Killing Time On Mars

by Alec Taylor

  Tony gently pushed the joystick forward and we started to descend into the ravine in front. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something dark and quickly looked around. My brother was standing down there, staring up at me. It brought me crashing back down from the euphoric high.

  I lost sight of Robbie as we drove down into the valley and along the floor to the edge of the dunes. Tony touched the screen and ‘Stay High’ started playing—another drug reference, which I chose to ignore.

  Several hours of driving later, we hit the canyon and called Vivian and June to tell them we were almost there. We carefully drove along a ledge that gradually wound down into the valley, then we stopped on a large flat rock shelf, where their hovee was parked. Behind it, an airlock was wedged into the side of the cliff.

  Vivian and June were standing at the edge of the rock shelf. We hopped out of the buggy and joined them, stretching our arms and legs.

  “Did you have fun?” asked Vivian.

  “That depends on whether you like Tony’s driving…and his choice in music,” I replied.

  “Well, you’re here now,” said June, “and in one piece, so it couldn’t have been that bad.”

  “My driving was amazing and the music was perfectly matched.”

  “Come inside, bashful,” said Vivian and led him to the airlock.

  June took my arm and said, “Come and look at this.”

  She walked me out to the very edge of the rock shelf. The canyon was immense. There was literally nothing like it on Earth’s surface. It stretched off into the distance, beyond the horizon. The valley floor was several kilometres below.

  “It makes me feel small,” said June.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said.

  Her arm was wrapped around mine. She leaned her head on my shoulder as we looked out.

  “It’s a scary place, even for a grownup,” said June.

  “It’s a beautiful place,” I replied. “Children will love it.”

  “Will they ever let us have children here?” she asked.

  “I think there will eventually be children in the colony,” I said.

  “Do you think it’s even possible?”

  “I do. The human body is surprisingly adaptable. They’ll grow up with lighter bones and less muscle, and they’ll never be able to go to Earth—but then, we won’t be going back, either.”

  “Would you…” she stopped and then tried again. “If we ever get that serious, would you want to make a family with me?”

  “Yes,” I said, but I was suddenly uneasy. I looked away and took a sharp intake of air, which I think she heard.

  “Mike, what is it?” she asked.

  I looked back at her and tried to see her eyes through the visor, but I could only see my reflection.

  “June, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Okay,” she replied.

  “I’m afraid you won’t want to be with me anymore once I’ve told you.”

  “Have a little faith,” she said.

  “I need to see your face,” I said. “Let’s go inside.”

  26. MONSTERS

  The outpost at Valles Marineris was tiny. It had a crude airlock, two rebreather systems, a small open-plan kitchen and lounge, and two small bedrooms, each with four sets of bunk beds. June and I walked in and found Tony and Vivian sitting on the couch in the lounge.

  “Is everything okay?” asked Vivian, sensing the tension between us.

  “Yes,” said June. “We’re just going to freshen up before dinner.”

  Tony missed the tension and said, “You lucky son of a gun.”

  I just shook my head at him.

  June and I went into a bedroom and sat down side by side on a bunk together.

  “It’s about your brother, isn’t it?” said June.

  “Yes,” I replied, relieved that she seemed to already know. But she didn’t know the full extent of it, the size of the lie I had told her. “I just saw him again, out there in the dunes.”

  “Oh,” she said, leaning back a little. She searched my face. “There’s something you haven’t told me, isn’t there?”

  I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes. Then I forced myself to look up and into her eyes. I had never felt more remorse than I felt at that moment.

  “I’m so sorry for not telling you the whole truth,” I said. “I started telling the lie so long ago, long before I knew you, and I’m afraid of what it might mean if I stop. I thought I could leave it all behind here. But I guess I need to reconcile with the past before I move on. I’ll eventually need to pay for it, somehow.”

  “Pay for what?” said June.

  “I killed Robbie. I killed my brother,” I said.

  She wasn’t ready for that and involuntarily pulled her hand away.

  “How?” she asked finally, breathing deeply.

  “I was so stupid,” I said. “I didn’t want to walk home with him, even though my parents had asked me to. Robbie was just trying to do what he was told. And he was afraid. He kept coming back to me and trying to hold my hand. We crossed the tramlines and started walking along the platform. I was getting angrier with him. He was crying but I didn’t feel sorry for him, and then I pushed him. He fell over and right then a tram went past. If it had been a few seconds earlier or later, he’d still be alive today. But at that moment he slipped over and fell toward the tracks, and his head hit the front corner of the tram. It was over in a split second.”

  June put her hand over her mouth and tears appeared in her eyes.

  “As soon as it happened,” I continued, riding a wave of release as I finally told the truth, but also loathing myself, “I knew it was a huge mistake, an immensely awful thing to do. I knelt over him, watching him die, and saw him slipping away.”

  “You were thirteen,” said June.

  “Old enough to be trusted to look after my brother. Old enough to know I was responsible. Old enough to know better than to push him on a tram platform.”

  “Didn’t anyone see it?” asked June.

  “It was dark and nobody was looking at us. Or, if they were, they chose not to come forward later. The simplest explanation was that it was an accident, and nobody wanted to believe anything else.”

