Who in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

by Rebecca Tinker

  Filing one by one into the gymnasium were gangly, human-shaped drones that were rolling toward us. They looked like orange crash-test dummies that had been converted into machines. These drones had the high-tech mechanics of Dr. Bellum but seemed to operate with the kind of brute force that we had all come to know Coach Brunt for. They rolled along on wheels as their metallic arms swung back and forth at their sides. I grinned, feeling excited about what was to come.

  “Today, each of you will be thieves on the run from authorities. These drones—​I like to call ’em robobuddies​—are programmed to try to apprehend you at any cost. You must evade them and keep them busy until the timer sounds. Use your self-defense training. If they catch you, it’s game over.”

  “Hmph! This will be way too easy,” said Tigress. She flexed her claws as she watched the robots with narrowed eyes.

  “You can use whatever skills you have at your disposal. But remember your lessons above all else—​that will be what saves your hide. Who wants to go first?” Tigress’s hand shot up in the air. “All right, Tigress. Let’s find out if you’ve earned that code name. Your time starts . . . now!”

  Brunt pressed a button on the remote. The drone in the ring looked up, suddenly alert. It was strange to see such lifelike reactions from what looked like a silly crash-test dummy.

  “Stop! Thief!” the drone yelled in a digital voice that sounded suspiciously like Boris’s.

  It took off after Tigress with its bulky arms outstretched. The drone was much faster than I had anticipated, and Tigress seemed to be thinking the same thing. She tried to leap into her typical series of handsprings to get away, but the drone managed to grab on to her wrist before she could move out of its way. While Tigress was restrained, the drone took out a set of handcuffs.

  “Is she really going to fail?” I heard Le Chèvre ask aloud next to me. I wondered the same thing.

  As if in answer to our question, Tigress kicked up her feet, freeing her wrist from the drone’s grasp and managing to leap backwards before she was handcuffed. She looked every bit like an angry feline. I should have known she would have a trick or two up her sleeve.

  The drone whirled around to face her once more, but Tigress was faster this time. She swiped at it with her claws, and the drone staggered back. There were long claw marks across the drone’s chest where she had struck it. The timer sounded with a loud beep!

  Tigress strutted back to join us, a proud look on her face.

  “Next up . . . El Topo!”

  Le Chèvre clapped a hand to El Topo’s shoulder as he walked up to the ring. “You can do it, mon ami.”

  El Topo’s hands caught my eye, and I saw that he was wearing thick metal gloves with pointed fingertips. Those gloves are meant for digging, I realized. They must be part of his new caper outfit.

  “How will those help him? It’s not like he can tunnel out of the ring,” Gray said. He had also taken note of El Topo’s newest accessory.

  “You underestimate him,” Le Chèvre told Gray confidently.

  El Topo easily sidestepped the drone’s attempts to restrain him while it yelled, “Stop! Thief!” over and over again. Then with one swift strike of his metal-plated hand, El Topo sent the drone flying backwards. It landed on its back and was unable to get up, like a turtle stuck on its shell. Dr. Bellum had done a masterful job of designing the drones, but they were not built to withstand such a blow. The timer rang, and Brunt nodded approvingly.

  “Not bad, not bad,” Brunt said as she dragged the damaged drone out of the ring with one muscular hand.

  “I thought we were just supposed to avoid the drones, not attack them!” I said to Gray as El Topo rejoined us.

  “It got the job done, didn’t it?” Gray replied with a shrug.

  It was my turn next.

  I took my spot in the ring and immediately realized how small I was compared to my opponent. “Uhh . . . hey, there,” I said as the drone took its spot opposite me in the ring.

  I could see Brunt watching closely from the other side of the gym. She gave me a reassuring nod, and I winked at her in response. I was getting fired up. I couldn’t wait to show her just how ready I was to be out in the field as a VILE operative.

  The buzzer sounded, and the drone rushed toward me. This one yelled in Boris’s voice, “You are under arrest! Stop in the name of the law!”

