Joe Bruzzese

by Parents' Guide to the Middle School Years

  The volume of paper can change during the course of a year. Teachers are famous for sending home a stockpile of assignments at the end of a grading period. If you can predict when these deluges will occur, mark the date on the calendar and plan for a filing party. Regardless of when that occurs, try to establish a consistent time and schedule for emptying the binder and backpack into the file crate. As with any new routine, the first few attempts take more effort to complete than will be required after the routine becomes a habit. Kids need the most support from parents during the early stages of building a new routine. Here are some tips for supporting your child through the organizational process.

  1. Plot a date. After coming to a mutually agreed upon interval for filing papers, record the first date on your family’s calendar. This date recorded on the calendar dramatically increases the chance that your child will follow through.

  2. Discuss consequences. Equally important is your child’s understanding of the consequences (both positive and negative) associated with completing this task. If your child chooses to follow through with his plan to file all papers, then a celebration is order (see number four). However, if the date comes and goes without the papers being filed, then it’s your role to follow through with the agreed-upon consequences. Stick to your guns here. The power behind setting an expectation quickly disappears if it turns out to be nothing more than an empty threat.

  3. Ask, don’t tell. Filing is an organization strategy that your child can learn. For this strategy to become a part of your child’s toolkit, he needs to take responsibility for using it. You don’t have to keep prodding or cajoling. When the day arrives, ask this question: “When are you planning to file your papers? I noticed that today is the day we marked on the calendar.”

  4. Celebrate success. When your child completes the first official filing of his papers, celebrate. Celebrating can be as simple as sharing an acknowledging statement: “Hey, you did a phenomenal job filing your papers. I appreciate you taking responsibility for keeping your schoolwork organized.” The second part of this acknowledgment reinforces a bigger issue—responsibility. Although the file crate may look neat, learning to assume responsibility for staying organized is the real reason to celebrate. The power of acknowledgment, particularly with middle schoolers, cannot be overstated.

  Building a binder

  In association with a backpack, your child’s binder is the critical link between school and home for all assignments and parent-school communication. It can be a challenge to create a system that meshes with your child’s preferences while meeting his teachers’ demands. The binder setup we describe here is meant to provide your child with a starting point for building an organized binder. As teachers become more explicit in their expectations, your child can adapt the binder to meet the new demands.

  Prior to engaging in this activity with your child, confirm that you have the recommended list of supplies that follows. Running to the store midway through the setup will put a halt to your momentum.

  One heavy-duty or zippered binder

  A package of six to eight binder dividers with folder sleeves

  One seventy-page wireless notebook

  Heavy-duty three-hole punch

  To set up the binder, label each binder divider with the name of one class. Insert the dividers in the same order as the class schedule. The first class of the day belongs to the first divider in the binder and so on. Insert a wireless notebook after the last divider. Each divider has a pocket on the front side. This is a temporary home for any papers that are not three-hole punched. Encourage your child to make a choice about where new additions to the binder will go; then refrain from offering additional advice.

  Ask to see the binder after the setup is complete. If your child can articulate how his system works, then consider the task complete. Check in regularly (every two to three weeks) to confirm that the system he started with is still working. If papers appear to be falling out or you hear complaints about lost assignments, take the opportunity to sit down with your child and brainstorm ways to overcome the challenge.

  Like the file crate system, the setup steps for a binder are easy to complete. The challenge with both systems is maintenance. Creating a regular routine for filing papers and hole-punching the remaining papers will ease the stress of trying to stay organized. Papers tend to pile up quickly in a binder, so consider a schedule that will keep the binder looking good on a weekly basis. Removing or hole-punching papers can usually be done once a week; however, there are always exceptions. The English teacher who loves to read, write, and copy everything he reads and writes can lead his students to a binder explosion in a few days.

  An efficient study space, together with a filing system and an organized binder, minimizes stress during study time while maximizing the time spent working on homework activities in the after-school hours. With the foundation for your child’s home organization system in place, let’s turn our attention to a new and equally challenging space to organize—the school locker.

  Locker organization

  The task of setting up and maintaining a school locker presents a wonderful opportunity for children to practice taking responsibility for the ongoing upkeep of a space outside of the home. Parents should consider their child’s school locker off limits unless an emergency warrants access. The responsibility of maintaining a locker rests solely on the shoulders of the child. Given the small dimensions of most middle school lockers, the possibility of losing supplies remains relatively low, and thus the chance for organizational success is high. However, without a plan for organizing the space, your child’s locker can easily become an extension of her bedroom or backpack—with assorted goodies sticking out of every available nook and cranny.

