The Accidental Archmage: Book Two - Gifts of the Greeks (Accidental Archmage Series 2)

by Edmund A. M. Batara

  Some long seconds after, the upright but naked and burned form of Minis fell to the ground, face first. Tyler turned to look at Dionysus who was barely containing his laughter.

  “That’s what you get for disturbing our drinking!” announced Dionysus.

  Then he faced Tyler.

  “Bag of wind? That’s a new one! I think I will use that from now on. Go inside, young mage. I'll take care of this. He’s not dead, if that’s what you’re worried about right now. Merely damaged. Heavily damaged, thank Zeus!”

  Tyler waited for Dionysus in his room, continuing his tasting of the wine. He needed it to calm his nerves. Facing off against a minor deity? The lord of threats at that?

  The alcohol steadied him. Its singular flavor also helped. He did notice after a while that he had run through half a bottle.

  Dionysus entered the room. A delighted grin on his face.

  “Well, my boy, that settles it.”

  “Settles what?”

  “Several things. Athena’s confidence in you. Your status as the new favorite of Ares and his gang of arrogant bullies. Being the most powerful mortal mage on Adar. I do have to admit I had my initial doubts about you. Quite young and decent for a change. But proof is in the tasting, as Pappo would say.”

  “I don’t remember being consulted about being Athena's choice by the way. The problem with Ares started with Erithizo who attacked me first. And about being that powerful a mage, I may have to object. Ares took me out quite easily.”

  “What did you expect? He’s been the deity of brutal war for millennia. He’s got lots of practice. Which reminds me. If we can cut down his speed, do you think you can handle him? Some mortals have already bested him but most had the help of Athena.”

  “Then why does she not help me handle him?”

  “Rules again, my boy. Gods did learn from what happened at Troy. Some demigods died. Major deities lost their tempers.”

  "Before I forget, what happened to Minis?"

  "Sent him on his merry way. Back to the brothers. Naked as a new-born babe and baked as a roasted calf."

  "You do have your moments, Dio. A lot of them in fact."

  "Serves that braggart right. No, wrong name! Bag of wind! Good thing you didn't kill him though. It would have complicated matters."

  “Just how does one kill a demigod or a god for that matter?

  Dionysus looked at him for some time. His eyes showing a dangerous depth that was not there before.

  “Why do you ask, young man?”

  Tyler felt having stepped on a landmine. He knew his answer would be crucial as far as the deity in front of him was concerned. He decided to be truthful. He had nothing to hide.

  “I have to know when to pull my punches. I don’t want to kill them and worsen the situation accidentally. Like with Minis. For a moment there, I was worried I did kill him.”

  Dionysus didn’t answer immediately. He kept on staring at Tyler. Finally, he made up his mind.

  “That’s a perilous question, my boy. Other deities would have immediately destroyed you for asking such a question. I have to weigh my answer too even if I want to do away with some of these dumb excuses for gods. But you appear to have yourself in check. The incident with that buffoon did show me that.”

  “I apologize for asking but I had no idea the topic would be that sensitive.”

  “How to kill a god? That question is not asked even among us. Any way you frame the question, it smacks of bad taste. But I am not known for that, except with wine, and you’re not “us” so I think I can give you some crumbs. A few of the means are known among a few mortals, though as expected, such knowledge is hidden.”

  “You don’t have to answer me, Dio. Especially if it places you in a difficult position.”

  “Don’t mind me. I do want to answer,” said Dionysus with a knowing grin.

  “I see that the stakes are higher now. You may be the excuse Ares had been looking for to take Akrotiri and other cities. A proxy war! I guess Athena knew what she was doing. This city sits at the start of the trade route to Skaney. You can guess the rest,” the deity explained.

  He took the second bottle and directly drank from it. He glanced at it, looked at Tyler, and winked. He must do a lot of winking, this guy.

  “As to your question. Deities are made of pure magical energy. Except for those with mortal blood in them, like me. Beating them black and blue, even inflicting normally fatal injuries wouldn’t kill them. Disable them, yes. Demigods, on the other hand, are but a level or two above mortals and therefore can be sent to their private heaven or hell.”

