by H. Q. Frost
"Callum," her quiet, weak voice calls out and I stop, remembering all the hatred I tried to conjure against her for years.
She left me and moved on to Kipper. I can't fathom that. I would never leave her and court her sister. Ignore the fact her sister's sexual preference is opposite of what I represent. It's not right and the thought should have never crossed her mind, even after what we went through.
"Callum, I'm sorry." She softly knocks and my brows raise at the apology. "Please let me in. I'm so cold."
"Do you want in because you're freezing, or because you're actually sorry?" I question.
"Both," she answers immediately. "Please? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that stuff."
I want more of an apology and I'll take lies if she has to. I want to hear Kipper meant nothing to her, but I'm not going to coax her into it. And since I won't let her freeze to death, I slowly unlock the door. Pulling it open, she has tears frozen to her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," she says with so much emotion, I expect some sort of ambush, but she pushes herself into my arms. "I never loved him."
Waiting to be stabbed in the back, or some sort of pain, I hesitate to hold her until I hear she's crying. My arms wrap around her cold frame and I kick the door closed.
"You hurt me so much," she says through tears.
Without words, I walk her toward the fire.
"I believed him because I was so lost. I wanted to go back to you but I didn't think I could withstand anymore of your neglect. I couldn't make you love me."
Dropping to the ground in front of the fire, I pull her with me, not letting her go.
"I was settling just to feel protected but you always filled the space in my head."
I hold her tighter and pull her against my chest, resting my cheek on top of her head.
"I feared you and wanted you. It's a maddening feeling. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"
From the moment she walked into my life I understood that feeling.
Not answering, I grip her face and move her so I can look into her eyes. I thumb away tears that fall steadily.
"Why couldn't you love me?" she whimpers.
Taking the chance, I push my lips to hers and expect denial but she shifts, wrapping her body around me and deepening our kiss. Everything feels alright in this moment, but it's far from it. All I want is to forget reality for the next twenty eight hours and fall for her again.
I unzip her jacket and shove it from her shoulders. Our lips disconnect and I'm not sure if she was the one to pull away so I look into her eyes for explanation. She responds with a hard kiss and I continue removing her clothing, my hands unexpectedly shaking. This is why I'm here, it's what I wanted, but I didn't think I would get it.
This is a mistake that will torment me until my death, and possibly afterward, but I can't stop.
Stopping the kiss, he stands and lifts me with him. My feet plant on the floor and I hold his shirt to keep myself steady. His neglect and abuse made me give in to his want and my need. I shouldn't have and I'm afraid of what it'll do to my head when this weekend comes to an end. If he can erase what I've been living through for the past couple years, that's all I ask for. But I'm doubtful. He's still a cold man.
I didn't give in and apologize because I was freezing out there, I did it because I wanted his attention. My fit and cruelty didn't get me the attention I want from him, and I didn't want to be the one to ask for it, but I need it. I need him.
When I’m completely bare to him his eyes scan my breasts and body to which I almost shy away from him, but I hold my ground. The look in his eyes is confusing. Lust? Need? Hatred? Anger? I can't decipher it, but it heats my skin all the same. His eyes land on mine and I know for a fact one of the emotions he's portraying is anger. He stands up straight and I have to tilt my head back to look up at him. In this moment I'm like an ant compared to him.
Instinct tells me to cower, but pride makes me stand tall and it's a mistake. He grabs my throat. Before I can grip his wrist to fight, he pushes me backward until I'm against the wall. It's cold against my back but my body continues to heat up. Every thought that goes through my head makes me hate myself because they're all about my fantasies. Fantasies where he's actually going to kill me and I would let him because he knows how to do it like it's meant to be. I fantasize he's compassionate and kills me out of love. I don't even know how to rationalize this.
