Elizabeth's Daughter

by Thea Thomas

  If she had come here for no reason other than this moment, it was enough for her. She could tell she’d always have this energy, to tap into. She also had a troubled sense that she would need it.

  She passed a homeless person here and there – as if anyone living is paradise could be considered homeless – stirring awake from a bench, or shuffling about, getting ready for the day’s panhandling. They gave her long glances. She had the impression they were veterans at their chosen profession, knowing that early morning joggers and walkers rarely had any money on them.

  Today she would take a bus tour of Waikiki and the Pearl Harbor war memorial. As always, she’d invited Tony, thinking it might be of interest. But just shrugged and said, “enjoy yourself.”

  The tour would pick her up at eight a.m. in front of the hotel. By the time she got back from her long walk to Diamond Head, she only had a moment to run up to the room and grab her purse. Tony was gone. Out baking already, no doubt. She grabbed a sweet roll, an apple and a carton of milk from the restaurant and hurried out to the street.

  Four-and-a-half hours later, when the tour bus dropped her off at the hotel again, she went directly to find Tony. She wanted to share tidbits she’d learned about the interesting mix of cultures, and how curious and ironic it seemed to stand at the Pearl Harbor war memorial, thinking sadly about the young American men who had lost their lives to prevent the Japanese from taking Hawaii, while the balance of the tour had been about how the Japanese were buying up Hawaii.

  Well, Elizabeth philosophized, money is a more civilized means of acquisition than weapons.

  But as she scurried through the lobby of the hotel on her way to the beach, she saw Tony with his back to her, standing in the doorway of the restaurant, talking with a girl with a mane of tawny, honey-colored hair, his fingers entwined in a couple of her tawny locks. The girl looked up at him with spellbound admiration. Elizabeth had no desire to see the look he gave her in return.

  She backed around the corner, then hurried up to their room.

  She paced up and down. Was what she just saw really incriminating? Women found Tony irresistible, she knew. She knew that just from watching the waitresses when she and Tony went out to dinner. But that fact didn’t justify his returning the adulation by standing around with his fingers stuck in a stranger’s hair in broad daylight. She felt humiliated.

  She stormed inwardly. And why, she wondered about herself, didn’t she just approach him when she saw him, instead of running away as if she were guilty?

  Because, she answered, she was afraid. Her instincts told her to approach him about the girl. But she was so furious that she didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of the girl. She would wait until he came to the room. Whenever he remembered that he had his new wife waiting for him in the honeymoon suite.

  It’s best that I just become cool and collected for a while. Apparently Tony was not able to enjoy himself with his own company the way she was, she thought sarcastically. Apparently he had to be with someone all of the time.

  Well, this line of reasoning is not making me calm, she thought.

  She decided to take a hot bath. A long, hot bubble bath always helped melt problems. She gratefully remembered Peter’s book. A hot bath and a good book would let her mind relax. But she tore the room apart looking for the book and it simply wasn’t there. Not under the bed or in the bed or on the bed or in the end tables or in the dresser. Not in the closet or bathroom, not on the lanai or on the table or on the floor or in the luggage. It was not there. She hated to think where it was, but then, she knew where it was. Tony had thrown it away.

  When Tony came to the room two hours later, she was outwardly calm, dressed for dinner.

  “Let’s stay in the hotel for dinner,” she said.

  “Okay by me,” Tony answered cheerfully, starting his shower.

  At dinner Elizabeth was civil, if quiet. She remembered ordering a cobb salad, but she had no idea if it came, if she ate it, if it was good.

  After the waiter poured their after dinner coffee, Elizabeth asked quietly, “Where is my book, that is, Gail’s book.”

  Tony gave her one of his why-do-you-bother-me-with-your-silly-little-problems looks. “I don’t know where your book is.”

  “I believe you do,” Elizabeth said. “Just give it back, Tony. It’s not my book. Gail loaned it to me in good faith, trusting that I wouldn’t harm it.”

  “Don’t blame me, Elizabeth, if you can’t take care of things you’re responsible for!”

  “I’ve change our return reservations to the first flight in the morning,” Elizabeth said.

