Exchange Rate

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  “Keeping Bodey protected from the truth hasn’t worked out so well, huh, John?” My smile was tired as I raised my eyes. How was I not bawling my eyes out? Everything hurt inside me, even my heart. How could I have left my husband out of everything? And yet, how could I not try to protect him? Bodey wasn’t the best liar and his happiness might be suspected at work.

  “You two better start talking.” Bodey wrapped his arm around my waist, but held me so he could see my face and his dad’s. His tone firmly centered me in the situation, the facts. I didn’t want to face them.

  I looked at John. “This isn’t something we can hide forever, John. What do you want us to do?”

  “Well, I looked into your friend and her husband’s disappearance and...” John hung his head, hands shaking. “They’re dead.”

  I gasped. “What?” But I’d suspected as much, hadn’t I? At least Roger. But Cammie? What had she done? Cared too much?

  “Roger was replaced by Shane and Cammie tried interfering, so Rowan had her killed too.” His lips tightened and he fell silent for a moment.

  Bodey’s gaze volleyed between us. “What do you mean, someone was killed? What is going on? Was this inside the compound?” A distinct sheen of perspiration appeared on his forehead and upper lip.

  John nodded. “Yes, here. I understand the pregnancy isn’t something you can hide forever, but you need to try as long as you can. There’s unease with everyone because of what Rowan is doing, but no one is willing to fight him on it because they don’t want to go without.” He waved his hand to indicate the bunker and everything in it.

  “Dad, there’s right and wrong. Rowan is killing people? People can’t stand by and allow that.” Bodey’s breathing hitched.

  “Actually, Bodey, they can. Rowan keeps them oblivious to the details. As long as their lives aren’t disrupted, so many accept it. They trade following the rules and doing what’s expected to keep their spots in here. It’s sick.” John shrugged. “But I understand it. Look at what we’ve put up with so we don’t have to be cold or hungry again.”

  I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t say anything. Complacency. My dad had once said it was the key to successful tyranny. If no one stood up for the underdogs in the beginning, there would be no one left at the end.

  Had we reached the end? Had worst become our livelihood?

  “I don’t understand. Are you saying Rowan will kill Kelly or me?” Bodey blinked rapidly, like he couldn’t process the information bombarding him.

  “Look, have you noticed there aren’t any children here? They don’t have a value. Rowan is looking for a larger encampment when he takes the cars out, but until that time, he’s so strict on the two-hundred people who can work, he can’t see anything else. He thinks he’s doing the right thing, saving so many people.” John kept his voice down.

  Bodey glanced between us. “But Rowan brings new people in any time they show up at the gate.”

  John nodded slowly. “Yes, and every time he brings a person in, another person dies.”

  Horror widened Bodey’s eyes. “I don’t understand. How can that be okay?”

  A chill coursed over my body. I didn’t understand how we’d jumped from fine to worst so soon. I glanced between John and Bodey. “Why haven’t we left yet? Why aren’t we leaving?”

  “Because I can’t find a way out.” John spoke harshly, but his frustration wasn’t with me or Bodey. “Because... they won’t let us. I’ve looked for escapes. There’s no back door and the only time I’ve seen anyone leaving and returning are the times when Rowan takes the cars out and when you and Cammie have gone outside the gates to get your herbs.”

  “I haven’t been able to do that since the snows started. Maybe again in the spring.” Only two months away. Eight weeks in the community seemed like a personal imprisonment. “Could we try to go that route?”

  “How? We’re not on the same shifts and there’s no reason I would be with you. Bodey, maybe, but why would a mechanic need to go pick flowers?” John shook his head, rubbing his knuckles.

  So I could get out, but not with my family. Not with my husband or his dad who I considered a father? Then what was the point? Why leave?

  Chapter 17

  Pulling out my log book at the clinic, I sighed, the sound echoing in the empty room. Or what I thought was empty.

  Rowan drew a stool from the end of the counter and sat down.

  I jumped. “Rowan, hello.” Moving to put the piled supplies between us, I smiled politely. What else was I going to do? Accuse him of killing people – like Cammie – and attack him like I wanted to?

