For the First Time

by Stephanie Doyle

  She’d bought this particular dress for the orchestra performances because she thought it did what Mark said it did. Make her look pretty. She couldn’t remember a time when that had mattered to her. Yet another sign of how Mark was changing her. She would think about what that meant later.

  Now she had to deal with the concierge, who had at first seen a woman in a sophisticated black cocktail dress, but who now saw a woman with serious neck art and a shiny nose stud. It was the only jewelry she owned.

  “Can I help you?”

  “I need to make a call to a room, but I’m afraid I’ve forgotten her room number.”

  “The guest’s name?”

  “Nancy Burke.”

  “One moment.” The concierge tapped at his computer. JoJo knew he wouldn’t give out the room number and she didn’t need it. She simply needed him to step away when he passed her the phone.

  “Yes, I have her. I can dial the room for you.” He picked up the receiver and JoJo smiled.

  “Great, but I have to warn you this isn’t going to be pretty. I’m certain my girlfriend is cheating on me with a man. She thinks she can hide in this hotel and that’s fine, but she is going to get a piece of my mind.”

  The concierge nodded and handed JoJo the phone. He then surreptitiously checked around, as if looking to see if any other guests had an immediate need for him. He nodded. “If you’ll excuse me. I believe I’m needed at the checkin desk.”

  “Sure. I have everything I need.”

  JoJo put the phone to her ear. On the third ring, Nancy picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “’Scuse me, mees. ’Ousekeeping.”

  “Yes?”

  “Towel? More towel for you?”

  “No, no thank you.”

  JoJo hung up the phone. Nancy was in her room, and from the cracking sound of her voice, she was still upset about the confrontation with Mark. Which meant she could be completely innocent.

  They had nothing. The only warning sign, if it could even be called that, was a late adoption. Nancy had had complete access to Sophie long before JoJo showed up. If at any point she had wanted to hurt the girl, she could have done it.

  JoJo sighed. They were panicking. Sophie was sick with something the doctor couldn’t immediately identify and they had started grasping at straws. How was Mark going to explain to Nancy that when he’d asked her about the notes, he’d essentially been accusing her of nefarious intent toward Sophie?

  He was probably going to need to get a new tutor. Simple Nancy. Nice Nancy. Had they both been crazed by the need to find something there? To find anything that might stop this.

  They weren’t even sure what was wrong with Sophie.

  JoJo found a seat in the lobby and planted herself, prepared for a long night. If it wasn’t Nancy, there was nothing she could do without more information. If it was, Nancy wasn’t leaving this hotel without JoJo being aware of it.

  Her phone rang and JoJo reached into her coat pocket. “Anything?”

  “They did a blood tox screening.”

  “And?”

  “Cyanide. It’s effing cyanide.”

  The phone fell out of JoJo’s hand and onto the carpet.

  She remembered this feeling. Knew what it was like for her heart to stop for a beat and to feel as if the world had suddenly shifted and she was still in the same place but everything around her had moved.

  “JoJo? JoJo!”

  She could hear his shouts coming through the phone but she couldn’t move. Her body wouldn’t move. Someone had tried to kill Sophie. Someone had tried to take Sophie away from her. Just like Julia. It was happening again.

  She shouldn’t know people. She shouldn’t know anyone again. She was a jinx, a curse. Hadn’t her father said that once? That she was the reason bad things happened. Everything she touched turned to ash.

  “JoJo, answer me. Now!”

  The sharp command jolted her into awareness. No, this wasn’t because of her. This was because of someone else. Someone wanted to hurt Julia. No, Sophie. Someone wanted to hurt Sophie, kill Sophie. Only this time, she wasn’t going to let it happen.

  She bent down and picked up the phone. “I’m here. Tell me everything. Does he know how the cyanide was delivered? Did she eat it? Absorb it through her skin? What?”

