Contents
Title Page
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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
A note from the author
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Legal Notice
Single Wide Female
My Valentine’s Day
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
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Chapter 1
I opened my eyes slowly. I’d been awake for quite some time, but I’d refused to actually open my eyes. I didn’t need to look at a calendar to know what day it was. It was the day before my least favorite day of the year. Every year I would plan months ahead to find a date no matter what it took, so that I would not be alone on Valentine’s Day. It never worked out well.
Reluctantly I sat up in my bed. I tugged open the bottom drawer in my bedside table. Inside I stowed a very special scrapbook. It was not for anyone’s eyes but my own. I flipped to the first page. It noted my first Valentine’s Day as an adult. I had managed to get a date with a guy down the street, and was expecting to be wooed. Unfortunately he had turned out to be a dud and didn’t even show up. That was the first of many Valentine’s Days that I had renamed Valentine’s Disasters.
I flipped through the pages, skipping over the small tokens of my romantic history. There were napkins from restaurants where I’d been stood up or forced to pay the bill, or had the option for a kid’s meal with a toy. I barely remembered most of the men I’d spent Valentine’s Day with.
Except for Max, of course. I ran my fingertips across the pictures of him and me together on our Valentine’s Day excursions. Any year that neither of us had a date we would spend it together. That hadn’t happened for a very long time. I sighed as I stared down at his eyes. Even in a photograph I felt a connection with him. It was silly to me, but I just couldn’t seem to shake the affection I had for my best friend.
“Oh Max, you ruined me for other men,” I said. I closed the scrapbook and tucked it back inside the drawer. I took a deep breath and walked across the carpeted floor to my closet. This was my last chance to score a date for Valentine’s Day. I had to make it count.
Throwing on some casual clothes, I headed to the salon. No matter what was happening in my life, getting my hair styled always gave me a boost of confidence. It was something I reserved only for occasions when I really needed it.
I arrived at the salon to find it packed. I walked up to the front desk, where a harried woman was balancing a phone against her ear and a tablet in her hand.
“Hi, Cheryl,” I said. I forced my smile to be as cheerful as possible. I fully believed that I could force myself to be in a good mood.
“Hold on,” she said.
I stared at the finger she held up in front of my face. The fingernail was perfectly manicured. She hung up the phone and finally put down her finger.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I have an appointment,” I said. Her tone was verging on rude, and though it was clear that the salon was busy, I expected to be treated well.
“Not today you don’t. I checked all of the appointments this morning,” Cheryl said.
“But I made the appointment over a week ago. Maybe you should check again.”
“I don’t have time to check again. I know you don’t have an appointment. Sorry, but we’re far too busy to fit anyone in at the last minute,” she said.
I stared at her for a moment. I felt the urge to raise my voice and demand that I have my appointment. I knew that I had made it. As I glanced around at the women waiting to be seen, I realized that if I made a fuss I’d cause a commotion for everyone present. That was not how I wanted my day to go. I had turned over a new leaf of positive behavior.
“Okay, that’s fine. Obviously there was some mistake,” I said.
I backed away from the counter. Cheryl was already on the phone again. I caught sight of the radiant smiles of anticipation that the women around me had. They were all chatting about their plans. It was probably for the best that I didn’t have to sit and listen to them. I had an afternoon shift to cover at Fluff and Stuff, the laundromat and shop that I managed, so I decided to head over early and put the salon debacle out of my mind.
I arrived at the laundromat to find Enid, the girl working the morning shift, fully engrossed in her phone.
“Hi Enid, how are you this morning?” I asked.
“Uh huh, just a second,” Enid said. She continued to gaze intently at her phone.
I shook my head and checked on the laundry that she was running. Everything looked fine. When I turned back to Enid she had finally put down her phone. She was practically glowing.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I’m sorry. I was texting with my boyfriend. He was sending me a picture of the restaurant that he’s taking me to tomorrow.” Enid held up her phone to show me the picture.
I smiled with appreciation. “It looks nice. Should be fun.”
“I can’t wait,” she said. “I love Valentine’s Day. I think it’s the most romantic day of the year. Aren’t you excited?”
“Sort of,” I said as I busied myself with switching the laundry from one washer to a dryer.
“Oh, Samantha, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it,” Enid said. She was stumbling over her words. “You don’t have a date, do you?”
“Not yet,” I said. “But I will.”
“I’m sure you will.”
It seemed she was trying to hide the pity in her voice with the big smile that was now plastered on her face, but I could still hear it. It stung.
“Why don’t you head out early?” I said. “I’ll close things up.”
“Really?”
