by D T Dyllin
A nurse entered my room and handed Noah my release papers, which had already been signed off on. She was insanely hot, and young. Everything that made me want to turtle up and hide within my insecurities. The pretty brunette eyed Noah appreciatively, her gaze sliding over him from head to toe. “Let me know if you need anything else before you leave, Ms. James,” the nurse said while not even glancing in my direction. She’d left no doubt who she really wanted to help out, mostly out of his clothes, it seemed.
Jealously coursed through me. Most any other woman would have said something to her or Noah or both, but not me. I refused to compete for a man’s attention, despite how I felt about myself, or maybe because of it. Noah either wanted me or he didn’t. You can’t make a man put you in the number one spot in his life. He has to want for you to be there for you to have any chance of staying. A man’s heart can’t be bought or stolen, not really. If Noah wanted someone else, I wouldn’t stop him. I waited to see what he’d do, my pulse pounding loudly in my ears.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said politely. “But I’ll be takin’ care of her so she’ll be just fine.” The nurse’s face fell as she nodded. Finally she glanced in my direction, her expression telling me she thought I was insanely lucky. I knew I was.
My jealously instantaneously evaporated when Noah’s crystalline eyes met mine. They were full of possession, and love. Not to mention that he’d called the nurse sweetheart. It was what he called other women when he wanted to be polite but wasn’t interested. I was the only girl I’d ever heard him call darlin’. Hope made me buoyant again. I was going home. I just hoped it’d be for more than a visit.
15
~Noah
I was a ball of nerves. Things had been said, promises made without a word uttered. But nothing was fixed between Kyle and me. Not yet. I knew things could still go south despite how much I wanted her. She’d said she’d want me always, no matter what, because it was me, but those were just words. In the end, words don’t mean much.
Once we got back to Nashville, I’d have to lay it all on the line for her. There’d be no more hiding for either of us. If things weren’t going to work out then I wanted to know as soon as possible. I’d deal with the situation like ripping off a band-aid.
“Mmagtumg…mmmm…” Kyle mumbled something incoherent into my chest, wringing a smile from me. We were on a private jet back to Nashville and she’d fallen asleep on me. It felt good—beyond good to have her so close. I wanted to touch her, hold her tight—fuck I wanted to smell her hair—but I was afraid to let myself remember how good things could be between us in case she walked away in the end.
I shifted, trying to get more comfortable. My right leg, at least what was left of it, was aching something fierce, which it usually did when I flew. I was going to have to doff my prosthetic, take a nice hot bath, and give myself a rubdown when we reached our destination. Even after so much time, my leg still had limitations no matter how hard I tried to push past them. The fact was, if I didn’t take care of myself, I’d suffer for it.
“Chief,” Billy stage whispered. “The boys will have everything ready at your place. There’s no way anyone’s getting to her there.”
I smiled appreciatively. “Thanks, man, you always go above and beyond. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you with everything that’s gone down lately. You’ve been doin’ both our jobs, that’s for sure.”
“I know how it is with her.” Billy smiled. “I knew when we got the call how it was going to be.”
I snorted. “I didn’t realize I was so transparent.”
“With her you are.”
“Seriously, man. Thanks.”
“No worries.” Billy turned his attention back to the book he was reading, things getting too sappy for him apparently. Men like us didn’t do emotional show and tell. At least not with each other. We saved all that shit up for the women in our lives.
The flight attendant strolled from the front of the plane towards us. She was tall, blonde and leggy. Her eyes met mine with heat. “We’ll be landing soon, let me know if I can do anything for you in the meantime,” she said with an accompanying wink. Well fuck, twice in front of Kyle. My luck is for shit. First the nurse at the hospital and now the flight attendant. I hope those two occurrences aren’t giving Kyle the wrong idea about what my sex life has been like while we’ve been apart. Sure women hit on me, but it wasn’t like that. Not by a long shot.
