*****
Sarah was sitting on her bed wrapped in her white leaf-adorned robe, when she heard a knock at her door. She nearly screamed. She was jumpy and wasn’t expecting any visitors this morning. She’d been trying to brush out the tangles in her hair while reading up centaurs like Grandpa asked her to. She started to call out, thinking it was Aunt Rachel, but the door opened before she could speak and Jessie popped her head in.
“Can we talk?” the red head asked.
Sarah nodded mutely and put her hairbrush on the bed. What on earth could this be about? Jessie walked in and closed the door behind her. She was dressed like a hiker today, in khaki cargo pants, boots, and a light denim jacket. Sarah thought she could have walked right out of an ad for L.L. Bean.
“What’s up?” Sarah asked politely. She gestured for Jessie to have a seat in one of her gold desk chairs.
“I was mean to you,” Jessie said bluntly. “And I want us to be cool, so I came to apologize.”
“Okay,” Sarah said uncertainly. This was unexpected, but welcome. Her rocky relationship with Jessie was worrisome and Sarah really didn’t need one more thing to worry about. Besides that, Sarah thought she could use the other girl’s advice. She was out of her league when it came to the sanctuary and it’s strange denizens.
“Okay?” Jessie looked flabbergasted by Sarah’s calm response. Did she expect an argument?
“I accept the apology,” Sarah clarified. Then, thoughtfully said, “I ought to offer one in return. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with, especially lately.” She was aware that her presence and difficulties might cause some resentment in Jessie.
Jessie looked at her curiously and slowly shook her head. “See that’s the problem,” she said, “you’re way too easy to get along with. You’re not even mad at me, though I’ve been pretty mean and petty.”
What was Sarah supposed to say to that? She wasn’t an argumentative person by nature, that was true, but she was overly emotional and needy. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about,” she answered slowly. “I was mad at you for lying about Kimmy, but only for a little while. I’m sure you had your reasons, and it can’t be easy having three new strangers in the house. Four, if you count Marvin,” she added.
Jessie groaned. “Do you ever get upset?” She sounded exasperated.
Sarah raised an eyebrow at her. “Of course I do, but I try not to do it in front of people or in the heat of a moment. I guess I’m just not confrontational.” She gave Jessie a shrug.
“So what do you do? Wait until you’ve got complete privacy and then bawl and scream like the rest of us?” Sarah started guiltily. That was an accurate, but unanticipated remark. “You do, don’t you?” Jessie looked surprised. “That’s why you don’t sleep?”
Sarah nodded. She really didn’t want to have this conversation. Her private troubles were just that: private. Oh well. She sighed before replying to Jessie’s questioning stare. “I couldn’t at first,” she said quietly looking intently at the peacock embroidered on her quilt. “Everyone else was so sad. I didn’t want or need to add my own grief to theirs. Then it became a habit, I had to maintain control.” Sarah lifted her hands helplessly, letting her hair brush dangle from her fingertips. “When I came here, I felt able to let go finally, but it scared me.” She began brushing her long, wet hair again. The motion was soothing. “So, yeah, I’ve been holding every negative feeling deep inside, until I can find somewhere private to let it out.” A thought occurred to her. “Did Adam tell you?”
“Adam?” Jessie looked confused. “What does Adam have to do with this?”
“He caught me once, a few weeks ago,” she explained. “I used to run in secret before anybody else was up and I’d sort of have meltdown once I was far enough away from the house. He was taking a run and nearly tripped over me. I thought he might have figured it out.”
“That explains so much!” Jessie said it almost to herself, and then she burst out laughing. “You want to hear something crazy?” she asked.
“Does it get much crazier than living in place that preserves magical creatures and shelters supernatural refugees?”
“Good point,” Jessie said soberly. “I thought Adam had a crush on you or something, but I think he was just concerned. You make everybody do that, you know?”
“Do what?”
“Want to protect you,” she said, matter of fact about it.
“Oh,” Sarah said. “I’ve been getting that a lot lately.” That was something she definitely didn’t want to get into. She still hadn’t told anyone about San putting her to sleep and bringing her back to the manor. She also hadn’t mentioned his reverential behavior towards her. Instead of pursuing that line of inquiry, Sarah changed the subject.
