Joe Bruzzese

by Parents' Guide to the Middle School Years

  KPC–Keeping parents clueless

  POTS–Parents over the shoulder

  QT–Cutie

  UR–You are

  YWTHM–You want to hug me

  YOYO–You’re on your own

  Let’s connect

  Amid the flurry of text messages kids send and receive, it’s hard to believe that this nearly ubiquitous form of communication accounts for only a portion of their peer-to-peer communication. If you want to know where to meet a friend or the status of your social plans, you send a message. But messaging doesn’t provide an efficient way to share your plans with an entire group of friends or a venue for sharing highlights of special events. A growing number of kids are extending their one-on-one and small group interactions to their entire network of friends through the use of social networking websites.

  The modern-day equivalent of hanging out at your local community center, social networking now accounts for nearly 90 percent of the time kids in the twelve-to-seventeen-year-old age range spend online. Unlike the local community center that was open only during the afternoon hours and staffed with qualified adults, social networking sites draw around-the-clock participation, with a minimal amount of supervision from a virtual staff monitoring millions of users. People are free to drop in at any time either for a live conversation or to leave messages for friends to see on their next visit.

  The move toward full-fledged social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace begins before a child enters middle school. Elementary school age children delight in spending hours tending to their online pets at Club Penguin, Webkinz, and Moshi Monsters. Under the guise of a fun-filled arcade, each of these sites operates a child-friendly version of social networking. Users establish a primary residence and have access to common areas, which are accessible to anyone with a user account who is currently online. What is the criterion for creating a user account? With the exception of Webkinz, which requires the purchase of a stuffed animal and registration code, nearly all of these younger social networks are free for anyone to join.

  All of the kid-friendly sites have an arcade-style interface. Users are required to create an avatar (an animated figure representing the user) before participating in any of the site’s features or common access environments. As the avatars navigate their way through the online world, stopping to play games and purchase trinkets, they may be contacted by any one of the other avatars currently online. The positive side to avatar-based games is they keep your child’s true identity and personal information a secret. The only way to learn the identity of another avatar is by requesting it through the site’s chat or message feature. Communication can arrive via either a short chat message or a note left in the avatar’s mailbox. In either case, a user is free to delete the message without replying to the sender.

  The downside to avatar anonymity is you never know who could be lurking around. Guiding kids to keep their true identity a secret is an essential precautionary measure that many parents wouldn’t think to consider on these sites, given the playful surroundings. With some coaching and a few side-by-side sessions, you can steer your child away from unwanted encounters and toward the game areas. Given the relatively small number of users frequenting these child-friendly sites and the charge to rid online environments of predators, the online staff at each site are vigilant in their efforts to block users who demonstrate any attempt to contact children in a suspicious manner. Keeping kids safe is their primary concern. Parents are encouraged to contact website administrators if they suspect an inappropriate behavior.

  The well-guarded anonymity of these sites for younger children lasts for only so long—as kids and parents eventually realize when making the transition to more mainstream social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook.

  Playing with the big kids

  Joining the social networking giants Facebook and MySpace now seems like little more than the next step along a predetermined path for many kids entering middle school. Although MySpace and Facebook offer many of the same features, there are distinct differences between the two services. MySpace launched its service in 2003 with a focus on sharing music by fledgling musicians who were hoping to break into the mainstream music recording industry. Little did the founders know that the company’s modest mission statement would blossom into the world’s largest social networking service, now connecting nearly 120 million users worldwide, with 73 million unique user accounts in the United States alone.

  Facebook, by contrast, had its humble beginnings in a dorm room at Harvard University. Early in 2004, Mark Zuckerberg, one of three original founders, conceived an idea that would spread like wildfire across the Ivy League in the following year. Originally designed as a place to keep the Harvard undergrad population connected, Facebook quickly grew beyond its Ivy roots to reach colleges across the United States. Interest in this renowned new form of communication grew at an alarming rate, nearly overwhelming the small startup. In a bold move, Facebook founders made the decision to open the network to high school-age students in 2005, thus greatly expanding the network’s potential user base. In the fall of 2006, just two short years after bringing their idea to the Harvard campus, Facebook’s founders opened its doors to mainstream users across the United States. Membership numbers exploded into the millions, but even with its current tally of forty-three million unique accounts worldwide, Facebook membership pales in comparison to the dominant position MySpace has secured in the social networking realm.

  Pressure from peers to graduate from their cuddly penguin or Webkinz pet to a Facebook or MySpace account can lead children to a critical crossroads. Legally, most children cannot participate until toward the end of their middle school years. The prevalence of underage users falsifying personal information to gain access to both MySpace and Facebook has led to widespread misuse and abuse of these sites. Although the terms of use and eligibility (which follow) stipulate the minimum age of eligibility as thirteen for Facebook users and fourteen for MySpace, many kids think very little of subtracting a few years from their birth date to meet a site’s minimum age requirement.

