda’s. I didn’t think it was appropriate to give it to him... considering.”
Chad’s eyebrow rose into a high arch. “And what exactly was inappropriate about giving a seven-year-old a gift?”
“I didn’t want—”
“Don’t make him suffer because you and I are having a misunderstanding, Katie.”
Katie glared at him, exasperated. “Don’t you dare tell me—a misunderstanding? That’s all you think this is?”
“That’s all I know it is, Katie. If you’d just listen to me, I can—”
“Stop it, Chad.”
“If you just let me—”
“I said, stop it!” Her voice was high-pitched and loud, the exact octave she’d been trying to prevent coming out of her mouth since the beginning of their conversation. “I said I don’t want to fight about this. Just go!”
“No, you don’t want to fight for us, Katie. There’s a difference.”
If his words didn’t make her resolve falter momentarily, his expression did. She opened her mouth, intent on arguing with him, on proving him wrong. Instead, she didn’t know how to reply. The transparent pain etched across his face mixed with the sadness in the darkened pools of his eyes offered the first moment where she wondered if Chad was, in fact, telling her the truth.
“You know what, Katie? Relay the message to Mason for me that I’m sorry, okay? It looks like there’s nothing left to talk about here.” He moved his foot, no longer preventing the door from swinging shut. Katie didn’t shut it, though. She couldn’t seem to move. Something was happening, some shift in the tension between them. After a moment, Katie recognized it as finality.
“I’ve made mistakes, Katie. Ones I can’t fix, ones I wish I could take back. But, this right here...” He motioned back and forth between the two of them. “This didn’t have to be one of them. You have a good day, now.”
Katie watched him turn and disappear into his truck. As the door slammed and the engine roared to life, she stood there, the door still wide open. Her gaze followed the truck as it sped out the laneway, gravel dust clouding up in its wake.
She had finally gotten her way, exactly what she wanted, for Chad to leave. The sad part was that she questioned whether she truly knew what she wanted now or not because, to be honest, she didn’t feel good about it at all.
Chapter Twenty-Five
CHAD
Spending the first night in the cab of his truck by the ravine had been bad enough after getting used to the rugged comfort of the futon in the barn’s office. Chad had barely slept anyway, reclined back in the driver’s seat as he stared aimlessly out into the blackened sky. His thoughts drifted just as the clouds did, floating across his mind in one direction but essentially going nowhere in particular. However, the following night was worse as he’d had the time to think through every possible angle of his current situation. In the end, only one clear thing remained.
He had lost Katie.
Chad banged the palms of his hands against the steering wheel. He’d have been a fool to believe that his lie would never have come out. The urgency had been slowly building within him each day, and he had known he was running on borrowed time as it was. He knew he would have to tell her sooner or later, but the notion that such a stupid, seemingly insignificant lie would turn into the imminent downward spiral of the life he’d had for the last few weeks was something he had never fathomed. For that reason, there was only one question that still remained bouncing around in his exhausted, muddled brain.
Why hadn’t he just told her?
The answer came to him clearly. He had struggled to maintain the façade purely for his own benefit, because he liked just being Chad Kirkwood again. In the last ten years he’d spent in Nashville with Liz, being Chad Ashton had transformed him into someone else completely. He still remembered when Liz had emphasized to him the importance of using a stage name. She had unceremoniously described his birth name as too backwoods. Recollecting the memory now still caused Chad’s blood to heat up. He should have known better than to let her talk him into it, but he’d relented. Liz had never referred to him by his real name again.
With Katie, though, he had been able to just be himself, the man who had grown up helping his grandfather on his farm, knew a thing or two about hard work, and enjoyed the quiet life that only secluded rurality could provide. No pretenses, no hidden motives, and no never-ending business dealings that he and Liz had turned their life into. It was just Katie, Mason, and himself working everyday toward a common goal, relishing contently in their efforts each evening on the front porch steps over a glass of iced tea and easy conversation. Chad squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, willing the flood of grief that surfaced to subside. A pang of guilt a
nd undeniable loss speared his chest as he contemplated the idea that those moments with Katie were now only in the past.
This can’t be it, he pleaded silently. I just need ten minutes to explain.
The sooner Katie realized that this wasn’t all some setup from the beginning, that he’d never do such a thing to her, the sooner they would be able to mend the pieces of whatever relationship remained between them. The idea of Katie being at that farm alone, doing all that work herself while tides of betrayal and sadness rushed through her, it was almost debilitating to Chad. Guilt crushed him, not just from his lies, but also from the result that had left Katie without him, without someone to help her. They had become a team. At least, he’d thought so.
He squeezed his hands hard against the steering wheel again, his knuckles turning white in frustration at not knowing what to do. There had to be something! Or...
Someone.
Chad despised the idea that sparked in his mind, hated every aspect of it, but after a few minutes of mulling it over, he knew it might very well be the only chance he had left to make things right between Katie and him. If nothing else, even if it didn’t work, he would know that he had left no stone unturned and utilized every possible path toward making damn sure Katie knew what she truly meant to him.
For no other reason, he knew he had to try.
Chapter Twenty-Six
KATIE
The sun remained hidden behind the gray puffs of cloud that dappled the sky. Not once did it make an appearance, yet Katie still found herself gazing up into the overcast gloominess in hopes of catching even the tiniest glimpse of it.
How suiting, she frowned, trying to convince herself that perhaps she would be in a better mood if the sun would join her as she worked away. Instead, she was left with only her loneliness and festering thoughts to keep her company while she struggled to get hay into the barn and feed into the pens. It was something Chad would have done while she was tending to the chicken coops and cleaning out the horse stalls, and as each moment passed by without his help, without his companionship, Katie sank deeper and deeper into a gloomy discontent that made even the cloudiest skies look cheerful in comparison.
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