“Dammit, I don’t want you with another man!” Kit growled.
“You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me, either? That hardly seems fair to me,” she said reasonably.
His hand caught hers across the table. Slowly he tightened his grip and pulled, forcing her out of her seat, around the end of the table.
“Come here and I’ll show you how much I want you,” he said, his voice low and hard.
“Not that way.” She was mesmerized by his eyes. His hand was tight around hers, but not painful. The grip sent pulses of awareness through her. She stumbled around the table’s edge and came up to him. He pushed back his chair and pulled her down onto his lap, his hand releasing her to encircle her, pulling her hard against him and lowering his mouth to find hers.
Kelly gave herself up to the delight of his embrace, wondering how he could ever think she’d even look at another man, loving him as much as she did. Had he been blinded in that accident, as well?
She opened her mouth and let her tongue skim the softness of his lips, seeking admittance, finding him and mating with his tongue as the dizzy spirals of passion built.
His hand roamed over her back, pulling her tightly against him, tracing the indentation by her spine. He eased her back slightly and one hand slipped under her shirt, moving easily against her heated skin.
“You’re so soft,” he whispered, his lips moving against her mouth, then nibbling on her cheeks, her jaw, the tender skin of her throat.
When he found her unbound breasts, he cupped first one then the other, squeezing gently, teasing the nipples into hard peaks. “No bra?” he asked as his hand fondled her, caressed her, drove her to distraction.
Eagerly her mouth found his again. She shook her head, wanting to tell him she had not been expecting visitors, but unable to stop kissing him long enough to find her voice.
Heat invaded every cell in her body, and the deep pull of desire began to build. One arm encircled his neck, her other hand wandered over the strong muscles defined beneath his shirt. Opening one button, then another, she slipped her hand in to find the warm strength of his chest, and drag her nails over his skin, reveling in his reaction.
Kit’s hand left her breast and moved over her ribs, then lower to her belly, unsnapping her jeans, easing down the zipper. She stilled, but he was only rubbing her belly, his hand warm and comforting.
“Does your tummy hurt with your period?” he asked, rubbing her gently, his fingers brushing the top of her bikini panties, but not venturing lower.
She shook her head, snuggling against his neck, her breathing still ragged and heavy. He soothed her and petted her and she forgot what they’d been talking about. She forgot about everything but the way his body felt against hers, how his hand alternately soothed and inflamed her. And how much she loved him.
“It’s going to be a long few days,” he said, kissing her forehead.
She nodded, lassitude spreading throughout her body from his soothing touch. She took a deep breath, immediately excited by the heady scent of him, his own spicy aftershave, his body heat, the scent of love in the air. Her fingers pressed against his chest, feeling his tight nipple, the pulse of his heart and the heat rising from his skin.
Time drifted by as Kelly floated on a sea of contentment and peace. It was so right to be with Kit like this. She loved him so much and knew he must love her. If she could only get him to admit it.
Minutes, hours, days later he stirred, kissing her on her temple. “We’ve got to stop this or I’m going to forget you’re having your period,” he said at last.
Kelly nodded, not moving.
“I have to go to Stockton to get a birthday present for Sally. Come with me,” he said.
“Okay.” She probably should have hesitated, shown some sign of reluctance, but she couldn’t. She’d take whatever time she could get with him.
He sat her up and pulled up her zipper, fastening her snap and straightening her top. Kelly kept one arm around his neck, the other hand inside his shirt, watching him with love-filled eyes. With a sigh she pulled back and calmly buttoned his shirt.
“What are we getting Sally in Stockton?”
“I don’t know. Any ideas?”
They discussed various presents Kit could get his sister-in-law as they drove into the large valley town. He headed to the enclosed mall on the north side of town. Pulling into a parking slot, he turned off the engine and glanced at Kelly, taking her hand and toying with it a moment.
“If you hold this out to help me, I won’t bite it off,” he said whimsically. “I brought the wheelchair today. I don’t like to use the crutches on the slick floors in the mall.”
She tightened her fingers around his and smiled, but said nothing, afraid to say the wrong thing.
“I need your help. Can you get the chair out of the back and bring it to my door?”
“Sure.” She leaned over and kissed him lightly on the mouth. “Was that so hard?” she asked gently.
“Maybe not from you, but I don’t want any of the ranch hands kissing me,” he said.
She burst out laughing and climbed down from the high cab. In only moments they were on their way into the mall.
“You never said when Sally’s birthday is. I want to get her something, too,” Kelly said as she walked along beside him.
“It’s not too soon. I wanted to get the gift in plenty of time.”
She glanced down at him, curious at his odd tone. His hat hid his face.
“Like how soon?”
He looked up to meet her eyes. “A couple of months.”
“It’s a couple of months away and we had to come out today?”
“I figured I’d need an excuse to get you to come with me today. So I used that.”
She was touched. Didn’t he know yet that she’d go with him just for the asking? Rubbing his shoulder lightly, she wished they could hold hands as they moved along, but he needed both hands to propel the chair. “I would have come if you’d just asked.”
“Not if you were busy getting Beth to set you up with her cousin,” he growled, frowning as he looked away.