  Tony, looking like a gorgeous native with his dark skin and pale floral shirt, had returned to smiling and looking at the people around him. Suddenly the dark vein on the left side of his forehead surfaced.

  “What do you mean, Elizabeth? Over a book? Are you completely crazy?” His voice became low, but his temper seethed. “I’ll be nice about this and pretend you didn’t say that. I won’t let you put me in a bad mood over a stupid thing like a bad book!”

  “You won’t let me... oh boy, Tony. You don’t know the meaning of ‘bad mood.’ You should have been me for the last few hours.”

  “What are you babbling about? What’s gotten into you?”

  “The sight of you fawning over some strange girl with more hair than a wig-maker and your fingers wound up in it – that’s what’s gotten into me.”

  Tony’s angry expression changed ever so slightly.

  “Oh for pity’s sake! You react like this to that? Sweetheart, she’s so irrelevant, she’s so... nothing! Just a little girl who found me irresistible.” Tony chuckled.

  “What’s funny?” Elizabeth asked, feeling cold. “You were making no effort to dissuade her.”

  “Oh! Well! I’m a flirt, I’m the first to admit it. But it’s harmless, believe me. You think I’d do anything to risk losing you?” He reached over and grabbed her hand. “Be realistic, Elizabeth, she’s just a little girl. And you’re a woman! There’s no comparison.”

  “And this woman is telling you that she’s changed the return flight reservations to tomorrow morning. You’ve managed to take away any joy I may have had in this trip, up, down and backwards. I want to go home, I want to be with Amy and Gail. I don’t want to have to wonder what you’re doing in the lobby.”

  Tony chuckled again. “Well, gee, Elizabeth, there’s lobby’s everywhere.”

  “That awareness has not escaped me, Tony. But at least at home I don’t have to go downstairs and see it. I want to go home. I’d get on a plane this minute if one was available.”

  Tony gave up on his forced joviality. “Well I don’t want to leave. And certainly not for such a stupid reason.”

  “As you please, Tony. But it goes without saying that you can charge your room and room service and meals and your return flight to your VISA. It does seem more appropriate, doesn’t it, since you’re the person who wants to be here. Please be aware that I’ve closed the credit card account you’ve been using with wild abandon.”

  Neither of them spoke while they finished their coffee, after which they rose and went to the room without a word.

  Elizabeth packed her things while Tony stood out on the lanai, then she went to bed.

  Still not speaking, Tony came in and packed. He neither spoke to her nor touched her the whole night.

  Early the next morning Elizabeth went out into the hall looking for the housekeeper. She found her in the other wing.

  “Excuse me,” Elizabeth said.

  “Yes, miss?”

  “Did you clean the rooms on this floor yesterday?”

  “Yes, miss.”

  “Did you happen to find a book in room 7114, a book called After the Year After the Millennium?”

  “Ahm, yes, miss.” The woman became uncomfortable.

  “Do you happen to have it?”

  “Yes miss. I do. I was going to read it. But I didn’t take it. It was in the trash. People sometime
s throw books in the trash.”

  “I know you didn’t take it,” Elizabeth reassured her. “And I wouldn’t even ask for it back, but it belongs to a friend of mine and the author... the author is a friend of hers. You know, the book really means a lot to her.”

  “Certainly, miss. I saw the note in it from the author. I thought it was strange to throw it away. Here.” The woman pulled the book out from under a package of paper towels and handed it to Elizabeth.

  “Oh! Thank you! Thanks so much.” Elizabeth took the book gratefully and handed the woman a ten dollar bill. “Please buy a copy for yourself. It really is a very good book. I wonder if you happen to remember which trash it was in?”

  “Ahm, let me see. Oh yes, the right side of the bed. I remember because there was sand on the carpet on that side of the bed. It was in the trash under newspapers.”

  Tony’s side of the bed. Elizabeth nodded. “Thank you again.”

  When Elizabeth went back into the room, she slipped the book into her suitcase while Tony slept.

  When they went down to check out, Elizabeth stifled a gasp when she looked at pages long and very steep bill.

  Finally they were at the airport. Until they got back to Orange County, a monosyllable was a long conversation between them.