  “No, they don’t think it was ingested—her symptoms would have been more acute. They found traces of some chemical called aceta…notrile…something. When it metabolizes in the body it becomes cyanide. She wasn’t pink because she had a fever. She was pink because the cyanide messed with the oxygen in her blood.”

  JoJo took Mark’s words and tried to focus on the facts. She couldn’t get emotional. She needed to think about what he was telling her so that she could feed the facts into her brain and ultimately find the answer. Before she could do any of that, she had to know.

  “What’s going to happen to her?” She whispered the question as if she couldn’t bear to give the words sound. It made it too real. Too loud in her head.

  “She’s going to be okay. We caught it before it had a chance to do any damage to her organs. They’re going to do a CAT scan to be sure. She’ll need to stay in the hospital for a few days while they flush it out of her system, but then she should be fine.”

  “She’s going to be okay?”

  “Yeah. That’s what they’re telling me.”

  “Not like Julia.”

  She could hear him breathing over the phone. Then he said, “No, she isn’t going to be like Julia.”

  “Okay.”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at our original hotel. I checked. Nancy is in her room.”

  “She didn’t bolt? Then it’s not her. I’m going to owe her one hell of an apology. If she will even listen to me. I wouldn’t blame her. I was crazy. Why don’t you come back, then? Sophie’s sleeping now, but I could use the company. I feel like I’ve gone ten rounds with an Ultimate Fighter.”

  JoJo could only imagine. She knew how she felt and what Mark was going through had to be so much worse. The fear of a parent.

  The fear her parents had felt when Julia was taken.

  JoJo had always thought it was the same as what she’d felt. She never wanted to give them credit for hurting more than she did. It might have been too easy then to forgive her father when he started to get abusive.

  His pain was worse. His grief was deeper. It wasn’t his fault he lashed out at those close to him. He wasn’t himself. It was the argument her mother used to make for him before JoJo told her mother to stop making excuses. She was tired of listening to them.

  Only in this moment, she could see that maybe it was worse for him. Mark was Sophie’s protector. She was Sophie’s protector. He wasn’t just hurting because his daughter was sick, because someone tried to hurt her—he was hurting because he failed to stop it.

  JoJo felt that pain, too.

  “Hey, you still there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “You’ll come, then?”

  “Not yet. Text me the name of that chemical the doctor said was in her system.”

  She heard him sigh and thought about how he needed her to be there with him. To hold his hand, to rub his back and to remind him that Sophie wasn’t going to end up like Julia.

  “Babe, it’s late. I was wrong about Nancy, so you don’t have to watch her. We’ll start over again in the morning. Together.”

  She wished she could. She wished she had it in her to be a normal girlfriend, or lover, or whatever she was to him. If she was different she wouldn’t think twice about getting into a cab and joining him. It was what he wanted. It was the least she could do for him, considering what he was going through.

  But she wasn’t. She was the JoJo that the people who took Julia and destroyed her family made her into.

  “I’m sorry. I have to go to work.”

  *

  MARK STARED AT his phone. He couldn’t be mad at her for wanting to help his daughter, something t
hat he was currently powerless to do. He wouldn’t leave Sophie, which meant he was dependent on others doing the work for him. It was an intolerable situation.

  He texted JoJo the name of the chemical the doctor gave him, spelling it phonetically as best he could. If she had access to a computer, it would be enough.

  “Dad?”

  He shoved the phone into his pocket and turned to his daughter on the bed.

  “Where am I?”

  “They moved you into a private room,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking her small hand in his. “You remember the ambulance and the E.R.?”

  “Yes. I was really out of it. And really scared.”

  Of course she was. He forced a smile. “Nothing to be scared of now. They found out what is wrong and are fixing you up.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “That was so lame of you. What is wrong with me? I’m not a kid. I know it isn’t the flu. I’ve never felt that way before. It was like I couldn’t even think.”

  He hated to do it. He hated the idea of forever shattering his daughter’s sense of personal safety. If only she were the type of kid who could settle for a pat on the hand, a smile and assurance that everything was going to be all right.

