Paranormal Romance Reading > Strong Women Journeys
Page 39
I will have to maintain that good manifestos are very in tune. These people, like myself, have the visualization skills to bring something to life. Whether folks are aware of their futures consciously remains open to speculation. Yet, on some level, they most certainly are. Fruition does not happen by accident.
On Attainment of Peace
Another note to Rich followed at his request:
You said you wanted peace.
Rich, I’ve done a read on it for you and each time I look I get the same basic answer. The answer may or may not surprise you.
There is no tangible such thing as ‘peace.’ It is a fallacy conjured up by the brain to placate our human race. It isn’t the peace you seek—rather the idea of it, the feel of it, the notion of it. That said, you are having a time trying to put to rest some issue that tends to bulldoze your concept of peace.
There seems to be something lurking behind this peace word, a happenstance that directs your maladjustment. The word discontentment disrupts this elusive peace... or it could be agitation, even deception, and perhaps disillusionment. To be honest I cannot come up with a word for your feelings. However, I do feel it inside of you. I just have not captured the right word that summarizes your angst.
The core of wanting peace is not the peace itself, but the trigger that lurks behind. In other words, find what really is eating your core, examine it, solve it, and peace will prevail. It won’t prevail in the way you might expect it to—rather, in keeping an open mind, a soothing breakthrough will follow.
There is some work there, in your heart—to digest, mull over, and assimilate. I can help you work it through by allowing perspectives to come through psychically as you need, but the majority of this homework rests within you. Slow down to do introspection.
It is good you work with the earth. The closer you are to nature, the better healing comes. The one thing I keep seeing for you is to get plenty of water. Not only drinking water, but running it over your body, especially the underside of your wrists. I do not have any logic in this right now. I’ve just been shown you will benefit by running cold water over your wrists. It might be you are overheated in this extreme heat and this is a quick cure to cool down. Looks like we’ll both need a cool-down this week as it is going to be 106 for a few days!
Hope this imagery is of some help. If you can, grab onto something more specific around this topic and convey it to me so I can do you more justice. But this is a start.
Talk later my friend.
Addressing Your Black Hole
And a final email on a dark spot in Rich’s life, and one of concern:
Now, as for the metaphorical black spot inside your upper gut. Hmm. This is going to take some unraveling. Maybe not. On first look it is like the black hole, but oblong-shaped, kind of fuzzy on the edges. Similar to a black hole, it has an event horizon. Be careful here as you can get sucked down and lost.
It has always been with you, since birth. But some trauma in your childhood ripped it open. Now more recent events have torn this hole deeper > back to past life events. The black hole is a wormhole = this dimension transports to past lives. Consequently each side feeds the other.
Emotional events from other lives are brought here by emotional events that triggered or summoned them. And events that happen in this lifetime get back-channeled to your past. It is a circle. Endless. Feeding. Consuming both sides. I’ve never seen anything like this. Very interesting this bridge between dimensions that is attached to your solar plexus chakra. Because you are so intuitive, you have become a sponge of sorts. Soaking up vibrations from your past, possibly others’ pasts too, has disrupted your NOW life. All this has manifested in this region because of your vulnerability.
What to do. It is obviously causing you strife. Not always, but enough to call attention to it. So you will want to close it off, consciously. Claim your body back. No more trespassing from other dimensions or times.
Doubly important is to not look at it, or try to figure it out, or call any attention to it. It’s like a kid that wants to be fed attention. Don’t give it any. If you find yourself doing so, then concentrate on closing the hole visually. Whatever type of visual works is fine: fill it with dirt; plug it with good thoughts; pour concrete into the cavern. Do anything that represents to you that it will be permanently closed.
To do this, first visually cleanse your body with your third eye. Just do a visualization technique. See your black hole closing, shrinking, shriveling, then stitch it shut. Do this repeatedly for a few weeks, three times a day.
You can sage your body, which helps. I’m sure there are herbs you can use but I’m not up on which to use for this. I think sage is a good universal clearing agent. You can buy it at farmers’ markets, spiritual stores and the like. Get the kind that is in a stalk. Light the end until it smolders smoke. Wave it like a wand over your entire body as you visualize your hole disappearing. Especially stay in the area of your black hole. Sage is a very good agent for ridding bad juju.
Don’t expect results tomorrow. It took time to grow and will take a bit to bury. With diligence, make a habit of cleansing and visualizing yourself. Like brushing your teeth three times a day, eventually that spot will turn white, bright again.
Okay, my friend. Now it is your turn. Read ME. Yup. Whatever you want to do. Yes, you know me pretty well so this is going to make you dig a bit deeper. I know you can do this. So practice on me! Be as serious or silly as you want. Go ahead. I dare you!
