Running On Empty

by Colette Ballard

  “See you soon.” He winked, then turned back to his phone before I’d shut his car door.

  Still dazed from Logan’s kiss, I pressed my fingers to my stinging lips as I walked toward the school’s abandoned football field. The field wasn’t used for games anymore because the school and community couldn’t raise enough money to keep the program. And since the temperature was usually nicer outside than in the school gym, they’d decided to hold the Awards-slash-Graduation Ceremony on the football field. Demand for electricity and manpower meant funds and volunteerism; lack of both meant a two-for-one deal.

  I started to file in the entry gate to join the other juniors who’d be receiving awards, but was stopped when a long, lean leg wearing skinny jeans and black boots stretched across the entryway. Looking like she’d just stepped out of some exotic cigarette ad, Kat let out a long stream of smoke as she leaned against a thick metal beam, her shiny, coffee-colored hair blowing in the breeze.

  “Where’s Prince Charming?” She lifted her chin to the nearly full bleachers where Logan would’ve been taking a seat if he’d walked in with me. “I noticed you came in alone.”

  “For your information,” I lifted her leg and pushed it away from me like I was opening the latch on a stall door, then let it drop, “he’s finishing up a phone call. He’ll be here in a minute.” I hooked my arm in hers and pulled her to the fence to avoid eavesdroppers.

  Kat opened her mouth to speak, but it turned into a smirk as something else caught her attention. “River, if you’re going to waste all your time with a guy, why can’t you waste it with a decent guy…somebody like Justice Braden?” She was talking to me, but her eyes followed Justice as he took his seat in the graduates’ section.

  I elbowed her. “I grew up with Justice. We think of each other like brother and sister.” Not to mention I was still annoyed with him for interrogating me about Logan.

  She raised her eyebrows. “Speak for yourself.”

  “Uh-uh.” I gripped the cross-hatched wire fencing next to me. “He made it clear how he felt about me a long time ago.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, in eighth-fucking-grade.”

  I held up a finger. “Ninth.” I shifted my attention to smoothing the skirt of my dress. “And if you like him so much, why don’t you date him?”

  “You know my rules about guys. Besides, he doesn’t look at me the same way he does you.” The corners around her eyes crinkled as she took a drag off her cigarette.

  “In case you missed it, Logan is my boyfriend.” I unhitched my fingers from the fencing and jerked when my thumb caught a jagged edge.

  “Mistake,” she sang under her breath as I started for the football field.

  Sucking away the sting and dots of blood from my thumb before they dripped on my white dress, I found my seat in one of the rows of brown metal folding chairs. I glanced out into the audience and spotted my faithful support team: Kat and Billi Jo. After someone tapped on the microphone, signaling the start of the ceremony, Logan rushed in and took a seat next to his parents. A few rows up sat Jamie—alone.

  Nausea settled in my gut, but not because Jack didn’t show up—I never expected otherwise. Staring out at the empty seats on either side of my sister, it occurred to me that he wasn’t the only one who’d betrayed me. My mother knew Jack wasn’t my father, and she chose to keep it a secret.

  I curled my fingers around my locket in an effort to keep the negative feelings away—no one would be happier for me than my mother.

  “…is an accomplished equestrian.” Principal William’s words brought me back into the moment. “She is one of our brightest juniors, maintaining a 3.8 GPA while meeting all other requirements. I am pleased to present our first award for the junior class tonight, the Horizon Award, to River Daniels.”

  My conflicting emotions, mixed with adrenaline and exhaustion, had a paralyzing affect as I took in the blur of faces waiting for me to make a move. After what seemed like minutes, a low whistle I recognized as Justice’s made me look across the aisle to the seniors’ section.

  Making sure he had my full attention, Justice put his hand on his heart and patted it twice. The first time he gave me that sign was the day of my mom’s funeral. That evening, after reassuring me we’d be okay for the thousandth time, he said good night. I stood in the doorway watching as he headed across the field to his house. When he reached the top of the hill, he turned to face me and placed his hand on his heart. It was his way of assuring me he was with me—that I was close to his heart.

