by David Weaver
Immediately Jawan jerked his arm away from Meesie. “What fuckin’ secret? Huh? What motherfucking secret? You against me too? Is everyone in the fuckin’ world against me? What the fuck is the secret!” He yelled as he twirled the gun from his uncle to Meesie and back to his uncle. “Tell me the secret motherfuckers!”
His uncle continued to smile as if it was the funniest thing in the world. “Yea, tell Jawan’s lovey dovey ass the secret Meesie! Don’t be scared!”
“I have no secret Jawan!” Meesie said aggressively as she approached Jawan. “You have to trust me baby! He’s trying to break us up, and has been trying it since he tried to fuck me a couple of years ago! He always-”
“Wait! Wait! How come I’m just now finding out about all of this? Why are you just now telling me?” Jawan screamed.
“Because you thought highly of him, and I didn’t want you to be disappointed, Jawan! I’m so sorry, but I have never trusted your uncle, and now you see why!”
Jawan turned around and stared at his uncle. He shook his head, and lowered the gun. He grabbed Meesie’s arm and pulled her. “Come on, let’s go baby.”
It took all of Jawan’s willpower to not blow his uncle’s brains out for everything he had said and done. As much as he wanted to fight for equality and black power, it always seemed like it was his own kind who did his race the most injustice. It was black people selling the crack to other blacks, and black gangs killing other black gangs. It was black people provoking and pushing other black people’s buttons. He hated the cycle, but there was nothing he could do about it.
“I’m driving!” Meesie said as she opened the driver’s side door. “Hand me the keys until I can figure out how I’m going to get your seizure medicine baby. You know I’m really worried about you right now.”
Jawan got into the car and put his seat belt on. He scratched his head and wiped his eyes. He looked at Meesie as she put the car into gear and maneuvered out of their uncle’s driveway. He was glad that he hadn’t put the car into the garage, because then his uncle probably would have tried to lock them in. Out of anger, he pointed his pistol outside the window and aimed at the house.
“Wait Jawan! Don’t waste bullets!” Meesie screamed. “Give me the pistol! Now!”
Jawan pulled the pistol back inside the car and sat back against the seat. He switched the gun from his right hand to his left hand, and suddenly a seizure overtook his body. He started writhing and shaking uncontrollably. Foam was seeping out of the corner of his lips and his body was jerking without rhythm.
“Noooo! Noooo Jawan! Noooo! Oh my God!” Meesie screamed as she ducked and dodged in her seat from the pistol that he was holding.
Without warning, a shot went off; and blood splattered against the passenger side windshield. Then another shot went off, and the gun hit the floor. Meesie dived down and picked the pistol up so that Jawan wouldn’t be able to reach it again. She pulled the pistol back to her side of the car and leaned back so she could see what was going on.
Tears were falling out of her eyes, and although she didn’t have seizure problems; her body was shaking as if it were a part of his. Jawan finally relaxed until he was crouched over on the seat. She looked to see where he had shot himself and saw only a flesh wound in his right arm. The bleeding was intense, however; and she knew that she would have to make a decision soon regarding the health of her fiancé.
She took off the top layer of her shirt and wrapped it around Jawan’s arm as tight as possible. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to stop the bleeding, but she knew anything was better than nothing at all. She said a small prayer, and then she took off headed to her best friend’s house, Nay-Nay.
***
Nay-Nay took one look at Jawan’s arm and shook her head. “Alright look Meesie. I’ma need you to figure out how you’re going to get this man his Phenobarbital. He is going to need that medication or he is going to paralyze himself, or worse! He could-”
“O.K! O.K. Nay-Nay! Don’t say it! I’m going to go figure out how to get his meds. I can’t go back by the house, so I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I do know that I’m going to do it! Please do me a favor and take care of my fiancé! Please! I consider you my very best friend Nay-Nay! I’m so serious when I say that! You mean the world to me; you’re the only friend I have. I know you got me, right?”
Nay-Nay hugged Meesie gently. “You know I got you baby. We’ve been friends our entire lives, and we’ll be friends when our lives are no more! I got you baby! Go and handle your business my love. I’m here waiting on you. My keys are on the counter, so you can take my car and leave yours in the garage. That way you won’t have to drive like a maniac. Ain’t nobody looking for my got damn car.”
Meesie closed her eyes while listening to Nay-Nay speak. She needed to hear comforting words like that more than anything in the world. She was tired of running, and just wanted a safe place to rest, even if for one night only. She was sick of Jawan not having his seizure medication, and she would not be going an hour longer without him having it. She didn’t know what she would do with herself if he happened to die from seizure complications.
She turned and ran out of the house.
***
As soon as she saw Meesie turn the corner and head up the street, Nay-Nay picked up her house phone. She couldn’t help it. The people on the news were talking about Meesie and Jawan possibly facing the death penalty. There was no way in the world that Nay-Nay was about to go down with them for killing three people.
