Robin Alexander - The Secret of St. Claire

by Robin Alexander

  “Go now, I’ll tell her you had to leave. She can’t see you like this. She’ll know, and I think that’ll upset her.”

  “She won’t believe whatever you tell her.” Nicole looked uncertain.

  “No, she won’t. Maybe she’ll…” Rose let the sentence drop. “In her own time.”

  Nicole kissed Rose on the cheek and moved swiftly out the door.

  *******

  Lindsay stood on the landing with her hands cupped over her mouth. She moved slowly backward to the darkness of her bedroom when she heard the front door close.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lindsay sank down onto her bed in shock. She knew, her mind screamed so loudly, she thought she heard it audibly in the silent room. Her first impulse was to be angry. How much easier would it have been if her mother would’ve just made that admission a long time ago? But if she had anyone to be angry with, it was herself. It was her secret to tell, and she’d withheld it. And then another realization hit. Had she disclosed her true nature to Rose, she might’ve felt free to at least date, then…she might’ve never met Nicole.

  You love her, don’t you. Her mother’s words had stolen her breath away, but when she saw Nicole nod, Lindsay had nearly lost the ability to stand. She wasn’t mentally ready to have this conversation with her mother, but she wasn’t willing to force Nicole to keep a secret that would make things tense for them all.

  Lindsay wiped her face and headed downstairs.

  “Nicole had to leave, honey,” Rose said without looking up as she wrapped the remainder of the pie in plastic.

  “I know why she left.” Lindsay’s voice sounded small and uncertain.

  Rose slowly met her eye and gestured to the kitchen table. “Sit down, love.”

  Lindsay did as she was asked. At first, she folded her arms on the table, then she put them in her lap. She was about to start popping her knuckles, something she never did, when Rose reached over and touched her arm. Lindsay couldn’t meet her eye. “I’m a grown woman and still I can’t…” Lindsay put the heels of her hands to her eyes to keep the tears from falling.

  “Could I possibly love you any less?”

  Lindsay’s words were choked with emotion as she said, “I didn’t want you to be embarrassed.”

  “I’m not,” Rose said resolutely. “My God, I’ve done everything but duct tape you and Nicole together.” She tugged at one of Lindsay’s arms until she was forced to look at her. “Do you honestly think I give a rip what people think over the feelings of my own daughter? Can you sit here and tell me that you’d put that above your own flesh and blood if the roles were reversed?” Rose looked indignant. “If the answer to that is yes, then I’ve done a poor job raising you.”

  “How did you know?”

  Rose’s face colored slightly. “You and I have always been so close, I guessed I just sensed it. I should’ve said something to you before you married Mike, but I wasn’t completely sure. Then the light went out in your eyes, and I watched you day by day pretend to be happy. It broke my heart.” Rose wiped away a tear that had formed in the corner of her eye. “After you and Mike divorced and you moved in with me before you bought this house, I was putting up laundry in your room. I found that movie with the two guys and two girls on the cover in your drawer.” Rose shook her head. “I must’ve watched it three times that day.” She scrubbed at another tear. “I understood then, and I should’ve talked to you. I tried a couple of times, but when I saw how uncomfortable it made you, I let it drop.”

  Lindsay wiped her face on her sleeve. “I’ve been in denial for a long time.”

  Rose cupped her face and smiled when she looked into Lindsay’s eyes. “I love you. You handle this thing with Nicole how you feel you need to, and I will be right by your side.”

  Lindsay wanted to crawl into her lap as she did as a child. Instead, she hugged her mother tight and whispered how much she loved her, too. They both jumped when they heard a knock on the front door. “I have a feeling I know who that is,” Rose said with a smile. “Wash your face, and I’ll let her in.”

  “I can’t do this!” Nicole whispered so loudly when Rose opened the door that Lindsay heard her in the kitchen. “I’ve been riding around in circles, and I know there’s no way I can keep this promise.”

  Rose grabbed Nicole by the arm and pulled her in the house.

  “I’m such a coward,” Nicole continued to whisper as Rose dragged her through the living room. “I can’t leave her alone. When you tell her I left, she’s gonna know and—” Nicole fell silent when Lindsay appeared in the kitchen doorway.