  The following text is taken directly from the Facebook Terms of Use document.

  “This Site is intended solely for users who are thirteen (13) years of age or older, and users of the Site under 18 who are currently in high school or college. Any registration by, use of or access to the Site by anyone under 13, or by anyone who is under 18 and not in high school or college, is unauthorized, unlicensed and in violation of these Terms of Use. By using the Service or the Site, you represent and warrant that you are 13 or older and in high school or college, or else that you are 18 or older, and that you agree to and to abide by all of the terms and conditions of this Agreement.”

  Tucked away among the long list of privileges and exclusions is the verbiage detailing Facebook’s policy on membership termination:

  “The Company may terminate your membership, delete your profile and any content or information that you have posted on the Site or through any Platform Application and/or prohibit you from using or accessing the Service or the Site or any Platform Application (or any portion, aspect or feature of the Service or the Site or any Platform Application) for any reason, or no reason, at any time in its sole discretion, with or without notice, including if it believes that you are under 13, or under 18 and not in high school or college.”

  Also taken directly from their company’s website, the following paragraph includes both the eligibility and termination information for MySpace accounts.

  “Use of the MySpace Services and registration to be a Member for the MySpace Services (“Membership”) is void where prohibited. By using the MySpace Services, you represent and warrant that (a) all registration information you submit is truthful and accurate; (b) you will maintain the accuracy of such information; (c) you are 14 years of age or older; and (d) your use of the MySpace Services does not violate any applicable law or regulation. Your profile may be deleted and your Membership may be terminate
d without warning, if we believe that you are under 14 years of age, if we believe that you are under 18 years of age and you represent yourself as 18 or older, or if we believe you are over 18 and represent yourself as under 18.”

  Protecting young users

  Midway through 2008, both Facebook and MySpace reached agreements with attorneys general in forty-nine states (Texas declined both initiatives) to begin instituting a firmer set of policies and technology that will keep their networks free from sexual predators. Although the new call to action does little in the way of firming up their ability to track and delete underage users, the assault on predatory action was the first step that either social networking services or state governments have taken to reduce an otherwise unregulated online environment.

  Pornography of any kind, including links to adult content websites and user groups created for the purpose of promoting adult content, will be removed, in accordance with the initiative’s objectives. Repeated attempts at changing a user’s registered age will send an alert to website administrators, triggering a thorough account review. Each of these social networking giants recognizes the significance they play in maintaining a safe environment for minors. Although they acknowledge the importance of their role in adhering to a higher standard of safety, the brunt of the responsibility for keeping kids safe on social networking sites falls on their parents’ shoulders.

  Though your child’s first year in middle school could be free from the challenge of illegally obtaining a social networking account, you should be prepared to soon face the fury of an unrelenting thirteen-year-old who wants desperately to exercise his legal right to join his circle of friends online. Although banning your child from joining a network will limit his access at home, your hard-line tactics do little to discourage his peers’ continued use of these same services. Your child’s peer group will continue to exist online as it does offline even in his absence.

  If you can’t beat them …

  A growing number of parents have taken the plunge into the world of social networking by creating their own accounts. On the basis of the premise that knowledge is power, parents are creating accounts in record numbers and using their online presence to meet the continued challenge of social networking misuse and abuse. Parents in the thirty-five-to-forty-four-year-old age bracket are one of the fastest-growing segments of new users outside of the twelve-to-seventeen-year-old age bracket. Overcoming the initial learning curve can be daunting, particularly given your child’s fluidity with technology; however, the motivation to learn more about your child while preventing online abuse could be enough to push you past the point of fear and into action. Consider taking up temporary residence on both MySpace and Facebook. As an adult, you can register for either service in a matter of minutes. Although staying abreast of the latest teen tech trends may help bolster your confidence, keep in mind the main goal behind your presence online. For the first time, parents now have the rare opportunity to peer into their child’s social network of friends, albeit from the safe distance of a computer display. Ask your child to add you to her list of online friends, but expect to be required to meet a few conditions, assuming you receive the coveted title. Tread lightly with your new friend status; you’re likely to have your friend status revoked as quickly as it was granted if you post a comment on your child’s profile page, ask your child about anything you saw on his profile page, or send a friend request to your child’s friends.

  Of course, you have the right to protect your child from content that clearly depicts violent or unsafe acts. Your child’s safety overrides her right to privacy.