  With each lunge and swing of the drone’s arms, I ducked and ran, moving in a swerving pattern across the ring. The drone seemed to become more and more frantic with each passing minute that it failed to catch me. It zoomed toward me with a surprising amount of force.

  I actually laughed as I ducked and darted, avoiding the drone’s attempts to restrain me. I jumped up on top of the rope surrounding the ring, walking across it like a tightrope walker, safely out of reach of the flailing drone.

  BZZZT!

  The timer sounded loudly, and I heard Coach Brunt clap enthusiastically. “That’s how it’s done, Lambkins!”

  * * *

  That afternoon, we walked into Countess Cleo’s classroom to find her standing next to a beautiful oil painting. The painting was of a young woman staring back at the viewer with a mysterious expression on her face. I recognized it immediately as Girl with a Pearl Earring by the Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer. It was one of the most famous paintings in the world, and I was taken aback by its beauty. For a moment, I forgot all about the exam. If the painting was a fake, it was a very good one.

  El Topo said aloud what we were all wondering. “That is a forgery, yes? That cannot possibly be the real Girl with a Pearl Earring?”

  Then again, we were on Vile Island at a school for thieves. Anything was possible.

  Cleo turned to us and gestured for silence. “Today, for your final exam . . . you will be working in teams.”

  The entire class groaned loudly. A group project? I hated those. How was I supposed to stand out and prove I was the best thief here if I had to work with others?

  Cleo clapped her hands for silence. “This will be a mock art heist. You will each play a different role in stealing this painting here. I will provide you with information about a fake museum that we will pretend it is being shown in, as well as the surrounding area. You must decide as a team how you would get the painting out of the museum, replace it with a forgery, and successfully get it to Vile Island. I will also be throwing in, shall we say . . . obstacles, as you go.”

  “What kind of obstacles?” I asked.

  Countess Cleo flashed an irritated look in my direction. “Telling you would spoil the surprise. I had hoped that after a year in my class, you would have learned to be less disruptive, Black Sheep.” I winced as Tigress snickered loudly behind me. Countess Cleo pressed on. “It is important that you think on your feet as operatives and work as a team if you are to steal such rare and beautiful goods as this one. There will be a prize for the team that is able to pull off their heist with the most creativity, skill, and speed.”

  Countess Cleo split us into groups. I was with Gray, Le Chèvre, Tigress, and Mime Bomb. I was sure that Countess Cleo had purposefully paired me with Tigress just to make my life difficult. And I had no doubt that Tigress felt the same way about me.

  “All right, you two,” Gray said, anticipating trouble, “let’s just ace this and get it over with.”

  “Don’t look at me,” Tigress snapped. “I’ll be on my best behavior. Just make sure little Miss Disruptive doesn’t cost us any points.”

  Countess Cleo passed out paper packets to each group containing maps of the museum for our make-believe heist. They had everything we needed to know to plot out our big caper.

  Sheena tried to shut down any suggestion I made, but a plan soon began to fall into place, and eventually we managed to design a caper that I knew Countess Cleo would approve of.

  For our mock heist, Tigress insisted on being the one to steal the painting, claiming her skills as a cat burglar made her the ideal thief to get the bounty. Gray would take care of sh
utting down the alarms by disabling the electricity. Le Chèvre would escape with the painting over the rooftops, avoiding any authorities on the streets below. I would pick the pocket of the security guard and take his keycard, allowing me to switch out the surveillance tapes. There was just one missing link in the chain . . .

  “What about Mime Bomb?” I finally asked.

  “Maybe he can distract the police with a game of charades,” Tigress said.

  “Let’s be serious. What can he do?”

  The group was silent as we pondered this. I felt a pair of eyes on me and turned to see Mime Bomb grinning.

  He mimed looking around, then pointed repeatedly to his ears.

  “Eyes and ears?” I asked.

  “Oh, great, this is just what we need during our final exam,” Tigress groaned.

  Mime Bomb gestured to the gathered students and once again pointed to his eyes, then his ears. Finally I understood.

