Romance Me (Boxed Set)

by Susan Hatler

  “She’s in the auditorium, looking for you. We were both afraid you wouldn’t make it.”

  “I almost didn’t. I’m frazzled and needed that martini you dumped because you can’t walk in heels like a normal person. Let’s find drinks before we find Lia.” She slid between two older women, both drenched in heavy floral perfume and chatting non-stop about which hot young boy-toy they were planning to win.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll get you another,” Chessie said. “I’m just glad you’re here. I got to see Ethan earlier. He seemed bummed that he didn’t get to see you in person before the grand event started.”

  Sadie’s chest squeezed. “It’s been twelve years since we’ve actually seen each other. But we’ve always kept in touch. He forwards me all the stupid joke emails he gets, and we talk on the phone every once in a while.” Although, every time Sadie heard his voice on the other end of the line her mouth would suddenly become stuffed full with cotton balls and her stomach would quiver. “I hope he won’t hate me for convincing him to be part of the auction. These women are absolutely insane over the idea of buying a date with a cute guy,” she added as they reached the bar.

  Chessie waved down a bartender and asked for a couple of Lemon Drops, then said, “Well, I haven’t gone off my rocker over a bunch of useless men. I’m going to buy my own brother tonight. There’s a big leak in my roof and Jack keeps saying he doesn’t have time to help me fix it. So, I figure instead of buying a date I don’t want to go on anyway, I’ll buy myself my brother and get that leak fixed.”

  “I don’t think I’d ever buy my brother,” Sadie said as she licked the sugared rim of her drink the bartender had placed on the bar. “I wouldn’t know what to do with Theo. He’s useless.”

  Chessie chuckled. Without spilling her drink this time, she pulled Sadie along behind her into the crowded and stuffy auditorium. “Theo is just a little hung up on himself. But you’re right—I wouldn’t know what to do with him either. Put him on a pedestal with a mirror in front of him and let him admire himself, maybe.”

  “Pretty birdie, pretty birdie.” Sadie imitated a parrot, bobbing her head up and down, enjoying the sound of Chessie’s throaty laugh.

  “Mick Calhoun said he wanted you to buy him.”

  Ugh. Mick wasn’t a bad guy, but her former almost-boyfriend from high school also wasn’t anyone she ever wanted to repeat their one really bad make-out session with. Nope, she was all about Ethan tonight. “That’s not gonna happen.”

  “Are you planning on bidding on anyone tonight?”

  The crowd shifted, closing in tighter, before Sadie could respond to her friend’s question. She gripped her martini in one hand and her auction paddle in the other in a death hold. Good God, what had she unleashed upon poor little Meadowview? Feeling a light tap on her shoulder, she whirled around.

  And gaped.

  Ethan’s little sister and her other best friend, Lia, stood beside her, her diminutive form wrapped up in an emerald green strapless sheath, her black hair pulled back in an elegant ponytail, her beauty enhanced by raspberry lipstick and smoky eyes. Her formerly mousy looks had been entirely transformed.

  “Oh, Lia,” Sadie breathed. “You look so beautiful.”

  Lia smiled, dimples flashing on either cheek. “Thank you, but you look stunning. Absolutely stunning.”

  “Hardly,” Sadie said while wrapping her friend up in a big hug. “My hair’s starting to frizz and my ass is totally flat, as always.”

  Lia shook her head, a light smile on her lips.

  “Ignore her,” Chessie said, butting in. “She’s gorgeous, and so are you, Lia. The Little Twerps have grown up, haven’t we?”

  Sadie groaned. “Ugh. I hate that name. I don’t think Theo ever called me by my real name until I was in college. My brother’s always been such a brat. I hope some old granny wins him tonight and makes him pick up doggy poo for a month.”

  “That would serve him right,” Chessie commiserated. “Your obnoxious brother keeps claiming he’ll be won by some hot chick and he’ll get free sex.”

  “I’m definitely not bidding on Theo,” Sadie spoke emphatically.

  “I’m not bidding on him, either,” Lia added. “Then again, I’m not bidding on anyone tonight. But Sadie, if you’re not bidding on your brother, you have to bid on Ethan. Remember Liz?”

