Find Me Alastar

by T L Swan

  * * *

  Alchron and the Princess are woken by the sound of screams in the village and nearby explosions. Alchron runs to the window to see the incoming enemy army breaking the castle gates down. Fires and mayhem can be seen for miles.

  They are under attack.

  “Get dressed!” he yells to the princess.

  “What’s happening?” she cries.

  “They are here for you.”

  “No,” she cries as she frantically dresses.

  He grabs his sword and his precious princess, and they run down the stairs two at a time to the sound of the guards and uproar as the alarms across the palace ring out. The windows start to smash with bombs of bright fire.

  “My father,” she cries.

  “He has his guards,” Alchron replies as they run down the stairs. “I need to get you out of here.”

  His heart is hammering. He knows this will be a fight to the death. They burst out through back door of the castle where the fastest horse in the county has been saddled in preparation for this instance, and he throws his princess onto its back. He climbs on in front of her and he whips his horse hard. “Yah!” he cries.

  “Hold on!” he calls.

  The princess cowers into her love’s back as she holds on for dear life. He races at full speed out of the back gate and down to the meadow. He needs to keep her safe. He will do anything to keep her safe. The enemy army spot them and make chase, the sound of the horses pursuing them rumbles through the ground below.

  What does he do? He wonders as he rides like the wind. What does he do?

  “How many?” he calls over his shoulder.

  The princess turns to look into the darkness and she counts the men chasing them on horseback.

  “Fifteen,” she cries. “At least.”

  They sound a horn and his heart drops. They are calling for back up and he knows that it is her they want.

  “Yah!” He yells to his horse to spur it on. He whips with the reigns and they run down to the bottom of the hill where a small creek is sheltered by trees. The army are still climbing behind on the other side and cannot see them at this stage.

  He stops and jumps off the horse.

  “What are you doing?” she whispers.

  “Get off the horse, my love,” he whispers calmly.

  Her eyes widen. “‘What are you doing?” she whispers in a panic.

  “I want you to hide. Find a spot in this creek and hide.”

  She shakes her head frantically. “No.” She shakes her head as she cries. He is going to sacrifice his life for her.

  “Look at me,” he whispers as he holds her jaw, bringing her eyes to meet his.

  Through bleary eyes she looks into his perfect face.

  His right eye is slightly turned. “I love you, Emmaline,” he whispers as he pulls her to him for one last kiss.

  She shakes her head frantically. “No. NO! Alastar… No., she cries as she tries to hold him to her. “Please… No.”

  He jumps back onto the horse. “Run. Hide. And remember… I am always with you.” He draws his sword and races up the hill toward the oncoming enemy. The princess screws up her face in pain as she hears the clanging of the swords and the sound of the barbaric enemy screaming their victory.

  * * *

  With shaking hands, I drop the letter and I put my hands over my mouth. The tears slowly stream down my face.

  It was him. It was Alastar all along.

  The A on the letters stood for Alastar, not Alchron.

  I close my eyes to try and block out the frightening reality. This can’t be happening.

  The Princess. I was her.

  I was Elizabeth.

  We didn’t meet by accident.

  I drop to my window seat, unable to stand any longer. I stare into the darkness in complete bewilderment. Everything I thought I knew has been a lie. Everything that I thought I’d imagined was, is, my reality.

  I am in complete shock.

  We’ve been here before.

  Chapter 26

  My heart is about to jump from my chest as I run to my wardrobe and rip out my clothes. “Oh my God,” I whisper in a frantic panic.

  Suddenly everything is crystal clear. It’s like an awakening. The paintings are of me. I am the woman above his bed. Alastar painted these paintings… of me. I dress as I half laugh and half cry realizing he was right. Never, in a million years, would I have believed this if he had told me. This is the kind of mumbo jumbo shit that movies are made of. This isn’t real life for a normal girl from Australia. I throw on a jacket and pull on jeans underneath my nightdress, grab my bag and run out of the apartment. I run as fast as I can down the stairs two at a time. I jump off the bottom step and scare the hell out of a man just coming in through the front doors.

  “Are you okay, Miss?” he asks.

  “I’m fine,” I cry as I run for the door. “I’m fucking perfect, actually.”

  I run onto the street, out into the pouring rain, and look both ways down the busy road. It’s 2am on a Saturday night and I desperately need a cab.

  I need to get to him.

  My love. I’m here, my love. I remember.

  Running down the road, I search. What must I look like running around in my nightdress in the rain. A cab. A cab. I look around frantically. “Where are all the fucking cabs?” I yell.

  One finally drives past and I run out onto the road to hail it down. He stops suddenly and winds down the window. “What are you doing?” he yells. “You are going to get yourself killed.”

  “Please. Please you have to take me to the… the…the west side,” I stammer in desperation.

  He frowns. “I’ve finished for the night.”

  The rain is pouring down and I am sopping wet. “Please. I beg you. This is a desperate time”

  He looks at me for a moment and frowns unimpressed. “Get in.” He sighs.

  I laugh out loud and run to the back of the car and jump in and slam the door.

  * * *

  Ten minutes later, I bang the brass knocker on Alastar’s door with all of my might. His house is all in darkness and I only have the small torch on my phone on. I hope he’s home.

