Back In Her Husband's Bed (Bedded By Blackmail)

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  She couldn’t imagine what Xavier would say if he was to find out how far she had moved from the very ideals that had caused their marriage to break up in the first place.

  It just didn’t bear thinking about.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  XAVIER paced the lounge room for half an hour, his neck feeling tight from all the times he’d glanced down at his watch.

  Where was she?

  He’d called her mobile but it kept switching through to her answering service and his concern ratcheted up another notch. What if she’d had an accident? She might be lying somewhere bleeding…

  The front door opened and before he could stop himself he flung down his glass and strode out into the hall.

  ‘What the hell has taken you so long?’

  Carli flinched at the volume and tone of his voice, her hand going automatically to her abdomen.

  His eyes followed her nervous movement and he raked a hand through his hair in a distracted manner.

  ‘I was worried,’ he added gruffly. ‘I didn’t mean to shout.’

  ‘I stopped off at the doctor’s.’

  He stiffened. ‘What for? Is something wrong?’

  ‘I had a pain…’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Here.’ Her hand touched her belly.

  ‘The baby?’ He frowned.

  ‘The baby is fine,’ she reassured him. ‘I just need to take things a little easier, that’s all.’

  ‘Why don’t you go and lie down and I’ll bring you up some dinner?’ he suggested. ‘My housekeeper has left something for us in the oven; it won’t take long to put it on a tray.’

  ‘Please don’t bother. I just want to go to bed.’

  ‘Carli, either you have something to eat or I’ll insist on you cutting back on your workload. You’re exhausted and putting our child at risk by not taking better care of yourself.’

  ‘Look, I’ve already had this lecture from the doctor half an hour ago,’ she said. ‘I don’t need another one from you.’

  ‘What did the doctor say?’

  She sighed as she kicked off her shoes, deciding at the last minute not to tell him of the two weeks off work the doctor had advised. ‘My blood pressure is a bit high; that’s why my ankles are a bit swollen.’

  His eyes went to her feet and he frowned. ‘Isn’t that dangerous for the baby?’

  ‘It is in the long term.’

  ‘What will you do?’ he asked, picking up her shoes for her.

  ‘I don’t know.’ She sighed again. ‘I have a lot of work right now; I can’t imagine trying to cram it all into a part-time position.’

  ‘Can I help you with anything?’

  She met his concerned gaze and couldn’t help a wry smile. ‘Somehow I can’t quite see you sitting in my rundown office listening to all the hard-luck stories that wander through the door. You’d better stick to your Armani clients, Xavier; it’s pretty wild out there in the west.’

  ‘The law is the law in the city or the suburbs,’ he pointed out.

  She gave him a cynical look. ‘The only difference being, of course, that in the city people can pay for justice, and those in the outer suburbs can’t. You’re a white-collar lawyer, Xavier, just like your father and grandfather before you. But there are thousands of worthwhile people out in blue-collar land who deserve justice just as much as if not more than those with higher incomes.’

  ‘So you’ve sacrificed your career aspirations to help them?’

  ‘Not intentionally,’ she said. ‘But somehow the rest of the legal profession looks down on what legal-aid lawyers do as if we’re not good enough to work in more salaried positions.’

  ‘I’m aware of that bias but I don’t necessarily share it.’

  ‘Don’t you?’ she asked. ‘But you still think I’m underselling myself all the same.’

  ‘I think you’re overworking yourself,’ he clarified. ‘There’s a difference. Now, go upstairs and I’ll be up soon with your dinner.’

  She was sitting up in bed, freshly showered and feeling much more human, when he shouldered open the door half an hour later carrying a tray. He set it down across her knees and the aroma of a Provençal-style lamb casserole began to tease her nostrils.

  He sat on the edge of the bed and handed her the cutlery. ‘Now eat.’

  She gave him a resentful scowl from beneath her lowered lashes. ‘Do you have to sit there and watch me?’

  ‘I like watching you.’

  ‘I can’t imagine why.’ She poked at a juicy cube of lamb and popped it into her mouth.

  ‘It’s very entertaining watching you try and defy me when deep down what you really want to do is give in.’

  ‘And I suppose you think all women want a masterful male in their life so they don’t have to think for themselves any more?’

  ‘No, I don’t think that at all, but I do know you often fight me when your real opponent is yourself. Why beat yourself up about it? There’s no shame in needing someone.’

  ‘I do not need you.’

  ‘So you like to tell me but we both know it’s not true. Why else would you have come to me that day to tell me about the baby?’

  ‘You had a right to know…’ She stabbed at another cube of meat with vicious intent.

  ‘You came to me to help you,’ he said. ‘You could have easily got rid of the pregnancy without me knowing a thing but you didn’t. Instead you came to me.’

  ‘I’ve always had a problem with late abortions.’

  He gave her a long, probing look. ‘If you’d found out any earlier, would you have terminated it?’

  She held his look without wavering. ‘No.’

  ‘You didn’t need to tell me. You could have pretended it was someone else’s and got on with your life. Why did you contact me?’

  She chased a piece of carrot around her plate without answering.