“Did you really think Adam liked me?” she asked curiously. “Or did you think that I liked Adam?”
“Both,” Jessie answered. And then, abruptly, “You don’t do you? Like Adam?”
Sarah shook her head. “He’s very nice,” she said, “but I don’t think of him that way. I don’t really think of anyone that way at the moment.” She didn’t want to either. “Do you like Adam?”
Jessie shrugged uncomfortably. “Not really,” she said, unconvincingly.
“So that’s a ‘yes’?” Sarah prompted. Jessie nodded her head miserably. And Sarah resisted the urge to smile. It was nice to be able to commiserate with a fellow female, but she was relieved when Jessie changed topics again.
“No one would think less of you if wanted to bawl your eyes out the dinner table,” she offered. “I actually think they’d prefer that to you making yourself sick, especially Grandpa.”
“It’s not quite that easy, but I’ve been trying to get better,” Sarah told her sincerely. “You’re mom keeps threatening to take me to the doctor if I don’t.”
Jessie laughed. “So are we cool now?” she asked.
“I guess so,” Sarah lifted her hands in a noncommittal motion.
“Okay, then, can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead,” Sarah allowed, wondering what her cousin could possibly bring up next.
“Can I cut your hair?” Sarah burst out laughing at the unexpected request. “No I mean it,” Jessie insisted. “Maybe it’s the influence of Mom’s beauty business or something, but those split ends really bug me. And I think it has potential if you’d just take care of it.” She fingered her own long red hair, which was currently French braided down her back.
“I used to have short hair,” Sarah said. “I guess I just haven’t put much importance in a beauty regime lately.”
“Well you should,” Jessie promptly retorted. “Mom’s always going on about how all women should feel beautiful and yada, yada, yada.” She rolled her eyes, but grinned. “So can I cut it?”
“I guess so,” Sarah said, surprising herself. She ran her hands through the long wet tangles of blond hair. “Why not?” she reasoned. It wasn’t like she was trying to impress anyone. She was so used to looking scruffy and disheveled that she probably wouldn’t mind if Jessie did something screwy to her hair anyway.
“Cool,” Jessie exclaimed. She tugged Sarah to her feet. “And we’ve got to do something about your wardrobe.” Sarah allowed herself to be pulled into the bathroom, and waited while Jessie hunted for scissors. “Seriously, this is going to be fun.” She held up the silver blades and grinned at Sarah’s reflection in the vanity mirror. Sarah’s misgivings were more pronounced, but it was too late to withdraw permission. She anxiously watched as hunks of frizzy hair hit the floor around her.
Sarah was surprised by Jessie’s result. Her hair was cut into a short bob that was longer in the front than in the back and she’d been given wispy bangs that framed her face. It was sweet, but practical. She could still make a short ponytail if she needed to get her hair out of the way. She was unexpectedly pleased by the result and felt lighter after the haircut. But Jessie hadn’t stopped there. She insisted on going through Sarah’s clothes,
too.
The other girl gasped when she saw what was in Sarah’s closet. She immediately began requesting to borrow things and admonished Sarah for her usual baggy attire. Despite Sarah’s repeated protests that nothing fit her anymore, Jessie cajoled her into a pair of jeans, a blue tank printed with spiraling white butterflies, and long, thin draping sweater. Sarah was shocked to find the clothes actually fit. She was almost back to her normal weight. She hadn’t even noticed.
Of course, everyone admired her new look at breakfast. Sarah was happy to let Jessie take the credit and shied away from the sudden attention. Both of her brothers actually complemented her hair. Never-the-less, Sarah was grateful when Grandpa said it was time to get going. He looked a little uneasy when Sarah and Jessie appeared for breakfast. He was probably anxious to get today’s task underway.
