Butterflies Don't Lie

by B. R. Myers

  “That’s the ticket,” Chloe giggled behind me.

  Blaine gave me one of his perfect smiles and bounded down the steps, already bragging about the boat his uncle was letting us take out.

  I silently prayed as we walked past the gazebo to the yacht club. Please let the boat be broken. Please let there be a problem with the sails. Please let the sky open up and a downpour of crickets plague Mariner’s Cove.

  “Isn’t she beautiful?” Blaine waved his hand. The sailboat was docked right alongside the wharf.

  I pushed back Chloe’s sunglasses so I could see it with my own eyes. “Wow” was all I could say. It must have been forty feet long.

  “Yeah,” he grinned. “I know. Everyone is totally jealous I get to sail this baby.”

  Someone cleared their throat. Luke was already on board, sitting on the edge, keeping his eyes—and his condemning stare—hidden behind sunglasses.

  Blaine winked at me, then nodded to Luke. “Well, with help from my cousin, of course.”

  A wooden set of steps on the wharf made climbing up onto the boat a ton easier. Blaine stepped on board, lifting each leg over the safety tie that encircled the boat. He gave Luke a fist-bump, then disappeared inside the cabin. I licked my dry lips, then grabbed the safety tie and hoisted myself up. I swallowed a scream as I felt the boat list, certain I would drop face-first and become trapped between the boat and the water.

  Luke reached out and grabbed my free hand. I stumbled in Chloe’s flip-flops. He caught me and said, “Are you okay?”

  My heart faltered. “Yeah,” I said. Then I quickly added, “Well, no. I’m not okay. I need to talk to you.”

  He stepped back, letting go of my arm. “I meant being on the water.” He said it low enough that Blaine couldn’t hear, but his tone was patronizing.

  “I’m fine,” I said. We were rocking back and forth and I had adjusted my footing a few times.

  “Really?” he looked pointedly at the safety line. “Because your white-knuckle death grip tells another story.”

  I began to doubt the butterflies. I wanted to tell Luke I’d listened to his song and cried. And that being with him made dealing with killer dogs, emotional bosses, dirty dishes, and creepy rats seem like a good time. But it was clear from his inflection that he wasn’t interested. And I’d had my share of chasing after guys who weren’t interested in me.

  I glanced longingly at the wharf. “This was a mistake,” I said. I was becoming an expert on those this summer.

  “What?” Blaine popped his head out of the cabin, huge grin on his face. “You brought steaks?”

  “We just ate,” Luke said in a much less snippy tone than he used with me. He nodded to the front of the boat. “I need you to check the jib sheets.”

  Blaine bounded to the bow with effortless ease. He dropped to his knees checking the ropes. Luke turned back to me, he wasn’t smiling. “What are you doing?” he probed. “You hate the water, remember?”

  Did he really expect me to answer that? Of course I remembered! His sunglasses never wavered from my face. My tiny reflection stared back, small and scared. I’d been trying to get his attention all morning, and now that I finally had it I’d clammed up.

  “What’s so important?” he prompted.

  More than anything else in the world?

  He leaned closer. “This seems like a dangerous outing for someone like you,” he said. “I was under the impression you liked the safe option.”

  I narrowed my eyes. Was he really making fun of my aquaphobia? I couldn’t believe he was teasing me about my greatest fear! This was ridiculous. I needed to set things straight. I had to explain how I’d been crushing on Blaine forever, even though we’d never been more than acquaintances. I had to convince him that he was the “Mr. Mulder” I wanted…and needed.

  The quiz had been right all along, but I’d never noticed because I was so busy staring at Blaine’s shoulders. Luke was the guy who pushed me to the edge of my comfort zone. He was the one who made me feel safe and appreciated. He would help me conquer my fears.

  That’s what I knew in my heart to be true. And that’s why I was on the boat. I had to tell Luke.

  Instead, this was what came out of my mouth: “The magazine,” I blurted. “That’s why I’m here.”