  “Kelly.” He nodded, glancing around the clinic. “Looks good in here. Great job taking it on all by yourself. That can’t be easy for someone your age.”

  My age. There it was again. As if I couldn’t do anything adult at my age. “Thank you. Yeah, I can’t figure out where Cammie went. Do you know?” Of course he knew, he knew everything that went on at Freedom Pass.

  He shrugged, removing his jacket. “She requested a transfer. It was the least I could do, considering all the things she’d done for us, here.” He smiled sweetly. “Don’t you want to know why I’m here?”

  No. “Of course, I’m sorry.” Had he come about the baby? What if he was there to tell me something had happened to Bodey or John? I honestly didn’t want to know right then. No matter what it was, I just wanted to shove something in his mouth so he couldn’t speak anymore. Like a knife. Okay, a gag would work just as well, but I really wanted to use a sharp item.

  “I can’t seem to get the bleeding to stop. Can you help me?” He rolled up his sleeve, pulling off a red-spotted gauze square from the rounded part of his forearm near the elbow.

  I didn’t blink, just washed my hands with harsh lye soap. Moving toward him, I stopped at the portable stock shelves and grabbed a bottle of Clot-It.

  Avoiding his gaze, I pulled the gauze from his fingers and tossed it into the incinerator pile. With a cotton ball, I applied the liquid and almost immediately his bleeding stopped. Part of me wished I’d placed something venomous on the ball – something that would kill him. But that wasn’t in me. Not right then. I was too tired. Too shell-shocked.

  As I wiped at the blood-stained skin around his cut, he thrummed his fingers on the table. “So, how are you feeling? Better I hope.”

  “I’m fine, why?” I tossed the cotton ball into the same burn bin, swallowing against my suddenly tight throat.

  He hissed when I thudded iodine on the cut. “I heard from some of the other women you were throwing up a while back. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I know it’s been a while, but sometimes flus and things need some time to recover from.” He studied me, as if he knew something wasn’t right, but couldn’t narrow down what.

  Or maybe pregnancies came with paranoia – because no way could he suspect anything. I wasn’t showing except for the smallest bump at my waist and my breasts were bigger. Thanks to Cammie’s herbal knowledge, I didn’t have any major symptoms to tip him off. I just needed to breathe, relax, act normal and not throttle him.

  “Oh, yeah, thanks. I hadn’t been sleeping very well and then Cammie had me try a really bitter herb. I’m fine now, thanks.” I slipped a band aid over the wound and picked up the debris. “Okay, you’re all set. Be careful around anything sharp.” I would love to shove anything sharp into his chest. I smiled tightly.

  Rowan leaned into me, charging my space like he owned me. “Ethan asks about you all the time, Kelly. He wants to see you more and wants you back with him in inventory. Won’t you reconsider? I can have you placed there this afternoon.”

  I glanced quickly at his eager features. “No. He shouldn’t have slapped me or talked to me the way he did. We could’ve been friends, but he had to demand more like a spoiled brat. You can tell him I’m not interested. I’m fine here in the clinic. Thank you.” I moved to stand beside the door, holding it open for him, ignoring the strong brisk wind blowing past my legs, sending g
oose bumps up past my elbows.

  “So, no hope? Nothing he or I can do to change your mind?” Rowan stood, rolling his sleeve down and pulling on his jacket.

  “None.” I didn’t lower my gaze. He wouldn’t intimidate me. If he wanted to kill me, then be done with it. “He didn’t even say he was sorry. That’s a sign of a true coward.”

  He clenched his jaw.

  I’d reached my point of caring and didn’t have any more to give. As he moved past me, I reached out and stopped him. “Why don’t people leave here?”

  He glanced at my hand on his arm and then narrowed his gaze at me. “Would you want to? There is nothing out there for people. They’re safe here. Don’t you think?”

  I nodded, but didn’t say anything else as he left.

  Sure, people were safe there, but for how long?

  Chapter 18

  Our bunker wasn’t far from the clinic and that was the extent of my traveling. For sixty days I rose in the morning, showered briefly, walked to the clinic, did my work, and returned at the end of the day. A self-made prison to protect me from Shane and the forced assignations of Ethan.