  His simple gesture gave me the strength to walk into my house that night. It had given me strength through other hard times in my life, and it gave me strength now. Slowly, I unclenched my fingers from my locket, stood up straight, and went to accept the award of my dreams.

  Tiny bursts of energy coursed through every nerve in my body when my principal placed the crisp brown envelope in my trembling hand. This certificate was my golden ticket. It granted me three weeks of training under one of the most renowned reining horse trainers in the United States. Such an opportunity would increase my chances of moving up in position at the Westfields’ ranch and eventually saving enough money to travel out west and compete with my own reining horse.

  In a dream-like fog, I managed to find the way back to my seat. Principal William’s nasally voice soon became white noise as I replayed the highs and lows of my day, until it was Justice’s turn to receive his diploma. My heart swelled with pride as he shook our principal’s hand and accepted the small blue folder. On the way back to his chair, Justice’s eyes found mine, and with a warm smile meant only for me, he held up his diploma.

  At the close of the ceremony, the seniors erupted and tasseled caps colored the sky. There was excitement and tears and congratulatory hugs. Billi Jo caught up with me first and wrapped her long arms around me. “Congratulations, rock star.”

  “Thanks.” I gave her a tight hug back and tried not to choke on the familiar aroma of pot radiating from her. “Hey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” I released her and leaned back so she could see me. “I’m really sorry about missing your birthday.”

  “Don’t worry, you’ll make it up to me.” Her eyes twinkled, and she flashed that reckless grin of hers before putting me in a gentle headlock.

  Kat joined in with praises and a group hug while Jamie started snapping pictures. Then Justice bounded toward me with a wide smile. He looked adorable as his white graduation gown draped off his tall, medium frame and his dark hair flipped out around his cap. Without waiting for an invitation, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground.

  Any remaining irritation I’d felt at him earlier melted away, replaced by a pang of emptiness. I missed Justice more than I’d realized. Even though I’d spent all morning with him, it wasn’t the same as spending real time with him. We hadn’t been on a single trail ride since late winter. Maybe now that school was out, things would be different.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Justice growled into my hair as he bear-hugged me. “I know this has been a bittersweet day for you.”

  Images of my award and Ranger and no parents swirled in my head. “Good thing I have you to hold me together.” A knot formed in my throat, but I swallowed it when Logan appeared out of nowhere, his eyes locked on Justice.

  Justice took his time releasing me, and the second my feet touched the ground, I took a step away from him. “Logan, this—”

  “I’ll take it from here, Cowboy,” Logan said as he grasped my elbow, pulling me closer.

  My mouth went desert-dry when Justice stood straighter. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Logan, um…I’m not sure you two have met.”

  “We have now.” Logan glanced at his watch. “And look, it’s time to go.” Before I could respond, Logan entwined his fingers with mine and pulled me behind him into the crowd.

  Embarrassment swept over me, but I quickly disguised it, forcing a smile as I looked back at my friends. “See you guys at the
party.” Billi Jo’s mouth gaped, but Justice and Kat shot me a sharp, I-told-you-so look that carried enough force to make me gasp for air.

  As soon as we reached the parking lot, I yanked my hand away from Logan. “There a fire somewhere?”

  He tapped a cigarette out of his pack, stuck it in his mouth, and lit it. “I have to meet the guys at the Old Jenkins place before it gets dark.”

  I cringed—the Old Jenkins place was a field out in the country designated as a firing range of sorts. For some reason, Logan and his friends had a strange ritual of having target practice before they went out. Guns and alcohol—a great combination.

  “Great,” I said, spinning on my heels, “I’ll catch a ride to the party with my friends while you—”

  “River, wait.” He caught my arm. “That guy you were hugging,” taking a long draw off his cigarette, he leaned against his car, tilted his head back, and exhaled, “that the one you spent the night with last night?”