  Please be home.

  The rain is really coming down and I am frantic to see him.

  Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. I slam the knocker.

  “Alastar! Where are you?” I yell desperately over the rain.

  I knock again. Bang. Bang. Bang.

  The upstairs light eventually comes on and I jump up and down in excitement. After waiting for what seems like eternity, he comes into sight, wearing flannelette pajama pants and no shirt. He sees me and runs to open the door in a rush. I’m soaking wet and the rain is hitting me from behind.

  “Emerson.,” he asks hopefully.

  “My name is Emmaline,” I reply.

  He frowns lightly and I nod, Yes, I know. I know.

  Tears fill his eyes as our reality hits him and he grabs me in an embrace, almost knocking me from my feet. He holds me tight as tears fill my eyes.

  “You knew. All along you knew,” I murmur into his shoulder.

  He nods into my hair and I pull back to look at his face. “I love you,” I whisper.

  “I love you, too.” He holds me so tight and we stand, locked in each other’s embrace. I pull back to look at his face again. “Alchron?” I ask.

  “Yes,” he whispers.

  Oh no, I know that look and I swallow the lump in my throat.

  I screw up my face in tears. “He died that day?”

  He nods once. “Yes.”

  The beautiful guard. My beautiful guard.

  The tears roll down my face. “You sacrificed your life for mine?”

  “I would sacrifice any life for you,” he whispers.

  I stare at him through my blurred vision.

  “How many? How many times have we been here?” I whisper.

  “Fifteen that I remember.”

  My face drops. “And the things in the c
ellar?’

  “Are your things.”

  I frown in confusion.

  “Things that you have had to give up in every life to be with me. This is the first time where I am the wealthy one.” His eyes search mine. “Where I have been in a position that I could finally get your things back for you.”

  I frown and I hold him that bit tighter as my eyes close. Oh, Alastar.

  “Why?” I whisper. “I don’t need my things.”

  “You have no idea how it feels for someone you love so desperately to have to sacrifice everything they own, time and time again just to be with you.”

  My confused eyes hold his.

  “You painted the paintings?” I frown. “All of the paintings you stole are of me? Are your paintings?”

  “Yes.”

  I put my hand over my mouth. “Holy shit, I was so…”

  He kisses me and smiles broadly. “Aye, my love has always been beautiful.”

  “Tomorrow we need to take the art back,” I whisper.

  He doesn’t answer me, instead walking me into the house to prop me up on the kitchen bench. My mind is scrambled and bouncing from couple to couple.

  “Ashford castle was my home, wasn’t it?” I ask.

  “Aye. It was.”

  “And the staircase was the secret door to the princess’s…my room?”

  He kisses me again. “You’re getting the hang of this.”

  I laugh out loud.

  I stand and run to the door that goes down to the basement and jiggle the handle. “I want to see. Show me.”

  He unlocks the door and slowly leads me down the steps. Suddenly fear envelopes me like a heavy coat. I was petrified the last time I was here. I don’t think I will ever like this soundproof room. My terrified eyes dart around the darkened space and I cling to his arm like a scared child as we descend.

  “I hate this place,” I whisper into the still.

  He smiles and kisses my lips tenderly as he cups my jaw. “I love this room.”

  My eyes search his in question.

  “This room brings back so many happy memories of my love.” I tear up as my heart completely melts. Oh, this beautiful man. He has searched for me, pursued and loved me. Died for me… not once but many times.

  I feel overwhelmed, and to think I thought he was capable of… wait. A new line of thought crosses my mind. “The red head?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know what happened to her. I lied to you. I didn’t call the police that day, I couldn’t risk them coming over here and searching my house.”

  I stare at him.

  “I didn’t want to lie, but you gave me no choice,” he whispers in shame. I continue to stare at him as we hit the bottom step. Fuck, this is messed up.

  I can’t even comprehend what to think about first.

  We walk over to the bench and he opens the chest of paintings, unrolling them to show me. He’s so damn talented.

  “You have painted in every life?” I ask.

  He nods once. “Yes.” He opens the paintings one by one and shows me. I smile and then frown. “Alastar, I don’t remember these.”

  He shakes his head. “It’s okay, baby.” He comforts me as if sensing how overwhelmed I am feeling. “You only ever remember two lives.”

  I frown. “The princess and Elizabeth.”

  “Yes.” “Why those two lives?”

  He shrugs. “I’m not sure.”

  I frown. “How do you remember everything?”

  “I don’t remember everything.” He pauses for a moment. “When I turn twenty-one in each life I start to remember little things,” he murmurs.

  I drop to sit on a wooden box as I listen. I don’t think my legs will hold me up anymore.

  He hesitates as he thinks of the wording. “At twenty-one I start to see flashes, similar to the ones you have experienced. Places, faces, images.”

  I put my hand over my mouth. God, it’s terrifying to experience.

  “How do you…?” I pause. “How do you remember?” I wipe the tears from my face. “How do you remember me?”

  He leans his behind onto the bench adjacent to where I am sitting. “I don’t. I am pulled to London.”

  I smile softly, like me. “And?”