  ‘Do you want me to tell you what I think?’ he asked.

  She gave up on the carrot and pursued a short stem of celery instead. ‘No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.’

  ‘I think deep down you wanted me to solve the dilemma you were in. As much as you hate to admit it, you came to me to help you deal with something bigger than you could handle. You slipped into the helpless-female role with ease.’

  ‘I am not helpless and I don’t need you to solve anything.’ She put down her fork and pushed the tray away.

  One of his hands came over hers and brought the tray back. He took the fork and speared a succulent piece of lamb and held it close to her mouth as if feeding a small child. ‘Open,’ he commanded.

  She glowered at him but opened her mouth all the same.

  ‘Good girl.’ He scooped up some more. ‘And again.’

  Before she knew it the plate was empty but instead of feeling nauseous she felt comfortably satisfied.

  ‘That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?’ He smiled as he removed the tray from her lap.

  She hated admitting he was right but could hardly dispute an empty plate. She gave him a sheepish look and fiddled with the edge of the sheet.

  ‘I haven’t felt like eating for ages,’ she said. ‘I think it’s the heat.’

  ‘You used to love the hot weather.’ He handed her the glass of juice off the tray.

  She took a sip before answering. ‘I know…but since I’ve been pregnant I feel different about lots of things.’

  ‘Any cravings?’

  Only for you, she wanted to say.

  ‘No…’

  ‘Let me know if you fancy anything special and I’ll make sure you have it.’

  ‘You’re being very…nice about all this.’ She gave the sheet another pluck.

  ‘I have a vested interest.’ He gave her a teasing smile.

  ‘A lot of men find the prospect of fatherhood very threatening,’ she said.

  ‘I have heard some talk of that but I can’t say I identify with it. I find the prospect of bringing a child into the world an amazing privilege, one
that I wasn’t sure I was going to have.’

  ‘But surely you would have remarried eventually?’

  He shrugged as he took her now empty glass. ‘I wasn’t planning on making the same mistake twice.’

  ‘You could still have had a child without having to marry,’ she pointed out.

  ‘I know, but none of the women I was involved with was too taken with the idea and not just because of their career.’

  ‘It’s a big decision to have a baby, career or not.’

  ‘And because of me you didn’t get the chance to make it for yourself,’ he said.

  She frowned at the self-reproach in his tone.

  ‘You didn’t do it alone,’ she said softly.

  His eyes came back to hers.

  ‘No, I didn’t, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I should have been more responsible.’

  ‘It was a mistake…’ She ran her tongue over her lips in a nervous gesture. ‘We were in an emotionally charged state because of the lift. On another day it never would have happened.’

  ‘You think so?’ His dark gaze pulled hers back.

  She swallowed. ‘Of…of course…’

  ‘You don’t sound all that convinced.’

  She tore her eyes away and stared at the rumpled sheet once more. ‘You can’t imagine how shocked I was afterwards. Shocked and ashamed.’

  ‘I wasn’t too happy myself,’ he admitted, ‘but not for those reasons.’

  She looked at him once more. ‘What do you mean?’

  His eyes darkened as they flicked down to her mouth. ‘I was angry with myself for days for not coming after you and telling you how much I enjoyed being with you in the lift.’

  ‘You enjoyed that?’ She gaped at him incredulously.

  ‘I had you to myself for the first time in five years. I was almost disappointed when the rescue team arrived.’

  ‘You can’t mean that!’

  ‘It’s true,’ he said. ‘Think about it, Carli. When had we ever talked like that before?’

  A tiny frown settled between her brows at his statement, and a funny sensation settled in her chest at the realisation of the element of truth behind his words.

  They had talked during their time in the jammed lift; they’d argued too, but…

  ‘I don’t recall a single time when we discussed our life goals or what we would do if that day was our very last,’ he said. ‘We were always too busy fighting over stupid, inconsequential details such as who had the biggest pay packet.’

  ‘Those were still important issues,’ she said.

  ‘Maybe, but not in the big scheme of things. What did it matter who was earning what? The thing we should have been focusing on was being together, building a secure future for our children.’

  ‘If you remember, I didn’t want to have children.’

  He went very still and the sudden silence compressed the air in the room until Carli found it hard to draw in a breath.

  ‘One hopes you’ve changed your mind or we have a much bigger problem than I first realised,’ he said with a touch of dryness.

  ‘When I found out I was pregnant I was furious,’ she confessed. ‘I couldn’t believe something like that could happen, but over time I started to think about the baby…’

  ‘And now?’ he asked.

  ‘To be quite truthful, if the choice had been left up to me I might never have had the courage to commit myself to a pregnancy. But now I can’t help feeling as if this was somehow meant to be. Does that make sense to you?’

  He grazed the smooth skin of her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘It makes perfect sense to me.’

  She touched her cheek with her own fingers. ‘Why did you do that?’

  ‘I like the feel of your skin,’ he said, touching her again. ‘It makes me think of silk and roses.’

  She turned her head and pressed her mouth to the palm of his hand in a soft kiss.

  ‘Why did you do that?’ he asked.

  She held his intent look for a pulsing moment. ‘Because I wanted to.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I like your hands.’

