Even Wilder

by Bria Leigh

  “Morning. I wasn’t sure if you’d be up.” She set the coffees down on her dresser. “I got coffee. I brought a couple of sugar packets and stuff. I wasn’t sure what you liked in yours.”

  She handed mine over, and I took it. “Black is fine.”

  She smirked.

  I brought the coffee to my lips and blew. “What’s so funny?”

  She shook her head, dismissing her smirk. “You freaked out last night over that girl.”

  “What the fuck did I do?” Oh shit. Not another night where I couldn’t remember what the hell I did.

  “You punched Malcolm Wentworth in the face and threw him into the bushes last night,” she said, filling me in on my entire stupid escapade.

  I shook my head, not believing it. I needed to find my phone and get a hold of Violet so I could smooth this over. “Why the hell would I do that?” It didn’t take long to jog my memory. Small bits of last night’s shit show started resurfacing. Violet’s lips on that guy's mouth were front and center.

  “Is there something going on between the two of you?” She sat down on her bed, crossing her legs. She acted like the whole thing was no big deal.

  I tugged at my hair. “I’ve known Violet since first grade. She’s my best friend.” Was I denying the truth? I searched around the room for my clothes.

  “You don’t punch your best friends’ hook-up in the mouth. But guys who love someone and want them for themselves do.”

  I found my costume at the end of her bed and slipped back into the pants. I didn’t care about the shirt I just wanted to find Violet and talk to her.

  “You know where my phone is?”

  She brought her coffee to her lips, narrowing her eyes on me. “You chucked it in the street.”

  What was that my third cell phone in two months? I needed to get my shit together. Violet was right. I was acting like an idiot.

  “I had a fun night,” she offered. “You were polite, and that was refreshing.”

  Fuck. I just had to come out and ask. “Did we sleep together?”

  “Yes. You don’t remember?” She set her coffee down. “Fuck. You really were wasted.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. If anything, I should be the one who feels bad. You’re a beautiful girl. What kind of guy doesn’t remember being with you?”

  She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. The fact that you’re even apologizing is more than I’ve heard from any of these guys around campus. You’re a good guy.”

  “I’m gonna run,” I pointed towards the door, hoping I could get out of there without any more small talk.

  “Go find your friend. And if you’re ever around campus again, look me up,” she said with a smile.

  I grabbed my shoes and took off, shoving them on in the hallway. I needed to find Violet and see how much I fucked everything up.

  I FOUND MY WAY BACK to Violet’s apartment. I didn’t care about the walk of shame that I had to do or the fact I didn’t have a shirt on anymore. I just wanted to talk to Violet.

  And when Kat opened the door, I could tell by the look on her face that was not going to happen.

  “I don’t know what the fuck happened,” I admitted right away, judging by the look on her face she was just as baffled as I was. But she let me in. “Where is she?”

  “She isn’t here.” She shut the door. “But dude, what the fuck were you thinking throwing Malcolm in the bushes?”

  I winced at the thought of it. “I wasn’t thinking. I don’t even remember it. I didn’t even know where I was when I woke up this morning.” I left out the part about the blonde. But I was sure Kat knew all about it.

  “Is she at school?”

  “It’s the weekend, Wilder. She doesn’t go to school on the weekend. You’re lucky you didn’t get arrested.”

  I had forgotten that. “I just need to talk to her.”

  “Oh, I don’t think she is going to talk to you.” Kat laughed. “You threw the first friend she made since moving here into the bushes. And you punched him.”

  Kat didn’t understand Violet and I’s relationship. We got over things. We always forgave each other no matter what we did. I knew if I could talk to her, I could explain away all the anger she probably had right now because of me.

  “Well, can you call her because I don’t have my phone.”

  Kat remembered something and hurried to the kitchen. “That’s because you chucked it in the street. I picked it up before someone ran it over. You’re welcome.”

  “Thanks, Kat.” A little relief trickled back into me. But when I looked at my screen, that all vanished. Not a single call from Violet. Not even a text.

  But there were many from Bing and my mother. I looked at Kat. “I got to go. Tell her I’m sorry. Tell her I feel bad, and I never wanted any of this to happen.”

  Kat nodded. “I will. But you upset her. You need to get your anger under control.”

  I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m glad I got to meet you, you’re an awesome chick. Violet was wrong about you.”

  She gave me a weird look when we broke apart. “Wrong about me?”

  “She thought you hated her.”

  “I don’t hate Violet. We just didn’t understand one another. I think you helped this weekend.” She smiled, her eyes smeared with black makeup. She looked as hungover as I felt. “And I think you love each other.”

  “I got to run. You have my number. Let me know how things work out for you, Kat.” I headed for the door. That wasn’t the topic I was willing to discuss with her roommate. When the time was right, I would consider talking about it with the one person who deserved to hear it.

  I MADE IT HOME QUICKER than when I left. And I managed not to catch a speeding ticket. I pulled into the driveway of my childhood home and climbed out. It wasn’t a coincidence I moved right across the street from my old house.

  Before I could get up the porch steps and deal with my family, Saint came jogging across the street.