  Creating your first account

  We’ll now go through the initial steps for creating a MySpace account. (Like everything on the Web, the look and feel of what we describe may change over time, but the essential elements should remain.) Facebook registration is nearly identical and should prove to be less of a challenge after you have successfully navigated the MySpace interface. Even though you’ll likely be able to provide responses to all of the required registration fields in less than ten minutes, schedule a block of thirty minutes or more to allow time to explore and experiment with basic features after the signup process is complete.

  With your internet browser open, go to www.myspace.com. Look for the “Sign Up” button. Click the button to bring up the account registration form. Scan the form from top to bottom, noting the variety of information you are asked to provide. There are links to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy at the bottom of the page just above the Sign Up button. Review both documents before you complete the registration form. In addition to the eligibility and termination clause we covered earlier, you will find a plethora of information detailing specific user-related responsibilities, prohibited content, and a cautionary note about the personal information you choose to provide on your profile page.

  Having read the site’s disclaimers, you can complete the registration form. All fields are required except state of residence. A verification image of numbers and letters—an increasingly common security device on the Web—ensures that only human users can create an account. Before you click the final Sign Up button at the bottom of the page, check the small box confirming you have read the terms of service and privacy policy documents. Successfully navigating the registration gauntlet will bring you to the first choice in a series of options for building your profile page.

  Protecting your privacy

  Privacy concerns become paramount at this stage of the account setup. With the opportunity to upload a photo, kids often choose a favorite personal shot featuring friends. You also have the option of uploading a symbol instead of a personal photo or bypassing the photo option completely—in which case MySpace places the default “NO PHOTO” icon where your photo would normally appear. Clicking the “Skip this step” link will bring you to a new page where you can add friends. If you want to remain as anonymous as possible, then leave the default silhouette in place rather than adding a photo of your own. As a general rule, if you want to appear on your child’s friend list, refrain from adding a picture or any other personal information that would draw attention to the fact you are a parent.

  Choose your friends carefully. Adding email addresses to your friend list is the first contact point your account has with the outside world. Friends must accept invitations before their name will appear in your network. On acceptance, anyone joining your group of friends will have immediate access to your page and the information you have chosen to share. The same dynamic applies as you begin to receive and accept friend requests—often referred to as friending. Keeping portions of your MySpace profile private prevents unconfirmed friends from peeking at your personal information until they become official additions to your friend list.

  You can adjust your privacy settings to eliminate most of the unsolicited attention you might otherwise receive. While viewing your account, look for “Privacy” at the top of the page between the words “Password” and “Spam.” Click the privacy link to display a host of options for the settings associated with your account. If you take the time to review each of the areas listed on this page, you’ll have a much better understanding of the features currently available on the site.

  COACHING TIP

  Neglect adjusting the privacy settings on your MySpace account, and you’ll give complete access to anyone who wants to view your personal information. You can block unwanted visitors by changing the privacy setting from the default to “my friends only.”

  Pay particular attention to the first item on the list, “privacy.” I suggest you change two particular default settings. First, under “profile viewable by,” choose the “my friends only” option to keep your page hidden from everyone except your preapproved group of friends. The second, under “block users,” is helpful if you continually receive unsolicited messages or friend requests. You can add these senders to a list of blocked users. Coaching your child to use both of these privacy features will significantly reduce, if not
eliminate, unwelcome communication.

  Next, let’s peruse a few of the many features for enhancing your online presence. Both MySpace and Facebook offer similar features for users connecting and sharing information with friends in their network. We will review a few of the more prominent features, then discuss major differences between the two services.

  Promoting your profile

  Your user profile features personal information prominently on your page. Any hobbies, interests, or additional personal information you included during the registration process becomes part of your profile. Be careful about the items you wish to share in this section of your page. Even though uninvited guests cannot view your extended profile of personal interests and lifestyle preferences, you have no control over what your group of friends chooses to do with this information. One friend’s innocent attempt at connecting you with a new acquaintance could reveal information you might have preferred to keep private. Deleting personal information removes it from the view of new visitors, but the damage may already have been done.

  COACHING TIP

  The Internet remembers everything. Guiding your child toward a safety-conscious online experience requires a routine check on the types of information she has chosen to share. Every email, photo, or comment shared online becomes public property the moment it leaves your computer.

  Photo sharing

  Sending a picture from your camera phone takes time and eats up valuable minutes from your monthly plan. With the photosharing feature now common on social networking sites, your home page can feature a collage of pictures for friends to enjoy and share. Yes, as with your profile information the pictures you choose to post become available for friends everywhere to share and alter in any way they choose. Friends viewing your photos can copy and send these images to anyone with a few clicks of the mouse. Facebook’s tagging feature gives users the option to name the people in your photos. Tagging a friend sends a copy of your photo to their account. Caught up in the egocentricity of their young lives, most kids never consider the possibility that these photos could be seen by anyone other than their preapproved list of friends. Share this fact with your child; you could save her from an embarrassing moment.