“I’m good, sweetheart.” I turned my attention back to Kyle who was now awake and glaring daggers at the flight attendant’s back. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. On second thought… I knew I shouldn’t—but damn I liked seeing Kyle jealous over me. Didn’t she know she had nothing to worry about? Nobody could ever compare to her in my eyes.
Kyle grumbled something under her breath I couldn’t quite make out before she pulled herself off me, stretching. “I can’t believe I’m still tired.” Her gaze snagged on the drool spot on my shirt and she blushed. “Shit. That’s—How embarrassing!” She groaned into her hands.
“It’s not the first time you’ve drooled on me, darlin’.” I leaned into her to whisper in her ear. “Here’s to hopin’ it’s not the last.” I nipped at her neck as I pulled away from her.
Kyle sucked in short shallow breaths as she her gaze roamed over my face, her eyes wide. “Noah,” she rasped. She pressed her head into my shoulder. “Only you could make drooling sound dirty.”
“I wasn’t tryin’. Just lettin’ you know I like when you sleep on me and I hope it happens more often. The drool doesn’t faze me.”
Her fingertips crept up my chest and slid past the collar in my flannel. She pressed her soft lips against the side of my neck. “I missed you,” she murmured, causing me to groan. It looked like Kyle had getting reacquainted in the biblical sense on her mind. Her lips on me, any part of me, made me feel like I was a teenage boy again, unable to control my thoughts or hormones around her.
I cupped the side of her face, tilting it up towards me as I brought my head down. I brushed my lips over hers, softly, not really a kiss, just a taste. Kyle’s hand crept up from my neck, entangling in my hair, tugging. Her body pressed into mine in silent urging. Who was I to deny her? I wrapped her long locks around my fist, holding her in place as I pushed her mouth open with my tongue. She welcomed me with a small moan. That was all it took to rush all the blood in my body straight to my dick, causing me to lose all sense.
The next thing I knew, Kyle was in my lap, straddling me while I cupped her ass, rocking her jean-clad heat against me. I needed to be in that sweet pussy of hers more than anything in that moment. Nothing else mattered. It’d been so long—too long since I’d sunk into her… Felt the oblivion her body always offered mine. Nobody heated my blood the way she did. Nobody made me feel like I was crazed for just a taste.
“Yo, chief. There are other people on this plane,” Billy’s amused voice cut into my lust induced haze.
I broke away from Kyle abruptly, depositing her beside me. She blinked up at me, her green eyes glazed over, her lips red and swollen. She didn’t even seem to notice Billy, which made me smile with male pride. I couldn’t help it.
“Sorry, man,” I rasped. I didn’t offer him anything beyond that. There was no point. Billy knew about Kyle and me. Not every detail, but enough for him to paint the picture clear enough.
Billy didn’t say anything, just chuckled. I returned all of my attention to Kyle who was still looking a little shell-shocked. “You all right, darlin’?” I smirked down at her. There was just something about making a woman lose control that made me feel like more of a man every time. The fact that it was Kyle made me feel practically invincible. Maybe all the bullshit I’d been thinking about why she wouldn’t want me was just that—bullshit.
“Stop looking so smug,” she hissed.
“This? Smug?” I pointed at my face and feigned confusion. “Nah. I’ll tell you when I’ll be smug.” I leaned in and whispered against her
ear. “When I wring at least a half dozen orgasms from you—with just my tongue. Then I’ll be smug.”
Kyle’s face fell and she seemed to turtle up inside herself. She didn’t physically pull away from me but she was suddenly as cold as ice. What’d I say wrong? We’d been having fun one minute, things felt good, natural, like old times and then she was a million miles away. I took her hand in mine and squeezed. I didn’t like how quickly her moods swung. She never used to be that way. It was a symptom of all the things that had been weighing on her. Things I needed to help her fix. And I would. Even if, in the end, we weren’t meant to be, I’d make sure Kyle was okay. Her happiness was the most important thing to me. It’s why I’d stayed away from her because I thought she had been. I couldn’t have been more wrong…about a lot of things.