  “My man,” he gave me the usual handshake and waited to hear about my weekend. Usually, I would admit to sleeping with some hot chick and provide enough details to get him off my back. But not today. I didn’t have it in me.

  “How’d your weekend go?” I gave him a look.

  “The same shit. Wasted and face deep in tits. What about you, bro?”

  “You see Bing lately?”

  Saint shook his head. “No. Everything okay?” He wasn’t the most serious guy. But he knew enough about my life to understand the few things I took seriously. My twelve-year-old brother being one of them.

  “It will be.”

  “Alright. Well, call me later. We can go out for wings and watch the game,” Saint patted me on the back and gave me another round of fist bumps and jogged back across the street.

  I opened the door and stepped inside. “I’m home.”

  I’d rather announce my arrival then be surprised by whatever shit was going on while I was gone. I liked it better that way.

  I picked up the trail of dirty clothes that led to the laundry room and tossed them into the open washer. Everything was quiet and in disarray.

  I added some laundry pods and twisted the knob starting it up. She couldn’t even do a simple chore.

  “Oh look who shows up,” she said in the hallway. “It only took you six hours.”

  I watched her stumble into the kitchen. She chucked the empty beer can at the trash and went to the refrigerator for another one.

  “I told you I was leaving for the weekend. What the hell is going on now?” She cracked open her beer and got a good sip before she answered me.

  “Joe was down at the bar with some whore,” she started, crying and slurring her words as she told me about her shit for brains boyfriend. “One thing led to another...”

  She didn’t finish the last part.

  “Where’s Bing?” Bing was my little brother, but he tried very hard to be just like me—including sticking up for my mother when her boyfri
end decided to put his hands on her.

  “He left last night. I don’t know where he went.” She plopped down at the kitchen table. “I told him to stay out of it, Wilder.”

  “You know he isn’t going to do that.” That wasn’t the way we were. That wasn’t the way I would ever allow someone to treat any woman. Or anybody. Why she didn’t get that or want the same for herself confused me.

  My entire life, I stood up for her and made excuses for her drinking. Shit, I still was.

  But now I had a brother that needed protecting, and I couldn’t sit around and wait for her boyfriend to stroll into the kitchen so I could break his nose for putting hands on her again.

  “Where are you going?”

  I didn’t answer. I just headed for the door and got in my car so that I could find Bing. I drove all the way to the end of the street and turned right, going to the one place I knew he would be. And I was right.

  I parked in the school parking lot and headed toward the blacktop. He was sitting on a swing.

  “I knew I would find you here.” I took the spot next to him.

  “She didn’t,” he said. “She didn’t even try I bet.”

  I sighed. “That’s because she’s wasted.” I looked him over. Seeing the shiner sent rage through me like no other. I gripped the chains of the swing ready to rip it apart and launch it across the school playground.

  “I got him good,” he assured me. He shook his hair from his eyes. “This doesn’t even hurt.”

  “At least you got him,” I agreed. I pushed off the ground and let out another sigh. I wasn’t so lucky when I was a kid. Most of the time, I was on the ground curled in a ball, getting kicked in my ribs when I tried to step in and save her.

  “How was it?” Bing knew all about Violet. He grew up with Violet. He loved her and thought she was right for me.

  “I screwed it up. So, not good. Not good at all, bud.”

  “She’ll forgive you. She loves you more than anything.”

  I grinned, finding that ridiculous. “You’re twelve, how could you possibly know that?”

  “I can tell. I’m a lot smarter than you think,” he insisted, laughing when I bumped into him.

  “You’re smarter than I ever was at your age.”

  We spent the rest of the day hanging out at the school. We played several games of horse and raced across the blacktop. The loser had to climb the tree right next to the school.

  I let Bing win and did my best to get to the top. When I was younger, it was a lot easier.

  “Keep going, pussy,” Bing shouted from below.

  “You watch your fucking mouth,” I joked. I reached for the final branch and hoisted myself to the top.

  I touched Violet’s name, knowing I was the only one who knew it even existed. She was always too scared to make it to the top. I told her if she ever did, we could carve our names into the tree.

  When I knew it was never going to happen, I snuck up there late one night and carved it anyways.

  I love you, Violet. It was a little more than I promised, but love was exactly how I felt about her even back then.

  Violet

  “DO YOU THINK ITS TOO much?” Mom asked, moving the phone around the house so I could see her attempt at decorating for Christmas. “I did the garland just how you like it.”

  I watched her sip her wine, decked out in her fuzzy sweater I sent her the week before. She had a thing for comfort, and she called me right away to tell me how much she loved it.

  Two weeks had gone by since the Wilder and Mac incident. And now Christmas was nearing, and I was sitting in my apartment instead of at home with my mother. It was a stupid decision, but I was overwhelmed after Wilder’s visit.

  “Violet.”

  Mom broke through my thoughts about Wilder.

  “What do you think about this tablecloth?”

  “It’s great.” I lied. I didn’t even look at it. I was near tears.

  “Violet Anne. If you don’t tell me what is going on.”

  I sighed, sucking in the tears that threatened to fall.

  “He made a fool of me in front of half the school.”