Today, Grandpa was to be a mediator between the centaur community and a human named Alphonse. Alphonse was the resident caretaker before the Landys. No one actually knew what happened to Alphonse, except that when he was finally found he claimed to be able to see tiny creatures no bigger than fleas and became obsessively protective of them. This wasn’t immediately considered bizarre, since they lived in a place where the supernatural was actually natural. Unfortunately for Alphonse, after an investigation, it was determined that a new creature had not been discovered and the caretaker was simply crazy. Because of his extensive exposure to the magical aspects of the world and his current instability, it was decided he should stay at the sanctuary. He wasn’t much of a people person (unless they were little people, of course) and built himself an isolated house in a hollowed hill. Of late, he’d taken to wandering the grassy valley where the centaurs lived.
Centaurs were apparently not the warriors of Greek mythology. Instead, they were a tribal group of severe empaths and seers. Centaurs could feel the emotions of those around them to such an extent that it was almost impossible to distinguish someone else’s feeling from their own. There were also a few who had visions of the future but Grandpa said they rarely saw anything helpful. Because of the emotional aspect of their nature, the centaurs were an extremely tight-knit group that kept to themselves. Alphonse’s trespassing was considered a grave matter that could endanger their community by clouding their already muddled minds with his insanity.
Grandpa explained the previous evening that part of his job as a Keeper was to ensure peace within sanctuary walls as well as out. He was often called on to referee disputes inside the sanctuary or solve problems. He issued an open invitation to anyone who’d like to join him on this excursion, but only Sarah, Jessie, and Tyler said they wanted to go. Benji thought centaurs sounded boring and he and Adam were going into town with Uncle Matt to catch a movie. Sarah thought the centaurs were interesting and was looking forward to meeting one.
It was misty and cool when Sarah stepped outside. She was glad Jessie made her wear a sweater as she walked over to the stables. This time they were actually going to be on horseback, but since Tyler and Sarah weren’t very good riders yet, they would have to ride double. Jessie came up behind her and offered her a gray baseball cap which Sarah gratefully put on. The bill helped keep the faint rain out of her eyes and off her face.
Inside the stable, it smelled musty and warm. David already had two horses saddled and waiting. It was decided that Sarah would ride with Jessie on the black mare, called Nora, and Tyler and Grandpa would take Jeremiah, a dark red horse. After mounting, Grandpa led the way out of the yard and through the trees to the southwest. The meeting was to take place in a clearing by Alphonse’s hill.
The ride was mostly silent due to the dreariness of the day. Sarah was surprised to find it was short, too. It took barely fifteen minutes of clopping through steep woods before they stood on a rise overlooking deep meadow. To Sarah’s right, there was a large mound with a chimney coming out of the top and a round door nestled near the base. It looked like a Hobbit’s house from The Lord of the Rings.
Grandpa stopped the horses and had them all dismount at the bottom of the ridge. “The reason we had to come during the morning,” he explained, “is to be sure that Alphonse is home. If he wanders, he tends to do it during the afternoon.” He stopped Tyler’s obvious question with a raised hand. “I don’t know why, he just does. If you want a better answer you can try asking him, but I doubt he’ll make much sense.”
“What’s with the tape-recorder?” Tyler asked.
“It’s a formality,” Grandpa said. “I have to witness the complaint and hear both sides before making any decisions and I have to document it all for the sanctuary’s records.” He tapped the breast pocket of his green long sleeved t-shirt. Sarah saw a mini-tape recorder sticking out of the pocket.
“You girls can go fetch Alphonse,” Grandpa waved them towards the hill. “Just ask him to come outside. I’m sure he’ll follow two pretty girls without much persuasion.” Grandpa smiled and winked at them before heading towards the other side of the clearing with Tyler in tow.
Jessie and Sarah approached the little house and Jessie knocked sharply on the round door. It opened quickly and a thin man with a braided beard stuck his head out. “Friend or foe?” he asked in a whisper.
Jessie shared a look with Sarah. They both shrugged. “Friend,” Jessie told him.
“Well then!” the man exclaimed with a large smile. He had a few missing teeth. “Come in, come in, the little ones have long been without company and so have I, yes indeed. I just built them a lovely carnival and I’m sure they’d love to show off their talents.” He opened the door wide to reveal a dirt room with stones embedded in the walls like shelves and an old rickety table surrounded by two stools, a dining chair, and an overturned bucket. The shelves appeared to be covered with little models of houses made from sticks and leaves.
