Graphite: The Carbon Series Book 2

by H. Q. Frost

  Not wanting to startle them and cause an emotional reacquaintance just yet, I move for the yurt. There's no need for me to knock. This is a structure I paid for. These children I've fed. My money has kept them comfortable but humble. They are mine.

  I walk through the door and listen to it creak, announcing my presence, but no one is around to greet me.

  "Almost ready!" My diamond.

  Her voice calls from another room and I gravitate that way. The way she moves about with such comfort makes me pause to appreciate the woman I never stopped loving, or wanting to possess. She's over a stove, preparing a meal, swaying gently but there's no music. It's happiness rocking her body. The way she sparkles makes my anger soothe; I can't be mad at her for being happy. That was what I wanted in the end.

  "What?" Kip enters the room not noticing me watching her, and seeing him makes my blood run cold.

  I haven't kept tabs on them. It was too hard. Not knowing when I could reclaim what was mine was a torture I never want to endure again. My expectation was Kipper would not last. She wouldn't allow it. The children would bring her all the happiness she needed, not him. But as she turns to him and plants a kiss on his mouth, I see I was wrong.

  The unnoticed baby strapped over her chest comes into view and it's an unexpected surprise. He leans and kisses the child's head; this baby can't be more than two. If that. This is her baby. Their baby.

  "It smells good." He moves for the stove, tasting her recipe as if he's ready to critique it.

  Her focus on him is intent, questioning. But she's not questioning her culinary skills. It's as if she's trying to figure something out in regards to her life.

  I am too. She's my diamond, and yes I pushed Kip on her, but not for them to live happily ever after. I have no doubt she would be at my side in a matter of a look, but I'll wait. There's another child involved now. My eyes go to the infant. I feel too old to be a father to such a young life, but it won't stop me.

  My diamond is now my pawn.

  The pawn piece she gave me as symbolism she was on my board is removed from my pocket. I carried it around for years, since the moment she handed it to me. A constant reminder that she will overcome anything. For me.

  I rub my thumb over the smooth ball of metal at the top then place it on a shelf that holds a picture of her mother and sister. The contents on this shelf captivate my attention as I skim her belongings. In the center of photographs of my children sits a clear box acting as a protectant shell. Inside that box sits the queen piece. Removing it from the shelf, I study it until I find the hinge at the bottom. I withdraw the queen and replace it with the pawn.

  Quietly exiting the house, I begin to devise my plan that will cause the least amount of detriment when I kill her king. For the children's sake. But he will fall from the board and the game will be over. She doesn't need a king made of lies. She needs a duke made of graphite.

  “How long will you be gone?” I ask Kipper, my eyes flashing to the woman standing at the door.

  This is a friend of Qara’s, a girl that won’t talk to me, only to Kipper when she comes around. She comes around twice a month to take Kipper for supplies even though we grow a lot of our own food and eat the animals we raise, but there are other necessities. And this woman takes him for them… I sometimes wonder what else they do together.

  My eyes lock on Kip again.

  “I’ll be back by dark,” he claims. The sun only rose three hours ago.

  The travel to the city is two hours, and we’re not in need of a lot. This trip shouldn’t take all day.

  My head nods and my eyes drift to the shelf. Three days ago I noticed my queen was replaced with the pawn. There’s only one person who could have done that. He was in my house and I didn’t even know it. I'd assumed he was dead. We haven't heard from him or heard anything from Qara about him. So when I saw the pawn, the feeling in my chest almost sent me into a panic attack. And I knew he was still alive. Still coming for me. I’ve been making do with what we have. My children bring me a happiness I never thought I’d feel. But there’s always been some sort of emptiness inside me. Kip was never the man I wanted to settle with, and I often thought about killing him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So I gave in, gave up, whatever you’d like to call it. I accepted this life with him and we unintentionally had a child together.