A Turnabout
One week later, I text-ed Rich. It was unusual for him to go more than two days without contact:
I text-ed: How r u . . . I miss talking 2 u . . . hope my Monday emails didn’t blow your mind.
This had been our longest stretch. I thought there might be some turmoil within him. My brain said there goes another email romance, let go. My heart felt there should be a better closure from this man. My psyche hoped that Rich would return with a legitimate excuse. My head did not want to work this one this time. But, truthfully, I had grown to love him—or, perhaps more so, what he brought to me. Yet, I was not about to hang my daily existence on him. I had been there and done that a few times with these online gigs. My loyalty is great, but I was not going to nag. It was his turn.
Still no word came. But his word would be a turning point. From what I knew of Rich, he was not the kind of person who left loose ends—business loose ends that was. Personal ones, I had begun to speculate. I suspected that perhaps something/someone near to him had a major issue that needed to be resolved. Still, I didn’t understand the no contact. Rich had always explained his whereabouts, yet now all contact had ceased. Perhaps he was not the decent, honest guy he presented after all. Whenever someone makes a point of their character attributes, it is usually their Achilles’ heel. Perhaps, too, my last readings had been too over the top for him to cope with.
However, oddly enough, this no contact had commenced the same day my new roommate found his way here. I didn’t want to believe there was jealousy on Rich’s part. Especially since he had told me he wanted every last detail of our sexual escapades if we decided to indulge. Perhaps this was just his male ego camouflaging his fears—and his jealousy.
Concurrently, and ironically, I had advised one dear friend about her own online/phone-calling lover. My words echoed back at me: “Just enjoy what these men bring to your life. Hope and expect for nothing more. Mostly, go on with life—YOUR life—and don’t live for HIM.” Good solid advice and I should have listened to my own consultation much closer.
And yet, I did not give up. I’m loyal like a dog to my friendships. And so I wrote:
Hi Rich,
I’m worried.
I’m concerned.
I’m perplexed.
Yet, I am not going to read into what’s going on in your life. Since I have not heard from you in over a week, I assume somethin’ is up. I don’t want to pry... okay, okay, yes that is what I’m doing... But I just want to know all is well with you.<
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One day later, Rich wrote:
I am angry about things personal and full of venom... I am not fit company until it recedes. I will be in touch soon...
Of course I wrote back:
Thank you for letting me know. I was feeling a whole lot of turbulence your way. And it was not the ‘rest easy’ sort. Rest easy, my friend. If you need to vent I’m here for you. In the meantime I’m sending healing heat waves to you.
Hugs.
And yet Rich didn’t respond. Way over two weeks later I wrote:
Dear Rich,
Your life is none of my business.
But our friendship, the relationship we built, is.
I do NOT let go of my friends very easy. If ever.
Your spirit energy has escaped me.
Rarely do I feel you now. Only in whiffs of passing.
For whatever has trespassed your life, go gently.
If it was me ‘opening’ you up—putting you on a spiritual self-examination path that exposed something inside you that you did not want to confront, truly I’m sorry.
As you walk the dark night of the soul, stay strong. Our friendship means quite a lot to me. A whole helluva lot really. Ours was not typical by any means. Whatever you need from me, tell me. Perhaps you need to cut ties? I’d be extremely sad, but will weather it. I just ask that you give me a legitimate reason.
Talk to me. Write me. I don’t read minds, only auras—and I won’t interfere inside yours again, or until asked.
No response came.
Resolve
Facing facts. I had lost my student and my friend named Rich. There was no other logical reason that he could not call or email and explain himself. For over two weeks it was thus. In my estimation this was unacceptable, lame, and selfish.
To succumb to another—a local woman—would have been logical. He was horny and let me know tenfold during every phone conversation. He relayed how he took his women in. Tantalized them. Got them to succumb. My ears burned. My body wanted his treatment. Someone else more than likely got it. Good riddance if that were the case.
Or, it could have been Rich was mad at me. Just plain jealous that my manifestation came into full fruition. And the fact that it brought a viable man into my house. It was no coincidence that Rich’s phone calls stopped the very day my roommate arrived. THE VERY SAME DAY!!! And truth be told, my new warrior was quite a catch in his own right—that is, if he hadn’t been such an alcoholic. Perhaps the potential new partner part was what Rich feared.
Or, it might have been that Rich was truly scared of my clairvoyance. I know he was touched deeply at his core. Perhaps my observations held him captive, uncomfortably so. Rich thought he could handle what he’d asked for, but could not. Truly I was disappointed by one more man who could not muster up the honesty he stated so boldly that he owned. Worse yet, Rich could not admit his vulnerability. It is true; my seeings, my remote viewings, and other talents made him back up a bit. Most likely it was all too much for this newcomer.