  “He was drunk. You and I both know Wilder is harmless. He was just jealous of this new boy you were kissing.” She smiled at the thought of a boy showing interest in her daughter. Like it was so strange to hear. It was. I had one boyfriend my entire life. It was quick and over in a month.

  A lot of kissing and many tears, and after a weak attempt at sex in his parent’s basement, I called it quits because he was way too possessive. I felt nothing for him, and he felt too much. He was emotional and a bit on the crazy side.

  “So, tell me about this boy,” she said, climbing into her big comfy chair ready for the gossip.

  I rolled my eyes. “There’s nothing to tell. I met him on a walk at the art show. He gave me this necklace he made and tried to kiss me.” I explained to her how I shot him down and made him feel rejected.

  “And what happened at the party that your best friend would want to throw him in the bushes?”

  “My best friend was making out with a girl and ditched me.” I pointed out. “Mac showed up, and I just went for it because I was upset.” That was the first time I ever admitted why I kissed Mac to anyone.

  “So, you kiss other boys when you’re jealous. And Wilder punches them when he’s jealous.”

  “He hooked up with a girl. He’s not jealous. He’s just an idiot who can’t control his temper.” I sighed. He wasn’t an idiot. He was my best friend. And this was going to be the first holiday I wasn’t with him—or my mother.

  “He loves you, kid. And I know he’s already blown your phone up trying to apologize. So, let him.”

  She was right. “I think I’m going to come home.”

  Me coming home thrilled my mom. And I promised I would pack and head out as soon as I could. As soon as I got off the phone with her I pulled up Wilder’s picture on my phone and stared at him. The way he looked in the last picture I snapped of him it made my stomach do flips. There was magic whenever I laid eyes on him.

  I texted him.

  I miss you.

  Miss you too

  Violet, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot.

  I know you are. I’m glad you’re willing to admit it finally.

  Haha asshole

  I’m coming home for the holiday.

  The best news I heard all week! I’ll be waiting with bells on

  Because it’s Christmas, right?

  Yeah of course

  I ended the call and hurried to pack. I felt lighter now that I ended our no talking stretch. I shoved all my clothes in my suitcase and a couple of pairs of shoes. Kat left for the holiday. Back home with her parents and four sisters doing Kat things. I wasn’t sure what that involved, but she promised she would take pictures and send them so I could see.

  And so far, she hadn’t failed. The first picture sent was her in a Santa hat sitting next to an older man clutching a fancy glass of what looked to be egg nog. Her signature red lips and plunging neckline on display even around her modest-looking family.

  I locked up the apartment and headed down to the cab, waiting to take me back home. I wasn’t meant to be at school for the holiday. I was supposed to be home.

  The cab driver loaded my suitcase into his trunk, and I climbed in ready to get home where I belonged. Around the people that made me happy.

  MOM WAS WAITING ON the porch when the cab pulled up in front of my house. She squealed when I climbed out and hurried down the steps.

  “Don’t you look cute!” She wrapped her arms around me, squashing my hair in her attack. She pressed several kisses against my cheek. “I love your hair like this.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” My eyes got big. “I think the man is waiting for you to pay him.”

  She hurried for her wallet and apologized for losing her mind. I escaped up the stairs and inside, dropping my suitcase next to the door.

  The house smelled like cinnamon candles
and warm sugar cookies. And when I followed the scent, it led me into the kitchen where an entire sheet of cookies sat cooling. I snagged one and bit off the head before she caught me.

  “Those are not cool yet,” mom scolded, coming into the kitchen.

  I broke the cookie in half and handed her the legs, and she giggled stuffing the whole thing in her mouth. “But it’s oh so good.” She closed her eyes savouring the sugar, and I admired her pale skin and red hair. She was so beautiful. She only got even more so as she got older.

  “So glad I’m home,” I admitted, dropping down to say hello to our cats Jasmine and Gilly. They both swirled around me, rubbing their chubby little bodies against my leg.

  “We are glad to have you home,” she insisted.“You should probably tell Wilder you’re here.”

  I nodded in agreement. “I probably should.”

  “So, what are you waiting for?” She started transferring the little cookie people to a Christmas plate.

  “I think I’m going to change clothes and head on over,” I told her.

  “Okay, hun.”

  I slipped away to my room, and when I got there, I dropped my suitcase on the bed and unzipped it staring at the contents.

  I put on a pair of boyfriend jeans and a soft pink sweater. And I pulled my hair up high on my head securing it with little diamond clips. I pulled a few curls loose in the front and smiled at myself in the mirror.

  I slapped on a coat of my favorite lip gloss and sprayed my favorite perfume and headed downstairs.

  “I like that sweater,” Mom said in the doorway. “Thanks. I’ll be back.” We hugged, and I jammed my feet into my shoes and headed out the door.

  I could see the lights on in Wilder’s house. Many cars parked in the driveway. He had company, and suddenly I felt like a strange girl in a strange land, especially when I seen Saint’s car parked in the driveway. But I climbed the stairs anyways.

  And I rang the doorbell. Normally I would walk in, but I didn’t want to stumble upon something I shouldn’t have seen. Wilder was hard to read anymore. Maybe he was entertaining a crowd of women. I wasn’t sure.