  As their plane came into the airport, Elizabeth turned to Tony. “I expect you to keep up a pleasant front. Gail is getting us from the airport, and I don’t want her to see this tension, to say nothing of being unpleasant around Amy.”

  Tony took her hand. “I’m sorry the trip wasn’t much fun for you. I get caught up in things. I was caught up in being in Hawaii. I’m a kid sometimes.”

  Elizabeth melted ever so slightly, but she refused to show it. “Yes, you are. But now you’re a married kid, so keep it in mind!”

  “Okay, Elizabeth, I will,” Tony said contritely.

  One if his better acts, Elizabeth thought.

  Elizabeth was never happier to see anyone than when she saw Gail holding Amy at the gate. And the way Gail was grinning and Amy was wiggling, the emotion was mutual. When they came together, the three of them hugged and laughed, while people flowed around them.

  “Oh! I feel like I’ve been gone a year!” Elizabeth exclaimed.

  “It seems like that to us, too!” Gail agreed. She turned to Tony. “Come on you bronzed god, let’s go home.”

  Chapter XXIII

  After Hawaii, Elizabeth had to think seriously about whether she ought to continue this sham of a marriage. Her main concern, as always, was Amy. She had believed, until now, that she could give Amy the best home possible. But if Tony continually upset their whole environment, then perhaps it simply wouldn’t be the best home for Amy.

  However, Tony appeared changed after they returned. He was quieter and seemed less egocentric. Maybe he really was finally internalizing the fact that he was married, and dealing with what that meant in terms of life style.

  Elizabeth resolved to be as patient and sweet as she could possibly be. Now that she was back in the bosom of home, she seemed able to rationalize all of Tony’s indiscretions. The flirtation with the girl didn’t register as nearly significant as it had far from home. And throwing away Peter’s book was simply another manifestation of his adolescent jealousy.

  After all, she knew nothing if she didn’t know how important Tony’s notion of his image, right or wrong, was to him. And that meant he had to continue to be attractive to other women, while there was to be no competition for her attention, even in the form of a paperback book.

  A week after they came back from Hawaii, Mrs. Vargas joined them for dinner.

  “Good news, everyone,” she said after the salad and before the main course, “your adoption of Amy is nearly finalized.”

  Elizabeth almost broke into tears. Tony took Elizabeth’s hand and kissed her fingers.

  “Congratulations, Mom,” he said.

  Gail and Mrs. Vargas smiled approvingly and the moment etched itself on Elizabeth’s mind. It was one of those cherished events in her life that she knew she’d never forget... the moment she learned she was about to become a mother.

  Smiling, she said, “This moment will only be surpassed when I’m told that the adoption is finalized!”

  That moment came a mere two months later. Mrs. Vargas called from her office to give Elizabeth the news.

  “I assumed you’d want to know as soon as I knew,” Mrs. Vargas said.

  “Oh! Mrs. Vargas!” Elizabeth sat down on the floor in front of Amy’s play pen, looking at Amy with a new intensity. Her daughter!

  “Are you still there?”

  “What’s wrong?” Gail asked, worried.

  “Yes,” Elizabeth answered Mrs. Vargas, “I’m still here.” She looked up at Gail “I’m a mother.”

  “Oh, Lizzie!” Gail ran over and hugged her. “Congratulations! Thank you Mrs. V.,” Gail called towards the receiver.

  “It’s certain?” Elizabeth asked, disbelief creeping into her voice.

  “The signed and stamped paperwork is right here in my hands.”

  “I just... I have to tell Tony! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mrs. Vargas.”

  “And thank you for providing a good home for a deserving little person.”

  “Yes, she is!”

  When Elizabeth called Tony, he said that was wonderful news and he was happy for her. But he had that same flat affect he’d had about everything lately, as though everything was equally unimportant.

  “We’ll have to celebrate,” she said, hoping to stir him up to show some enthusiasm.

  “If you want. But it’s no surprise to me, it’s been a foregone conclusion all along.”

  “Not to me,” Elizabeth said. “If I’d thought it was a foregone conclusion, I could have saved myself a lot of worry.”

  “And so you should have.”