  “So there's no danger in holding nothing back?”

  “I wouldn’t say that. Deities? You have to make sure you spread the remains of their forms throughout the firmament. Or chop them into little itty-bitty pieces so the form loses cohesion. Or just cut off the head and burn it. I think the last is simpler.”

  Dionysus had finished off the opened wine bottle and was starting on the next. Tyler, on the other hand, was beginning to feel a pleasant buzz. But it was making him drowsy.

  “You know Dio, I must say I was apprehensive drinking with you. With your bachia… bachnia... bachnalia…” Tyler stuttered and slurred. The wine was getting to him.

  “Bacchanalia. Get your words right, my boy! You’ve barely started drinking! Ah, that crazy festival. But Roman, not Greek. Though something similar is practiced by my followers in Hellas. They call it the Dionysian Mysteries. I really don’t know what’s the mystery. But it’s a good excuse to get drunk so I gave it my blessing.”

  “No wild blood orgies?”

  “If you want one, I could arrange it. My maenads would be happy to participate.”

  “Just askhing.” Oh shit, I am drunk. My brain and mouth don't seem to be in sync.

  “But something similar started the maenad thing. It was Pappo’s fault. I merely told him about an offering of thanks to Eros. A huge selection of the best vintages ever to grace Hellas. But he wanted to taste them. I said let's try a few. A few! As in one or two bottles! One thing led to another and Eros found us in his temple cellars. Dead-drunk and most of his cellar emptied. I think it was Pappo's snoring that alerted the guards.”

  “What did he do?” Tyler was surprised at the sacrilegious audacity of the two, even if they were deities.

  “Nothing! He stood there and watched us. Then he left. We left a mess. The guards couldn't get close to us. These were a lot of empty wine jugs and casks available. And we don’t get tired of throwing them! That's why the head priest had to call on him. But he got back at us. In a wine festival back in Nysa, he spiked the wine before the scheduled… ahem… physical activities of an intimate nature. Turned the women into raving lunatics. That started it. What a waste of a good… evening. But the humans surprised me by making a festival out of it. Must have a fascination with blood and sex. That’s strange, even for me.”

  “I think I had enough wine, Dio.”

  “Mages! Can’t drink enough to save their lives! You get to be excused tonight. You did provide the entertainment.”

  Tyler was already very sleepy. The wine and the stress had gotten to him. But he had a question for the deity.

  “Henemies?” His tongue refused to cooperate with his thoughts.

  “Don’t worry about them. They can't enter the inn without me knowing about it. But about Ares, I think I may have the solution. Don’t leave the inn tomorrow until I come back. I have to see a cuckolded husband about your problem.”

  CHAPTER LORE:

  Chiton - Ancient Greek. A garment worn by men in Ancient Greece. There were two kinds, the Doric, which is simpler and had no sleeves, and the longer Ionic chiton.

  Chlamys – Ancient Greek. A rectangular piece of cloth usually worn as a cloak. Fastened at the right shoulder.

  Phobos – Ancient Greek. One of the sons of Ares and Aphrodite. Meaning “fear.”

  Deimos – Ancient Greek. One of the sons of Ares and Aphrodite. Meaning “terror.
”

  Satyr - Greek. Mythological creatures who are followers of Dionysus. Early portrayals show them as having human form but with donkey ears and tails. With permanent erections. Later merged in popular perception with the Roman faun which had a man's body but with a goat's tail, legs, and horns.

  Maenads - Ancient Greek. Female followers of Dionysus. Meant "raving ones." Practicing strange rites, combined with intoxication, maenads are known for entering into a state of murderous frenzy, tearing apart any living thing they come across.

