Find Me Alastar

by T L Swan

  Alastar stands still with his hands in his pockets, not saying anything.

  “Pick me up from my apartment at eleven and I will come to yours for the weekend. Please… give me three hours and let me get rid of him for good.”

  His eyes hold mine as he thinks.

  “Three hours is all I need,” I plead.

  “Fine.” He sighs.

  I smile broadly. Thank God. This is all going to work out. “Thank you.” I kiss his neck. “Go home. I will see you soon.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  I pull back and frown. “What?”

  “I’m staying at the bar.”

  “A-alastar.” I stammer. “Stop it.”

  “Take it or leave it.” I narrow my eyes and put my hands on my hips. “What if I leave it?”

  “Then I will drag you out of here by your hair… Caveman style.” He lifts his chin defiantly.

  I shake my head in frustration. “No, you fucking wont!” I snap.

  “Watch me.” He growls.

  The thing is, I know he’s serious. This jealousy is getting out of control. I stare at him for a moment as I think. Just go out there and tell mark it’s off. I need to do this anyway, and maybe a deadline will finally make the words leave my lips. “Fine, sit at the bar. Do not come near me, though.”

  He smirks. “I will be coming near you.” He runs both of his hands through my hair and grips the sides of my head. “In fact, I will be coming on you and inside of you, on your back, in your mouth.” He grabs my behind aggressively with both hands and pulls my butt cheeks apart.

  I smirk as I feel the stretch of his possession. That does sound good actually. Why does he have to be so damn naughty? There isn’t a woman alive who could resist this?

  “And if he touches you again, I will see you at the table when I cut off his hands.”

  I stare at him. “What kind of casual is this, Alastar?”

  “My kind of casual. I told you. I don’t fucking share.”

  “You’re a nightmare, Alastar Oshea.”

  He pushes me up against the sink and ravages my neck with his mouth. “You have no idea, Emmaline.”

  I look up at the ceiling. “Funnily enough, yes, I do.”

  * * *

  Five minutes later, I nervously return to the table. “Sorry,” I murmur.

  Mark puts his arm around the back of my chair and smiles warmly. “Are you okay, honey?”

  My eyes hold his as I fake a smile. This guy is delusional. I’m so not his honey. “Sorry,” I mutter again as I pick up my knife and fork. I eat my dinner in silence as Mark and his parents continue talking. My eyes are constantly flicking between our table to upstairs where Alastar is now sitting at the bar with another drink in his hand.

  This is damn uncomfortable.

  Alastar

  I slowly sip my drink at the bar as I try to process my thoughts.

  What are you doing here Alastar?

  She leaves me no damn choice but to show her all my cards. I run my hands through my hair in frustration as my eyes peer down at her on the level below. She’s eating, he’s fawning, and it’s taking all my strength not to go down there and knock the imbecile out as jealousy prickles my skin. Why is she here with his parents? Fuck. This was not in my game plan at all, but every time I see her, I turn into this jealous lunatic who can’t hold his own tongue. I nod to the barman to signal that I need another drink and he nods obligingly. I take out my phone and call Thomas. He answers first ring.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi…” I hesitate. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m at the Rose. Come down.”

  My eyes find her once more and I know I should go. Fuck, I shouldn’t even be talking to her, and here I am agreeing to a casual monogamous thing.

  Damn, this woman is driving me to destruction.

  “Where are you?” he asks.

  I shake my head at how lame this is going to sound. “I’m at a restaurant on the south side.”

  “With who?”

  I shake my head in disgust. “One guess.”

  “Fuck, man, I thought we talked about this. You said you weren’t going there.”

  “I know. She’s here with another guy.”

  “What?” “You heard me.”

  “Who’s the guy?”

  “Some knob she works with.”

  “What, like on a date?”

  “I think so.”

  “Star, just leave before you cause a scene.”

  “Too late.”

  He hesitates. “What did you do?”

  I blow out a breath. “I demanded that she dump this guy and come home with me and stay at my house for the weekend.”

  “You did what?”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes.

  “This is not what you need right now. We talked about this.”

  “I know!” I snap. Fuck her for being so damn irresistible.

  “Get up and leave or you can kiss your plans goodbye.”

  The waiter places my drink on the bar. I pick it up and drain it then quickly ask for another immediately.

  “I’m going to. I just—”

  He cuts me off. “I know. You just need another night. You said the other night was the first and the last.”

  My stomach drops. My brother knows me better than anyone on earth, and yet I haven’t told him that I have been with her for the last three nights in succession. I can’t stay away no matter how hard I try. She’s like a drug and I am totally addicted.

  “You’re about to get a whole weekend.”

  I stay silent and exhilaration fills me that I will have more time with her.

  A whole weekend.

  “You better think about this. How easy is it going to be on Monday? You won’t do it, you know you won’t, and you know how this ends. This isn’t a good thing, Star. Don’t delude yourself into getting lost in the moment. It wont pay off in the long run.” My stomach twists. He’s right. I stay silent on the phone as I weigh up the weight of his words.

  “I’m going.” I sigh.