  A confused expression played over his features. Blaine hollered something from the bow, but the wind stole his words.

  Luke’s shoulders caved a bit. “Oh, right,” he said. “Your future husband invited you. Don’t let me get in the way of your big plans.” He dropped his chin, then started to tidy various ropes that already looked tidy to me.

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like that,” I said. “Blaine and I are only friends.” I took a quick glance at the front of the boat. Blaine was still messing around, clearly out of earshot. I let go of the safety line and stepped closer to Luke. I had his full attention now.

  My face grew hot in spite of the cool ocean breeze. “I mean, I used to like him…in the more-than-a-friend kind of way.” My voice was shaky. Nerves started to speed up my words. “It’s been going on for a while,” I said. “It’s weird because I’ve known him since we were little. He’s always been the super-nice guy, and then he turned into the super-hot guy. But he still managed to stay really nice, even though he could have turned into an idiot like most hot guys do…” I was rambling on like a runaway love train on a roller coaster of mixed-up hormones.

  Luke turned away from me, lifted one of the seat covers, then reached in and pulled something out.

  I continued talking to his back. “You can ask anyone in town about Blaine,” I said, “and they’ll all tell you the same thing: Blaine’s the kind of guy that all the girls want to date and all the guys want to have as a best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bad comment about him. Even the teachers think—oof!”

  A bright orange life preserver hit me in the chest. “There,” Luke said. “Put that on.”

  I held the bright neon vest at arm’s length. I was momentarily jarred from my monologue about Blaine. “I don’t think so,” I said indignantly. What was the point of wearing Chloe’s sweater if I covered it up with this thing? I was more likely to fall overboard if I had it on—it was bulky and horrible. I might as well have stapled “loser” to my forehead.

  Blaine scrambled along the top of the boat, then jumped into the cockpit beside me. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, unsuccessfully trying to hide the flotation device. But Blaine didn’t even notice. He disappeared down the ladder and into the cabin.

  Luke caught my eye. “Who do you think is going to jump in after you fall overboard?” he challenged.

  I hated how I kept getting sidetracked from my confession of love. Words were failing me. I needed to grab the collar of Luke’s shirt and lay one on him. But he seemed so pissed right now that he’d probably push me away—or even worse, laugh at me. I was beginning to fume at his self-righteousness.

  I plunked myself on the long bench opposite him. “I plan on staying on the boat, actually,” I said, crossing my legs. Then, for good measure, I took the life jacket and sat on it, using it as a cushion. “If you fall over, I’ll throw this your way, though.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re all heart, Kels,” he said. There was a smile, but I could hear his underlying tone. It wasn’t hurtful, it was worse: he was disappointed.

  I silently wondered if he got tips from his shrink or if he had a natural talent for making people feel guilty. I tried to think of something to say that would get a reaction out of him. I wanted the old How-hole back, not the reserved safety guy he’d become.

  He busied himself with checking the wheel and whatever other technical things needed to be done to get this monster out on the sea.

  A chill ran over my bare legs. I smoothed a hand over my cut-offs, wishing I’d stayed on land after all. This was all
wrong. I was supposed to be telling Luke how I felt, not arguing about a stupid life jacket.

  Blaine came out of the cabin and started hopping over the top deck, untying the sails. “Are we putting up the spinnaker today?” he asked excitedly.

  Luke turned to the horizon and tilted his nose up into the air.

  “What are you, like, smelling a storm or something?” I said.

  Luke ignored my comment. He gave Blaine a nod. Apparently this was the signal for Blaine to pump his fist into the air and give a whoop.

  Seriously? It’s sailing.

  Luke and I traded looks. I guess we were thinking the same thing. Then he smiled at me. And that’s all it took to make everything all right again.

  I madly went through every quiz in my head for tips on how to romance Luke back into my arms.

  “Are You A Natural Flirt?”

  I grinned back at him. Okay, I told myself, we’re both smiling at each other, say something sexy.

  “Your head looks good,” I said.