She smiled secretly and prudently said nothing.
They enjoyed themselves, spending endless hours examining everything from clothes to jewelry to shoes to knick-knacks. Kit finally settled on a camera. Kelly found a pretty scarf she thought Sally would like.
They ate at one of the restaurants in the mall and then wandered around eating chocolate chip cookies, just window-shopping and spending time together.
“My feet hurt,” Kelly said late in the afternoon. She was ready to leave. They’d been in almost every shop in the entire complex. Kit was carrying the purchases they’d made and she was tired of all the shopping.
“I thought women shopped till they dropped.”
“Well, I’m dropping. Let’s go home now.”
“Fine. Want a ride?” He patted his thighs.
She nodded, settling herself crossways on his lap and smiling gleefully. He pushed them forward and they headed for the door nearest the truck.
“This is fun,” she said, glancing around at the other shoppers who had stopped to stare at them. Giggling a little, she ducked her head.
“I think people are looking at us,” she said, conscious of the smiles some were showing.
“Probably wishing they could ride,” he said in amusement.
“The women probably wish they could be me, sitting on your lap, but not just for the ride,” she said, noting the expression on some faces as they scooted by.
“Do you kiss and drive at the same time?” she asked audaciously, kissing his cheek.
He stopped the chair. “No, but I can do one at a time.” He caught her face in his hands and brought his lips down on hers in a hard kiss.
She was flustered and laughing when he released her. “Not here.”
He laughed and started the chair again. “You brought it on, Miss Smarty. Remember who you’re dealing with.”
“Sure, Mr. Macho Rodeo Cowboy,” she murmured, knowing now how reckless and wild he must have been when he was younger. No wonder his reputation was intact. He’d not changed all that much.
Kit took her hand as he drove toward home, threading his fingers through it and resting it on his hard thigh. Kelly felt a warm contentment spread through her and her mood was almost euphoric.
“Want to stay for dinner? I can fix some linguine.”
“What’s that? Yuppified city food?”
“Yep. Too bad I can’t make sushi.”
He made a face. “What’s wrong with beef?”
She laughed. “You’ll like linguine.”
“I’ll try anything once. I like living on the edge of danger.”
“Hardly the edge of danger.”
“Being with you is dangerous enough,” he muttered.
“Why?”
“You start a man to thinking things he had no business thinking,” he said.
“Like?”
“Like nothing. Tell me how you make linguine.”
Recognizing the stubborn tilt to his jaw, she complied.
Kit helped with dinner, which surprised Kelly.
“I didn’t know you were so domestic,” she said as they worked companionably in the kitchen. He’d made the garlic bread while she was making the tomato sauce and pasta, and had cleaned and cut the vegetables for their salad.
“And that surprises you? I’m a bachelor. How do you think I would eat if I couldn’t fix some things? I’m real good at steak and baked potatoes.”
“I bet. But Sally does that at the ranch.”
“Now. But I lived a lot of years alone before she and Clint moved in. And I needed their help when I was first home from the hospital. I don’t so much now.”
She was thoughtful. Was their arrangement now just habit? “Do they want a house of their own?”
He looked up at her, an arrested expression on his face. “I don’t know. They’ve never said anything.” He went back to the salad. “Though I’m sure they will when they start having kids. My house isn’t all that big. We’ve turned the third bedroom into an office. I’ll have to ask them.”
“Could you manage on your own?”
“If I had someone in to clean every so often I could. Tell me some more about your life in the big bad city.”
Picking up on his desire to change the subject, Kelly began describing her friends, the routine she’d enjoyed the past few years. From that the conversation drifted to music, books and other friends.
They moved to the sofa in the living room, neglecting to turn on the lights. As Kelly lay snuggled against him, she knew she’d never find a better man to care for her. For her to love.
“Kit.” This would shatter their evening.
“Umm?” They had been silent for a few moments, he toying with the fingers of one of her hands.
“Tell me more about the operation,” she said softly, holding her breath against his reaction.
He sighed, dropping her hand, pulling his arm from around her shoulders.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Yes, there is. Tell me.” She clutched his arm, refusing to allow him to move away. She knew he wanted to.
“I told you before it’s not your business.”
“Tell me about the operation,” she insisted.
He sighed and turned away. “Dammit. It’s some experimental operation at Stanford that is supposed to improve muscle response from damaged nerves. The operation itself would only take a couple of hours. But the convalescence and physical therapy would take weeks, months.”
“And it would be painful?”
“Probably. Kelly, you don’t know what it was like before. Even when I was asleep I could feel the pain. It wasn’t just an ache like falling off a horse, or being stepped on by a steer. It was cutting and sharp and endless.” He rubbed his face with both hands, dropped them to his thighs.
“I know I don’t know what it was like. It must have been awful. Didn’t the medicine help?”
“I didn’t want painkillers. I was taking no chances of becoming addicted.”
She blinked. “Kit, they wouldn’t let you become addicted. You can use the medicine to control the worst of the pain. Would the operation allow you to walk better? Maybe ride better?”