  Sadie’s stomach clenched. Liz: the bane of her existence in high school. Three years older than Sadie, with perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect butt, and perfectly stuffed bra, Liz had been Ethan’s high school kind-of girlfriend for a while. Whatever the arrangement, Liz had kept all other girls far away from Ethan, including his little sister and her friends.

  Sadie had spent numerous nights hatching one evil plot after another, all geared toward Liz’s ultimate demise. Or at the very least, the full and complete eradication of Liz from Ethan’s life.

  “She’s been telling everyone how she’ll win Ethan tonight, no matter what. You have to save him—remember how ghastly she was in school?” Lia gripped Sadie’s arm.

  Ghastly was an understatement when it came to Liz.

  “Sure, I’ll bid on Ethan.” Sadie hoped she sounded nonchalant, as if she wasn’t craving him, hadn’t spent the last three months arranging this fundraiser just to get the chance to see him again. He’d been so understanding and patient when she’d called with her request. Not eager to be sold off to the highest bidder, he still wanted to support her and the Modern Playwrights Festival. Now he was here, just mere yards away, hidden somewhere behind the red curtain drawn across the stage.

  “I’m sure Ethan will be quite relieved to avoid Liz. I don’t think she ever got over her crush on him.” Lia patted her arm.

  She’s not the only one. Sadie tightened her grip on the auction paddle clenched in her fist, preparing herself for battle. She was getting Ethan tonight.

  ***

  “Think she’ll expect sex?”

  Ethan Sawyer’s head snapped up so fast he felt a neck muscle pull. He’d been zoning out—maybe he’d missed something in his conversation with Theo Courant, his friend for sixteen years, something that could have made this comment actually make sense. “What are you talking about?”

  Theo pulled back the heavy red velvet curtain to reveal a thin sliver of the theater in front of them. He gestured to the throng of women excitedly chatting and squealing with one another. “The girl, the one who wins you tonight—think she’ll expect you to put out?”

  Ethan leaned forward and peered out into the auditorium, which was filled with women and haze coming from the dry ice. The smoky vapor filled the room, giving it an ethereal feel, which clashed with a roar comparable to a pro football game.

  Oh, hell. He was beginning to wonder if he hadn’t made a terrible, horrible, God-awful mistake when he’d told Sadie Courant, Theo’s younger sister, he’d be the headliner for the fundraising bachelor auction she’d been arranging. Ethan always swore he’d be a good friend, but this was a bit much to ask of anyone.

  Now, as he listened to the catcalls and howls from the crowd—amazingly raunchy noises from a bunch of small-town women—he cringed and clung to his glass full of bourbon as if he’d like to shatter the thing. Pure estrogen filled the theater—the only men who’d dared to risk their presence at this function were either the Victorian-costumed volunteers or the group of tuxedo-clad eligible bachelors, stashed away backstage, Ethan included.

  “I love women, love their bodies, their smell, their boobs, but this is scary,” he commented to Theo, who was still peeking through the curtains at the crowd. “The way they scream every time a new victim walks on stage makes me think of some Amazon tribe of women who kept men captive.”

  “No problem here with being tied up as a sex slave.” Theo’s reply was muffled, his face now obscured by the thick folds of velvet.

  The heat felt suffocating, and the fact that Sadie Courant had asked—no, ordered—him to wear a tux didn’t help the situation. He could tell his hair, now affe
cted by the humidity, was starting to form those stupid little curls that annoyed him. Lucky enough to be handed his mother’s Native American thick black hair, his father’s Irish genes fated him with fair skin and hair that went curly every chance it could.

  The stench of nervousness and male armpits rose unappreciated in a dismal cloud around him. Hanging out backstage of the Meadowview Theater did feel good, however, he thought, as yet another wave of nostalgia washed over him. He’d spent his high school years on this stage, acting in plays put on by the Modern Playwrights Festival.

  At age fourteen, he’d got his start in theater at the festival, then starred in several acclaimed roles until he headed off to Harvard, leaving his hometown, painful past, and his little sister Lia behind. Although Harvard and Broadway brought him success, he’d missed the small town with its beautiful forests and winding river, its tightly woven community, and had especially missed his sister.