  He gave her a soft smile as he cupped her face. ‘I think I should go before I’m tempted to let my hands do things they have no business doing. I gave you my word after all.’

  She drew in a breath that tugged at her chest all the way down.

  ‘Goodnight, Carli.’ He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her mouth and stood up.

  She stared at him as he reached for the tray he’d put aside earlier, her emotions ricocheting off the tender surface of her heart.

  ‘Goodnight,’ she choked as he closed the door behind him.

  ‘I love you,’ she whispered but he’d already moved well past the range of hearing.

  She sank back to the pillows and thumped her fist down beside her.

  ‘Damn!’

  Carli phoned her office the next morning to tell them she wouldn’t be in for the next two weeks and had only just put the receiver down when Xavier sauntered into her room with breakfast on a tray.

  ‘Haven’t you heard of knocking?’ She gave him a chilly look as she dragged the sheet up a bit higher to cover herself.

  ‘Good morning to you too,’ he drawled as he laid the tray across her lap. ‘What’s made you so grumpy this fine morning?’

  ‘Nothing. I just think you should knock before you come wandering in.’

  ‘I was going to send Mrs Fingleton up with your breakfast but somehow thought you might prefer me since I’m not exactly a complete stranger, but it seems I was mistaken.’ He turned to leave the room and was almost at the door before she found her voice.

  ‘Xavier?’

  He turned around and gave her a bored look. ‘Look, Carli, I’m going to be late for court if I don’t leave in the next two minutes. I’ll see you this evening.’

  The door closed behind him with a thump that sent a shockwave through the tea in her cup. Carli stared down at the disturbed surface of hot liquid until it finally settled, wondering if she would ever get used to living without his love…

  She made her way downstairs and, after briefly introducing herself to the housekeeper, left the house to pay an impromptu visit to Eliza Dangar in Hunters Hill.

  The morning traffic had eased and she pulled up in front of the gracious home of her friend, remonstrating with herself for leaving it so long before visiting her.

  As she walked up the path to the front door she couldn’t help noticing the normally immaculate garden was looking neglected, the weeds outnumbering the flowers and shrubs, the lawn more brown than green and the edges untrimmed like a fringe grown too long.

  She pressed the doorbell and when no one answered she walked around to the back of the house, checking the garage to see if Eliza’s car was there.

  The family sedan was parked in its usual place, the child seats side by side in the back. She frowned and turned to make her way to the back door when she heard the faint sound of a baby crying from inside the house.

  ‘Eliza?’ She tapped on the door. ‘Are you in there?’

  It seemed a long time before the door was opened and when it was Carli nearly fell over backwards in shock at Eliza’s appearance. Her friend’s normally curvaceous figure was gaunt to the point of emaciation, her usually shiny brown hair lank and scraped back unflatteringly from her face.

  ‘Eliza…are you all right?’

  ‘Of course I’m all right,’ Eliza said with a hint of defensiveness to her tone. ‘Why didn’t you call first to tell me you were coming? I’m not really prepared for visitors.’

  ‘Hey, honey,’ Carli gave her a mock-reproachful look, ‘it’s me—Carli. You don’t have to hide the basket of ironing from me.’

  Eliza opened the door to let her come in and Carli was immediately appalled by the staleness of the air inside the house, the smell of unwashed nappies predominating.

  ‘Where are the kids?’ Carli asked.

  ‘Amelia’s at preschool this morning,�
� Eliza answered. ‘Brody’s supposed to be sleeping but won’t settle.’

  Just then the sound of the infant crying began again in earnest and Carli gave her friend a ‘may I?’ glance before going to him, doing her best to overlook the general disorder of the normally tidy to the point of perfection house.

  ‘Hey there, little man, what’s all this fuss about?’ Carli cooed as she picked him up, and as she held him against her a wave of tenderness swept through her as he rested his tear-washed little face against her neck. She stroked his back and rocked from side to side, singing a little song she dredged from the far reaches of her brain, a song her mother had once sung to her in the days before depression had stripped all music from her personality.

  The decline of her friend’s appearance was a painful reminder of the enveloping sadness which had eventually consumed her mother. She could even recall the same disorder of her childhood home. She couldn’t remember a day during her school years when she hadn’t come home to a sink full of dirty dishes, unwashed clothes and her mother’s strained, unhappy features staring vacantly into space.

  Once Brody was asleep she laid him gently in his cot and returned to the kitchen, where Eliza was sitting smoking a cigarette.

  Carli frowned and immediately opened the nearest window. ‘Since when did you start smoking?’ she asked, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

  Eliza gave her an up-and-down look and took in another deep drag before retorting with uncharacteristic bitchiness, ‘Since when did you start putting on weight?’

  Carli took the bull by the horns and announced bluntly, ‘Since I got pregnant.’

  Eliza’s cigarette’s smoke curled like a question mark in the air in front of her astonished face. ‘You’re pregnant?’ she gasped. ‘You?’

  Carli nodded.

  ‘Well, I’ll be damned…’ Eliza stubbed out her cigarette. ‘Who’s the father?’

  ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’