Jessie looked uncertain about entering, so Sarah invited Alphonse to join them outside. “We’d really much prefer to have short walk with you,” she said with a friendly smile. “There are more friends outside and we’d like it if you were to join us.”
“Well, well, well,” Alphonse considered. “An invitation from a friendly lady. Ought not pass such a thing up. Nope, I’ll have to take my leave.” He called out the last part as if he was talking to someone behind him and shut the door. Sarah thought he was amiable enough, and possibly more eccentric than actually insane. Jessie led the way to where Grandpa and Benji were waiting in the clearing.
“Leland Rose, well, well, well,” Alphonse greeted Grandpa. “Timely visit, as these young girls have just invited me for a walk. Don’t leave until we’ve gone and come back, for the little ones would love to see you.”
“Hello, Alphonse,” Grandpa returned the greeting. Tyler looked nonplussed. “Actually, you’ll have to take a rain check on that walk, I’m here on business,” he said firmly. “Eryx tells me you’ve been disrupting their camp of late.”
Alphonse appeared chastised and childlike. He started suddenly and stared at Grandpa wide eyed when two figures came out of the woods. The first hung back near the tree line. Obviously female, she was thin and graceful, but looked quite strong. Her human torso blended seamlessly into her horse body. She held bow and quiver of arrows was thrown over her thin shirt. It was made of brown fabric and wrapped loosely around her chest and stomach. Her eyes were huge, overly large in a narrow face and deep gray. She had chopped short hair standing in dark spikes around her face. The horse part of her body was a purple-black color.
The second figure continued forward. This centaur was male and wore a green woolen shirt, gathered and wrapped like a toga. He had a sinewy body, gigantic eyes a bright blue color, and long auburn colored hair that hung down his back in multiple braids. His horse body was light brown dappled with white. He greeted the group in the clearing with a raised hand and stopped a few feet away.
“Leland,” he nodded to Grandpa. “We have wondered at the new presences felt in the air, are these new arrivals? Or are they something else?” The centaur looked intently a
t Tyler and then at Sarah.
“Eryx,” Grandpa said by way of introduction, “this is my grandson, Tyler, and another granddaughter, Sarah.”
If it was possible, the centaur’s eyes got larger. “To have such offspring,” Eryx intoned solemnly, “is truly a blessing. May Baät protect them in their new home.” Baät was the god centaurs worshipped. Sarah read this morning that most scholars don’t believe he actually exists or ever existed, but the centaurs were loyal in their devotion.
Alphonse cleared his throat and tried to leave, but Grandpa held him still. “Thank you,” Grandpa said kindly. “Now I would hear your complaints so that we can return to peace.” At odds with the old world formality of his tone, he clicked on the little tape recorder and waited.
“This man is one my people have great compassion for,” the centaur began, “but he has disrupted our lives of late. He comes to steal,” Eryx intoned gravely, “and invades our minds with his madness. Our minds must be strong lest we endanger ourselves and his sickness makes us weak. We do not care about the thievery, but he must be confined well away from our lands.” The centaur looked calmly at Grandpa as he spoke with confident authority. Sarah found herself impressed.
“Alphonse?” Grandpa looked to the old man. “What is your rebuttal?” he asked formally.
Alphonse looked miserable. He kept glancing back to his mound-like home. “I ain’t got one,” he said sullenly. He was intently examining the ground. “I was gathering supplies for the little people,” he whined. “The horse-people have lovely trinkets for decoration. I took them, but I don’t know what he says about sickness. My mind is here, just where it ought to be.”
Grandpa looked uncomfortable, but continued the mediation. “With no defense,” he said, “I concede to grant the request of the centaurs and will limit Alphonse’s boundaries to this grove. Is this satisfactory?”
Alphonse mumbled a yes, and Grandpa let him go. He stomped back to his hut with the stubborn air of a three-year-old. Eryx voiced his agreement as well and looked after the madman with sadness brimming in his large eyes. Sarah realized that if the centaur was empathic, he was currently feeling exactly as Alphonse felt. For that matter, he was feeling all of their emotions. She could hardly handle her own. How did a centaur handle so much?
“I would speak with that one,” Eryx said suddenly when Grandpa bid him goodbye. Sarah looked up to find herself the object of Eryx’s statement.
