“This time I’ll hold him until you get down,” Sally said, climbing down and going to Sam’s head.
Working together, the two women unhitched the pony and turned him loose in the main corral. Climbing up on the top rail, Sally scanned the horizon again, then patted the worn wood.
“Come on up and watch horses with me. We have a few minutes before we need to get supper.”
Kelly easily joined her, balancing carefully on the slippery rail, and watched a couple of horses in the corral amble over to them curiously. Sally drew some sugar cubes from her pocket and gave half to Kelly, doling them out slowly to the greedy horses.
Kelly laughed at the touch of their soft lips against her palm, remembering how frightened she’d been that first day with Sam. Kit had held her hand that day, and even then she’d been aware of the sizzling pulse that arced between them.
Just then she heard a noise like distant thunder. She looked up. The sky was cloudless. Sally grinned and scanned the hills again.
“There, look.” She pointed toward the right. Cresting the hill were the riders of the Lockford ranch. Spread out like the cavalry at a charge, they galloped across the ridge and down the sloping hill that led to the ranch house. The sound of the hooves was loud, pounding like thunder, and dust rose behind them like a following cloud.
Kelly watched, as excited as a kid at an old-fashioned Western movie, the throbbing of the horses’ beat matching her heartbeat. As the men drew closer, they began to yell, a couple swept their hats off and waved them in the air, but none faltered and none slowed.
She could see Pete, riding a big brown horse. There was Mark and the other man she didn’t know yet. Clint was to the side and beside him…
Kelly caught her breath, her eyes only for the tall, dark man on the sorrel horse. He was riding as hard as the others, the look of supreme satisfaction visible to her from where she sat. Tears threatened as she watched him, her heart in her throat.
Kit was riding! Riding hell-for-leather, just like some rash, reckless, brash, wild rodeo cowboy! She couldn’t believe it. He was riding!
The men drew near, the cadence of the pounding hooves blurred into a dull roar at the different gaits of the separate horses. The men continued to yell, and raced to the barn, drawing up at the last moment, laughter and cheers rending the air.
Kelly turned carefully on the slippery rail and watched Kit, her eyes never leaving him as she saw him slow the horse and then walk calmly up to her.
Sitting on the rail, she was even with him. He could see the tears coursing down her cheeks, and she brushed them away, more cascading down. Her lower lip was caught in her teeth and the smile she gave almost broke his heart.
“You’re riding!” she said, her voice shaky and soft. For one moment she knew she saw him as he’d been before the accident. Cocky and insolent, bold and brazen, and wild and sexy enough to draw the eye of every woman for fifty miles around. Each one of them wanting to try to contain him, be the one to conquer him.
He pushed his horse up to her, pressing into her legs. His strong arm swept around her and he pulled her before him on the saddle, turning her to face the front, drawing her back into the cradle of his legs.
“Come on.” He turned the horse and walked it out of the yard. The others were still yelling, Sally laughing and Clint calling after him to return in time for dinner.
Kit waved, then urged the horse faster.
Kelly clutched his arm, leaning back into the safety of his embrace and holding on for the ride.
“I had no idea,” she said, the wind in her face, her hair blowing back into his.
“You should have. You are even more determined than I. Nag, nag, nag.”
She laughed and turned to see him, her heart catching at the happiness radiating from his eyes. “I knew you could.”
“Maybe. I promised to consider it, at least. And when I finally did, I thought, might as well try.”
“And?”
The horse was blowing hard, struggling up the incline, and Kit pulled him down into a walk, skirting the hill and following the gentle curve to the left.
“And so I decided to see if I could. I called a meeting of all the men, and Clint. Told them what I wanted and what I could do. We brainstormed ideas. The worst part is mounting. So we rigged up a lift in the barn. I need someone to help me, but only for about seven seconds.”
“Seven seconds? What did you do, time it?”
“Yes. Then we devised this quick-release brace for my right leg. It holds it in the saddle, but I can release it if I need to in a hurry. After that, it was just doing it.”
“I knew you could,” she said again.
“Well, the first few days I wondered. I was as sore as hell. Couldn’t move when I’d get down.”
“But it was worth it?”
“Yeah, more than worth it.”
She could hear the spark in his voice, knew he’d never expected to come back this far. Her love for him grew and a deep happiness invaded her.
“Is it dangerous?”
“No, if I fall, I’ll just be stuck somewhere until Clint finds me. But you know I like living on the edge of danger.”
“Great, now I’ll have to start worrying about you.”
“No, you don’t. Nobody has to worry about me. I’m not going to fall. This gelding is one of the best-trained horses we have. I’m not going to be doing anything to put him to the test. We’ll get by just fine.”
She smiled and snuggled against him, her bottom wiggling against his thighs and the growing hardness she felt there. His arms tightened around her ribs, one hand splayed across her, his fingers moving in a slow, seductive dance.
“Thank you, honey, for pushing.”
“You are one stubborn cowboy,” she said smugly, so happy he had tried. So pleased with the result her heart swelled with delight. “So will you dance with me when I give my party?”