  The combination of the way he grabbed me and the calm tone of his voice sent chills curling up the back of my neck. I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes, so I concentrated on straightening the strap of my dress. “Logan, you know it wasn’t like that.”

  He squeezed my arm a little tighter. “But he’s the one, right?”

  He didn’t care about the part where Justice stayed up all night trying to save my horse. I pulled my arm free. “Yeah, that was Justice.”

  His eyes dropped, and he shook his head slowly. “I could kind of tell by the way you two held on to each other.”

  My stomach churned with guilt, but my head argued that I’d done nothing wrong. I rubbed my arm where his fingers had squeezed and when he noticed, his face fell and he pulled me into his chest. “Just as long as he knows you’re mine.”

  Warmth spread throughout my body, and it annoyed the hell out of me. For the most part, I didn’t care for his property reference, but in a deranged corner of my mind, I liked it. It meant he wanted me—Logan Westfield wanted me. There was no doubt he was insecure, but he truly cared about me and would never purposely try to hurt me. I managed to convince myself that this time he had a right to be jealous—after all, I had been in Justice’s arms.

  He opened the car door for me and gave me short, soft kisses as he spoke, “I promise…we won’t stay long. Come with me?”

  I got in, but I couldn’t convince myself he was asking.

  5

  FIELD PARTY

  After ordering two cases of beer at a dumpy drive-thru liquor store that sold to anyone with cash and a fake ID, we headed to the Old Jenkins place. The field resembled a new car lot by the time we pulled in. About ten guys were standing around, most with a beer in one hand and some form of weaponry in the other. Logan turned the car off and reached behind his seat to grab us a beer. “You coming? Trish and Leslie are here.”

  Oh joy. Eyeing two blondes who were making a serious job out of stacking beer can targets like the letter-flipping girl on Wheel of Fortune, I held up the beer he’d handed me. “Think I’m gonna opt out.”

  “I’ll be quick.” Logan grabbed his beer and went to join the other great white hunters.

  Guzzling my beer, I cranked the stereo in a weak attempt to drown out the sound of gunshots and my annoyance for their pathetic boy game. I couldn’t figure out the appeal; was it the thrill of hitting a target, the sin of underage drinking, or the multi-tasking of the two? Several ear-splitting rounds of ammo and two empty beer cans later, I concluded it was simply a celebration to show off the newest toys they’d bought with their parents’ money.

  The sunset faded into the horizon as the guys finished up their beers and gathered their empty cans and targets before heading to their vehicles. They might’ve been idiots, but at least they were environmentally conscious idiots—or they didn’t want to be banned from their shooting range. Yipping and hollering, they took turns revving their engines and stirring up dust on their way out. By the time Logan got into the car, we were the only ones left.

  “See, not too bad, huh?” He leaned across the console to kiss me but ended up knocking over my beer.

  “Shit!” I swiped at the puddle in my lap and tried to remember how to breathe.

  “Oops.” Logan grimaced and reached into his glove box for some napkins. “Mm, guess it’s a good thing you brought a change of clothes.”

  Even though my dress was soaked, I wasn’t about to change my clothes here. “I can change at Barney’s—it’s on the way to the party.”

  Glancing at the empty field surrounding us, he said in a soft voice, “It’s just the two of us out here. Don’t you trust me?” He edged toward me and slipped his hand onto my knee.

  “Of course,” I answered, but pushed it off.

  Catching my hand in his, he raised it to his lips. “You know I didn’t mean to spill beer on your mom’s dress, right?” He kissed each of my knuckles as his smoky gray eyes searched mine. “I bet she would’ve been proud of you tonight.”

  My eyes stung. Dammit. He always knew the right thing to say and when to say it.

  Allowing time for that to sink in, he started again, “I was sure proud of you tonight. You were the prettiest girl out there.” He moved in closer, his breath tickling the hollow of my neck as he spoke. “Prettiest girl in Dahlia.”