  With the goal of creating an organized space, consider purchasing the following supplies for your child:

  One to two locker shelves with supports (found at most office supply stores)

  Six magnets

  Two sticky note pads

  Small box for extra pens and pencils

  Magnetic container large enough for pens, pencils, and sticky notes

  The challenge for middle schoolers is to gain entry to their lockers, stash unneeded items, and gather supplies for the coming class, within the span of four to five minutes. This wouldn’t be nearly as challenging if it weren’t for the hundreds of other kids who are scrambling to do exactly the same thing at the same time. Encourage your child to adopt a trial-and-error mind-set when it comes to her locker setup. As with most new organizational systems, lockers require an adjustment period that includes time to remove and reposition supplies. After a few minor changes, kids generally find a setup that enables them to reach each class on time with all the required materials in hand.

  If your child asks for help or complains about having difficulty reaching class on time, then offer a few ideas. Proceed cautiously. Being asked for your assistance does not give you license to assume ownership and responsibility for maintaining your child’s locker. Instead, suggest a few minor changes, like stacking textbooks and notebooks together by class or taking supplies for two or three classes during a single visit to the locker. Kids particularly like this suggestion because shuttling supplies back and forth after every class takes time that could be better spent socializing with friends.

  Remember, transferring responsibility to your child is a process that takes time. If you offer too many potential solutions for confronting locker woes (or other common dilemmas), you’ll slow down the transition to independence.

  Here are several locker dos and don’ts to discuss before school begins:

  Do return or replace materials in their original location.

  Don’t throw materials into the first available space in your locker.

  Do use magnets to hold up important papers and keep other papers in a binder.

  Don’t leave papers lying around inside your locker.

  Do give yourself at least one month to learn a new system.
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  Don’t expect your locker to organize itself.

  Do take responsibility for your materials. Now is a great time to take on more responsibility and become more independent.

  Don’t expect anyone else to organize your locker or backpack.

  I’m here; now where do I go?

  Middle schoolers in the first few weeks of a new school year often have trouble remembering their locker location and combination. And returning after every class to retrieve a new set of materials can also add extra stress to an already busy schedule of events. You can help alleviate your child’s anxiety—and raise her confidence that she can successfully navigate the halls and arrive safely at each destination—by helping her create a map of the school campus.

  Begin planning a route around campus by identifying the location of each room on the class schedule. In the weeks prior to the start of school, class schedules are distributed, either by mail or at a school-wide orientation session. Most class schedules contain a list of teachers and room numbers for the typical school day.

  Find ten minutes to sit with your child and sift through the orientation materials for a school map. With this map and the class schedule in hand, highlight the following locations:

  Classes one to six (or seven), including P.E.

  Locker

  School cafeteria and where the lunch line begins

  Bathrooms

  Main office—where the principal, vice principal(s), and counselors live

  Pickup and drop-off location (either the bus stop or a mutually agreed upon location where these exchanges will occur)

  During orientation, teachers and staff members will introduce new students to the school campus through a series of activities. Remembering the location of six or more classrooms may be low on your child’s priority scale compared to socializing with friends, so consider visiting the school in the evening hours with your child to get a better idea of where to locate each of the highlighted areas from your mapping activity. After a brief trip around the campus, consider challenging your child with the following scavenger hunt.

  Scavenger hunt

  This activity will give your child a better sense of how long it takes to move from class to class during the day. Becoming more familiar with the school campus also decreases the possibility of getting lost on the first day. The summer months provide an ideal opportunity to visit the school campus. As your child traverses the corridors with a map in hand, he begins to form a mental picture of the school’s layout. Prior to the summer break, stop by the school’s front office and request a map. Inquire about any times when the school may be closed or inaccessible. Typically, schools close their doors and prohibit access to the campus for at least one month during the summer break. Opt to explore the campus in the weeks immediately preceding the return to school; your child is more likely to focus on the details of your trip then—and to remember them later.

  The parent’s role in the scavenger hunt is to provide transportation to and from the school site. Beyond the free shuttle service, you may also offer to hold the stopwatch and record notes on the activity sheet. Follow your child’s lead as to how much assistance to offer. If she decides to invite a friend along, you can offer to record times for both kids; if you sense impending embarrassment, just let them know you will wait at the front of the school for them to complete the activity. Take a few moments to tour the campus on your own. Note the location of the front office. Ideally, your visits with the staff inside will be limited to positive discussions.

  Scavenger hunt materials:

  Class schedule

  Watch or stopwatch

  Piece of paper

  Pen

  COACHING TIP

  When selecting a drop-off and pickup location, steer clear of the area immediately in front of the school. Opt instead for the parking lot entrance where you can avoid the unpleasantness of car horns and gestures that can put a damper on your day.

  With a stopwatch in hand (unless the parent is handling this), record the start time on the activity sheet, then proceed to the first destination on the list that follows.