  On day sixty-one, according to my chart, I pulled on my pants and the button popped off. My stomach had stretched but over-sized shirts and hoodies had helped hide the extended waists of my pants.

  I leaned my head on the wall. What was I going to do if my clothes couldn’t contain me? Maybe Bodey’s would fit. I crossed to his drawers, careful to open them silently. A pair of overalls in the back reminded me of my brother’s denim overalls when he was smaller. I pulled them out and slipped them on, mindful of the ever present sadness that threatened to drown me every second of the day.

  The soft material and loose waist allowed me to relax. I sighed. I hadn’t been in anything unrestrictive since we’d arrived. Tears, dang ever-present tears, warmed my eyes and cheeks. My shoulders sagged. I was so tired. So tired.

  I hadn’t seen Shane. Maybe he’d been killed, maybe he’d left, maybe he’d forgotten about me. But there hadn’t been any new people and things were pretty uneventful as the compound waited for the snow to melt and the gardens with fresh food to waken up.

  If I had to eat one more stewed tomato, I might die.

  The overalls didn’t hide my belly bump unless I covered it with a sweatshirt. The warmer days were starting to get too warm for anyone to get away with wearing more layers than necessary. I wouldn’t be able to hide the baby for much longer. And John hadn’t found any way out of our hell either.

  I glanced at Bodey asleep on the bed behind me. His blond hair tousled to the side and his eyelashes deepened the appearance of the ever-present shadows under his eyes. My heart hurt when I couldn’t be with him, couldn’t talk to him like I wanted to. Rowan pushed him so hard. He didn’t get breaks like the other guys did and it had to be because of me and the way I’d treated Rowan in the clinic.

  My actions and regrets piled around me, making it next to impossible to maneuver in the small world I’d moved into.

  The clinic’s supply was short on dried ginger and mint. The pre-dawn hour allowed me to head into the forest to pick more, so I’d gotten up early that morning to go out to the forest clearing before my shift.

  I yawned, pulling my hair back into a tight bun. Cutting it wasn’t an option. Bodey wrapped it around his hand when he climbed into bed in the morning and we were connected for a short time with that simple act. Leaning down, I brushed my lips lightly across his forehead. He didn’t stir since I kissed him every morning before leaving.

  A basket with a long handle waited for me on the table. I’d placed it there the night before, anticipating I would need something to hold my finds. If I could locate anything. Cammie hadn’t exactly left me a field guide on what I could and couldn’t use. I faintly remembered the ginger root and mint she’d taken me to get every time.

  The air was strangely still. Even birds didn’t whistle. Such a beautiful spring morning with the sun rising over the dark shadowy trees on the mountains and there were no sounds.

  With the handle of the basket tucked into my elbow, I crossed my arms around my waist and huddled into the soft folds of the sweatshirt. The spring air worked to break the warm barrier. But, oh wow, the overalls were so comfortable.

  So early, I didn’t see the point in hiding from people. Shane wouldn’t be up so early and neither would Ethan. I chuckled to myself. Of course Ethan wouldn’t. He was usually sleeping in a chair when I arrived at inventory those few months ago.

  I lifted my face and breathed the soft air. Approaching the layering of fences, I refused to show my nervousness. They’d let me out. They had to.

  A guard in a green vest leaned down from the tower, holding his finger up as if to say hold on. I nodded, coming to a standstill.

  Another man showed up from the bottom of the opposite tower. He jogged to reach me. “Hey, what do you need?”

  I pointed toward the forest. “I’m from the medical clinic. I need to check and see if there’s any wild ginger or mint yet. I’m short in my stores and I need some.” My nausea hadn’t gone away and if I didn’t have some tea around ten o’clock, I found myself throwing up in the clinic. I’d hesitate to tell anyone the reason our stock of the natural remedies was almost gone was because of me. No one needed the details.

  “I’ll come with you. You don’t want to be out there by yourself.” He smiled and waved his hand at the other tower guy.

  Another man stepped from the base of the tower. “It’s okay, Ben. I’ll take her.”

  His voice. I froze. How had I gone so long without seeing him and then the one day I needed to leave the safety of the walls, there he was? Where was my grace?