16
~Kylie
Our first real kiss in over a decade, and it had been earth shattering. There was no doubt the chemistry between Noah and myself hadn’t suffered since our split. And then my dark thoughts had gone and ruined it.
The thing was… My relationship with Noah had started when we were young. What we’d lacked in experience we made up for in passion. But we’d also separated while I’d still been in my mid-twenties. Back then, before I’d thrust myself in the spotlight, my body dysmorphic disorder had been manageable. In other words, I could ignore the voice in my head that picked apart every physical flaw I had, telling me I wasn’t good enough. After ten years of the media doing a better job of criticizing me than even I could do… I was worse than ever. Plus I was older. I had new insecurities I never dreamed I’d ever have to deal with. The only thing that stopped me from pumping myself full of botox, fillers and whatever else that was available, was fear that I’d end up worse off. Plus I was kind of afraid of needles—go figure.
When Noah mentioned making me come on his tongue, I should have gotten hot and bothered over his rough words. Instead I’d immediately wondered how many girls had been lucky enough to receive his attentions since me, and how many of them were prettier, younger? I couldn’t help but feel trepidation over Noah seeing me naked again. What if he was disappointed? I didn’t want to think those thoughts. I wished I could be normal. I wasn’t. And it would always be an uphill battle not to sink into the black hole of my even blacker emotions. I couldn’t talk to Noah about it, he’d never understand. No one would understand. I was alone in my battle against myself.
“Kyle, darlin’, we’re here.” Noah squeezed my hand before tugging me to my feet. “You all right? You kinda spaced out for a while.”
I forced a smile onto my face. “I’m just tired is all.” I averted my gaze and shuffled after Noah, letting him lead the way. Once we were all loaded up and heading to Noah’s place—the house that we both used to call home, I curled against him again and shut my eyes. It would take us about thirty minutes to get there from The Nashville International Airport, since technically he didn’t live in Nashville proper but in Spring Hill, Tennessee. Back when we’d bought our property, because of the location, we could get more house for less money. I’d spent lots of time in Nashville making records, hanging with friends, but I’d never bought my own place since our breakup. It’d never felt right. In fact, I’d never bought a house anywhere, even with all my money. I used to think it was because I got bored too easily and didn’t want to lock myself into one place, which was why I rented. I was skilled at lying to myself. The truth was, no place had ever felt right without Noah, at least not for long. They say home is where the heart is, so for the longest time I’d been homeless without Noah.
Noah kissed the top of my head and shifted underneath me. I knew he was uncomfortable. He thought I didn’t notice how his limp had become more pronounced the past few hours. I wouldn’t push him though, I knew where pushing had gotten me before with him… Out the door and without a word from him in a decade. I wasn’t about to repeat the same mistakes. I preferred making new and different mistakes, because Lord knew I was bound to make plenty with Noah.
I lifted my head and glanced around the car. It was just Noah and me. Billy and the rest of our crew were in different cars. I leaned over and pressed the button to raise the divider between us and the driver. I nibbled on my lower lip.
“Somethin’ on your mind?” Noah quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head.
“Well—I guess,” I muttered. How to breach the subject? I guessed it was best just to jump right on in. “We have a lot to talk about, Noah. Tons.” I changed up my lip for the nail on my thumb, needing to bite on something harder. “How many people have you been with since me?” There I’d said it. In most cases it’d be best not to know, but with my issues I’d probably imagine way worse than reality. I needed to know. I didn’t have a choice. I’d drive myself completely insane until I knew all the gruesome details.
Noah closed his eyes as he let his head fall back. “That’s a no win question, darlin’. But I’m guessin’ by the look on your face you’ve already been drivin’ yourself crazy ‘bout it. Wonderin’, thinkin’ it’s some monstrous number.” He opened his eyes and shifted forward so he could peer into mine.