  Elizabeth wouldn’t let Tony’s passive mood dampen her relishing the newness of motherhood. Amy was really and truly her daughter now! And she was was walking and talking, happy, healthy and beautiful. The biggest immediate challenge Elizabeth had was to teach Amy to call her mommy.

  A pleasant task indeed. Elizabeth was euphoric. If anyone had asked, she would have said life was perfect.

  Chapter XXIV

  Elizabeth hurried to the telephone. “Hello?”

  “Elizabeth, it’s me, Peter. I’d like to see you.”

  “I’d love to see you too. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Amy and Gail miss you.”

  “I miss them too. Is Amy calling you mommy yet?”

  “Yes, she is. She seems to think it’s terribly amusing that all of a sudden ‘Bet’ is ‘Mommy.” She teases us by mixing it all up, calling me ‘Bet-Mommy’ and calling herself ‘Amy-Mommy’ and Gail is ‘Gao-Mommy. I guess for the moment ‘mommy’ has become a last name.

  “So, anyway, why not come over early, say, fiveish?”

  “I’d love to come over, Elizabeth,” Peter answered. “But right now I’d like you to come over here. Just you. I have... something rather strange to show you.”

  “Strange? What do you mean, Peter?”

  “I can’t go into it over the phone.”

  “Honestly, Peter, this isn’t like you.”

  He was silent, so she gave in. “Okay, I suppose you mean for me to come directly?”

  “That would be good, yes.”

  “How mysterious! I... I’ll be there as soon as I can get there.”

  Elizabeth hung up. Something instinctual told her not to tell Gail where she was going, and why. No that she knew why herself. She got her purse and went downstairs. “I’m going out for a bit, Gail. Hold down the fort.”

  “Huh?” Gail pulled her head out of the freezer.

  “I... I’ve got to, uhh, go get some materials for the baby’s rug... I’m going to finish that thing now, if it’s the last thing I do. I’m tired of seeing it hung up in there two-thirds done.”

  “Oh,” Gail nodded. “Okay. That’s good.”


  “Amy go!” Amy said seeing Elizabeth’s purse on her shoulder and her keys in hand.

  “You stay and help Gail, Baby-face. Gail needs you. Mommy will be back in a little while.”

  “Amy go with Mommy!”

  “Finally!” Gail said.

  “Yes, what a clever girl, to call me Mommy when you know I’m going off without you.” Elizabeth went over to Amy and picked her up and kissed her. “You little blackmailer, you! This time you have to help Gail. Next time Mommy will take Amy shopping. When it’s more important, okay?”

  Storm clouds gathered on Amy’s little forehead and rain threatened, but Elizabeth handed her to Gail and Gail showed her the inside of the freezer, talking to her importantly.

  “Now, Miss Amy, what would you do to organize a messy freezer like this one?”

  Elizabeth sidled out the back door and into the garage.

  What, she wondered on her drive to Peter’s, did he have on his mind, and why did he have to sound so mysterious? It wasn’t like him.

  When she got to his place, she parked in the driveway. Peter was standing in the back doorway.

  “This better be good! It’s the first time I’ve ever lied to Gail and Amy and I hope you’ll vindicate me.” She was half-joking and she smiled up at Peter as she climbed the four steps into the back porch.

  But Peter wasn’t smiling.

  “Peter, what....”

  “Follow me, Elizabeth.”

  He led her through the house to his library. He pointed to the desk. Precisely in the center of the desk stood a tube of lipstick.

  “Is that yours?” he asked.

  Elizabeth gave Peter and odd look. “What sort of inquisition is this?” But she went and picked the lipstick up, looking it over, puzzlement on her face.

  “Frankly,” Peter went on, “it doesn’t look like you. It’s too dark, but since you’re the only woman who has lived here in many years....”

  “Yes, Peter, it’s mine. That is, you’re exactly right, it is too dark for me. It was the first lipstick I ever bought in my life, but I bought it just shortly before you and I switched houses. And right after I bought it, it disappeared. It was peculiar, because I only had it and a compact in the medicine chest in the upstairs bathroom and right after I bought it, it was gone. I figured it rolled away somewhere, although I couldn’t find it. And then I dismissed it because it wasn’t a good color for me anyway.