  Bacon turds!

  “I mean, your haircut is good. It’s good.”

  Luke’s smile got bigger. And so did mine. Then he raised his hand, waving at someone on the dock.

  A group of Stunders were all decked out in their designer shorts and tops, eagerly making their way toward the boat. One was a bikini-clad girl with a hummingbird tattoo.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  The boat listed and I held my breath. I concentrated on the perfectly fluffy white clouds in the sky, not how fast the water was rushing by. Four feet was all that separated me from my death. I hadn’t moved from my perch on the bench; I suspected an imprint of the life jacket was becoming permanently etched onto my butt.

  Brooke was light on her feet. Miss Twinkle-Toes easily hopped from one end of the boat to the other. There were half a dozen other kids on the boat with us. I only recognized Brooke, but thankfully she didn’t mention my rant at the party.

  Forgettable. That’s me.

  Blaine was Mr. Popularity as usual. He laughed and socialized with everyone, even me. “Come up here,” he called out. A row of legs dangled over the high end of the boat. Brooke was in her bikini. Her hummingbird tattoo was mocking me: “See how quickly I can move about the boat? I’m fearless!”

  “On the way back,” I told him, flaunting my best fake smile. I don’t think he suspected I hadn’t breathed since we left the yacht club. I hugged my elbows, freezing in the wind. I guess when you’re waiting for the next wave to take you to your death, the sun doesn’t feel so warm.

  I hate sailing.

  I couldn’t believe how much of a loser I was turning out to be. Francine would have had a stroke if she had seen me wimping out like this. “Think of the spreadsheet,” she would remind me, prompting me into action. “Think of the check marks!”

  But fear kept me welded to the bench. It’s hard to seduce your crush when he’s getting all the attention and help he wants from Brooke, the professional good-times, party girl. She knew all the boat’s thingys’ and doodads’ real names.

  Luke was mostly at the helm, giving her instructions. “Tighten the jib. Pull in the sheet on the other side.”

  Brooke did all of this to his satisfaction while laughing and looking gorgeous. Pretty much the opposite of me. Then she hopped around, offering to put lotion on the shirtless guys. I looked away when she began to lotion Blaine’s shoulders.

  My sunscreen stayed unused inside my Kipling bag, forgotten and unnecessary—just like me.

  Luke reached over, undoing the rope for the main sail. “I’ll get it,” I said, eager to upstage Brooke. I jumped up and wobbled a bit. My legs were like jelly. He eased back on the tiller, changing our direction, taking us out of the wind. We slowed down. My shoulders unglued themselves from my ears.

  “Better?” he asked. There was genuine concern in his voice. We were the only ones in the cockpit.

  I noticed the tips of his ears were getting red. I took the sunscreen out of my Kipling bag, then pointed to his ears. “You’re getting a sunburn,” I told him. He only shrugged. I unscrewed the top for him. “Trust me,” I said. “When I was thirteen I had a pixie cut and my ears were blistered all summer. It was gross.”

  He made no movement to take it from me. The wind played with his shirt—it was unbuttoned to mid-chest. I could see the last two letters of his tattoo, “me.” His hands were on the wheel, relaxed and confident. A rush of heat that had nothing to do with the weather pulsed all the way down to my toes.

  I studied the sun sparkling on the waves, trying to clear my head. “And everyone thought I was a boy,” I continued my story, “so it was twice as bad.” He said nothing. I pushed the bottle closer, almost under his nose. I gave it a tiny squeeze and a dollop of cream bubbled on the top. I stared at it, trying to ignore the way his shirt kept opening and closing. “You’ll be all blistered for the wedding,” I finally said. Okay, that was a last-ditch effort.

  He stayed quiet.

  This guy was so frustrating. I didn’t understand why he was so upset about me crushing on Blaine. I mean, everyone with a pulse had a crush on Blaine—even some guys, I bet. Besides, I’d never even kissed Blaine…but I’d kissed Luke, and I wanted to kiss him again. Why couldn’t I just tell him that?