  Chapter III

  Interested Parties

  It was a tiring hike through cultivated fields of olive trees. The hilly terrain, with isolated spots of trees, didn’t make it more accessible. Tyler believed it took him two paces going up and down compared to a step when walking on level ground. The armor he wore, the waterskin and the sack of provisions he carried, worsened it. He was sweating heavily. At least his staff made for a good walking stick. His babysitter of a deity was unperturbed by the hike, the land, the heat, and the humidity. And to think the day started out with a beautiful breakfast in his room.

  The day after Dionysus left was a lazy one for Tyler. Meeting his companions at the main hall, he gave instructions for them to gather information on the coming war. He didn’t think his enemies will be interested in them and he believed they could take care of themselves. The protection of both Athena and Dionysus would also serve to protect them to a certain degree in Akrotiri. But even then, he gave instructions to the two to conduct their discrete investigation together after briefing them on what he could tell them about the situation.

  The incident with Minis he glossed over in his discussion. But he could see Jorund’s inquisitive expression after he mentioned the visit of the Greek god of threats. But the discipline of the warrior held, he kept his silence. Jorund’s lack of facility in the language may prove to be a drawback, but he instructed the man to look for merchants who trade with Skaney. Trade inquiries will provide a good excuse for their movements. And merchants usually have the best information on any coming conflict or problem, especially if it threatened their businesses.

  Before the two left, he asked Jorund to leave behind the rune plates they got from the night-mage in the Scarburg battle, he wanted Dio to look at them when he came back. Upon closer examination, they didn’t seem Norse to him. Going back to his room after breakfast, he went straight to the comfort of the bed. He was going to make the most out of having a proper bed. With the war coming, he fully intended to make the most out of his comfortable circumstances while he still can. A morning nap was a rare luxury.

  He woke up to a field of gray.

  Another dream. What will it be this time? I don’t think Eira is involved. This is too drab. Too monochromatic.

  As he gazed upon the landscape, he saw it was ground of some sort. It even had shadowy caricatures of trees, bereft of leaves, looking like scarecrows in the strange landscape. Small mounds dotted the area. Wisps of fog glided through his windless surroundings. Only everything was gray. Even the sky was just a different shade of gray. He was the only spot of color in the entire dreamscape. He was wearing his armor and was holding his staff. Everything was still and muted. The only sound he could hear was his breathing. Surprisingly, visibility was excellent. It was as if it was but late afternoon in a gray world.

  He walked forward towards a small rise. Reaching its top, he saw it overlooked a massive excavation. In the middle of it, unburied from the dull colored soil, was a large squat column. It was also gray, albeit of a darker shade. The color strangely reminded him of the destroyed Elder temples. Against his will, he felt drawn to move towards it. Even as he mentally fought against the steady and irresistible compulsion, he suddenly found himself in front of the column. In desperation, he frantically tried to activate Hal. But the entity was silent.

  “Greetings, my child.” The voice echoed through his head. It was a deep bass voice, friendly but he felt unease at its touch. It was like being caressed by the cold scales of a snake. Or maybe the cold, wet and clinging tentacles of an octopus.

  “Uh, hello too?” replied the mystified but wary Tyler.

  “Surprised to see me? Don’t worry, mortal child of ours. We just wanted to meet you. You have come far. Alone. By yourself. You may prove to be of use in the future.”

  “Who are you, exactly? I don’t believe we’ve met.”

  “We haven’t. As to our names, it’s too early for that, young archmagi in the making. Suffice it to say you have interested us. Grow. Be more powerful. Surpass mortal and divine powers. Then we may meet.”

  “I am sorry, but I am getting the “me” and “our” mixed up. Am I talking to one entity or a group?”

  “More than one, archmagi to be. You will know of us. Eventually. And the rewards we offer.”

  He woke up. For real, this time. Aw, shit! Now, I can’t even have morning naps. What was that? A day-mare? He found he was sweating profusely.

  "Hal. Wake up."

  "Yes, Elder?"

  "I had a bizarre dream. Did you notice anything unusual? Strange energies or anything?"

  "None, Elder. If there were, the absence of any lingering traces would mean they are of beings more powerful than me, you, or the deities of Adar. But you do snore."