She looked like she was going to jump for joy.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I don’t have anything to do until tonight.”
“Great! Thanks, Samantha!”
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter 2
I walked over to the shop to straighten a few of the items we had available. I noticed that Enid had arranged things in the shapes of hearts. She had also added a few Valentine’s Day decorations. I tried to get back into my positive mood. I’d find a date at the bar and I would have something to do the next day, I was sure of it.
I spent the rest of the day with a steady stream of people coming in and out of the laundromat to pick up or drop off clothing. Everyone wanted to talk about their plans. Each time I had to admit, that so far, I didn’t have any. By the time I locked up for the night I was desperate to get to the bar and land a date.
I headed back to my apartment and changed into a modest black dress. It was a lit
tle loose and didn’t exactly flatter my figure, but it had a dramatic neckline that I found worked great to get a man’s attention. I added a bit of make-up, fluffed up my hair, and tugged on my heels. I was ready to land a date for Valentine’s Day.
The bar was dimly lit and filled with the scents of perfume and cologne. There were plenty of people in the bar, but few were sitting together. Most people who had dates for tomorrow were probably at home resting up for the big day. Only the lonely and desperate were at the bar tonight. The bartender paused in front of me.
“What can I get for you, beautiful?” he asked.
“I’ll take a beer—something light,” I said. I knew his compliment was based on the tip I would leave him.
As I perused my options, I felt a familiar sense of insecurity. Finding the right man to approach was like walking a tightrope. If I aimed too high, I risked rejection. If I aimed too low, I risked regret. While I was scoping out my options, my phone began to ring. I glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Max.
“Hello?”
“Where are you? I stopped by to drop off your valentine,” Max said.
“I’m at the bar.”
“Oh, so no date again?” he asked.
“You can just leave it in the door.”
“Don’t be snippy,” Max said. “You’ll find someone to spend the day with.”
I settled my gaze on a pudgy balding man who had a pretty nice smile. He was not exactly my ideal man, but he was a man.
“Sure I will.” I tried to sound more hopeful than I was feeling. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Dinner—and hopefully more,” Max said.
“Someone new?” I asked.
I grabbed a few peanuts out of the bowl in front of me. I didn’t want to think about Max and his flawless date out on the town. I didn’t want to imagine her picking out a dress or spraying perfume in all the right places.
“First time we’re going out,” Max said. “Good luck tonight.”
“Thanks. Have fun tomorrow.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Sammy,” he said.
I closed my eyes as I listened to his voice in my ear. I could just imagine his slow easy smile as he spoke those words to me.
“You too,” I said.
I hung up the phone before I could hear his voice again. I turned back to the pudgy balding man. He was engrossed in a conversation with another woman.
It wasn’t as if I was terribly disappointed, but as I scanned the room I could see my options were getting slim. For all the time I spent worrying about how I looked, the truth was I was mostly attracted to a man by his personality. Sure there were a few hunks that made my head turn so fast I got dizzy, but when it came down to picking a date, I was more interested in conversation and hygiene than abdominal muscles.
However, the men that appeared to be available in the bar were more on the seedy side. Slicked-back hair, devious smirks, and glazed-over eyes made me think I was better off spending Valentine’s Day alone. I finished my drink and left the bartender a nice tip.
Maybe this is it, I thought to myself as I walked home from the bar. Maybe it’s time to just give up on Valentine’s Day.
I walked up to my apartment and unlocked the door. As I opened it, a small package fell into the apartment. Only then did I remember that Max had left his Valentine’s Day gift for me. He always made sure that I had one every year. They were usually gag gifts, like edible underpants or chocolate handcuffs. I snatched up the package and carried it inside.
“What is it this year, Max?” I asked. I opened the package. Inside was a small rectangular box. I pulled the box out of the packaging. “You’re not fooling me. There’s no jewelry in here.”
I smiled as I opened up the box. Inside was a long pink ribbon. I stared at the ribbon.
“What is this supposed to be?”
When I picked the ribbon up out of the box it seemed to be stuck. I tugged it a little. When I did, glitter exploded from inside the box. It sparkled as it floated through the air and right down onto my carpet.
“Max!”
As if on cue, my phone rang.
“Why did you do that?” I asked.
“Didn’t you like it? I thought it would be funny,” he said.
“You’re cleaning it up, you know,” I said.
The glitter was still floating around me. I tried not to smile but I couldn’t help it. As angry as I wanted to be, I did like glitter.
“Fine, fine. So did you score a hot date?”
“That’s not really any of your business,” I said. I walked into my bedroom to change.
“So no luck?” he asked.