  Then she probably wouldn’t be his kid.

  “It was a chemical. Somehow it got into your system and when it did it acted like a poison. The doctor is trying to find out how that might have happened.”

  “Poison? Wow. Do you think it was the person who sent the notes?” She started to sit up, but Mark put a hand on her shoulder to keep her still. He used the remote to move the bed into a more upright position instead.

  “Don’t try to sit up on your own, you’re still going to be dizzy. As for the notes, I don’t know. JoJo’s out there now trying to find that out.”

  That seemed to relax her and she settled back against the bed. “I remember thinking I was going to be sick and wanting to get off the stage before I did. But when I stood up, I was so dizzy.”

  “They are all symptoms. Dizziness, difficulty concentrating, nausea, erratic behavior…which I’m sure explains why you were so pissed off at me.”

  “No way. That wasn’t the poison, that was you.”

  Now wasn’t the best time to have the conversation. She was still weak and needed to sleep, but he felt like they had come to this impasse and maybe now was the time for them to talk. Because it was not lost on him that he’d heard her call him Dad twice in the past few hours.

  “Are you really upset that JoJo and I are together?”

  She sighed in the manner of a world-weary adult trying to explain something to him he simply didn’t get. He wanted to get it. For her.

  “It’s not about you guys being together. It’s that you didn’t think about me and how it would affect me. You’re a parent, Mark. You’re supposed to do that.”

  “A couple of minutes ago you called me Dad.”

  She frowned. “That was probably the poison.”

  He laughed and as soon as he did, tears rushed to his eyes. He used his thumb to brush them away. “You are so amazing, you know that? I use that word all the time to describe you to people. Amazing. But it’s not enough. And not for the obvious reasons that you’re smart and beautiful and talented….”

  “Jeez, Mark.

  “No,” he said, stopping her. “Let me finish. When I heard about your mom I told you I had already been thinking of coming home to you. That’s the truth. I had this idea in my head of us getting to know each other. Spending time together. Then that changed and I knew I needed to step up for Dom and Marie’s sake. For your sake. I knew then that this wasn’t going to be a weekend thing. Or a once-a-week, dinner-out deal. This was going to be real.”

  “You said that’s what you wanted.”

  She sounded defensive, so he squeezed her hand with assurance. “It was. But I had absolutely no idea what that meant. I don’t know even know how to say this. When I met JoJo I had this instant reaction like she wasn’t going to be good for us. If I was going to find someone to be in my life she was going to be someone I would want you to have as a role model, right? By rejecting JoJo at first sight, I thought I was thinking of you, but I didn’t really know what that meant, either. Now I do. You’re right. I should have talked to you about her first.

  “I should have said that not only do I really like her, but I like how much she likes you. I like how much you like her and I would never want to be with anyone who you couldn’t get along with. I should have asked what you thought and then tried to convince you if you didn’t agree with me. But I suck as a parent.”

  “You don’t completely suck.”

  “No, full-on truth. I don’t know what I’m doing ninety-nine percent of the time. But I know something now I didn’t before. That this thing between you and me isn’t about two people living together. Getting along. This thing between us is real. I was too stupid to even understand what having a daughter and being a father really meant. That’s how amazing you are. I thought I loved you, Soph. I didn’t know what love was. Now I do.”

  It was her turn to cry. “I didn’t want to even like you. I thought I would be betraying mom if I did. Like she was dead and she didn’t matter anymore.”

  “Oh, hon, you’re not betraying her. She liked me, too, you know, once upon a time.”

  Sophie nodded. “She didn’t talk about you much, but she used to say I got your smart mouth.”

  Mark chuckled. “I’m sure she is somewhere in heaven laughing at the idea of you using it against me.”

  “I miss her.”

  “I miss her, too. The girl I knew. I see a lot of her in you and I love everything I see. I promise to always make sure she’s a part of us. Not just a part of you. Okay?”