“Yes, I would like to report that I have Meesie Hall and Jawan Louis in my residence.”
“Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Jawan has had a seizure and he’s bleeding from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in the arm.”
“What is your address ma’am?”
“It’s-”
“Heyyyy Nay-Nay! Where is Meesie at?” Jawan asked abruptly. He had awoken from his unconscious state and was looking around the house frantically for his fiancé.
“Let me call you back Mama.” Nay-Nay said into the phone as she hung it up. “Meesie went outside, she’ll be back in a minute Jawan.”
Jawan sat there for seven seconds and jumped straight up off of the sofa. “Bitch please, I don’t trust you. Ever since you tried to set my fiancé up with your brother. Talking about she needed to try some new dick out before she married me. I don’t motherfucking trust your ass at all!”
Jawan turned and exited the house, leaving a crimson trail of blood with every step he took. He went outside and ran right back in the house, breathing hard. “Where the fuck is Meesie? And what the fuck are you doing on the motherfucking phone?” He yelled.
Nay-Nay quickly hung the phone up and looked at Jawan. “I- uhm- well… she took my car because that car was too hot. I thought-”
“Shut up!” Jawan screamed as he scanned the living room for the keys. He grabbed the keys and went for the pistol, then realizing he didn’t have it. He quickly looked up at Nay-Nay. “Throw me the fuckin phone!” He was sick of people trying to play him like he was stupid, and really wanted to teach Nay-Nay a lesson. He wanted to teach her a lesson not just for trying to call the police on him, but teach her a lesson for trying to have his fiancé have sex with her brother.
“You better be lucky I don’t have my pistol on me or I would shoot your ass dead right now, Nay-Nay! Take care! Hopefully one day you realize all the good that I’ve done for the black race and our community. Nothing like how your brother is riding around in his luxury vehicle and selling dope all day to people who think it’s hope. I actually care about our people, but you wouldn’t know that because you don’t see me riding on rims!”
Jawan took a deep breath and left out the house with the phone in tow. He started up his vehicle and took off. He had no idea where he was headed because he had no idea where his fiancé was. He would have to put himself into her mindset, and in order to do that; he would have to relax and think logically. Thinking about everything that ha
d taken place, he realized that there were only a few things that she could be out doing; but he also knew that he had a small window, and that he would have to make sure that he picked the right activity; otherwise, Nay-Nay was going to send his pregnant fiancé to prison.
He wasn’t feeling the idea of the white people getting ahold of his Meesie, and just the thought of it disgusted him. He would die for her, would trade his life in if he knew that hers could and would be good. But in order to do that, he needed her freedom and safety guaranteed. He would have to speak to her first, because there was no way he could just turn himself in without seeing her already safe. That was backwards, and the shoe wouldn’t fit on anyone’s foot that way.
“Let me find Meesie.” He said as he drove onto the main highway. Blood was pouring out of his arm, and he felt weak on the right side of his body; being he hadn’t taken his seizure medication since the trial started, he was all messed up.
“Please God. I know I have sinned, and sinned greatly. But please forgive me and reunite me with my fiancé. That’s all I ask God, and I will make it right.”
***
Meesie rolled the window down about halfway and allowed the summer air to flow into the car. She was sitting on the block a few houses down from where she and Jawan shared their little home together with her hands folded heavily across her chest. It wasn’t much, but it was a little better than the projects they once lived in.
She hadn’t planned on going back to the house, but how else was she going to get Jawan’s medication? The probability of him not waking up from the next seizure was growing each day that he went without.
She looked down at her oversized t-shirt and frowned at how bad it looked. There was various spots of blood, some old, and some new. Some belonged to her and some she was sure belonged to Jawan from his accidental gunshot wound.
Meesie ran her hands over her shirt and cleared her throat before stepping out of the car. She looked around before crossing the street and walking down the sidewalk. Her chest rose and fell at a rapid pace and she felt weak in the knees. She was still a little sore from the beating that she had taken from that ridiculous guy that tried to hand down a citizen’s arrest, but being able to rest the past couple of days had her feeling a lot better. Jawan’s health was all that mattered to her at this point.
As Meesie got closer to her home, she looked around once more before breaking out into a run. She quickly inserted the key and unlocked the door. Everything was calm inside, calmer than she expected it to be. For some reason she halfway assumed that SWAT would come jumping out and tackle her down to take her in.
Meesie took in a deep breath to calm her nerves and then rushed into her and Jawan’s room. She ran over to the closet and pulled out a clean pair of jeans and shirt to change into. Quickly she pulled the oversized t-shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. She replaced it with the clean one and pulled the jeans up over her thin legs. She also grabbed a clean pair of tennis shoes from underneath the bed and placed them onto her feet. She felt a whole lot better now that she at least looked decent.