  At least the excuse of the auction had allowed him a long-overdue visit with Lia. Even when he had switched from acting to directing, his agent had kept him on such a busy schedule he rarely came to Meadowview to see her.

  Staying away had been such a mistake.

  A wave of guilt started to form, then quickly dissipated when one of the bachelors seated in a chair next to him stood up, only to step on Ethan’s foot. The man turned around and gave Ethan a friendly smile. It took Ethan a moment to recognize Mick Calhoun, a Meadowview local, who’d graduated a few years after he had. Hadn’t Mick gone out with Sadie in high school?

  “Dude, sorry about that,” Mick said.

  “It’s fine. I didn’t need that foot, anyway,” Ethan said, forcing a grin. No matter how small he tried to shrink, a six foot, four inch body didn’t easily squeeze out of the way. The backstage area set aside for the thirty bachelors seemed about the size of a dorm room.

  “Hey, you’re Ethan Sawyer,” Mick continued. “Didn’t recognize you at first. That’s nice of you to come back to little old Meadowview from New York for the auction.” Before Ethan could respond, Mick added, “I heard Sadie Courant worked a little magic getting you here. I’m kinda hoping to weave my own bit of magic and end up with her buying me tonight. She’s fucking hot.”

  Hot? Sadie? Funny, sweet, spunky, sassy, intelligent, and gregarious were all words he’d associate with Sadie. Cute, too. Adorable. But hot? Mick must still be holding a candle for her, even after all the years that had passed since Mick and Sadie had gone out. How weird to hold onto the memory of someone for that long—to yearn for someone even after years had passed.

  “Good luck with that,” he said, not sure what else to say.

  “Here,” Mick said, gesturing to the seat he’d just vacated. “Time for me to head to the stage and to my fate.”

  Fate might be a bit strong of a word, Ethan figured. They were in the middle of a bachelor auction—a fundraiser—not some major life-changing event. He took up Mick’s offer and grabbed the chair, swung it around backward, then settled his lanky frame down, one arm wrapped around the chair back like a shield, the other protecting his bourbon from the cluster of other eligible bachelors, Theo included. The man had put the curtain back in place and came to stand next to Ethan.

  “Yep, I might get myself laid tonight,” Theo said, smiling widely.

  “You really think they might expect sex?” Ethan asked. One-night stands were great—he just didn’t think he’d like being bought for one. Besides, he wasn’t a complete and utter horn-dog like Theo. He liked the idea of getting to know a woman before he took her to bed. Sex was always better when there was a personality involved.

  “I’m hoping.”

  “When will you ever be after someone for anything other than sex?” Ethan asked, then paused, thinking. “Although, I suppose I’d rather be bought tonight by someone who wants me for my body than someone who’s hoping I’ll end up on one knee with a ring in my hand. I’d disappoint her either way, but at least I could be clear about the ‘no sex tonight’ thing. It’s the ‘I’ll never get married’ thing women tend to not believe.”

  Theo nudged him with an elbow. “Someday some woman’s going to knock your socks right off and you’ll be standing at the front of the chapel, watching her walk down the aisle in a long white dress, dreaming about a lifetime together and all the babies you two will make.”

  Ethan’s jaw tightened. “Not gonna happen.”

  “Yeah right, just you wait.”

  “Seriously. End of story.” Realizing his voice had taken on a harsh edge, he mimicked Theo and dug an elbow into his friend’s ribs, bringing back the cocky smile to Theo’s face. His decision to remain single had perplexed his friends over the years, but a relationship—being someone else’s other half, having them rely on him, someone sinking her soul into his—just couldn’t happen. Not with him. Hell—his baggage could fill an entire floor in Macy’s.

  Mick’s name was called, and as he stepped out onto stage, he pulled the curtain back a little too far, probably panicked at all the shrieking women. The gap allowed Ethan another look at the horde.

  When he saw the blonde in the far back of the crowd, talking to his sister Lia, it dawned on him that he could be just as much a sex fiend as Theo. This was a woman he could see breaking his no one-night stands rule for.

  It wasn’t just that she was beautiful—the girl seemed to radiate. Even with her features blurred by the dry ice vapor, she stood out in the crowd.