  Shivers crawled up my spine, and even though I knew he was full of shit, the attention felt shamelessly good. The beer made me more relaxed, he was the master of charm, and I didn’t completely trust either one of us, so I edged away from him. “Let’s go, Logan. Everyone is probably at the party by now.”

  He groaned in defeat and turned the ignition. “First stop, Barney’s.”

  Barney’s, named after the owner, was the only diner in town and my second place of employment. It was basically a concrete building that reeked of grease, cigarette smoke, and more than its fair share of small talk. That description pretty much fit Barney, too.

  After Logan parked in the crowded gravel lot, I grabbed my bag from the back seat and hurried in to change.

  “River,” called a husky voice to my right.

  My lips lifted at the sound of the familiar voice but froze mid-smile when I turned to see Justice slouching against a pool table beside some girl I didn’t recognize. When I caught her arm draped around his waist and her thumb hooked in the loop of his jeans, my stomach lurched like I’d been sucker punched.

  Justice scanned my face. “What happened to you?”

  Besides finding some red-haired hoochie you’ve never uttered a single word about tangled around you like an octopus?

  Justice raised his eyebrows higher, waiting for my answer, and I struggled to remember the question. “Oh, um…” I brushed my palms against my soaked dress and remembered. “Logan knocked a beer over.”

  “You okay?” He stood straighter and his date moved with him, ensuring her arm didn’t get displaced. “You seem pretty upset.”

  Maybe because I am—on multiple levels. Besides the whole beer-on-Mom’s-dress thing, you failed to mention to your best friend that you have a girlfriend, and honestly, it feels like I’ve been punched. By a gorilla.

  “No…I mean, yes. Everything’s great.” I forced a smile.

  “River?”

  “Justice, I’m fine. I’ve…I’ve had a couple beers, no big deal.” I could tell by the way he set his jaw that he wasn’t going to let me by with any weak explanations. But if I didn’t hurry, Logan would come to check on me, and I wasn’t up for a second round of introductions between the two most important guys in my life. And since, technically, I had no sensible explanation for the unfamiliar ache in my stomach, I went with the one Justice could understand. “This was my mom’s dress, that’s all.” I tugged at the dress’ skirt.

  “Oh,” Justice rubbed at his jaw, “I’m really sorry.”

  A needle-like pain pricked my heart. Logan didn’t even apologize, and he was the one who spilled beer on me.

  “I better go change,” I said, averting my ey
es so Justice couldn’t read me anymore. If he did, it would be hard to hold it together considering the day I’d had. Besides, it wasn’t exactly a conversation I wanted to have with him when some girl had her tentacles wrapped around him.

  When I got to the bathroom, I quickly peeled off the wet dress and changed into a white tank top, blue jeans, and my brown cowboy boots. I took a minute to smooth down my unruly waves, apply-cherry chapstick, and fasten the top button on my tank top, then stole a quick look in the mirror.

  You can do this, I whispered to the mixed-up girl staring back at me. Logan adores you. Justice is your best friend, which is why he didn’t bother telling you about the new girl. Ughhh…I undid the top button on my tank top. Logan appreciated it when I showed a little cleavage—emphasis on little.

  Knowing the only way out meant walking past Justice and his date, I slung my bag over my shoulder, sucked in a deep breath, and pushed the door open.

  Before I could slip past them, Justice grabbed my arm gently. “River, wait. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you two when you first walked in. Guess I was a little distracted.”

  Makes two of us.

  “Trina, this is my best friend, River. River, this is my date.”

  On his last word, my fist closed around the strap of my bag. As if my day didn’t suck enough already.

  I extended my arm for a handshake and waited while she forced herself to unwind her arm from Justice’s midsection to accept my offer. “Nice to finally meet you,” she drawled as she bared her teeth, exposing her unusually sharp canines. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

  I scowled at Justice and blurted, “Well, that’s one of us.”

  When her face fell, I immediately felt like a jerk. I handled that no better than Logan handled meeting Justice. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was, I’ve barely seen Justice lately, so he hasn’t had a chance to update me on his exciting news.”