She went into the bathroom, pulled the medicine cabinet opened, and grabbed Jawan’s Phenobarbital. After closing it back, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror and frowned at what looked back at her. There were cuts and scrapes all over her once beautiful skin and her eyes were all puffy and swollen. She shook her head and quickly looked away. There was no time for her to go feeling bad for herself when her fiancé’s life was at risk. She needed to get back to Nay-Nay’s and get him his meds as quickly as possible.
She laughed nervously as she thought about how close she came once again to losing her life. She couldn’t believe that Jawan’s seizure had become so violent. Literally. Thankfully she was still breathing and he’d only suffered a minor flesh wound.
Exiting the bathroom, she ran toward the front door to leave when she realized that she hadn’t gotten Jawan any clean clothing.
How selfish of me? I’m sure he doesn’t want to walk around in that bloody mess all day either. She removed her hand from the doorknob and turned to go back into their bedroom. Going back into the closet, she hurriedly grabbed something for Jawan to wear and turned to leave when she heard the front door slamming.
“Shit. What the fuck?” Meesie said under her breath. “Damn police. I knew one of the nosy neighbors would go snitching,” she cursed.
“Yea bruh! I’m telling you I seen ol’ boy and his bitch on the news saying they wanted for murder and shit. The police say they’re on a serial killing spree.”
Meesie heard someone say. She brought her hand up to her chest to stop her heart from leaping out. Her breathing became erratic and her armpits began to sweat.
“Damn, they out there acting a damn fool, huh?” she heard another say.
“Hell yea. I seen the police come through here looking for them, but when they start walking my way, I just took my ass in the house. Trying to come ask me some questions. I ain’t no damn snitch!” the first guy laughed. “That’s some bullshit though cause ol’ boy always looking at me and my niggas crazy and shit ‘cause we be out there dranking and smoking. We be minding our own damn business and the nigga act like he better than us. Come to find out this fool a damn serial killer.”
“Living next to a maniac and U.O.E.N.O.”
They both cracked up laughing at the irony.
Meesie shook her head and swallowed the lump that formed in her throat as she looked around the room wondering what to do next. She’d left the gun in Nay-Nay’s car because she didn’t want to get caught with a murder weapon in case the police had ran up on her while she was in the house.
She backed away and attempted to calm herself down and control her breathing before they heard her. She recognized one of the guy’s voices as her neighbor. He and Jawan always had words about the constant loud music, and always blocking their driveway whenever they had company over.
What the hell is he doing here? Meesie wondered. As quietly as possible she looked around the room for something that she could possibly use as a weapon.
“Hey cuz, grab that DVD player too. Shit, take everything. I doubt they be back to this muthafucka’,” the neighbor said. “I’m ‘bout to see what they got in the room. They gotta have some jewelry or something up in here.”
Meesie gasped. She quickly covered her hand with her mouth and then ran over to the bed and slid underneath. She couldn’t believe this shit. Niggas was always looting and robbing from their own when stuff like this happened. Rioting and tearing down their neighborhood instead of taking the drama to places where it mattered. Wasn’t no laws going to get changed because a few hundred black folks decided to burn a few corner stores down or steal a few pairs of sneakers for a come up. That never made any sense to Meesie just like it didn’t make any sense for those fools to be robbing her and Jawan when they were down.
“Hell yea! A flat screen TV in the bedroom. Bout to get paid!” the neighbor said, and rubbed his hands together. Looking around the room, he spotted a jewelry box on the dresser that he would come back for. He reached behind the TV, pulled the cord from the outlet and picked it up carrying it out of the bedroom with a huge smile on his face. He knew he could get at least a few hundred dollars for a TV like this one if he went to the right spot.
Meesie breathed a sigh of relief. She was glad that they took what they wanted and didn’t linger around too much longer. She waited a few moments to be sure that they were gone before she slid from underneath the bed and stood to her feet. She held Jawan’s clothes and medication tightly against her body and raced out of the bedroom. She couldn’t wait to get back to her fiancé and let him know what had just happened. She knew that he would be livid seeing as how he was pissed at the world right now.
“Can’t believe these fools come up in here stealing TVs and shit. Dummies!” she yelled and reached for the doorknob. She pulled the door open and was front and center with her neighbor. Everything Meesie held in her hands dropped to the f
loor including the very reason she’d come back to the house. Both of their eyes widened in shock and each of them reached for one another.
Meesie clawed at the neighbor attempting to pull his eyes of his socket. Each time he reached for her she dug her fingernails deep in his skin and forced him to pull back. She was not about to take another beating like she had from the white man in the street. She couldn’t afford to. She knew if he did her anything like the white guy had done, she wouldn’t make it out of there alive.
“Helppppppp!!!!” Meesie screamed out. She backed away grabbing the lamp that sat on the end table and tossed it at him. It missed him but it gave her time to run. She ran as fast as she could into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife she could find out of the drawer.