“Hell, who knows if it would do anything. I said it was experimental. Sometimes it helps.” He hadn’t thought about it since Althea had so cruelly rejected him in the hospital. He wondered now if he should have. With more mobility he’d be able to do more. Offer more. To someone like Kelly. To Kelly. Would it make enough of a difference to change things? Allow him to become more of the kind of man she should have?
“Would it make anything worse?” she asked softly.
“There’s a certain risk.”
But wouldn’t it be worth it for her? If it was unsuccessful, he’d be no worse off than he was right now. And if it worked, maybe he’d have something worth offering to her.
She knelt beside him on the sofa, taking his head in both her hands, her palms caressing the strong, stubborn line of his jaw as she turned him to face her in the dim light.
“Kit, if you decide on the operation, I’ll be there with you every day, sassy mouth and all. You won’t be alone. I’ll fix it so I sleep in your room, even. I would be with you every moment, and if the pain gets bad, we’ll make love and you’ll forget it.”
He stared at her, a lopsided smile starting at her idea for suppressing pain. Then his eyes darkened. “There’s a chance I could walk better, be more mobile.”
“Darling, if you could be more mobile, it would be wonderful for you.”
“For you, maybe,” he muttered, his hands taking hers from his face. Would she settle for that? Could he offer her a life as his wife if he was more mobile?
“No, dammit, for you. I’ve told you before I love you just as you are and if you never walked across the room again I wouldn’t care. But for you, to be as free as you can be, it’s important. If you’d been a businessman stuck behind a desk every day, it wouldn’t matter as much. But your life is out there.” She swept her hand toward the window. “You can ride now. Wouldn’t it be grand to walk across your fields, as well?”
He refused to answer. He wanted it so badly he could taste it. Feared losing her so badly he could hardly breathe. It was such a risk. Could he do it? Gathering his crutches, he left without even telling her goodbye, the possibilities pounding in his brain.
Kelly’s eyes filled with tears and she remained seated on the sofa, listening to his truck drive off. She loved him so much, and he had never said he loved her. She knew he wanted her, he desired her. He couldn’t keep his hands off her when they were together. But he’d never said he loved her. Was she a fool to continue to kid herself? If he cared for her as she did for him, surely by this time he would have said something.
The next morning Kelly woke late. She’d had a restless night, finding trouble sleeping. When she did sleep, her dreams were filled with longing for Kit. Every time he turned from her and walked away. Listlessly she rose and dressed. Wandering down the stairs, she looked around her house. She’d been happy here, but she couldn’t stay forever loving a man who couldn’t love her back.
Two days later she’d made up her mind. She’d go back to the city for a time. Try to decide what to do with her life. If she had to, she could sell Aunt Margaret’s house, buy another one in some other small town. Or move back to San Francisco for good. She smiled wistfully. She liked small towns. She still longed to belong somewhere. Maybe the next stop would be her last.
Kelly called Judith and begged the use of her guest room for a couple of weeks. With a place to stay assured, she began to pack. The new story was mapped out. She could work on it in San Francisco. Once she decided what she was going to do with her future, she’d have to come back. Either to stay, or to sell the house. But she’d worry about that later. First she had to say goodbye.
That a
fternoon she drove out to the Lockford ranch. She wanted one last look at Sam. That was something else she’d have to take care of. She’d ask Beth if she could board him at her dad’s until Kelly decided what she’d do.
Kit was working on his truck when Kelly drove into the yard, the hood propped open, his virile body leaning against the fender. He turned and watched as she drove up beside him. Kelly hesitated a moment when she saw him. Ignoring her own jangling nerves, she got out of her car and walked up to him.
“Hello.”
“Hello yourself, darlin’.”
His eyes were hooded, watchful, but he met her more than halfway, reaching out to kiss her, his tongue flicking out to touch her lips before she pulled back.
“Came to see Sam?” Kit asked easily. Leaning casually against the truck, his crutches almost forgotten, he looked heart-stoppingly sexy.
Kelly took a deep breath. “Yes. Actually, to say goodbye for a while.” She looked around the yard, over toward the corral, afraid to meet his gaze.
“Goodbye?”
“I’m going to the city for a couple of weeks.” She bit her lip and faced him bravely. “I’m going to ask Beth if her dad would board Sam until I decide what I’m going to do.”
“What the hell do you mean, until you decide what to do? What are you talking about? How long are you going to the city for?” His voice had a hard edge to it.
“Long enough to decide what I’m going to do with my life,” she said firmly.
“What’s wrong with your life the way it is?” he growled. She was talking about leaving? Panic spiked. e wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go.
“I can’t keep on this way,” she murmured, her eyes sad.
“So you’re running back to the city?”
“Well, for a couple of weeks, anyway. Then I’ll decide where I’ll live. Maybe I’ll sell Aunt Margaret’s house and find something in another town. Maybe I’ll stay in the city. I don’t know just yet.”
“Kelly—”
She shook her head. “Once you told me I’d get a truckload of heartache if I set my sights on you. Well, you were right. I’m not such a masochist to stay where I’m not wanted.”
One Stubborn Cowboy Page 17