What held promise was that Rich was hungry for my knowledge, which I had freely shared. That he had said he understood me. He didn’t. He did a good job of conning me—and perhaps himself—with his well-spoken, articulated words. What I wanted and needed was a man—a lover, yes, but mostly a friend to understand me. Someone to completely accept me for me. He did lip service to both. But in essence, the universe did hand me what I wanted. Rich delivered to me a fantasy of my own making. Yup, I manifested that one too.
Rich was the one to spout out about communication ethics. He even gave a huge speech one night about this very topic. For whatever his hang-up was, it remained with him. Rich’s maturity had blown me away, and yet it became apparent he could not put his issues up on the table for discussion. Silly me—I’d expected him to walk his talk. His deception was disappointing. Sometimes I am so naïve. I always believe the better side of folks and give them full credit for what they say.
So that was all there was to be. The last lesson I wrote, oddly enough, I knew that was the end of it. I had run out of easy shaman sh*t to give him. There would be no more. And there wasn’t.
Rich filled a void and left me with memories. There would be others. And so far I had found two of these elusive men treasures. Both had remained in intangible and nonphysical form—although at least Rich had called me in person; the other stayed inside emails with empty promises. As it turned out, Rich obviously was not the total shaman I sought. Only another put on my path to help my learning.
I held hope out for Rich. I wanted Rich to fit. And he did for a fleeting moment in time. He offered an alternative perspective, at times intense, yet some truths emerged. This relationship served me. During this time of abuse recovery, I was really not ready for close, physical intimacy. I just wanted a male friendship to rehabilitate my lost soul.
My experiences with a few men online have been personal, almost intimate in nature. All, in the end, were terminated due to unresolvable incompatibility issues. Online dating searches breed hope and the promise of finding your one. This forum causes emotions to connect deeply in uncanny ways. The online world brews imagination and cultivates fantasy. However, seeing someone is the physical flesh is the ultimate pinnacle of bridging the real and unreal. Anyone who hides behind the Internet or a phone call for endless hours and does not come forth is stuck inside a fantasy. This became an eventual truth a number of times.
I relayed my story to another kindred sister spirit and asked for her wisdom. She listened to my recount intently. At the end, she told me something very simple—and too obvious. That Rich could not handle what happened because his male ego got in the way. Bingo! My friend’s assessment was quite right. For in the spiritual realm, there live no rights and wrongs. And all emotions drop away to pure energy. Yet here on earth lower energies such as the ego control our very emotional core. And in particular MALE EGOs are driven to laborious extremes—almost far more than female energies.
As for me, Rich’s departure was hard. I did not let my friend go lightly. His loss rekindled the emotional rejection caused by my children from my divorce a year previously. It was one more scab ripped off the hole in my heart. I thought I had put them to rest. Not so. Rich reawakened this deep loss, still so scarred. Truly I didn’t want to revisit that spot again, but that episode made me take another hard look. Apparently I was not done dealing with rejection in my life.
Closure was important, at least to me. But the majority of folks don’t extend closure. They don’t know how, or are simply neglectful. It was hard to let go of someone I knew—or thought I knew. Truth is most people just step out without a goodbye or a reason. I just appreciate someone who ties up loose ends. A simple explanation will do. This situation tested me because I had a pattern of pursuit. But Rich had the ball in his court and he knew it. It was his move.
Who was the shaman and who was the student remains to be seen. I met my match and I was ever so glad that I did. My spiritual insights were shared without regret. In turn, Rich’s astute perspectives and validations were welcomed. Our dialogue made us fall for one another. I learned to love again. That feeling was wonderful. When you open up to love, there comes a point of resolve. This resolve comes via circumstance or by choice. But then came the pain once again, and acknowledgment, relearning, and healing. Repeating pain sucks. Yet it is a cycle that is timeless. One that most assuredly will be replayed.
I still love Rich. Always will. We both continue our journeys, just with separate paths. There were many, too many, lessons we brought to one another to ignore. And that was worth a whole helluva lot. Friendships, even as Rich and I explored, were still stuck inside the folds of learned behaviors. As each of us evolves, we will become lighter, more expansive. Our consciousness will be ever expanding as our minds struggle to catch up. Often friends stray from one another because their paths are non-congruent. It does not make one better than the other—although navigating the what ifs is frustrating to the human emotional psyche.
&n
bsp; As we ascend, we become more transparent. Our relationships evolve to being ones of acceptance, nonjudgmental. As we cast off our lower vibrations and shed our unproductive energies, we have nothing to hide. Truth needs no shroud. Honesty is purified, refined, and unashamed.