  “We all know now, hon. You can calm down.” Rose gave Nicole a gentle shove in Lindsay’s direction.

  “I freaked and I ran.” Nicole approached Lindsay. “I won’t ever do that again. That’s a promise I know I can keep.”

  Lindsay threw her arms around Nicole’s neck and held her tight.

  “Well,” Rose said with a sigh. “If you two will clear the doorway, I can go home and collapse.”

  Lindsay released Nicole and hugged Rose. “Thanks, Mom,” she said with a kiss.

  Rose accepted a bear hug from Nicole, then glided toward the back door. She turned and put her hand on the door frame and watched as Nicole and Lindsay embraced again. “Good night, girls,” she said with a smile and left.

  Chapter Twenty

  There was a lot that needed to be said, but words were made to wait as Lindsay and Nicole made love that night quietly behind a closed bedroom door. It was Nicole’s idea to leave the bed an hour or two before sunrise and take the couch. They’d not discussed how they’d handle the situation with Alexis, but both agreed it was best for her not to find them entwined in bed together.

  Nicole felt Peepers jump up on her feet. She opened one eye to find Alexis staring at her curiously. “Why are you on the couch?”

  “Your mom and I stayed up late last night.” Nicole propped herself up on her elbow. “Wow, you’ve got one big shiner there.”

  Alexis touched the skin beneath her eye. “It’s really black, isn’t it?”

  “Does it hurt?”

  Alexis shook her head. “Not really. My lip does, though. The toothpaste burned it bad this morning.”

  Nicole looked down at the jeans and small LSU jersey. “Did you dress yourself?”

  “Mom’s still asleep.”

  Nicole looked at the clock—it was just after five. “Oh, honey, we don’t have to get up for at least another hour.”

  Alexis looked longingly at the blanket covering Nicole. “Can I get in?”

  Nicole rolled over on her side and lifted it up. “Sure you can.”

  Alexis snuggled up against Nicole’s warm body and settled her head on the pillow. “My hand hurts. I think I cut my finger on Billy’s teeth.”

  Nicole grinned. “Let me see it.” In the dim light coming from the stove in the kitchen, Nicole could make out a small scrape. She kissed it lightly. “Will that hold until we can put a Band-Aid on it?”

  “Yeth, ma’am, thank you.”

  Nicole wrapped her arm around Alexis and closed her eyes.

  *******

  Lindsay awoke with a start. She’d forgotten to set the alarm, and they’d overslept by an hour. She calmed a bit when she remembered that Alexis wouldn’t be going to school that day, but she still had to go to work and so did Nicole. After brushing her teeth and going to the bathroom, she went to wake Alexis and found her bed empty. Lindsay grinned as she descended the stairs and saw two heads nestled together on the couch. She stood over them, watching them sleep soundly. Gently, she stroked Nicole’s hair until one blue eye opened and peered up at her. Peepers, ready for breakfast, bounded over both of them and began to yowl, waking Alexis.

  “Mom is going to beat us all because she’s going to have to open the store alone this morning.” Lindsay took a closer look at Alexis’s injuries and grimaced. “You look rough, kiddo.”

  Alexis sprang up. “I feel good, though. Can I still go to work wit
h Mith Nicole?”

  Lindsay grinned at Nicole. “Yes, you can. I see you’re already dressed, so go upstairs and brush your teeth and hair.”

  Alexis raced up the stairs, leaving the two alone. Lindsay took a seat next to Nicole and kissed her quickly. “I missed you this morning.”

  Nicole smiled back sleepily. “I missed you, too, but your miniature blast furnace kept me nice and warm.”

  “I’m going to make bacon, eggs, and toast. Is that okay with you?”

  “Do you have any idea how sweet that sounds coming from your mouth?” Nicole draped an arm around Lindsay’s waist.

  “That I’m making your breakfast or that you’re here for breakfast?”

  Nicole grinned. “Both. I need to learn how to cook, so I can offer the same.”

  Lindsay stood and pulled Nicole up with her. “I’ll teach you to cook, and you can teach me how to catch a cotton ball.”

  “Oh, you’re on, baby. I’m a master of cotton ball fishing.”

  *******

  “You be careful with my baby in that sports car of yours,” Lindsay warned as she followed Nicole and Alexis down the steps of the front porch.

