Pink Flamingoed

by Steve Demaree

  “Hey, everyone. This is Chuck.”

  “Hey, Chuck. I’m Brad. Glad you came. I was starting to feel very much outnumbered by all of these women.”

  “Yeah, I see what you mean,” Chuck said smiling.

  “Yeah, we guys have to stick together,” Brad suggested.

  “And we girls, too,” countered Amy.

  +++

  The middle of the week arrived and Scott started working on the upcoming Sunday’s sermon. He was sitting in his study praying and seeking God’s guidance, when someone knocked on his study door. Never knowing God to appear to him in quite that manner, he called out. A moment later, Nancy entered and she appeared to be troubled.

  “What’s the matter, Hon?” Scott asked his wife.

  “Honey, do you love me?”

  “You know that I do, dear.”

  “Are you sure you love me?”

  “Of course I do. What’s wrong?”

  “Scott, I’ve done a bad, bad thing.”

  “You didn’t spend too much money, did you?”

  “Not yet, but I will.”

  Scott decided to ignore that remark.

  “You weren’t involved in a wreck, were you?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Were you hurt?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Honey, you’re being awfully vague. Is the car okay?”

  “Oh, the car’s fine.”

  “What about the car of the person you hit?”

  “I didn’t hit anybody.”

  “But you said you were in a wreck.”

  “I tend to think of it more like a train wreck.”

  “So, there was no other person?”

  “There most certainly was.”

  “So who was it?”

  “You.”

  “Nancy, you’re not making any sense. Try telling me in plain English.”

  “In plain English, Scott, I’m pregnant.”

  “You’re not kidding, are you?”

  “No, and I don’t think the doctor was either.”

  “Oh, honey,” Scott exclaimed, as he rushed around his desk and embraced his wife.

  “It’s all my fault, Nancy.”

  “Well, it’s partly your fault.”

  “More than you think, dear.”

  “Now, you’re the one who’s not making any sense, Scott. How can it be more your fault than I think? I know how these things happen. Remember, it’s happened to us three times before.”

  “Yeah, but the three times before I didn’t pray and ask God to send us more children for our church.”

  “Scott.”

  “Yes, dear.”

  “The next time you pray, could you be a little more specific?”

  “I’m sorry. I just assumed that God knew my innermost thoughts.”

  “He does, dear, but He also has a sense of humor. When did you pray for these kids?”

  “Christmas Eve.”

  “Wow! God works quicker on some of our prayer requests than others.”

  “I guess He does, Hon. Have you told the kids yet?”

  “No, Scott. I thought you might want to know first. And since you’re the one who caused all of this, when do you think you’re going to tell them?”

  “I don’t suppose that we can just let them watch you get fat and see if they ask any questions.”

  Nancy raised her eyebrows, crossed her arms, and looked at her husband.

  “No, I guess not. Well, give me a couple of days. You don’t know how much explaining I’ve done lately.”

  +++

  The next night Scott and Nancy lay in bed talking about their day. They took time each night to talk, pray, and read and discuss each day’s entry in a couples’ devotional book.

  “How are you feeling?” Scott asked.

  “Physically, mentally, or emotionally?”

  “Since you’re a woman who just found out that she’s pregnant for the fourth time, let’s start with emotionally.”

  “I’m worried, Scott. Do you think we can afford another child?”

  “If I say ‘no,’ does that mean we draw straws to see which one we kick out?”

  “Try to be serious for a minute.”

  “Honey, God has always provided for us, and I don’t see any reason to think that He’ll abandon us now.”

  “I know you’re right. I guess it’s more the fact that I was beginning to think about how we’re going to be able to afford to send Jill off to college in a few years and now, soon, we’ll be back in diapers.”

  “I know, Hon. I know every time I think we’re through with this kid thing, we find out that we’re going to have another one. Who knows, God may end up blessing us with a dozen of them.”

  “Bite your tongue, Scott!”

  “Well, that doesn’t mean that you’ll be pregnant twelve times. Who knows? He might decide to give us two or three at once.”

  The look on Nancy’s face told Scott that she did not care for his second suggestion, either. He decided to change the subject.

  “Oh, by the way, I’ve been thinking about how to tell the children.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t guess you’d go for writing them a note and slipping it under each one’s bedroom door, would you?”

  “Tell me you’re not serious, Scott.”

  “I’m not serious Scott.”

  “How well I know!”

  “Well, I guess there’s nothing else to do except gather them together in the living room and give them the good news.”

  “Do you think they’ll think it’s good news?”

  “They won’t have any choice. Don’t worry, Hon. It’s all in the way you tell them.”

  “You’re the one who’s telling them, Scott. Remember?”

  “I know. I was just using a figure of speech.”

  “Well, mister preacher man, I think it’s time you worked on your speech.”

  “That reminds me. I have to work on my sermon.”

  “This first, Scott.”

  “How about if I save time by working it into my sermon on Sunday morning? That way the kids won’t make a scene and I can tell everyone at the same time.