  “But…” she said. “It was an accident, an incredibly unlucky accident. You didn’t mean to kill him.”

  “Well, no, but does that matter?”

  June stared into the distance for a moment and I let her think. We sat in silence. I didn’t know if I wanted her to break up with me or forgive me.

  Finally, she looked up at me and said, “You’ve been living with this since you were thirteen?”

  “Yes,” I sighed, seeing pity in her eyes.

  “You were a child,” she said, leaning forward again and holding my hand. “And, yes, it was an awful thing to do, but children do awful silly things, and sometimes they go horribly wrong. It wasn’t premeditated and you’ve obviously been bearing the burden of it ever since. I know you. You have a conscience and you’re trying to make amends. You’re searching for redemption and it’s slowly driving you crazy.”

  I exhaled and slumped with relief. Tears pricked the sides of my eyes.

  “But you’re still in big trouble,” she said, “for lying to me. I know it was tearing you apart and I’m glad you finally came clean, but you should have told me the truth from the start.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve never told anyone the truth,” was all I could say.

  “Do you think you’ll stop seeing your brother now that you’ve told me?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “Maybe.”

  After years of silent guilt, I had finally told my terrible secret to June and she had forgiven me. Yet it wasn’t enough. Robbie’s shadow still hung over me, and I wondered if I would ever shake loose the spectre of my dead brother.

  “Come on,” said June. “Let’s go and talk to the others about our holiday.”

  *

  We sat in the
lounge on that first night, enjoying each other’s company and the distance from the colony. Tony cranked up the heat so we could be more comfortable, and we prepared an instant meal.

  After dinner, Vivian asked, “What shall we do tomorrow?”

  “Sleep in,” said Tony, cuddling her in his lap.

  “Where shall we go?” she said, ignoring him.

  “I’d like to see the valley floor and the riverbeds,” said June.

  “Okay,” I said. “Let’s head down to the bottom and go for a walk.”

  “Fine with me,” said Tony.

  “Does anyone know where the original explorers went out here?” asked Vivian.

  “I tried to look at their records once, but I couldn’t find anything on the system,” said June.

  “Yeah, well, there’s a story about that,” said Tony.

  “What story?” I asked, intrigued.

  Tony looked at Vivian and she shrugged. He looked at June.

  “Yeah,” said June. “I heard it as well. A long time ago. Story is a good word for it, or maybe myth.”

  “So you think it’s not true?” asked Tony.

  “What’s not true?” asked Vivian.

  Tony and June looked at each other and Tony said, “You tell it. You probably know more than me anyway.”

  “Well, okay,” said June.

  “Hold on,” I said and got up. I picked up our outersuits, which were stacked near the airlock, took them into one of the bedrooms, and closed the door.

  “You tidying up?” asked Tony as I came back.

  “No. I have a feeling that we won’t want this recorded and beamed back to JOSEV,” I replied.

  “Wow,” said Tony with a smile. “That’s paranoid.”

  “He’s right,” said June. “The story is bad for JOSEV. The first time I heard anything about it was from Imani. It was back in…year two, maybe an Earth-year after Robert Wyndham went back home.”

  “You know,” interrupted Tony, “the geologist, who found nothing.”

  “Do you want to tell the story?” asked June with a smile.

  “Sorry, you’re doing a great job,” said Tony.

  “Oh, shut up,” she replied. “Anyway, Imani said that somebody told her—”

  “Oh, it’s sounding plausible already,” I interrupted cheekily.

  “You shut up, too. So, anyway, I think it might have been Liu who told her the story. Robert Wyndham came over in the second wave, in the first year of the colony. His whole mission was funded by scientific agencies. They spent a huge amount buying him a ticket to the colony. They had any number of things to explore, but the big one was evidence of life—”

  “Which we found, of course. Tiny…little—” interrupted Tony again, pinching his fingers together and squinting at them. Then, when he caught June’s eye, he said, “Sorry.”

  “Not tiny little microbes living in water,” she continued. “They were looking for evidence of real lifeforms. Plants. Creatures. Aliens, basically. So they bought him a ticket, but it was obvious from the outset that it was a low priority for JOSEV. They sent him in the second load; at first he had an assistant, but they were quickly reassigned and not replaced. JOSEV built this outpost but didn’t even leave Robert with a buggy or a hovee. He was out here all alone, wandering around. He brought some equipment with him, including some cable to navigate the cliffs. Every now and then, he’d call and request food and supplies, which they’d airlift in.”

  “It must have been awful out here on his own,” said Vivian. “I can’t imagine how isolated he must have felt. We had a few local storms around then as well. He must have had no fear.”

  “I gather he was very determined,” said June. “He was out here for weeks, months, crawling over the rocks, looking for fossils and I don’t know what else. Presumably, he sent records back to the colony, and they must have beamed them back to Earth. And then, one day, he calls Karl and says it’s an emergency. He’s had an accident. Karl goes out there with Jan. That’s the first problem with the story. Why did they go? If he was in trouble, wouldn’t they send Security, or at least someone useful? Maybe Chris? It’s weird. Anyway, out they go, Karl and Jan, to collect poor Robert who has hurt himself.