  Nicole tossed her keys in the air and caught them. “I’m gonna let her drive.”

  Alexis pumped her fist and said, “yeth,” then grabbed her lip. “Ouch.”

  Lindsay had to catch her by the sleeve to get a kiss. “I love you, monkey. You behave today and mind Ms. Nicole.”

  “I will, I promise.” Alexis ran over to the red sports car and waited for Nicole to pop the lock.

  Lindsay stood directly behind Nicole so Alexis couldn’t see. She gave her an air kiss that was returned. “Does that thing have a backseat?”

  “Small, but yes.”

  “That’s where she rides.”

  Nicole narrowed her eyes. “I’ve got nieces and nephews, you know. This isn’t my first time around the block.”

  “Two of the people that matter to me the most are going around the block together. Be safe and come back to me in one piece.”

  “You do the same. We’re going to miss you.”

  Lindsay sighed. “I wish I could kiss you right now, but I’ll have to settle for telling you that I can’t wait to see you again.”

  *******

  Nicole drove slowly, knowing that Lindsay was watching her precious cargo pull away. “When we get to the office, I’m going to see if I have any early appointments. If I don’t, I’ll take a quick shower and you can entertain Bieber and Bounce, unless you’d like to sit with Ms. Deana.”

  “Oh, I definitely want to see the kittens.”

  Nicole looked in the rearview. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

  “When will we eat lunch?”

  Nicole glanced back into the mirror. “You’re hungry already?”

  Alexis nodded enthusiastically. “Uh-huh. Mom said it’s ’cause I’m growing.”

  “I’ve got some Pop-Tarts and milk. Will that do?”

  “What flavor?”

  Nicole wheeled the car into her garage. “Strawberry, I think.”

  “Yummy.” Alexis bounded out of the car when Nicole moved the seat. “Do you have a Coke machine in your office?”

  Nicole laughed as she opened the kitchen door and waited for Alexis to enter. “No, it makes the dogs and cats too hyper.” Her words were lost on Alexis as she dove on the kitchen floor and coaxed the wary kittens toward her. Nicole picked up the phone and dialed the office; Deana answered on the first ring. “I’m running very late today. Do I have anyone waiting?”

  “No, but Mr. Claymore will be here in thirty minutes with Duke for a checkup and shots.”

  “Hmm, Duke sounds like a big dog name.”

  Deana chuckled. “Teacup poodle. Duke is short for Duke of St. Claire,” Deana said, imitating a British accent.

  “I’m going to take a quick shower then. I can’t be funky when I meet royalty. I’ll see you soon.” Nicole grabbed the Pop-Tarts and poured Alexis a glass of milk. “If you sit in this chair, you can see the TV from the kitchen table. What would you like to watch while I bathe?”

  “Cartoons.”

  Nicole went into the living room and grabbed the remote. “What channel?”

  “Thirty-three.” Ugly and crudely drawn cartoon characters filled the screen. “That’s it,” Alexis called from the kitchen.

  “They sure don’t make them like Bugs Bunny and Scooby-Doo anymore,” Nicole said with a frown. “Okay, I’ll be right out. Yell if you need me.”

  “Yeth, ma’am.”

  Nicole broke personal bathing records, but there was no time to do anything with her hair. She towel-dried it as best she could and dressed. At the last minute, she brushed and put it up in a ponytail. When she walked back into the kitchen, Alexis smiled up at her with a milk mustache. “You look like me.” She pointed to her hair.

  “I wanted to be as cool as you are. Need more milk?”

  “No, ma’am.” Alexis hopped out of the chair and put her glass in the sink while Nicole wiped the mountain of crumbs from the table.

  They strolled in the back door of the office just as Mr. Claymore came in the front. Nicole and Alexis walked into the reception area as Deana greeted their first patient of the day. Mr. Claymore whistled when he got a look at Alexis’s face. “I sure hope the other gal looks as bad as you do.”

  Alexis grinned as much as her split lip would allow. “No, sir, he looks worse.”

  Deana covered her mouth and looked away.

  “My assistant and I are going into the back to get set up. Deana, if you’ll bring Mr. Claymore on around, we’ll have a look at Duke.” Nicole led Alexis to the first exam room and sat her on a stool in the corner. “You just sit back here and watch, okay?”