  I was swaying in the cockpit, alone with Luke and a bottle of sunscreen. This moment called for action. I couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Are You A Natural Flirt?”

  No. But I knew someone who was.

  “Here,” I said. Then, before Luke could protest, I began to lightly dab the tips of his ears. He stayed very still, then he inclined his head just an inch so I could reach in front of him to get the other ear. Even though I couldn’t see those blue eyes, I felt his stare. The scene of Chloe on the beach with Sam played over and over again in my mind.

  My finger left his ear, then trailed down his jaw. The words were out of my mouth before I lost my nerve. “Is there anywhere else that needs attention?” I asked.

  He took off his glasses, then slowly moved in close. His lips brushed against my earlobe. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Don’t mess with my head,” he whispered.

  Then he pulled away, sunglasses back in place. He was looking ahead, already forgetting me.

  I dropped the sunscreen and clambered down the tiny ladder into the cabin. I raced to the bathroom and locked the small door. Then I put my face in my hands and started to cry.

  I hated how he got under my skin. I hated how everything I’d ever said or done had been nothing but a disappointment to him. I hated how I cared what he thought of me.

  When I was done, I ran the tap and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked in the mirror. Chloe’s lip gloss and bronzer had worn off. “What’s the most important thing to you, right now?” I asked myself.

  Getting the hell off this boat, I thought. Enough of this.

  Determined to make it to dry land, I opened the door—and ran right into the bare chest of Blaine.

  “Hey.” His arms went automatically to my waist as we wobbled against each other. “Coming up top?”

  This is it! My brain screamed at me. This is it! I’m in Blaine’s arms, pressed up against his chest. When will I ever have this opportunity again? Francine’s voice was inside my head: “Kiss him, Kelsey! Kiss him now!”

  But I didn’t. I stepped back.

  Footsteps squeaked down the ladder. A pair of legs came into view. One calf boasted a long scar. Luke ducked his head and turned to us.

  I wrapped my fingers around Blaine’s neck, pulled his mouth down to mine, and kissed him right on the lips.

  Blaine made a surprised noise at the back of his throat. I peeked to the side, but Luke had already started back up the ladder.

  I let go of Blaine. Neither of us said anything. It was dead quiet. No butterflies. No standing on tiptoe for
another kiss. And certainly no neurotransmitters firing.

  “Okay,” he said slowly. I was ready to apologize, but he smiled and took my hand. “I think you need some fresh air,” he said. He led the way up top. I didn’t even glance over at the wheel.

  We walked along the deck, then he lifted me, placing me in the main sail. “Just lean back,” he said. It was like an upright hammock. He stood in front of me. “That was a nice surprise,” he said.

  “It’s been a weird day,” I said quietly.

  He laughed, then patted my knee, and turned to look out over the water.

  I stared at the back of Blaine’s head, thinking of all the times I’d kissed him in my imagination. Maybe I’d built it up so much that the real thing, or at least the first time, wouldn’t be able to compete. I should have been shaking with excitement. But there wasn’t even disappointment, only a hollowness.

  Butterflies don’t lie.

  I didn’t even have a sense of accomplishment at finally getting to check something off Francine’s spreadsheet.

  I closed my eyes, wishing I’d never set foot inside the Queen’s Galley, thinking of the heartache I would have been spared if I’d decided to spend my summer mowing lawns instead.

  “Coming about,” someone said.

  “Hmm?” I kept my eyes closed. The rocking sensation of the boat was surprisingly soothing.

  Yes, I’ll just go to sleep. Wake me up when we’re back at the wharf.

  “Coming about.”

  I took in a deep breath, letting the salt air fill my lungs.

  “Kels!”

  My eyes flew open. Luke was at the wheel, pointing at me. “Coming about! Get out of the sail!”

  Brooke stood in front of him, then did a mock salute and began to undo the sheet for the jib. This made him smile—that or watching her bend over, giving him a nice shot of her butt.