  “He’s saying he can see and hear everything. The lookout! Mime Bomb can be our eyes and ears on the museum floor.” Mime Bomb jumped up and down and clapped his hands at this, then gave me a thumbs-up. Clearly, I had gotten it right, and we decided that Mime Bomb would signal to us with flashlights from his lookout spot if anything went wrong.

  “Glad that’s settled,” Gray said dryly.

  True to her word, Countess Cleo added several obstacles to make things more interesting in our imaginary heist. When she told us the “authorities” had followed us to our getaway train, I examined the maps and redirected us to a nearby airfield. Moments later, Cleo announced that there was now a torrential downpour that threatened to ruin the priceless painting we were stealing, so I found an underground network of tunnels that we could carry the painting through, keeping it both dry and hidden. “El Topo would be proud of this idea,” Le Chèvre said with a smile when I explained the solution.

  Despite the fact that we were in the middle of an exam, I was having a lot of fun. The fake caper felt more like an elaborate game to me—​and it was a game that I wanted to win.

  When Countess Cleo announced the winning group at the end of the exam, we were thrilled to hear our names. Then she passed out dainty jeweled letter openers to each member of our group.

  “A letter opener? Uh . . . thank you, Countess Cleo.” Gray looked over his gift with a confused expression on his face.

  Cleo huffed. “These are not just any letter openers. These are some of the best lockpicks in the world. And the most fashionable.”

  “Sweet!” exclaimed Tigress, turning her lockpick so it glittered in the light.

  Cleo was about to hand me my own lockpick when she suddenly changed her mind and put it away. “For you, Black Sheep, I have something different.” I perked up, awaiting my prize. I must be getting something special for solving all those obstacles, I thought. But to my dismay, she handed me a small book. I read the title: “Miss Etiquette . . . All Manner of Manners for Modern Living?” I frowned.

  “May it do you good, Black Sheep.”

  I sighed and pocketed the book. Maybe I can use it if I ever need to start a fire, I thought.

  * * *

  We had no idea what to expect going into Professor Maelstrom’s exam. His classes during the school year had been filled with both unpredictable weirdness and moments of brilliance.

  In the weeks leading up to our exams, we studied and practiced in each and every subject, yet when it came to Maelstrom’s class, we found that there was little we could do to prepare. How do you prepare for the unexpected?

  As I walked into his classroom, I saw dozens of pedestals arranged in neat rows across the floor. Resting on top of the pedestals were objects of all shapes and sizes. On top of one was a large black volcanic rock; another had a tiny pearl. Yet another had a gold watch; on a fourth was a fountain pen. No two were alike.

  We filed slowly into the room. I tried my best to figure out what Maelstrom had in store for us. Were we meant to steal the items? Forge copies of them?

  Maelstrom looked gleeful as he sat at his desk. “During your first class,” Maelstrom began slowly, “I taught you about the bait and switch. The bait and switch, as you know, works only when an object is switched with something of equal weight and size.”

  He stood up and gestured toward the pedestals. “Each object here has an equal. When I say ‘Go,’ you are to grab an object and switch it with the object that matches it in weight. The pedestals are outfitted with sensors. If you’re wrong—​BZZZT! I’m afraid you’ll be in for quite a shock!” He grinned wickedly. “Better grab the right one before someone else takes it!”

  “You mean we’re not going one at a time?” I asked.

  “Of course not! Where would be the fun in that?”

  I looked across at my classmates. They each looked as though they were warming up for a race. Tigress was ready to pounce. Even Mime Bomb was flexing his hands.

  As for me, I examined the objects on the pedestals as quickly as I could. If I could immediately locate two objects that matched, then I could switch them as fast as possible before others were taken.

  The problem was, all the objects looked so different that it was difficult to tell what the correct pairs were. I looked at a snow globe with a miniature Eiffel Tower inside. The more closely I examined it, the more it looked to be the same size as one of my Russian nesting dolls—​and I knew the exact weight and feel of that for sure.