I raise my hands to fight. But he doesn't apply pressure. The only pressure comes from his lips when they hit mine. I gasp in a breath, only stealing his and my body reacts to my need, delving my tongue into his mouth. His grasp on my throat doesn't move but his other hand roams up my thigh, over my hip, and to my stomach. His fingers start a slow descend and I try to push away his hand while I pull him closer. The only fight right now is with myself.
When two of his fingers slide over my underwear I gasp, flinging my head back, hitting the wall hard enough I blink as my ears ring. He doesn't move his hand from between my legs but his grip on my throat releases and he slides that hand to the back of my head. A regretful gaze peers into my face. I grab him to kiss him again but his hand plunges into my underwear and I inhale as my eyes water. I haven't felt this much ecstasy since him.
He sighs finding how wet I am and his forehead presses to mine. "Oh, Magdelena," he says with a quiet chuckle, amused he has this power over me. "My Pleasure." His middle finger parts me and I close my eyes while it teases back and forth at my opening. "You've always been so easy."
I furrow my brows until he pulls back and I can focus on the smile on his lips. Though it may be the truth, I hate him for saying it. This, my body, is all he's ever wanted from me and yet I'm still trying to shift my hips to get his finger inside me.
"You were much more than a contract." His finger slowly begins to enter me. In a swift move, he plunges two inside and his mouth covers mine to swallow my gasp. "You were my pleasure," he pants into my mouth, his fingers moving faster.
I slide my fingers into his hair. "Is that all?" I manage to ask through panting breaths.
"What else do you want?"
"Whatever you want," I say deliriously as my orgasm starts to peak when he rubs the ridges inside me.
"I want you to come," he says against my chin and his hand at the back of my head slides to my neck again.
I grasp it and his grip loosens, but that's not what I want. I push, wanting a tighter hold and watch his eyes search mine, but in the end I get what I want. Saliva gulps down my throat before he applies too much pressure and I can't breathe.
When my eyes drift closed, he snaps, "Look at me." His grip loosens so I pop my eyes open. "My Pleasure," he breathes before kissing me, slowly applying more pressure.
When my eyes start to close, I quickly open them, not wanting him to stop. His fingers are moving faster and my legs are a mess as liquid rolls down my inner thighs. Losing my breath makes my orgasm peak and I'm a sick individual trusting him to do this, because I don't trust him to not let me die.
Trembles take over my body and my eyes roll back both from ecstasy and lack of oxygen. When my body bursts I fall unconscious momentarily but coming to, Callum is holding me up. My body is still buzzing and my pussy is throbbing. The flutter of my heart is vibrating my entire rib cage. I look into his face and his expression is much more readable. Lust mixed with concern, so I find my footing and move for his mouth, slowly kissing him. My hands find his belt and after getting it undone, I unbutton his pants. As I lower to my knees, I unzip him and pull his pants down. Black boxer briefs barely contain him and my stomach flips at the sight. I try to make my moves sultry, keep the desire alive, but I'm so giddy I could almost squeal.
Upon freeing him, I stare until he grips it. I inhale deeply a few times before licking the precum from the tip, wanting to devour him. Trying to relax I slide him into my mouth, letting him sink until my face meets his base. He drops his hands to his sides and he's holding so still I'm not sure he's enjoying this. The only indicat
ion I have is the rock hard dick bobbing at the back of my throat.
I don't know why I'm obsessed with Callum depriving me of oxygen. Taking my life. It's only him I have this fantasy for. I would never let anyone else do this to me, and considering I've only ever been with him and Kip, I never have. My eyes flick up to see his face and he's staring at me. The look makes me moan and I reach for my clit. He's poised, expectant almost. Like he presumes I'll die for his pleasure. And my god, I would.
My fingers move faster.
You sick bitch.