  “Yes, dear,” Scott said, after noticing the look on his wife’s face. “We’ll tell them tomorrow night at dinner.”

  Nancy gave Scott that look again.

  “I mean I’ll tell them after dinner.”

  +++

  The next evening the Armbrusters gathered for dinner.

  “Dad, you’re not eating,” Jill said. “Is anything wrong?”

  “Yes. I mean no, uh, everything’s fine. Nothing could be better, but I do have something to talk to you about after dinner.”

  Mallory started crying.

  “What’s wrong with her?” Kenny asked.

  “Dad’s got cancer,” Mallory managed to say through her tears.

  “No, Mallory. I don’t have cancer.”

  Mallory continued to cry.

  “What now, Mallory?” her dad asked.

  “Mom’s got cancer.”

  “Well, sort of. I mean, no. Mom’s fine. Boy, is mom fine.”

  “Dad, since none of us feels like eating any more until we find out what’s wrong, why don’t you go ahead and get this over with?” Kenny suggested.

  “Okay, everybody to the living room,” Scott directed.

  Everyone got up from the table. Scott and Nancy let the children go first.

  “It’s all in the way you tell them. Right, Scott?” whispered Nancy as she and her husband headed to the living room.

  “And so, here we all are,” Scott said, addressing the obvious.

  “Mom, why don’t you tell us? My food’s getting cold.” Kenny remarked.

  “Scott!” Nancy exclaimed.

  “Well, kids. We have great news. Your mom’s pregnant. Well, good night,” Scott said, in the quickest sermon ever delivered.

  “Yeah, right!” Kenny said.

  “No, really, kids. Mom’s pregnant,” Sco
tt said, using a calmer tone of voice.

  “At your age?” Jill exclaimed.

  “What do you mean ‘at my age’? I’m not that old.”

  “Didn’t they teach you about birth control?” Mallory asked, causing her parents to wonder if she really was only five years old.

  “Mallory!” her mother exclaimed, showing her embarrassment.

  “Well, you’ve already got three kids. And I thought you were only going to have kids until you had an almost perfect one,” Mallory said.

  “Well, it isn’t as if I was trying to get pregnant,” her mother exclaimed, wishing she could take back her words almost as soon as she said them.

  “So, you two don’t even want this kid! You probably didn’t even want us either!” Jill shouted.

  “Of course, we want this one and we wanted all of you, too. It’s just that my pregnancy has taken all of us by surprise, and it’s going to take some getting used to.”

  “Well, you’d better get used to it quick, Mom. God isn’t going to keep this baby in there until you’re ready to have it,” Kenny said, wanting to get in on reprimanding his parents.

  “Scott!” Nancy said. “Help!”

  Scott did the best he could by trying to take the ball on the fly. Just as Scott was about to continue, the phone rang and he got up to answer it.

  “No, we’re not interested right now. Maybe later,” Scott replied.

  “Who was that?” Nancy asked when Scott returned.

  Scott burst out laughing.

  “It was a telemarketer. They were checking to see if we’re interested in a diaper service.”

  Mallory laughed so hard she fell off the couch. Even Nancy took advantage of the welcomed interruption. Scott said a silent prayer and thanked God for the telemarketer’s call, something he never expected to thank God for.

  After everyone had had a good laugh, Scott continued.

  “Well, kids. I think we just need to make the best of this. It’s time to get excited about your new brother or sister.”

  “Please, don’t say that word, Dad. We already have too many girls in this house now,” Kenny exclaimed.

  “Mom, Dad, since we’re getting another one, and we’ll be cramped for space, could we please send the little boy away to school?” Jill asked.

  “I’ll little boy you in a minute,” Kenny replied.

  “Yeah, Scott, it’s all in how you tell them,” Nancy said, as she looked at her husband who was getting more flustered by the minute. “By the way, what are you going to ask God for next?”

  +++

  Things went much better when Scott told his congregation that Sunday. At least, no one threatened to get rid of anyone else in the congregation in order to make room for the little one, and everyone seemed excited about the news.

  +++

  Frank got on the phone and called everyone in the church except the Armbrusters.

  “Be at our house at 7:00. We have an important meeting. It shouldn’t take long,” Frank said.

  Everyone arrived eager to find out why Frank had called.

  “There’s nothing to worry about. I just wanted to talk to you a few minutes about Scott. I’m sure that all of you would agree that Scott has done a wonderful job in the two years he’s been here. Now, Nancy will be bringing another life into their family and into the life of this church. I feel that we should all commemorate this joyous occasion and vote Scott a much needed raise.”

  It took only five minutes for the group to agree to a raise and to decide upon an amount. Even Harry voted to raise their pastor’s salary.

  +++

  The following Sunday, Pastor Scott had just concluded his message and was about to dismiss the congregation.

  “Wait, wait, wait just a minute,” Harry said as he stood up and addressed his pastor.

  “Excuse me, Harry. Is there something you’d like to say?”

  “No, but I believe Frank has a few words.”

  Frank stood up and faced his pastor.