  “Just come here, man. Marnie is here and she has been asking about you.” I shake my head. “I don’t want Marnie!” I snap.

  “Yeah, well, you can’t always have what you want.”

  My eyes lift as a pretty red head signals to the stool beside me. “Can I sit here?” she asks.

  I smile, nod and gesture to the seat beside me.

  “Okay, catch you later,” I sigh.

  “See you soon?”

  I hang up.

  “Sorry to interrupt.” She smiles shyly.

  I smile and hold out my hand. “My name is Star.”

  She takes my hand in hers. “Simone.”

  My eyes flick to Emmaline and find her eyes are glued to me. I smirk and turn back to Simone. Let’s have some fun.

  Emerson

  I am sure if you look close enough at my skin you would see it rippling as if something is under it, trying to break free.

  The blood in my veins is boiling with rage and I don’t know if I have ever been this angry.

  How dare he?

  “Thank you for a lovely night.” Marks mother smiles as she kisses me on the cheek.

  I fake a smile back. “Lovely to meet you both,” I reply as I stand to kiss his father.

  They kiss their son and head out of the door. My eyes rise up to the bastard at the bar on the level above. He has been deep in conversation with a beautiful red head for over an hour. The thing is, I know he is talking to her to make me jealous, and although it kills me to admit it, it has totally worked.

  I’m certain you could see the green glow around me from space as I glare at him across the busy restaurant.

  He’s pulling a power play, and you know what? He just lost. I am not leaving with him and I am not going to be at home when he gets to my apartment and he can think the worst. I’m going to Brielle’s.

  Screw him.

  Mark leans over and takes my hand i
n his. “Alone at last.” He smiles.

  I pull my hand from his grip. “Your parents are lovely.”

  He leans over and cups my cheek in his hand. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed so distant since you arrived here.”

  This is woeful. I take his hand in mine. “Mark we need to talk.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t think things are going to work out between us.”

  He frowns. “Why not?”

  My phone beeps on the table, shit.

  Mark frowns. “It’s okay, take it.” I think he wants a second to put a reply together in his mind.

  Oh god, I don’t want to. I pick up my phone. Alastar.

  You have five minutes.

  And if you touch him again…

  I swear to God.

  I look up and fake a smile as perspiration starts to burn my underarms. Unfucking believable.

  “Everything alright?” asks Mark.

  “Brielle has a few issues. Please excuse me for a moment.” I fake smile as I text back.

  You are pissing me off.

  A reply bounces straight back from him.

  You have no idea.

  Four minutes.

  He wouldn’t, would he? My nerves start to flare. What’s he going to do? I look back at my dinner companion. “Mark, I don’t think we are as suited now that we’ve met in person.”

  His face falls and he grabs my hand again. Oh… shit. “Yes, we are. We get on great. You know we do.”

  My eyes hold his.

  “You haven’t even given us a chance. We haven’t been out yet. This is our first date and my damn parents were here. Let me make it up to you tomorrow.”

  “Mark I like you as a friend. Only a friend.”

  He holds my hand up and kisses the back of it. “I want more than friends.”

  “Get your lips off her,” a deep Irish voice growls.

  I look up to see Alastar leaning over the table like the Incredible Hulk and my eyes widen in horror.

  Mark frowns. “Star.” He seems shocked. Why wouldn’t he be? “I beg your pardon?”

  The blood drains from my face. Please shut up.

  “I said get your fucking lips off my girlfriend.” Mark’s horrified eyes flicker to me.

  “A-alastar,” I stammer. “How dare you?”

  “Girlfriend?” Mark repeats as he looks between the two of us in shock.

  “You are not my boyfriend,” I hit back. “Not even close.” I stand in a fluster as the other patrons in the restaurant all start to watch the commotion.

  This is so embarrassing.

  “I apologize, Mark” I stammer.

  “This is why you don’t want to see me? Because of him?” Mark snaps.

  “Damn straight, so keep your fucking hands off her.” Alastar growls.

  “I will do nothing of the sort.” Mark bounces back.

  “You want to come outside to discuss this?” Alastar dares him with a sarcastic raise of his brow.

  What?

  Mark narrows his eyes.

  Oh no, shut up, please. Alastar is like an out of control nuclear bomb that is about to explode at any moment. Please don’t have a punch up.

  “She is handing in her resignation as of this minute!” Alastar growls.

  My mouth drops open in horror. I can’t believe he just said that? How dare he? “No, I am not. I’m so sorry, Mark.”

  I head toward the door. I have never been more humiliated. Tears of embarrassment heat the backs of my eyes, but Alastar is hot on my heels.

  I rush out onto the street and look around anxiously. Cab… I need a cab.

  “Emmaline!” Alastar snaps.

  “Go away,” I cry.

  “Emmaline.” He rushes after me and tries to put his arm around my waist.

  I push him away. “How dare you?”

  He tries to grab me again and I push him harder. “Don’t touch me!” I yell. “How could you?”

  I stop still and face him.

  His furious eyes hold mine and he shakes his head. “I told you not to touch him.”

  “And I told you to go home,” I cry.