  “When they bring him back, he’s shaken but doesn’t seem to have any serious injuries. Apparently, he has a sore ankle. He says that he was abseiling far from the outpost and took a fall. He was able to climb and hop back to the outpost, then decided he needed to evacuate.

  “Only none of it makes sense. He was so determined—would a sprained ankle really be reason to give up? I suppose it could have been the last straw, but why call Karl? Why not call Security, or even just call a hovee in?

  “And then the whole scientific mission was shut down. Everyone remembers the announcement: after an extensive search, no evidence of advanced life was found on Mars, and the scientific mission was complete. Robert was out here for a long time, but they sent him home anyway. He was the only one to ever go back to Earth; the rest of us are probably here forever. But he went home and then died in a mysterious accident. And by then, he was widely regarded as a failure…

  “Except the other version of the story is that he wasn’t a failure. The call to Karl was to tell him that he’d found something. Evidence of life—something big enough to change the colony and the joint venture and maybe human history. Alien life bigger than microbes. Who knows—maybe even animals.

  “Anyway, so Karl and Jan come out here, see it—whatever it is—and immediately decide to shut the scientific mission down. They don’t want the distraction of more scientists, more people requiring remote support. So they make Robert keep his mouth shut, concoct the story about an accident, and send him home. Where he’s eventually silenced, permanently.”

  We sat in silence for a few seconds.

  “Wow,” said Vivian. “That can’t be true. Karl wouldn’t have done that, surely?”

  “Karl is a complicated person,” said Tony, momentarily serious. “I’m not sure anyone knows what he’s capable of.”

  “So you believe it?” I asked him.

  “I don’t know. Maybe. The original story is definitely fishy,” he said and smiled.

  “Your puns are terrible. Are you seriously implying the aliens he found were fish?” said Vivian as she frowned and poked him in the ribs.

  “Hey,” said Tony suddenly. “Maybe we could find what Robert found?”

  We all pondered that for a moment.

  “We don’t even know if the second version is true,” I said.

  “If it was true,” said Vivian, “then they probably would have covered their tracks. Karl and Jan would have done something to cover up the evidence. I guess we could look around for suspicious landslides or any destruction caused by humans.”

  “Think about what you’re saying, though,” I said. “That possibly the biggest biological discovery since the missing link was covered up. Personally covered up by the current leader of the colony and his assistant, who is now working in Security.”

  “Yeah, that’s bad,” said Tony. “I wouldn’t go accusing them of anything, but I’ve heard the story a few times, from a few different people. Some of the details are a little different, but they all boil down to the same thing: Robert found something and it was covered up.”

  “I don’t really get it, though,” said Vivian. “Surely the distraction of the scientific mission wouldn’t be that big—and if it was separately funded, then it couldn’t really hurt the colony or the harvest, could it? Why cover it up?”

  “I think I know why,” I replied. “Perhaps they didn’t want to encourage anyone to change the planet, to create a breathable atmosphere.”

  “Why not?” asked Tony. He was leaning forward and had momentarily forgotten to be silly.

  “Because it would stop the isotopes from landing here,” I replied. “It’s why there isn’t any Helium-3 on Earth; the ionosphere blocks it.”

  “My God,” said June, shocked. “So we can never make it ha
bitable here, because it will reduce the isotope harvest.”

  “It would eventually,” I replied. “Right now, we’re only providing fuel for a small fraction of Earth’s energy needs, but the harvest is increasing rapidly. Every year, we expand, and at some point we’ll be taking isotopes as fast as they arrive from the sun. If we created a breathable atmosphere, the isotopes would be blocked. ”

  “So…” said Vivian. “JOSEV has a big reason for hiding evidence of life on Mars.”

  “Wow,” said Tony, sincerely.

  We sat in silence for a moment. I think we all suspected that something bad had happened to Wyndham and none of us liked it.

  “Okay, then,” I said. “Why don’t we stick to the plan: we’ll head down to the valley to check out the riverbed and on the way we’ll look out for big landslides or anything made by humans. We can then go and check out anything interesting in the afternoon or on the following day.”

  “Okay,” said June.

  “But remember,” I continued, “our suits are being watched now, so we can’t talk ‘til we’re back here, in private.”

  “Very stealthy,” said Vivian, smiling. “I can’t wait until morning.”

  27. THE SEARCH

  We all woke with a sense of anticipation and excitement, for the first time in months. We were finally doing something different, something that stimulated our imaginations. It didn’t matter that we knew the odds of actually discovering anything of interest were very low—Wyndham had searched for months and maybe never found anything.

  We quickly ate a small breakfast, took our meds, and met in front of the airlock before putting our outersuits on.

  “Okay,” whispered Tony. “We’ll have to go in pairs in the hovee.”

  “Why are we whispering?” whispered Vivian.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered back. “You know, we’re being watched. Or listened to. Something.”

  “So, each trip, we should go a different route,” I said, also whispering. “We’ll look out for big landslides or any signs of humans and remember them for later.”