  There are mantras I run through daily, telling myself this life is okay, though I know it’s not. But this is my life. These are my children. And this is the man I lie with. A man I have accepted because the man I wanted told me I had to. Callum left me with no options and I truly thought he was dead. Kip told me about the time he walked in on Callum’s almost execution, and how his great grandmother wanted to murder him. But he can’t be dead. He has my queen and he’s left me the pawn I am.

  “Think of anything else you need?” Kip asks, making me pull my eyes from the shelf.

  “No,” I gently reply, “Thank you.”

  Walking over to me, he gives my shoulder a squeeze then follows the woman out of the house. He’s not shy about affection, but when this woman is around, he treats me like a sister. Oddly, it’s never bothered me, because I don’t love him. I don’t want him. If he wants to bed another woman, so be it. The only thing I expect of him is to give me what I want, when I want it. And that is how our life together has been for the past few years. We sleep together only when I want to, and still to this day I fantasize about Callum when he touches me. I’ve called out for Callum during sex and Kip’s ego crumbling didn’t make me bat an eye. I know the secrets he keeps and I’m so emotionally detached from him, I don’t care. Do I believe he loves me? Somehow, sickly, but I was only ever a conquest. He won. I suppose I’m naïve to ever think Callum loved me. The unhealthy feelings he had toward me weren’t love, but he gave me back the one thing I’ve ever wanted. Cole. Now we are almost whole, but there’s the empty space Callum should be filling. And I have a feeling he’ll be back soon to torture me. Somehow he’ll twist my life upside down again. Only this time I will fight to the death. I will die before he takes away the only good thing he gave to me. My children.

  In the doorway, I watch Kipper get into the vehicle with Bayarmaa and tuck her hair behind her ear. Rage should burn inside me, but it doesn’t. It’s only surfaced for one man. And now I wait for his arrival to light that inferno again.

  As dusk turns to night and Kip doesn’t return, the feeling in my gut twists.

  “Mommy.” Poppy yawns as I tuck her and her brother in. “Where’s Kip?”

  “The city,” I softly tell her and kiss her head before moving to Cole’s bed.

  “When’s he returning?” Cole questions and I smile at his accent that Poppy’s picked up within the past few years. My Bronx accent hasn’t persuaded them as much as Kip’s English one and I’m glad for it. It reminds me of a time I wish I could go back to, even if it was tearing me apart.

  “Possibly soon.” I kiss his forehead and he twirls his finger in my mint hair, as fascinated with it as his father was.

  It took a year to convince this child I was his mother. He accepted Poppy as his sister immediately, but I was a much bigger hurdle for him to accept. Understandably so considering his father abandoned him and left him scarred. He often talks about the time he died, though I don’t know what he means, and his memory is too foggy for him to recall anything properly. I can only imagine what Callum put him through, but I’m grateful for it, because he’s back with me, where he belongs.

  “What if he doesn’t?” Poppy asks.

  “Will we die?” Cole chimes in.

  With a chuckle, I look between them. “No. Kip doesn’t keep us alive. We keep him alive.” On that note, I leave my children to sleep because there are some things that shouldn’t be said. That was one of them.

  I enter the baby’s room and softly run my fingertip over her cheek. Her first word was daddy and Kip was tearfully proud. It was a moment that made me think perhaps we could actually be happy. Or me. I’m
the only unhappy one in this home, and it will stay that way unless the one person I don’t need in my life comes back.

  Callum.

  “Mother.” Cole approaches from behind me. “Kip’s not returning, is he?” The sadness on his face and in his tone breaks my heart.

  The children have grown to accept Kip as their father figure; there was no preventing it. He has always been good with them and treated them fairly. It’s only me he’s grown tired of. Though, I can’t say I blame him. He knows I have no love for him.

  “I don’t think so, sweet boy.” I squat in front of him and smile. “But I’ll never leave you.”

  It’s been four days since Kip left and I can only speculate, but I have a feeling it has to do with Bayarmaa. Perhaps she’s convinced him not to return, and for that, I could kiss her. Yet, I want to plunge a knife into his chest for abandoning me after promising he never would. We will manage, but my tasks have amplified in his absence.