  After arriving at the locker, open it before recording the travel time in the area labeled “Drop-off spot to locker.” Shut the locker and continue traveling from location to location, using the record below as a guide.

  START LOCATION START TIME ROUTE TRAVEL TIME

  Drop-off spot (bus

  stop or parent drop-

  off spot) to locker:

  Locker to class #1:

  Class #1 to class #2:

  Class #2 to locker:

  Locker to class #3:

  Class #3 to class #4:

  Class #4 to class #5:

  Class #5 to locker:

  Locker to class #6:

  Class #6 to class #7 (if

  you have 7 classes):

  Last class to locker:

  Locker to pickup

  location (bus stop or

  parent pickup spot):

  Before admiring the total travel time, add an extra minute to each of the recorded travel times. Why? With potentially hundreds of other students crowding the halls, travel time will increase. Were any of the recorded travel times longer than four minutes? If so, suggest a few of the following time-saver tips.

  Minimize locker trips. Rather than visiting the locker after every other class, limit restocking trips to times when the locker is conveniently located on the path to a class. Taking books for two or three classes may be a more efficient option, especially when the classrooms are close together.

  Plan ahead. Encourage your child to leave school with the supplies she will need for first period the following day. The morning hours can be unpredictable. Showing up late to first period is a tough way to start the day, particularly for the child who already struggles to get out of bed in the morning.

  Avoid restroom repeats. It may not be realistic to expect to use the restroom and visit the locker in the same passing period. Although at times your child won’t be able to avoid the need to visit both spots, suggest saving restroom trips for longer breaks (snack break, lunch, and before P.E.).

  As your child becomes more comfortable with middle school, you may notice an increased desire for independence—excluding, of course, the need for continued chauffeur service and the occasional request for funds. The influence of peers and the new middle school environment triggers change in adolescents. Within a few weeks of your child’s starting school, you may notice a host of new personality traits cropping up. When you ask about homework, the typical middle schooler response is, “I’ve got it handled” or “I finished it all at school.” Kids are trying on their new role as aspiring, independent teens, which simply means they don’t want help with anything that might make them look like a younger child, dependent on Mom and Dad. Middle schoolers are looking to make a clean break from the helping hands of their parents in nearly every area of their lives, from homework to social planning. As difficult as this sudden shift in persona can be for you as a parent, take comfort in the thought that, in time, your child will face challenges for which your ideas will be welcomed once again. Acknowledging the changes in your child’s life as well as the need to shift your parenting mind-set can prevent hours of unnecessary frustration for you both. Although at times it may seem as though your child no longer wants you close by, it’s important to remember that she still needs you to fill a significant role in her life. Adolescents learn how to thrive through support and ongoing encouragement from parents. Without this critical piece in place, the emotional puzzle of adolescence can become overwhelming for kids. There’s more to come in the following chapters on the topic of independence and the changing role of parents. But before moving our focus away from the school campus, there are a few additional quirks about the middle school day worth mentioning.

  COACHING TIP

  Arriving after the bell rings equates to being tardy in most middle school classrooms. Too many tardies may lower a student’s final grade.
Review the student handbook and individual class syllabi with your child so you’re well informed about each teacher’s policy on this issue. Set up a regular interval for your child to check in with each teacher to confirm how many tardies and absences they have recorded. If there are any disagreements, work with your child to clear them up prior to the arrival of the quarterly report card.

  Anxiety over physical education

  During the elementary school years, P.E. was probably a welcome relief from an otherwise steady diet of reading, writing, and math. In most cases a student’s achievement was measured by her effort and a change of clothes wasn’t required. The transition to a physical education period with a certified athletic instructor can be a startling addition to the middle school day. Teachers expect students to don a uniform and complete a series of written assignments and display exemplary effort during the physical challenges of each P.E. session. With the exception of a few schools that provide exemptions for students already involved in an athletic sport, most students will be expected to include P.E. class as a part of their schedule. And yes, the class will be graded.

  Is someone staring at me?

  Most schools require students to change into school-issued uniforms. And yes, changing in the locker room with a complete group of strangers is part of the fun associated with middle school. The good news is that everyone feels equally uncomfortable as they scramble to get dressed. If changing makes your child feel uncomfortable, consider sharing a few of the following suggestions.

  Start a conversation by asking, “Are you nervous about changing for P.E.?” If that question stirs feelings of anxiety, consider asking a second question, “Have you thought about wearing part of your uniform under your regular clothes?” If the Superman method of clothes swapping is not an option, discuss the possibility of finding a bathroom stall where changing might be a more private affair. Unfortunately, most locker rooms don’t come equipped with enough stalls to accommodate everyone. Although the first few weeks may feel awkward, the initial shock of changing in front of a group of strangers wears off. Encourage your child to hang in there for a few weeks until the anxiety subsides.