  Good God, did she ever stand out.

  Blood flowed, pulsed, and his breathing grew rough—an instant reaction. The blonde shifted and her long, sleek hair cascaded over her shoulders. A black shimmery dress swirled around her legs and the neckline plunged almost to her belly button, outlining a perfect, long body with gorgeous, deep cleavage. And that face…even through the haze he could see pink cheeks, bright eyes, and a broad, wet smile.

  When she tipped her head back, laughing at something Lia must have said, his gut clenched. This wasn’t just some hot chick. This woman was the stuff of dreams. No, not just dreams, he corrected himself—fantasies—those fantastic dreams you have where you wake up and all you want to do is go back to sleep so you can return to that world.

  Ethan kept his eyes glued to her, willing the blonde to turn around. He wanted her—wanted his mouth on hers, wanted to see her naked, wanted—hell. He wanted to break his “no one night stands” rule for this woman.

  “Theo,” Ethan said, grabbing his friend’s elbow and keeping his eye glued to the bombshell. “Who’s that girl?”

  Theo leaned to the side, trying for Ethan’s viewpoint. From where they stood, the women couldn’t see their faces, but they could see at least most of the crowd. “Which one, buddy? In case you haven’t noticed, half the female population of Meadowview is staring straight at us, dying to strip us and have their wicked way with our eager bodies.”

  “Knock it off,” Ethan said. “It’s the tall blonde, there, talking to my sister.”

  Ethan pointed, but the crowd had shifted, the vapor had grown heavier, and he could no longer see his fantasy woman. He swept his view across the crowd, praying to the God of Eligible Bachelors to reveal her again. But an annoying volunteer grabbed Theo and pulled him back and the curtain closed, blocking any possibility.

  Disappointed, he sunk back into his seat, sweeping a hand across the side of his head, stopping to twirl a black curl with his fingers. There had been an auction paddle in her hand, right? Was she here for someone else, or would she bid on him?

  If the God of Eligible Bachelors was going to offer him a one-night stand, he hoped to the High Almighty it would be with her.

  Chapter Two

  Ethan never did like the roar of the crowd. What drew him to the stage had been the chance to escape into someone else’s life, someone else’s problems and successes. When he was in character, he didn’t have to be himself. He could let go of everything that clung to him. But the public accolades, the lack of anonymity, the occasional harassing fans, these were
all things he’d willingly left behind when he’d quit the stage for directing.

  Now here he sat, a former star of Broadway, one of New York’s up-and-coming directors, known as a perpetual recluse, waiting his turn to prance on stage in front of a throng of horny women, all hoping for a chance at “The Big One,” as he’d been touted on the auction advertisement. The Big One was the name of the musical he was currently directing—coincidently, it was the nickname given to him by his one-time girlfriend, Liz. Not that she’d ever seen his package, but hey, he couldn’t say he didn’t like the rumors that had gone around Meadowview High.

  The look Liz shot him earlier tonight when she’d snuck backstage to give him a “welcome back to town” kiss seemed to indicate she wanted more than just a date with Ethan Sawyer.

  A shudder ran through Ethan. It wasn’t that Liz was a terrible person—the opposite, really. It was just that she was way too determined for his taste. Liz was gorgeous, he’d give her that, but he wanted a date with the blonde.

  Ethan snuck his way back into the end of the line, thankful there were only a few men left, Theo being one of them. The sooner the auction was over, the better.

  “Mr. Sawyer, sir.” A young, female voice came from behind.

  He turned to see one of the backstage volunteers bending over him, cleavage in abundance.

  “Just want to make sure you know—we have five more men to go before you—you’re the showstopper.”

  “Thanks for the update,” he replied. He couldn’t remember her name, something like Peach or Nectar or Alfalfa, one of those names created by parents that had no clue they’d embarrass their kids. When Ethan had met her moments before, she’d expounded on how she’d been a giganticus fan of his. He’d listened patiently, but without focus. Like a missile with a homing device, his mind kept returning to the blonde. Even if she didn’t win him, he’d find a way to get her number. When he did come back to Meadowview to make good on his auction date, he’d ensure he had plenty of time to take the blonde out, too.