  A hug is his response, and I hold him until he pulls away. “Can me and Poppy walk the field?”

  “Don’t go too far. Supper will be ready shortly. If I can’t see you, you two will be grounded to the house.”

  “We won’t,” he lies sweetly.

  My sweet boy would die protecting his sister, but he causes a lot of mischief. I can’t trust them not to give me a heart attack in only my late twenties. I watch them out the back as they run for the field, not having a care in the world at the moment. When the time comes to address Kipper’s abandonment, I believe tears will be shed and anger will arise, but I will put that off as long as I can. Perhaps Cole will break it to Poppy and comfort her through whatever grief she’ll feel.

  Adelaide announces she’s awake and I turn for her room, immediately freezing when I take in the man standing at the door.

  Callum.

  Our gazes lock. Hatred and lust roar through me. I knew it. He’s alive. Part of me didn’t want to believe it. For years he left us here with Kipper, tormenting me with this life. Why is he here? Why is he alive? Why couldn’t he ever love me and want to be with me and our children?

  Finally breaking our stare, I move to Adelaide’s room and scoop her up. I kiss her soft head and hold her close. Though she’s a product of Kipper, she’s loved as much as my other two children, and Callum will not take her from me.

  I slowly enter the room; he hasn’t moved from where he was standing five minutes ago.

  “Where’s my queen?” I speak first, a question that is meaningless.

  “Where it belongs. Disposed of. The game is over.” His voice sparks every nerve inside me.

  “And Kipper?” My question is quiet, almost fearing his answer because I’m beginning to doubt Kipper and Bayarmaa ran off together.

  “Where he belongs. Dead.”

  My heart plummets like I’m on a rollercoaster and my breath hitches. Does this feeling mean I felt more for Kip than I realized?

  “Callum, why?” I whisper and move across the room, placing Adelaide in her playpen.

  “He’s been sleeping with the woman he left here with.” He hasn’t moved from his spot, but his eyes are on my baby.

  “So?” I snap. “Don’t you think I know that?”

  “Do you think I care what you know or don’t? Do you think I care you wanted Kipper alive?” Now he’s moving toward me in a fury and I scramble backward, my head hitting the shelf the pawn is sitting on. “Why have you done this?” He has me pinned to the wall and the rise and fall of my chest pushes against his.

  “Done what?” The vibration to my voice makes me clamp my teeth, but as I inhale heavily through my nose, all I can smell is him.

  “This.” He gestures to Adelaide and I slap him without hesitance.

  “Get the hell out!” I roar with a mother’s vehemence unlike anything I thought I possessed. My baby begins to cry and it only fuels my anger more. “Out!” A shove makes him stumble backward.

  “Magdelena!” he shouts my name in warning, grabbing my wrists to stop my attack.

  Adelaide continues to wail in fear and I hate him for scaring her. With a grip he won’t escape without pain, I grab his hair and drag him to the other room where she can’t see us. All the hatred and pain, sadness and love I have for this man is at the surface as I fling him to the ground by his hair. I will not hesitate to kill him with my bare hands if he is here for my children.

  On his ass and put in his place, he stares up at me like I’ve lost my mind. But it’s been long gone, and he was the one to take it.

  “You love him,” he accuses me and I laugh that this is what he’s thinking about.

  “What do you want?” I scathe.

  His eyebrows that sit high on his forehead slowly lower and I take the time while he’s in a daze to study the man I think about daily. This is love. Maybe not to others, but I know with all my heart I love Callum and it will never stop, no matter how deep he hurts me. But I will not stand by idly to let him destroy me more than he has.

  “Why are you here?” I repeat my question, noticing Adelaide has stopped crying.

  “To get back what belongs to me.” Getting to his feet, he straightens his clothes before his hair and I stare on silently. That brooding gaze meets my eyes and instinct makes me take a step back. “You belong to me. They belong to me.” He gestures toward the room Adelaide is in. “You’re all mine. Carbon property. And I want my property back. You weren’t supposed to bring another life into this.” The hatred on his face makes my already racing heart skyrocket.