“Kind of,” I muttered, flicking my gaze away from his.
Noah cupped my face in his large palms and forced me to meet his cerulean eyes again. “I’ve been with a few girls since you. I can honestly say I wasn’t keepin’ count.”
I scowled. “Ball park figure then.”
Noah sighed. “Men aren’t like women, Kyle. Sometimes we try to forget a girl by buryin’ our dick in a different one.”
“I can’t believe you just said that to me.” I attempted to pull away from him but he didn’t let me.
“If we’re gonna give this second chance a real go, we’re gonna have to be honest with each other—‘bout everything. A lot of it’s not gonna be pretty but I won’t lie to you. I’ve been with a good number of partners since you, but none of them meant anything to me.”
“How many?” I hissed, latched onto the number thing like a damn bulldog.
“Enough,” he rumbled.
“Enough? What kind of answer is that? Enough for what?” So many possibilities spiraled through my mind, and none of them were good.
He pressed closer to me, his lips almost touching mine. Our breath intermingled and my heart threatened to pound out of my chest. “Enough to know I’ll never get over you.”
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, burning. I needed to know and he wasn’t going to answer me, not really, that much was painfully clear. “What about me? Aren’t you going to ask how many guys I’ve been with since you?”
Noah released me, his jaw working as he ground his teeth together. “No. I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Because you bein’ with anyone besides me is too much to handle. But instead of being that kind of Neanderthal guy who goes all crazy about it and lets it get in the way of what could be between us…I’m just not gonna think ‘bout it. I don’t wanna know. All that matters is how it is when you’re with me and that you aren’t with anyone else after.” Noah’s fists clenched as he turned away from me. “I never wanna know ‘bout any of them, darlin’. It just might kill me.”
“So you expect me to do the same? Just not think about it?” Could I actually do that? Turn away from my dark thoughts and focus on the now? Pretend that Noah hadn’t been with countless other women since our divorce?
“It’s the only chance we got.”
I nodded although he couldn’t see me. Maybe it was. No matter what number Noah gave me, it wouldn’t be the one I really wanted, which was none. “Okay. I’ll try.” It was the best I could do. And I would. I would do my damndest to not think about Noah being with anyone else besides me.
17
~Noah
I could practically see the wheels turning in Kyle’s head. If she wasn’t already, she was a hairsbreadth away from full on obsessing. She said she was going to try not to think about the number’s game but I had my doubts.
I scrat
ched at my whiskers. “Kyle, darlin’, once we get you settled in we’re gonna have to have a long talk. Probably more than one actually.”
“MmmmHmmm…” she mumbled non-committedly.
I was at a loss about what to do with her. It’d been so long since I’d been in any kind of romantic relationship, her being my first and only. And things were strained at best between us. But that kiss…damn. It made all my blood pump straight down south just thinking about it. I’d never had that kind of heat with anyone but her.
The fact was, I wasn’t really sure what it was about her that did it for me. Sure she was hot, but so were lots of girls. I supposed love could make that kind of difference. I’d never been the wine and roses kind of guy to believe in that kind of stuff though. The connection Kyle and me had was intangible, something I’d never be able to define, and I think that’s what kind of scared me. How was I supposed to fix something that I wasn’t even quite sure what it was? It was going to be like working on a machine all the while not knowing what the damn thing is supposed to do. I’d have to put all the wires where they seemed to fit and hope for the best.
The car rolled to a stop and I glanced out the window to see my house to the left of us. Kyle pushed open the door and stumbled out before I could say a word. She moved up the front walkway, staring at the house. I knew what she was thinking… It looked the same as it had ten years ago, because I hadn’t changed a damn thing since she’d left. Sure, I’d maintained things, put a fresh coat of paint on the front door etc., but I hadn’t been able to do much else. It was like I was waiting for her to come back all this time.