“Goodbye, Max.”
“Love you, Sammy.”
I could hear the playful tone in the voice that I knew so well. I tried not to sigh out loud.
“I love you too, Max.”
Chapter 3
When I hung up the phone I sank down on the edge of my bed. I felt defeated. Max was going to be off on his date and I was going to be alone. I could watch movies and eat popcorn. I could stay in my pajamas all day. But that wasn’t what I wanted to do.
As I sprawled back across my bed, I indulged in a very guilty pleasure. I imagined myself with Max as my Valentine. I thought about what we might do together. Maybe he would take me to get some delicious chocolate. Maybe we would go to the jewelry store and pick out something shiny. Maybe we would go for a romantic carriage ride through the park.
Or maybe, he would do all of that with someone else. My heart hurt with the thought.
I shoved thoughts of Max out of my mind. I tried to replace him with a different man. Suddenly it struck me that it wasn’t so much the lover I longed for, but the experience. Even when I had a date on Valentine’s Day it had ended in disappointment because I hadn’t had the experience I wanted.
Really, I didn’t need a man to have that experience. I just needed to be brave enough to take myself out on Valentine’s Day.
With this idea spinning in my mind, I grabbed my laptop and sat down at my desk. I logged on to my blog, which had picked up quite a bit in popularity ever since I had started blogging about my bucket list adventures. Lately writing had really become a passion of mine and when an idea struck me, I had to share it with my readers. As soon as I was logged in, I began typing away.
Happy Valentine’s Day
This isn’t quite bucket list material. This is about Valentine’s Day. This is about a day that has been used to make single women everywhere feel even more alone.
It’s a day that I think haunts many single women. We think about it long before it ever shows up on the calendar. We think about who we will spend it with and how we will spend it. It’s supposed to be a day about sharing love with that special someone in your life. However, if you happen to be chronically single like me, then it’s about watching other people enjoy the love that you long for.
Every year I am reminded that I do not have a husband, a boyfriend, or even a friend with benefits to celebrate with. That just hasn’t happened for me yet and maybe it’s that way for you too.
The secret message that I hear is that I am not worthy of love. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s taken me a long time to get to this place—and I’ve still got a long way to go—but I know that I am worth it, and I know that you are too.
I spent most of the day trolling the local bar for a date, which I realize, as I’m typing this, is quite pathetic. If I had ended up finding a date among the men at the bar it certainly wouldn’t have been about love.
If Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, who better to show it to me, than me? So what if I don’t have a date? I have the person who knows the most about me. I have me. Why shouldn’t I show myself love on a day designed for just that?
So join me, readers, on a journey through Valentine’s Day, not as a single woman hiding out at home, but as a single woman reclaiming Valentine’s Day for all of us.
I continued by filling in
all of the details of my plan, getting more and more excited about it. I wasn’t going to miss out on the celebration—not this year.
The next morning when I woke up I noticed glitter sparkling on the back of my hand. I smiled to myself at the sight. It made the day feel even more magical. I jumped up out of bed.
“This is it, Valentine’s Day. I’m going to have the best day ever and being single is not going to slow me down.”
I was going to look fabulous, too. I walked straight over to my closet. Stashed in the back of my closet was a little red dress. It still had the dry cleaning tags on it from the last time I had worn it. I cringed when I looked at the date. It had been almost a year. I held the dress up to my body and gazed into the mirror.
“It’s been too long, old friend,” I said.
I slipped the dress on. In my mind, it draped over my body like a delicate wave. In reality, it took a few tugs and a couple of full body wiggles. Once I had arranged my breasts correctly, I looked back into the mirror. I was surprised that not only did it still fit, it fit better than I remembered.
“I guess all of those bucket list activities have been paying off,” I said out loud. My hips were still plenty curvy and I had a long way to go, but I was beginning to see more of my figure emerge. I liked the way it looked. I completed the look with a sassy hairstyle and a thick dark layer of red lipstick.
This Valentine’s Day was going to be different. I was going to do everything I had always dreamed of doing, even if I had to do it by myself. I was going to take Valentine’s Day back for single women everywhere.
Chapter 4
Putting on my little red dress had reminded me that I’d not purchased a new piece of jewelry in years. Many women long for a shiny gift on Valentine’s Day. If they’re lucky, they get a beautiful piece. If they’re not so lucky, at least their guy usually has the receipt so they can exchange it.
Today, I wasn’t going to wait for a man to buy me something beautiful. I was going to treat myself to an expensive piece of jewelry and I was going to wear it with pride.
My Valentine’s Day (Single Wide Female) Page 1