“Dammit, don’t you ever give up?” he growled in her ear.
She giggled and shook her head. “Never.”
They rode in silence for a long time, enjoying the evening, enjoying being together. Finally Kit turned the sorrel back toward the ranch. Supper would be ready soon and the horse was getting tired. And he still had to talk to Kelly about their last night together.
“Kelly,” he said, wondering just how he was going to do this.
“Yes?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Okay. You’ve got me captive. What do you want to talk about?”
“The last night we were together.”
Her heart lurched and her stomach tightened in memory. It had been fabulous, the most marvelous experience of her life. She tried to relax against him, but her body began tingling in tension and anticipation. She’d lived that night over and over each night since as she’d gone to bed. Her dreams had been full of Kit and his body and the wondrous things he’d done with her.
He felt her change, and his own body treacherously began to crave the special heat of hers. Damn, he didn’t want to get hard now. He had to get through this.
“We got carried away.”
“Yes.” She said it dreamily.
“I didn’t use anything,” he said without further buildup. Damn, she wasn’t helping.
Kelly was silent for a long time, wondering why exactly Kit was bringing this up. She’d realized the next morning that he’d used nothing. She’d been too caught up in her own feelings and in loving him to know that night. But the next morning she’d known.
“What do you want me to say?” she asked.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. But I just…” Just what, forgot everything but breathing, and that had been touch and go? Forgot any kind of prudence and gave way to his physical needs, maybe condemning them to something neither really wanted?
“I know that.”
“Could you be pregnant?”
“Could be, I guess. Won’t know for a while,” she said slowly, the reality of the situation
suddenly hitting her. Was she to repeat her mother’s pattern? Is this what had happened to her mother? This overwhelming love for a man? The burning desire for his child regardless of whether they could build a life together? At least there’d be a part of him with her always.
Her mother had not expected to die young. She’d probably thought to raise her daughter, keep part of the man she loved with her when he had deserted her. Had she felt such a deep love for her father as Kelly felt for Kit?
“You’re awfully calm about it,” he said, the ranch house now in view. Some of the men were still in the yard. His time was running out.
“What do you want, hysterics? I don’t know if I am pregnant or not. It will take a while to find out. I’m not all that regular. You certainly couldn’t set a clock by me, so I just don’t know. But it’s too late to worry about it. If it’s done, it’s done.”
“There are things you can do….”
She yanked on the reins, stopping the startled horse. Turning, she glared at him. She would never have an abortion!
“Don’t you worry about me or anything that’s mine. I won’t try to trap you into any kind of marriage. We both know you don’t want to marry me. If I have a baby, fine. I’ll take care of it. If not, fine, too.”
“Kelly, I can’t marry anyone. It’s not just you. What kind of husband would I make? I couldn’t even help you up when you fell. Dammit, look at it from my point of view.”
“All I see when I see your point of view is a stubborn, arrogant man who is too afraid to open up the possibilities in his life. They said you couldn’t walk, and you proved them wrong. Couldn’t ride a horse. Well, buster, you ride better than I do and there’s nothing wrong with either one of my legs. Who knows what they said about sex, but if I end up pregnant, that will blow that theory out the window.”
“There’s more to marriage than that,” he said angrily.
“Sure there is. There’s love and trust and caring. And the desire to share a life with someone through hard times and good times. But you wrap your hard times around you like a cloak and don’t let anyone near you.”
She swung her leg over the saddle and slid down to the uneven ground.
“Kelly…”
“I’ll walk from here. I don’t want to stay for dinner. I don’t want to see you again until I know for sure if I’m going to have a baby or not. Then I’ll let you know. And let you know what I’m going to do about it.”
“Kelly!”
“And I’ll tell you something else, Kit Lockford.” She walked along, trying to keep a straight line to her car, but the ground was broken and she wrenched her ankle twice. Watching where she was going, she was relieved to get onto the packed ground near the house. “I will take perfect care of my baby. And when it grows up I’ll tell it how its mother and father loved him into being. I’m not afraid of it, even if you are.”
“Dammit, Kelly. I’m not husband material.”
“Right you are, Kit, but not because of your accident.” She reached her car, yanked open the door and slammed it behind her.
Starting the engine, she pulled away, refusing to look in the rearview mirror, refusing to look at Kit as she drove rapidly from the ranch.
He made her so mad she could spit! How could he think she wouldn’t want his baby? Was he deaf? Hadn’t she told him more than once that she loved him? Loved him just as he was. Was she fighting a losing battle? Would he never give in and admit he loved her? He had to! He couldn’t have made love to her as he did that last night if he didn’t love her. Surely he wouldn’t have tried to ride for her if he didn’t care something for her. Why couldn’t he admit it?
He was brave in so many ways. Had he been too hurt to be brave in this last area? What would it take to breach his walls and pull them down?
Or was she only fooling herself? Maybe he didn’t love her. Maybe he wasn’t afraid to tell her, or admit it to himself. Maybe he only wanted her for sex and not for love.