  I quickly looked around for the object that matched it in weight, and my eyes landed on a leather-bound notebook. I took out the Miss Etiquette book that Cleo had given me and held it in my hand. It felt about the same weight as my Russian nesting doll, and the notebook on the pedestal and Cleo’s book looked practically identical.

  Maelstrom set off a foghorn that was so loud, it shook the walls of the classroom. And then we were off.

  There was a mad dash to grab the objects from their pedestals. No one had thought to go after the snow globe, and I grabbed it quickly.

  I turned to take the notebook from its resting place, but a clawed hand swiped it from right in front of me. I turned around to see Tigress waving the notebook at me.

  “Looking for this, little girl?”

  Tigress removed a candlestick from a pedestal and put the notebook down in its place. Those aren’t the same, I thought. I was right.

  “Aahh!” Tigress shrieked, and jumped back as a loud buzzer sounded from the pedestal, followed by the crackling sound of an electric shock. Her blond hair stood on end.

  As she wobbled and tried to regain balance, I used her moment of distraction to grab the notebook. “Thanks for this!” I said with a smile.

  I hurriedly replaced the snow globe with the notebook, jumping back as quickly as I could—​just in case. To my relief, the pedestal made a satisfying ping! sound, and a light on the platform glowed a soft blue.

  “Nice going, Black Sheep!” Gray said to me with a grin. The pedestal he was standing next to was also glowing blue. He had guessed right and switched the black rock with a baseball glove.

  One by one, the pedestals glowed blue as the students paired the objects correctly. Even though I was hoping she would fail, Tigress eventually found the right switch to make after replacing a tiny pearl with one of Maelstrom’s cufflinks.

  Professor Maelstrom clapped slowly. “Not bad, not bad . . .” he said. The doors opened, and Vlad and Boris entered, carrying platters of wriggling worms.

  “Ugh! Disgusting!” Tigress said as she plugged her nose. Many of the other students were doing the same.

  “Don’t you remember? You successfully made the switch; now have some bait!” Maelstrom cackled.

  I rolled my eyes. “This joke is getting old . . .”

  * * *

  Finally, it was time for the last exam.

  We were seated in Shadowsan’s classroom, our bare feet crossed on our mats. After the craziness of the last four exams, I knew I could handle anything Shadowsan had planned.

  “What do you think it�
�ll be this time?” El Topo asked. He was looking around for any sign of a complicated setup like the ones we had seen in the other classrooms.

  As far as I could tell, everything seemed to be normal.

  At the head of the room, Shadowsan looked up from a clipboard with a sour expression. “For the first exam, I call Tigress.”

  “I got this,” Tigress said haughtily. She had added to her caper outfit a pair of goggles that rested on top of her head and brought out her catlike features. She pulled the goggles down over her eyes as she walked up to join Shadowsan, making a loud click-clacking sound on the floor. Everyone’s eyes went to her feet. While the rest of us had removed our shoes, Tigress was sporting a pair of high heels—​also a new addition to her getup. They had to have been at least three inches tall. She was breaking classroom rules and not even trying to hide it.

  “That’ll cost her,” I murmured to Gray.

  I pretended not to notice when she stopped to crush an origami sheep beneath her heel as she went.

  “Somewhere in my coat,” said Shadowsan as he put on a black trench coat, “is a single dollar bill. The coat has many pockets.” He gave each of us a long look, though I felt as though the gaze he gave me was longer than anyone else’s. “Locate the target, and acquire it—​if you can.” He took out a timer and placed it on the desk. “You have two minutes.”

  I heard Gray guffaw next to me. “Two whole minutes? If she can?”

  The test was so simple. Compared to the exams we had just gone through, it almost seemed too simple. Where were the robots or the lasers? We really just had to steal a dollar bill from a trench coat?

  Shadowsan started the timer.

  Tigress was up for the challenge. She prowled around Shadowsan like a cat circling its prey. In a flash, she lunged toward Shadowsan. With barely any movement at all, Shadowsan caught Tigress’s wrist in his hand before she could reach his coat. Tigress hissed and pulled back, getting ready to try again.