  Sophie nodded. “I really do like JoJo. I hope you don’t screw it up.”

  Mark winced. “I hope I don’t, either. I’ve never not screwed it up—I’m not going to lie. But JoJo’s different. I feel differently about her. I think that’s because of you, too. I love you, kid. I think you cracked something open and now it’s all spilling out. I’m probably going to start crying every time I see you and start sending JoJo greeting cards with hearts and flowers on them.”

  “Mark, just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you have to be a sap.”

  “That is excellent advice.”

  A knock on the door made them turn their heads. Mark checked the clock on the wall: it was after ten. Well after visiting hours. But a nurse or a doctor wouldn’t have knocked.

  He got up and opened the door to find Bay on the other side. The kid was still dressed in his white tie and black tux. He look frazzled and worried. “I know it’s after hours, sir, but they wouldn’t tell me anything downstairs. Her status is still listed as critical and I just…I had to know. So I waited until the admin person got up and I found her room number.”

  “Well, that’s tenacity. She’s okay, Bay. Let me see if she’s up for company.”

  When he turned around he saw her smoothing her hair down. Mark stepped back and let him inside. “You get ten minutes. I’m going to go find a bad cup of coffee. When I get back, you are gone.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Mark was about to leave, but then stopped and wrapped his hand around the man’s arm. “You also don’t leave her alone. Anyone who doesn’t look like they belong doesn’t get through that door, you understand?”

  Bay turned to him with an expression of true intensity. “Yes, sir.”

  “Be gentle with him, Sophie. The boy looks frazzled.”

  “Mark! He’s not a boy.”

  “Remind me again what happened to Dad.”

  “Fluke. Get used to it.”

  Mark left the room with his head down, but he didn’t go beyond ten feet so he could keep an eye on the door.

  *

  SOPHIE FOUGHT THE urge to bite her nails. Instead she kept her hands in two fists by her sides. In one way the last person on the planet she wanted to see was Bay. She’d managed to avoid
him completely before curtain call by hiding in her dressing room with JoJo. Only now it was perfect. She had a totally good explanation.

  Mark said one of the symptoms of the poison was erratic behavior. She could tell Bay she wasn’t herself earlier today and be done with it. A person who had been poisoned couldn’t be held accountable for her actions. Everyone knew that.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she said with a brief smile.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better.” It was true, too. Or maybe she didn’t feel bad. She was realizing that she’d been feeling off for a while. It was hard to remember the last time she had felt physically good.

  “I figured it was the flu or something but the hospital status has you listed as critical and I didn’t know what to think.”

  Perfect. He had given her the opportunity she needed. The best part was that it was almost like she wasn’t even lying. Maybe she had done what she did in his hotel room because of the drug. Or at least she didn’t have to examine it too closely, which was fine with her. “It’s kind of crazy. Apparently I was exposed to some chemical that acted as a poison. It’s why I was sick and it causes really erratic behavior.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, how crazy was this morning? Totally not me at all. I’m so sorry I put you in that situation but whatever this chemical is, it was messing with my head. A lot.”

  “Oh.”

  Sophie wasn’t sure what to make of either of those ohs. He was still standing by her bed, his expression difficult to read.

  “Anyway, I’m really sorry.”

  “Sophie, I don’t care about what happened this morning. I care that you’re going to be okay.”

  “Yeah, Mark says I’ll be fine. I’m hooked up to all these tubes, so something must be working.”

  “Then that’s all that matters.”

  “Good. Then we can forget about this morning?”

  “Yeah. Sure. You were sick and everything.”

  “Not myself at all,” she insisted. “Like this completely different person.”

  His lips twitched. “I don’t know. I don’t think I buy that.”

  “No, it’s the truth. It was the poison in my system messing with my head.”

  “I just mean you were pretty brave. Doing what you did.” He lowered his voice. “Taking off your shirt and everything. To me it’s exactly something you would do. You want something and you go for it.”