  He stares at me and I shake my head before I turn and start to power walk up the street. These shoes are killing me and I’m wobbling around like a drunk chicken. Damn this, I should have worn runners.

  He jogs after me and we walk for what seems like 500 meters. Where are all the fucking cabs? I look around, too angry to even speak to him.

  I can’t believe that just happened.

  “I-I’m sorry, I lost control,” he stammers behind me.

  I turn to face him.

  “Why did you do that?”

  His face falls and his eyes hold mine. He looks so defeated and my heart drops.

  “I’m insanely jealous when it comes to you,” he whispers. “I can’t help it.”

  “You think?”

  “I’m sorry. I wont do it again. I lost control, but it’s only because I care.”

  I stare at him.

  “I just snapped when he started kissing your hand.” He picks up my hand in his. “This hand belongs to me and I don’t want anyone else kissing it.”

  A thousand emotions swirl though my head. I’ve never had a man be jealous over me before.

  “Why were you talking to that girl at the bar?” I ask.

  He smirks. “To make you jealous.”

  “It didn’t work,” I lie.

  He cups my hand around his cheek as his eyes hold mine. “Forgive me?”

  Chapter 11

  He wraps his large arms around me and kisses my temple. We stand still for a moment as I internally chastise myself.

  I can’t let him treat me like that, But then… I don’t want to go home with out him, either. God, this situation is so confusing.

  No.

  If I don’t set the ground rules now, then I am setting myself up to be controlled and that’s not something I’m at all comfortable with.

  I don’t know how to live with a dominant man. Is it even possible?

  I pull out of his grip. “No, Star. You can’t just treat me like that, demand I resign from my job, and somehow think that’s okay behavior.” He glares at me. “Don’t.”

  I screw up my face. “Don’t what?” I snap.

  “Don’t carry on with this shit.”

  “What?” My blood starts to boil. “How dare you? Do you not even see this as an issue?”

  “Oh, there is an issue alright.” He fires back.

  I fold my arms angrily in front of me. “Big of you to admit your flaws.”

  He narrows his eyes as fury flashes across his face. “The issue I have is that you allowed his lips to touch your skin. The issue I have is that you didn’t tell me where you were going tonight or who you were with. The fucking issue I have is that you are meant to be with me and yet you were out with him!” he yells.

  I put my hands on my hips in disgust. This guy is a grade A asshole.

  “The issue I have is that you said you wanted casual,” I snicker sarcastically. “You said that, not me!” he snaps.

  “Oh, that’s right.” I fake a smile. “I did, didn’t I? And I meant it!”

  He glares at me with his hands on his hips and shakes his head.

  What’s going through that deranged head of his?

  “What?” I snap.

  “We don’t have time for this, Emmaline,” he cries. “Our time is so limited. Why would you want to fight over this when it is completely irrelevant?”

  We don’t have time for this, Emmaline. We don’t have time for this, Emmaline. I drop my head as an echo of those words flood my mind. I’ve heard them before. We don’t have time for this, Emmaline. God. This is the worst case of déjà vu in history.

  Where have I heard that before?

  I stare at him as my unsettled emotions swirl through my head.

  He shakes his head. “You know what? This is probably for the best, anyway.”

  “And why’s that?” I frown. I�
�m still hearing the words replaying over and over again in my mind.

  We don’t have time for this, Emmaline.

  He steps back from me.

  What’s he doing now?

  “I have to walk away from you.” His eyes hold mine. “I just didn’t want it to be tonight.”

  My heart drops. What?

  He takes another step back. No, don’t go.

  “Why is that?” I ask. “Why do you have to walk away?”

  His jaw ticks in anger. “There are things you don’t know.”

  I frown. “What things?”

  He shakes his head, his whole demeanor instantly changing. It has gone from furious to one of sad resignation in a matter of seconds. “It doesn’t matter. I am the only person who can protect you.”

  “Protect me from what?”

  He takes another step back and I feel panicked. No. I said don’t go.

  I step forward. “What are you talking about?”

  As if making a decision he lunges forward and cups my face in his hands. “You want your freedom… Take it.”

  My eyes search his, Huh? What’s he talking about now?

  He looks up the street in the direction we have just come.

  Huh, is he trying to bait me about Mark? “I don’t want him,” I whisper, annoyed. “I want you.”

  His eyes hold mine. “We can’t always have what we want, Em.” He pulls away from me and turns and walks up the street. He kicks a garbage can out of his way in anger and all the contents pour noisily onto the pavement.

  I watch him, like everything is in slow motion, as he disappears out of sight, leaving me to stand alone on the pavement.

  This guy is messing with my head.

  I turn and put my arm in the air. “Taxi!”

  * * *

  I sit on my window seat and stare down at the scattering of city lights beneath me. I’m deflated, wondering if I’ve done the right thing. I want to be in his arms tonight, and yet I think… I think we just broke up.

  We don’t have time for this, Emmaline.

  I frown to myself. Why were those words so familiar to me? Where have I heard them before? If I close my eyes, they echo in my mind… but why? Why am I having déjà vu all the time now? What in the hell is going on with me lately? The flashing lights are freaking me out. I sip my tea as I sit still, deep in thought.