  Instinctively I reached for my stomach. My stiff smile didn’t bend even as he approached, waving off the clearly disappointed guardsman. “Thank you, but I really don’t need a guard. I don’t even leave the view of the towers.” I clenched my fingers around the wicker handle. What was I going to do? I wanted to scream. To run.

  But I held my ground.

  He closed the distance between us, a finger pressed to his lips. “Shhh. Relax, Kelly. Let me hold your basket for you. I’m not going to hurt you. Not in front of all these men. And not when you’re expected at the clinic in an hour.”

  His smile pierced me and a wave of nausea roiled upwards. But I fought it off. I had to keep my control. I had to hold my breath. I had to do this.

  I didn’t say anything, I didn’t comment, just passed him my basket, careful to keep my shoulders hunched forward to hide the baby bump as much as possible. “Why do you want to hurt me so bad? Charlie wasn’t anyone special to you.” I stepped forward as the gates opened to let us out into the woods. Then I realized I didn’t need to go out there as badly as I wanted. Even if I was completely out of ginger or mint, I would rather throw up all day long than go. I didn’t need to leave the walls. Not right then. Not with Shane.

  Definitely not with Shane.

  I stopped, turning to face him with my arms loosely crossed over my baby. Mine and Bodey’s baby.

  His sickening smile brightened. “Charlie was my brother. And you’re going to pay. He told me about your mom, used to obsess about her before taking her at the camp. Then you took her. So he wanted you.” Shane stepped closer to me, reaching out and fingering a stray strand of hair beside my cheek. “His constant talk about you made me want you, too. And before this is over, I’m going to have you.”

  A shiver of fear spiraled through me. “Then why were you with that other guy? Why’d you have to kidnap my mom? You brought this all on yourself.” Brave words from a desperate girl. My heart beat quickened and my breathing shallowed. Forget about perspiring, I was sweating bowlfuls.

  “We needed women to trade. Charlie had this idea we needed more than just stuff to trade. Women would be the most sought after commodity and he was right. That other guy was just another dude working for Charlie and me. He died, by the way, thanks to your shot.” He touched his forehead wi
th his forefinger, like a jerky salute.

  “You know how sick that is, right?” I turned and waved at the tower guard and called out. “Thanks, guys, but I forgot something at the clinic. I’ll go another time.” The guard nodded and the gate immediately in front of me closed. I turned back to Shane. “I’m not going anywhere with you. At least here you can’t touch me.”

  His chuckle chilled me. “Why? Because Rowan’s boy wants you? That doesn’t worry me, little girl. You’re so cold to him. He’ll lose interest as soon as one of these other chicks after him gets his attention. You’re forgettable. As soon as he moves his attention, you’re mine.” He narrowed his eyes, licking his lips.

  “If I’m forgettable, then why haven’t you moved on?” Where was my brazenness coming from? I wanted to throw up. “Excuse me, I’m going to the clinic. I don’t feel well.”

  “Oh yeah, is that because of the baby?” He watched me, not deviating from his stare.

  I caught my breath. “What baby?” What was going on? How did he...

  He stepped close, pushing his torso toward me. “I was the one who killed that sniveling woman and her husband. I wanted information though, too. So I worked on her until she gave me something. Apparently, you’re pregnant. And Rowan doesn’t know.” He lowered his gaze to my bump. His smirk burned like acid. “If you play your cards right, maybe you can convince me to keep the secret.”

  Gathering saliva in my mouth, I jerked my head back and spit as much as I could in his face.

  Shane didn’t pull back or even react beyond wiping his hand down his face. His tight voice told me I got to him though. “My bet is you don’t even know how much I watch you. How much you’re mine. I’m going to get revenge, Kelly. It’s only a matter of time.” He rubbed at a scar along his hairline, the same spot Bodey had hit him over the head with the gardening tool. “Do you remember your friends at the cabin? The ones you had blown up?”

  I nodded, slow, unsure where he was going with his questions.

  “It didn’t take long to torture information from them. We dropped their bodies just past the end of their porch. I’m surprised you missed it as you ran like cowards from the flames.” He licked his lips and reached out to touch my stomach. “I wouldn’t mind experimenting with you and the baby.”