  “And I buy a painting.” “A painting of me?” I breathe.

  He smiles sexily. “Aye, a painting of you.”

  I bite my bottom lip in awe. This is like a fucking fairy tale on steroids.

  “The more I look at the painting, the more I remember.”

  I run my hands through my hair nervously. I honestly don’t believe this is happening.

  “What then?” I whisper.

  “I hang the painting above my bed and you come to me at night. Beautiful, beautiful memories of you.”

  My nostrils flare as I try to hold my tears in.

  “I dream of you. I dream of loving you, of holding you, of making you my wife.”

  I can’t breathe.

  “And then one day it comes to me.”

  “What does?” I whisper.

  “The ring.”

  I frown and hold my hand out in front of me to look at the ring. “What about the ring?”

  “It is the magnet that brings us together. The glue that brings this story together.”

  “How?”

  He shakes his head and picks up my hand and kisses my ring. “I don’t know, but you always end up with it, and when you do, it is then that I can find you.”

  I frown. “But you didn’t want me to have the ring.” What the hell? “Why didn’t you want me to have it?”

  He smiles softly and pulls me into his arms. “I was trying to give you a choice.”

  “A choice?”

  “I wanted to know if you would still want me if you didn’t have the ring.” I frown.

  “I needed to know that you loved me because of us and not because of the people before us,” he whispers.

  I stare at him for a moment.

  My mind literally just exploded. I can’t even… I just... I can’t… what the fuck?

  I knew I loved it when he said because of us, but I had no idea of the significance.

  My eyes meet his. “It is.” I kiss him gently on the lips. “It is because of us that I love you.”

  He smiles warmly. “And it is because of us that I love you.”

  We embrace and hold each other tight. Another thought crosses my mind. “Why the tombstones?”

  He pulls me over to the other bench. “I made a decision that in this life, I wanted to have your things waiting for you when you returned,” he replies.

  I frown and he picks up a jewelry box and opens it. My mouth drops open in shock. Beautiful antique jewelry sits inside it—ruby’s, emeralds and gold.

  “I remember where we are buried in each life, so I took photos of your tombstones so I could track the dates to find the artwork and the rest of your things.”

  I frown. “You remember everything?” I whisper.

  He shrugs. “Yes and no. The memories are similar to the ones you have of childhood. I remember some things and then I don’t remember others. A trigger of music or smell or something like that usually brings a memory or a time forward in my brain. Some things are as clear as day, and yet others are still cloudy.”

  I stare at him. I have no words.

  “I always remember the way you love me and the way you make me feel, though.” He smiles softly.

  The lump in my throat gets really hard and begins to hurt. “But I don’t… I don’t understand this at all. Why don’t I remember anything?” I whisper.

  He shrugs. “You do remember something’s. Ester, you remember Ester. The wee girl you drew is our daughter Ester.”

  “What?” I frown as I put my hand over my mouth in shock. “The little girl that I drew is our daughter?”

  He smiles softly. “Her name is Ester and she is every bit as beautiful as you.”

  “Oh my god.” I whisper and then I frown. “Why don’t I remem
ber specifics?”

  “I don’t know. You never do. You just remember that you love me.”

  My eyes search his.

  “And that’s all I need you to know,” he whispers as he kisses me tenderly.

  I look around at the photos and jewelry. There is even a stand with glamorous ball gowns on it. “You collected all of this stuff alone?”

  He shakes his head. “No, Thomas has helped me.”

  My eyes widen. “Thomas knows?”

  He nods with a smirk. “Aye, he and my mother.”

  “Your… your mother?” I stammer through shock. “Are they like you?”

  He nods. “Yes, they are with me in every life. But they don’t remember their loves like I do. For some reason they only remember each other and me.” My eyes widen as I try to comprehend the information overload.

  “Are we the only ones who go through time together?”

  “As far as I know. Yes.”

  I plop back onto my make shift seat in disbelief. “This doesn’t seem real, Alastar.”

  “I know, my love, and that is why I couldn’t tell you. It would be so frightening to hear this from a stranger. You had to work this out for yourself. I told you in one life and you were so terrified that you left me and never came back”

  I frown in horror.

  He stands, picks up my hand, and kisses the back of it as his sexy eyes hold mine. “Now, if you are done with the questions, I would like to take my love to bed.”

  I smile, overcome with emotion, and he leads me to our room.

  Chapter 27

  I wake in the darkened room alone and sit up suddenly. Alastar is not in bed with me and I feel my anxiety rise to an uncomfortable level.

  “Alastar?” I call out.

  Silence.

  The light shining through the crack in the drapes tells me that it’s morning. I lie back down and hear banging in the kitchen downstairs. My eyes close in relief. Thank God. He’s here. I try to calm myself. He’s here, it’s okay, he’s here.

  What a night.

  I scrub my hand over my face. I still can’t get my head around what has happened, and to be truthful, I don’t think I ever will. The anxious, sick feeling in my stomach suddenly rises and I run to the bathroom to throw up. I’m hot, clammy, and God, I feel like hell. I lean on the cabinet and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is messed up and my face is pale. I look like a shadow of the person I thought I knew.