  "It was an unusual dream, Hal. A morning chat with beings who made my skin crawl. People snore, Hal. Well, most do."

  "It could also be a reaction of your mind to stress, Elder. The dream, not the snoring."

  "It could also be that, Hal. How’s your search for Elder ruins coming along?"

  "Some progress had been made but nothing specific yet."

  "You think you can come up with a result?"

  "A seventy-two percent chance of a positive result, Elder. It is but a question of rebuilding some of the code in destroyed tablets and correlating them with those found in intact ones. After that, an analysis of the resulting data."

  "That’s good, Hal. Please continue your work."

  "By your leave, Elder."

  The rest of the day was a frustrating one for Tyler. He kept trying to relax but the morning’s dream made him apprehensive about sleeping. Which was the one thing he wanted to do. But, as he nodded off by late afternoon, his two companions knocked on his door. Admitting the two into the room, he tried to hide his irritation. He couldn’t blame them for the day he was having. The two were able to meet a Skaney trader and his Greek partner. As Jorund and Habrok were representing themselves to be warriors out to make a living either as novice traders or caravan guards, they couldn’t push too hard for the information they wanted. But they were supposed to return the following day for more discussions.

  Tyler tried to go back to napping after they left. Just when he thought it was a futile battle, he fell asleep. Only to be awakened by a boisterous voice in the room.

  “A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU, BOY!”

  He opened his eyes. Sunlight was already pouring into his room and the bed. The being who woke him up made an effort to avoid blocking the sun’s rays coming in from the windows into his comfortable bed.

  “I got back last night and was informed you skipped dinner. Took a peek but you were enjoying your sleep so much that I let you have your date with Hypnos. But it’s time for another day! Up at your breakfast, my boy, I took the liberty of bringing it into your room.”

  Tyler took in the rest of the room. A large table had been brought in and laden with food and drink. Not bad. I think I am starting to like Dio’s morning greetings. That was the last time he had that thought.

  “So, anything good?” he asked the deity while taking his breakfast. Dionysus avoided the topic while Tyler was eating. But Tyler couldn’t resist asking.

  “Well, finish your breakfast first. Then go down to the wine cellar. You will find a small clay jug in one of the corners of the room. You won’t miss it. A side has a crack in it, and it’s smaller than the rest of the wine jugs and bottles there.”

  “Huh? Do I dare ask
why?”

  “No. You can’t dare ask why. Just go and get it. To be sure you don’t miss it, look in the leftmost corner of the room once you enter the door.”

  “Being mysterious isn’t you, Dio, but I’ll play fetch.”

  He went and got the small cracked clay jug. Upon returning, Dio refused to touch it and indicated that he place it on the now cleared table. Thought I could have a second breakfast. He did as told and looked at the deity.

  “Now, crack it open.”

  That incident was earlier that morning.

  Crack it open, he says. As if it were a humongous fortune cookie. Do they even have fortune cookies in this world? thought Tyler as he trudged through the tiring terrain. Usually, he enjoyed the outdoors, but the events which led to his current situation made him sullen. This patch of land didn't even have a trail. His thoughts went back to the events of that morning.

  “Crack it open? Why don’t you do it?”

  “Traces, young mage. I touch that then some residue may show my active involvement.”

  “So why don’t you tell me first what it is or what will I find if I do crack it open?

  “Sorry, rules of your quest again.”

  “What quest?”

  “I can’t tell you until you break that open.”

  Aw, freak. The hell with it.

  He broke open the clay jug. Inside was a small rectangular tablet, enough to fit inside. He could see markings on it.

  “What is this?”

  “Your quest, my boy! To find Hephaestus’ gift. Greeks gods are obsessed with quests. They don’t give anything without a quest or one involving an obligation. It’s the same with Hephaestus. He did agree to help on one condition.”

  “You guys never do anything for mortals without some strings attached, don't you?”

  “Where’s the fun in giving things left and right? But remember, the string may be long or short. This string is a short one. Maybe.”