She shook her head. There was more between them than that! And she was going to make Kit admit it. Somehow, some way.
Eight long days later she knew. True to her promise, she called him first thing. It was still early—he wouldn’t have left the house yet. Kit answered the phone.
“Kit?” She had to make sure she didn’t confuse him with Clint.
“Yes.”
“I’m not pregnant.” And she hung up the phone.
It was stupid to feel so sad about the situation, she tried to tell herself as she ate toast and tea for breakfast. She’d have been in a far worse situation if she had been pregnant. But at odd times during the past few days she’d thought about his baby. Thought how much she’d love it and care for it. And she knew if something ever happened to her as it had her mother, Clint and Sally would raise the child with love.
Chances were good she’d live to an old age. And I’ll have Kit’s baby, her mind played over and over. They’d have had a tie binding them for as long as their child was around. But she didn’t want to bind him that way. She wanted his love to bind him to her as hers bound her to him.
The daydreams ended now. It was over.
The doorbell sounded as she was washing her breakfast dishes. She dried her hands as she went toward the front. Who would be calling this early? It was barely nine o’clock.
She opened the door and stared at him in surprise. Kit.
He looked at her and moved to enter, forcing Kelly to take a step back to let him pass.
“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out to close the door.
She nodded.
“Come here.” He leaned against the wall and waited.
Kelly hesitated a moment, then with a rush of longing stepped forward and was enfolded in his warm embrace. She felt as if she’d come home, as if she belonged. She closed her eyes, tears seeping through her lids despite her efforts to keep them contained. Resting her head on his shoulder, she hoped he wouldn’t see she was so disappointed.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
Surprised, she looked up, her lashes spiky with tears.
One finger traced her damp lashes, brushing away the tears as he gazed deep into her eyes. His mouth covered hers and his kiss was gentle, soothing, comforting.
One of his crutches clattered to the floor. Kelly jumped and pulled back slightly, then leaned against him again, her head again on his shoulder. She wished she could stay in the safety of his arms forever.
His hand came up and brushed in her hair, his fingers combing the shiny tresses, soothing her, caressing her.
“It’s better that you’re not,” he said softly, clamping down on the anguish her words had caused.
“Maybe. But I’m not getting any younger and I would like to have children.” Yours.
“Time enough for that. You’re not that old.”
“No, but I need to do something before I get too old. Maybe I should take Beth up on her offer to introduce me to her cousin.”
Kit went rigid. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Well, if I want to do something about children, I have to find a man to marry. I like it here, so I should find someone from around here. Doesn’t that make sense?”
She could feel the tension in him, and wondered if he had never thought of her with another man. Would that influence his thought process at all?
“Find someone for what?” His voice was ominously calm.
She pulled back a little and noticed the look on his face. Maybe it was time he started thinking things through. She didn’t belong to him. He’d made that clear. Maybe it was time he understood what that meant.
“Want some coffee? I was doing dishes.”
“No, I want to know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Come on in the kitchen and we can discuss it while you have some coffee. Why did you come? Wasn’t the phone call enough?”
“I wanted to see you.” He hesitated a moment. “Kelly, I’m sorry you’re not pregnant. It would have been awful if
you were, but for a few days I started thinking I was going to be a father. I’d never thought of that before. I kind of liked it.”
She nodded, handed him the fallen crutch and turned toward the kitchen, afraid to let him see her expression as she blinked back tears.
He sat at the table, accepted the coffee she gave him and watched her as she began to dry the dishes.
“Now tell me what you were talking about earlier,” he said heavily.
Chapter 12
She poured herself a cup of coffee and joined him at the table, sitting opposite him.
“This scare gave me time to think. I’d like to have children, but not like my mother did, if I can help it. I want my child or children to grow up surrounded by love and with a feeling of belonging. If I’d been pregnant, I would have cared for and loved the baby more than anything. But I would always worry about what would happen if I died young, like my mother did.”
“You wouldn’t have had it alone.”
She looked up at that, surprised. Then shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now, we’re not having a baby.”
He winced and took a deep gulp of the scalding coffee.
“But it proved to me that I would like to establish roots. I’d like to get married, start a family and be a part of the community. San Francisco was too big for me, but Taylorville would be perfect.”
“Time enough for all that,” he said, a feeling of panic starting.
“Sure. But I don’t need to waste the time now. I think Althea knows she’s not in the running anymore. Our charade can end. Then I can start dating other men. Maybe find someone who wants to marry me.”
“So much for love,” he said harshly, glaring at her. Panic threatened to choke him. It was too soon. He wasn’t ready to let her go, though he knew he’d have to eventually.
“What?”
“Didn’t you say you loved me?” His eyes held hers.
She nodded, then broke their gaze, looking at her coffee. No sense in letting him see the lie in her eyes.
“Yes, but I can get over that. And I would make someone a good wife and a good mother to his children. Love would surely come.” Her heart pounded so loudly she was sure he must hear it. The words were so forced she knew he’d call her on the lie.
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