  “We are not your property,” I tell him quietly, realizing the other children are in the house and that’s why Adelaide is quiet now.

  “You’re the centerpiece to my world,” he claims as he steps toward me.

  “You threw us away.” Tears blur my vision but I refuse to acknowledge them.

  “I did what I had to do until it was safe.”

  “And now? Now it’s safe?” Dubious, I move across the room, holding myself up by the counter. This man has always taken a lot out of me and I’m tired.

  “Yes.” His front pushes against my back and his hands land on either side of mine. “Now it’s safe and I want you back in my world.”

  “You ruined my life,” I say to the counter because I can’t bear to lift my head. I don’t want to see or smell him anymore; this almost feels like a dream I’ll wake up from like I have so many times before.

  “And now I want to put it back together.” His hand slides up my arm slowly, trailing all the way to my throat before he grips it and forces me to lift my head. “My Pleasure,” he breathes in my ear and my entire body shudders. “What do you want to hear, Magdelena? I’m sorry? Because I’m not. I would do it all again if that’s what had to be done. I didn’t kill Kipper for stepping out on you; he was going to die anyway. I didn’t expect to find him here when I arrived two weeks ago. I thought you would have run him off, possibly killed him yourself. I thought I was the only man for you.”

  “Oh please, Callum,” I snicker and all my senses absorb him. That familiar ache fills my belly.

  “Yes,” he whispers, pushing himself against my ass and I clench my jaw, along with my muscles.

  “You’re a horrible excuse of a man.” I don’t mean those words, but Callum is toxic. I can’t accept what he wants because he wants it. He’ll throw me away again and by then, all my sanity will be gone. There will be nothing left of me.

  He chuckles, his hand rubbing a gentle massage against my throat. “That may be true but you tremble for me.” His other hand presses against my lower stomach and I’m pushed fully against him. “What else do you want to hear, Magdelena?”

  “Nothing,” I whisper my response, not trusting my voice not to sound needy. “I want you to leave.”

  “Who will look after you?” The tone of his voice is taunting.

  “No one. I never needed Kip. Or you. He was here because I allowed him to stay.”

  “And me?”

  “What about you?” I snicker.


  “Will you allow me to stay? Will you love me again? Let me in your bed? Between your legs? Inside your body? Fill you with the only seed this perfect body should have?” The hand at my stomach travels achingly slow. “Take me back, Magdelena.”

  Is he actually asking and not taking for once?

  “Allow me to be a husband. We are still married.”

  “Estranged, Callum. By your choice,” I remind him of that little tidbit he seems to have forgotten.

  A deep but quiet chuckle vibrates his chest against my back. “For your protection, My Pleasure. Remember that.”

  My head lulls as his hand against my pelvis heats my entire body, starting at my pussy. It’s like he puts me in a trance and I don’t know how to break the spell.

  “Allow me to be a father,” he whispers and I whimper in response because he can do anything he wants to me, but my children don’t deserve the hurt he’s capable of. They’ve already experienced it once. “I want my family back.”

  “Adelaide is not yours,” I point out because god knows the despicable thoughts he has in his head about my baby. I will never give her up.

  “But she can be. The man that brought her into this world is no longer her father. I will be her father.”

  This feels all too surreal and I discreetly reach over with my left hand to pinch my right. Is this really happening?

  “Callum.” I turn before he cups between my legs, and when we’re face to face, he grabs my arms, holding me in place. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I love you. Isn’t that what you want to hear?” His eyes flick back and forth between mine.

  “No.” My shaking head drops. “I want to hear the truth.”

  The tip of his finger pushes up my chin until I’m looking him in the eyes again. “It’s the truth, Mag.” His gaze flicks down to my lips and his head dips only the slightest, like he’s going to kiss me, but his eyes find mine in question.

  I can’t believe this is Callum, and I’m not sure what to think. He killed the man that’s been fathering my children for the past five years and now he wants to move into that role like this is completely normal. I suppose normality left this family long ago.