“I’m not sure—,” Grandpa began to object but Sarah interrupted him.
“Why?” she asked the centaur. Grandpa looked at her curiously, but he didn’t object further.
“You need guidance and comfort,” the centaur spoke gently. “Your pain is in a deep place that my kind knows well,” he explained. “It is my belief, Sarah Rose, that we can communicate in such a way as to relieve your hurts.”
“Why would you do that?” Jessie asked at the same time as Tyler exclaimed, “What the heck does that mean?”
Eryx smiled. His manner was kind and cordial. “I like her heart,” he said at length. “I think it is sympathetic with mine. Such a thing is rare to find in a human. I would ask for no recourse, just a chance to see if my senses are right.” He looked at Grandpa. Grandpa said it would be alright if Sarah agreed. Eryx turned to Sarah.
Eryx didn’t creep her out or make her uncomfortable like San did. He seemed so formal and benevolent. She wanted to speak with him. If he meant what she thought, he was going to tell her how to calm her emotions or at least advise her on how to manage them. Slowly, she nodded her consent.
“Come then,” Eryx walked a little way to the left of the group, hooves bringing up clods of dirt in his wake.
Sarah gave Tyler’s worried face a reassuring smile before heading off after the centaur. He stopped and faced her. “May I rest my hands on your shoulders?” he asked politely. He was much taller than her and she would have to stand close or make him bend down to do that. She felt safe, though, and was grateful he’d actually asked her (everyone else seemed to just barge in on her personal space regardless of her wishes). She nodded at him.
He pulled her close and she could smell his earthy scent. His hands felt heavy on her shoulders. Then he spoke. Can you hear me, little one?
Sarah was too shocked to move. He hadn’t said a word, but she’d heard him clear as day. Could she speak back? She closed her eyes in concentration. Yes, she pushed the thought out to him experimentally, but how can I?
That, I am unsure of, came the reply, but I felt your mind and heart as one when you entered the field. Such has never happened to me before. My companion could feel you also. I believe you are kindred to our kind. Your emotions are strong, yes?
Sarah was comforted by the mental voice. Eryx felt gentle even in her mind and she answered him with honesty. They are too strong. My mother passed away last year, Sarah explained, and I couldn’t allow myself to feel because I was afraid I would be overtaken. Here, though, that fear has become reality. I feel lost and out of control. I’m afraid all the time.
She felt Eryx’s hand on her face and realized she was crying. When she opened her eyes, Eryx was crying as well. Feel no shame, he told her. Emotion binds us together and I am happy to have found such a human with such a heart.
Can you help me? Sarah asked. It was an almost desperate plea that Eryx seemed to feel as deeply as she did.
I can. He closed her eyes with the tips of his fingers. Follow me.
Intuitively Sarah knew he meant with her mind. She relaxed her shoulders and let her thoughts and emotions flow toward him. Somehow, Eryx was pulling her inside himself. His emotions flooded her own. His pride, his concern, his compassion, his worry, his determination. Each emotion washed over her like rain. Then he pulled her deeper. She felt all of the centaurs now. One was sad, one was irritated, one felt joy and another was feeling hopeful. These emotions, too, swept over her, flowed through her. And then she was feeling her own grief, her own fear. Involuntarily she shared these feelings with Eryx and with each centaur in his tribe. In return she felt . . . loved.
Eryx slowly pulled her back, but the sensation of being one with so many remained. She still felt the love and compassion of the centaurs like a gift. When she opened her eyes, Eryx was holding her face in his long, graceful hands. You are sister, now, little one. You can feel us and we you. Distance will matter, but the connection will remain. You are strong in mind as well as heart, now.
Sarah felt oddly calm. She didn’t have the same scrubbed empty feeling her crying jags gave her. This was different. She wasn’t barren, she was whole. Thank you, she told Eryx. He let his hands drop. I can never repay such a gift.
It was freely given, the centaur said. He walked back to the forest’s edge. When he reached the female centaur he turned around and waved at her. Be safe, little sister. Then they were gone.
*****
Chapter 21: Boundaries
Sanctuary Page 32