  “Scott, the rest of us got together the other night. We’re sorry that we couldn’t include you,” Frank said, causing everyone to laugh. “Scott, we wanted you to know that we are very pleased with the work you’ve done at The Church On Aylesford Place, and we voted unanimously to give you a raise.”

  Everyone in the congregation broke into applause.

  “But Frank, how in the world can you afford to pay me any more than you’re now paying me?”

  “Scott, do you believe in prayer?”

  “Of course, I do, Frank. You know that.”

  “Well, then, you should try it sometime,” Harry remarked, causing everyone to laugh again.

  “Oh, believe me. I’ve prayed. That’s how Nancy got pregnant.”

  Everyone laughed again.

  Before Scott could explain himself, Cora shouted, “That’s not how it was explained to me, Scott.”

  Not to be outdone, Brad rose and said, “Hey, Harry, why don’t you go home and pray after church?”

  Again everyone laughed, until Scott raised his hand so he could continue.

  “If you’re set on doing this, then Nancy and I are certainly most grateful, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this for us.”

  “We don’t, and don’t think you’re going to have this baby all to yourselves, either. This baby is going to have lots of grandparents,” Cora said.

  “And parents, too,” Amy added.

  With that, Pastor Scott stepped down, and he, Nancy, and the children were embraced by everyone in their church family.

  Easter

  Scott opened his front door, stepped outside, and lowered himself onto the porch swing. It was the second week of March. The sun was shining. It was the first sign of spring. Spring! What better time to think of the new life his wife would soon be bringing into the world than the season known for new life. As Scott sat, he heard a robin. The first robin he had heard in several months. The first robin of spring always warmed the pastor’s heart. Ahead of him lay another cold spell and the rains that came with April, but Scott’s thoughts were not on them. His thoughts were on nothing but the first warm day of the year, the sunshine that made it so, and the robin who hopped around much like the neighborhood pastor felt like doing.

  +++

  When Frank retired early, Cora told him that he needed a hobby. After giving Cora’s suggestion some thought, Frank chose woodworking. Frank enjoyed his wood shop class back when he was in school, such a long time ago. For years, he talked of buying tools and puttering around in the garage, but like most people’s grand plans, they remained dreams that never found their way into reality. Frank didn’t want to vegetate after he retired, so he went looking for information, tools, and classes on how to make something from a piece of wood.

  Frank kept a portable heater in the garage, but he seldom practiced his hobby during cold weather. But as winter changed to spring, Frank migrated from the house to the garage, at least during the morning hours.

  When a writer entered his neighborhood and his life, Frank decided to make bookcases. He planned to start with one, and if all went well, he would make additional bookcases for his neighbors, a place where each could store another neighbor’s books.

  +++

  Brad’s book was progressing quite well. As he read what he had written, he was pleased with it. Oh, there would be revisions. There always were, but Brad was pleased with his initial effort. The March weather fluctuated from sunshine, to wind, to rain, to cold, and Brad had almost finished the first draft of his book. He made a decision to get most of his work done on bad weather days. He felt he had neglected Amy, even though he saw her everyday.

  +++

  Amy too anxiously awaited spring, her favorite season. She could hardly wait to get out and take photographs of spring’s new life. She purposely stayed away from Brad when the weather was bad in order to allow him to get more work done; however, the next day the sun shined she hoped to pry Brad away from his work. She would pack a picnic
basket and a camera or two.

  +++

  Allison continued to see Chuck, but because Chuck taught school each day, their week usually consisted of a phone call each evening when Chuck got home from school, a date every Friday and Saturday night, and church and dinner together on Sunday. It was not as much as either of them would have liked, but they looked forward to summertime when Chuck would have both his days and his nights free. Allison longed for the set-up Amy and Brad had. While Brad’s writing schedule kept him busy every day, living next door make it easy for him to pop over and see Amy. Allison wondered if Chuck could afford the house next door to Melanie, and if Melanie would be willing to sell it to him.

  +++

  While Harry liked the influx of warmer weather, Harry detested mowing his lawn. Each year, he toyed with the idea of buying a new mower, and each year he kept his money in his pocket. Harry could still remember the first time Kenny saw him mowing the lawn.

  “Where’s the motor?” Kenny asked, after looking at Harry’s lawn mower.

  “It doesn’t have one,” Harry replied.

  “So, where do you put the gas?” Kenny asked.

  “It doesn’t use gas. Gas only pollutes the air and adds to the expense of the chore. Besides, with this one, the noise doesn’t disturb anyone.”

  “Well, then, how does it go?”

  “The old-fashioned way. You push it.”

  “Seems like a lot of unnecessary work to me. Let me know when you get a riding mower, and I’ll cut your grass for you.”

  While most of the residents on Aylesford Place had lived long enough that at one time or another they had used an old-fashioned push mower, Harry was the only one who continued to use one.

  +++

  Amy could control herself no longer. Even though she managed to see Brad for a few minutes each afternoon and they took time to dine together on most evenings, Amy still felt as if she and Brad rarely saw each other. Amy walked out the door, down her steps, and marched across the yard to the house next door where her true love lived.