When I moan around him again as my fingers play with my clit, he finally moves his hands. They slide into my hair before one rests on my crown and the other at the back of my head. A shaky breath exhales from him and I flick my eyes up to see his lids floating closed right before his head falls back. I try to push harder but I'm blocking all oxygen so I back off. A grunt rips from his throat and I look up, almost moving away from him but he holds me in place and pushes farther. His hips flex slightly to rock him as deep as he can get. I can't breathe and my eyes begin to water, but this is what I want. I gag and he retreats only briefly before he thrusts to my throat again and holds my head so I can't move. He fucks my mouth while I fight to stay calm. If I didn't want this I would bite, but I do. I want it so much I'm coming again, trying to remain on my knees so he can get what he wants deep in my throat. He pushes harder, pumping faster and I finally grab his hips, almost needing to push him away but he's coming. The heat shoots down my throat in rapid release and he's holding me up by my head, still fucking my mouth. When he's done, he releases a grunt and abruptly pulls away. I collapse to the ground and finally swallow. The cool wood of the floor is like balm against my hot flesh. I catch my breath feeling high. Moments later he kneels next to me and pulls me up, immediately wiping at my face, cleaning away tears, drool, and whatever else that seeped from not being able to breath while he fucked my face and came so much I'm still swallowing it.
His hands grab my cheeks and hold me steady while he looks into my eyes, searching for something. A soft kiss meets my bottom lip and I grip his wrist because the look on his face is like he's going to leave me here like this.
Not like this. He can't. Not after what I just allowed to happen. I fully expect what he said he came here for. To make love to me. While he's already spent, I want the follow up to what happens after love making.
He stands and grabs my chin, pulling me up. Leaning down, he kisses me, sucking my lip before pulling back and looking into my face.
"Undress me," he says and I move quickly, wanting to see his body again after so long.
I quickly pull his shirt off. Before I toss it to the floor, he takes it and wipes under my eyes with it. I'm sure I'm a mess right now but the way he's looking at me would make me think otherwise. With his pants already at his ankles, I drop to my knees and gently grab his calf, pulling it up to get his pants completely off. He complies and when only his boxers are left, I grip the waistband and pull them down, letting my fingers trail over the muscle in his legs. He was slim with lean muscles but his body's changed. Not significantly but bumps and ridges of muscle are in spots they weren't before and can be seen without flexing. Reaching back up, I drag my fingers over the muscles on his stomach. When he doesn't stop me, I continue, touching everything I want on him. His dick twitches every now and again but won't stand at attention and I wish it would so I could get him inside of me. I won't be satisfied until he's in me.
I kiss his inner thigh and look up, making eye contact as I kiss down his leg to his knee. Getting as low as his ankle, I move to kiss his feet but he grips my hair and pulls me up.
"I bow before you. Not the other way around," He says angrily, still gripping my hair. "Do you understand me?"
"No," I respond because I feel like in this moment I'd do anything for him.
It's dangerous to be so unhinged but Callum holds a piece of me I'll never control again. If I can still come from thoughts of him while I fear he wants to murder me, I believe it's a clear indication I will never recover from what he's done to me.
He grabs my throat and pulls me against him, our lips faintly touching while he glares into my eyes like he wants to take my last breath.
"You are the most irreplaceable belonging I've ever had."
It doesn't hurt anymore. Being so long without him, I made peace with only being a possession to him. If that was all I could get, it was all I wanted for a long time. I'm a much stronger woman than this but in his presence right now, we can both pretend this won't be the last time.
"Have you?" I ask and he tilts his head, his eyes moving to my lips.
"Have I what?"
"Replaced me with a new receptacle?"
"If I say I have?" he asks with a small smirk and my eyes dart away only briefly. "How would that make you feel, Pleasure?" His grip on my throat moves up and he pulls his thumb over my bottom lip.
"I don't know," I whisper, though I know. The thought's been on my mind for years and it's agonizing.
"You know." He slides his tongue over my lip. "How would it make you feel if I've been using a different woman since you've left me?" he says against my lips with such coldness I shiver. "Filling her nightly. But not how I did you. I hold her. Caress her. Kiss her. Tell her I love her."