  “Ith he gonna get a shot?” Alexis asked wide-eyed.

  “Yes, sweetie, he is. Will that make you squeamish?”

  “Not if they’re not going into my butt.”

  Nicole clamped a hand over her mouth after releasing a cackle laugh. “You know, honey, it might be a good idea if you don’t talk to me while I’m examining Duke.” Nicole touched the tip of Alexis’s nose with her finger. “You make me laugh too much, and I might put the shot in his ear instead.”

  *******

  Across town, Lindsay was begging her mother to stop talking. Rose had had plenty of time over the years to reconcile herself with Lindsay’s sexuality, and now that it was out of the bag, she felt free to discuss whatever came to mind.

  “Do you suppose you and Nicole will have a child together?” Rose closed the door to Lindsay’s office, effectively trapping her.

  “Mom.” Lindsay rubbed her brow. “You do realize that Nicole is also a woman.”

  “Yes, of that I’m fairly certain.” Rose looked down at her nails. “Lesbian couples have babies all the time.”

  “We just got together. We haven’t even had a chance to discuss anything like that.” Lindsay spun around in her chair and stared at her computer screen.

  “I know, I know.” Rose sighed. “Another baby in the house would be wonderful, though, don’t you think?” She went on without a response. “You took forever to conceive, I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to have a grandbaby. This time, Nicole could carry the child, and you having already had the experience can be so much more supportive.”

  Lindsay buried her face in her hands. She had expected Rose to cry or maybe even shout when she learned the truth about her only daughter, but this…was far worse. “Don’t bring it up to her. This is something we should discuss when the time is right.”

  Rose sighed again. “You know, gay marriage—”

  “Oh, my God!” Lindsay whirled around in her chair. “We’ve only just begun dating.”

  Rose waved a finger. “You’re already sleeping together. That much was obvious when I caught you in the kitchen Sunday morning. You looked like you spent the night in the washing machine on the spin cycle.” She went on undaunted when Lindsay’s face flus
hed deep red and her mouth dropped open. “I’ve been reading a lot over the years, and lesbians tend to move very quickly in their relationships.” She held up her hands as though her logic made perfect sense. “So you see? These questions are completely valid.”

  “Have you been checking out books on this topic at the St. Claire library?” Lindsay asked, aghast.

  Rose put a hand on her hip and shook a finger. “Your mother, the old crone, knows how to use the Interwebs,” Rose said indignantly. “I know all about the U-Haul syndrome.”

  “Mom, Alexis doesn’t even know. Can we deal with that first, then look at the rest further down the road?”

  “I thought about that all night,” Rose said seriously. “I lost sleep over it. She adores Nicole, but this is still going to be hard for her to understand.”

  “I have mixed emotions on that. On one side, she’s so young and just so open to everything that I don’t think it would be a big deal. But on the other hand…” Amanda Stanton’s misery the day before weighed heavily on Lindsay’s heart. “Do you think Billy Meyers came up with what he said yesterday on his own?”

  “No. More than likely, he heard his mother make the comment.” Rose toyed with the small gold cross on her necklace. “He probably didn’t really understand what he was saying.”

  “Can you imagine what he and other children will say to Alexis about me?” Lindsay’s pulse began to pound as vile chants played through her mind. Your mother’s a fag, she’s going to hell. Your mother’s a queer and so are you.

  Rose was quiet for the first time that day.

  “Nicole is very understanding when it comes to Alexis.” Lindsay shrugged. “She’s understanding about everything, but we’re not going to be able to maintain a relationship and keep it hidden forever. People are going to start to talk even if they haven’t already.”

  “Moving away is on your mind, isn’t it?” Rose met Lindsay’s gaze. “I meant what I said before when we talked about this.”

  “I have been thinking about it.” Lindsay’s heart broke when she saw the resignation on her mother’s face. “It’s not an option.” She smiled sadly. “Until last night, I thought it was something I’d eventually be forced to do. Regardless of where I live, Alexis is going to be faced with who I am, and I have lived in this town all my life. It’s my home and hers. I’m not willing to leave you, nor will I ask Nicole to pull up the roots she’s put down,” she said resolutely. “I just don’t know the best way to handle this yet, but I’ll figure it out.”