I'm shaking by the time he finishes and I almost swing at him. Words have never been so crippling and my weakness makes me wish he were dead.
"How would it make you feel, Magdelena? I make her come, I let her come over me. Whenever she wants it, I give it to her. She gets anything she wants from me. She reminds me of you when you had mint hair and I like that the most. How easy it was to replace you with an upgrade."
My composure snaps and I swing, hitting him in the ear before shoving him and the screaming starts. Not words, just screaming, releasing all the hatred and pain he's ever caused me. He blocks my hits, but doesn't make me stop. I corner him and when I swing for his face, he grabs my wrists, stopping me from doing any damage.
"There you are," he whispers, staring into my eyes. His tone and expression completely changed. "My Pleasure." He pulls me against him and holds me tightly while I tremble, panting to catch my breath.
"Callum," I finally say as my tears break through.
"No more," he says and walks me across the room to a bed.
Pulling back the covers, he gestures and I get in, studying the red marks over his chest I beat onto him. I just snapped. I've never done that before and I don't like the way it's made me feel. I want to cry for hurting him, attacking him, but he provoked me intentionally. Wanting me to break.
"I'm sorry," I breathe when he gets in next to me.
"Yes." He nods grabbing my wrists and pinning me down, shifting over me. "I'm sorry." He kisses me, releasing my wrists and I slide my hands around his neck to hold him.
Can he actually believe my fit of rage is the same as what he's done to me? That now we're even. Is that why he provoked me to let it all out? Now we are equals? It makes me want to attack again, but looking into his face, it all goes away. Gone within a second as I stare into the most beautiful creation I've ever seen. I hate myself for being this damaged for him.
His hips pivot, nudging his hard dick against me and I spread my legs eagerly, shifting as he thrusts. In one swift move he fills me and I gasp, tilting my head back, allowing him to clamp his teeth on my throat while he pushes deeper. With a grunt he retracts then thrusts again, filling me until the wall inside me stops him. His arms slide under me and he curls his hands over my shoulders to hold me in place while he thrusts again, hitting that barrier each time. I drag my nails down the muscles over his back and it makes him push harder.
It was a mistake coming here, but one I wanted. One I'll regret because this is what I want every day. I want Callum's dominance and his gentle side. I want his reminder that brings me back down to earth. There is no other woman, but he knows how to make me realize I couldn't handle it if there were. I wish I would have experienced this so
oner, and the fact I didn't is his fault.
"Come, Magdelena," he says, kissing over my jaw.
"I can't," I admit.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want you to stop." I grip him closer and shift my leg to wrap over his hip, only making me tighter around him.
He groans. "I'll take my pleasure then." Covering my mouth with his he thrusts once more before biting down on my lip, only releasing to groan through his orgasm.
When he shifts, not one part of us is touching and I hate the feeling. With a roll, I place my hand on his chest. Both his hands grab my hips and he easily shifts me over him and off the bed. My mouth opens to protest but I don't want to beg for something he doesn't want to give me.
"Go to that corner." He points and my eyes go wide. He's going to punish me to a corner? "Go, Magdelena." Positioning himself onto his side, he rests his head on his hand.
I slowly move to the corner, wanting to curl up into myself. I feel exposed in a way I don't want to be.
"Turn around."
I look at him but do as he says.
"Pull that knob."
When I pull it I hear the water and quickly look up, stepping to the side before the cold stream hits me.
"Shower."
"There's no curtain," I state as if he doesn't notice that.
This didn't look like a shower and even standing here it still doesn't. The water is splashing everywhere.
"Good. I can't see you behind a curtain."
"Callum. This isn't a shower," I snap.
"Is there water coming out of the faucet? It's a shower."
"There's no soap or shampoo!" I didn't want to get up and shower, but obviously he was never going to hold true to what he said.
"Turn around," he says again and I fling around to prove my point, but on the floor there's a small stool with the items I requested.