The Accidental Archmage: Book Two - Gifts of the Greeks (Accidental Archmage Series 2)

by Edmund A. M. Batara

  Dionysus again placed his hand on his body. The familiar healing aura permeated Tyler’s being. The deity repeated the action. This time, it was a lot more effective. He couldn’t feel any broken bones anymore. The pain had lessened to an imperceptible level.

  “There's really something in you which resists magical energies. First time I have seen such a thing,” commented Dionysus. “But as I have said before, each of us is entitled to our own secrets, are we not?”

  “I guess so,” replied Tyler. His body now felt whole. But a lot of parts were in tender condition.

  “Don’t force yourself, young mage. Healing may fix what is broken, but the healed muscles and bones still need time to recover fully. Don’t worry about the time. It barely passes while we are in this little hide-away.”

  “Where are we?” asked Tyler, his voice having recovered to a degree approaching normal.

  “My innermost sanctum. My real bedroom. No mortal before had the opportunity to come here. I guess you’re the first.”

  Tyler noticed an open window. He could see a countryside panorama. Dionysus noticed.

  “That? It’s an illusion. Formed it from what people told me was the view from my late mother’s room. Went there myself to the actual house but it was burned down. But I guess the view remained the same.”

  “Burned down?”

  “You don’t know the story? The legend? I really don’t want to go into the details but here’s the short version. Zeus, my womanizer father, got involved with a mortal, my mother. Hera got wind of it. In her jealousy, worsened by the knowledge that my mother was pregnant with me, came up with a scheme. In the end, my mother burned to death and took the house with her. A few of the servants too. Zeus, to his credit, saved me. Gave me to Hermes for safekeeping. And Hermes, who really had no business taking care of a baby, finally turned me over to my aunt, my mother.'s sister. There! Told you deities could be worse than mortals.”

  Dionysus was looking out the window while he was talking. As Tyler was looking at him, he saw the deity transform slowly to a middle-aged man with curly hair, beard, and sad eyes. Dionysus turned to look at him.

  “See? This is how I really look when I am not playing the part of Dionysus the god. My mortal side always wins when I am sober,” said the deity. “My thanks, by the way, for saving my son. He is my son. Even if we are not related by blood. Been thinking of making him a demigod. The god of assassins. Nice ring to it, don’t you think? I think I can swing it with Zeus. I haven’t asked a favor from him for a millennium or so.”

  “He does need some more training. But I think he would be perfect. Very respectful and low-key. He considers you as his father, you know.”

  “I do know. That’s why I have to be careful. There are a lot of beings claiming to be my sons. He's not ready to confront misplaced jealousy. He's still human.”

  “Really? Don’t you have any sons of your bloodline?”

  “Nope. Only daughters. Blame my wild youth for it. Sowing oats, tasting the buffet, milking the cows. So many complications arose from such dalliances. After the headaches, I became more circumspect in selecting the consenting partner or partners. No wives of deities, for one. An angry husband throwing hexes, curses, magical spells, darts, arrows, and bladed weapons at me is not my idea of an ordinary day.”

  “But I think I read something about you being married to an Ariadne?”

  “That story again! She’s a snake-goddess, for Zeus sake! Well, I learned about that part later. One-night stand. Thankfully no offspring. All that ecstasy must have gone to her head to start claiming to be my wife. Ran away with Theseus of the Labyrinth fame. Got her just desserts. The hero didn’t care for her. People say Artemis slew her for the “elopement." What a bunch of donkey droll. She insulted and demeaned a young huntress, who turned out to be Artemis in disguise. Told you being around deities is a dangerous thing. One tends to run into them, disguised and undisguised.”

  “Out of so many, no sons?”

  “Hey, don’t rub it in. Let’s go over the claimants. Hymenaeus, god of weddings. Weddings! Said to be mine and Aphrodite. Are they crazy? The wife of one of my best friends! I think he’s really the son of Apollon, or Apollo, as some mortals call him. Next, we have Iacchus, said to be a god of the Eleusinian mysteries. And again, mine and Aphrodite. Told you the stories are crazy. Then next claimant, Priapus. But that’s a different situation.”

  “Why so?”

  “Good thing nobody could hear nor see us here. The fellow, the god of garden fertility, is rumored to be, again, mine and Aphrodite. I really can’t understand why the obsession with me and the wife of a best friend. But here’s the catch. He’s really the son of Mercury and Demeter. That’s a hush-hush one."

  "Mercury?"

  "Yes. Mercury. The messenger of the gods. God of commerce, travel, medicine, AND also of liars and thieves. Horny as a rabbit. Should have that animal as his own, not a ram. You know those snakes on his staff, the caduceus?

  "Yes. He's always portrayed with it."

  "If you look closely, they're copulating," guffawed the deity.

  "No wonder you said he's horny as a rabbit. Who's the god of lawyers? Also Hermes?"

  "No. That would be Themis, the goddess of good counsel, divine order, law, and fairness. And I see that expression again and here's my answer, don't ask as I don't know why. But she's the aunt you would like to have. Firm, caring, and deadly to your enemies. Unfortunately, Zeus had her too. But she's one of the few goddesses whose power had not been tested. Nobody wants to let her show it. She's one of the remaining Titans, and that shows you how powerful she really is."

  "Your family history is proving to be as tangled as an overgrown bush."

  "Hah. That's just the tip of it. Anyway, going back to our horny ram. They had their affair while she was looking for Persephone, her daughter with Zeus. You know the kind of story I am talking about. Depressed wife, husband not helping her at the start, looking for her daughter, and here comes a strapping fellow who lends her some aid. Bam! Before they knew it, the son was born. Imagine what would happen if Zeus learned about it. So, I had to do them both a favor and claim the child as my own.”

  “You did? You took care of the child?”

  “Of course not. I can’t take care of a donkey, much less a child. My daughters helped me with that. But for the life of me, a god of garden fertility? And people believed him to be mine? He does know the truth now but also kept his silence. Nice boy. Calls me father. I do look upon him as a son. He also takes care of vineyards, so I guess it worked out for me in the end.”

  “You know, back home, there’s a unique medical condition named after him. They call it priapism. Where the male genitalia continues to stay erect. Becomes extremely painful after a while,” Tyler commented.

  Dionysus snickered. A state which gave vent to full-blown laughter.

  “Oh, that was funny,” the deity said, wiping his eyes. “He did leave his mark after all.”

  “You got something out of the arrangement, I guess,” remarked Tyler.

  “I did. But I didn’t ask for it. Demeter was so grateful she made me part of the Eleusinian Mysteries. A big deal of a religious thing. Adds worshippers for one. Not bad for a god of drunkards. I get to go and participate. It’s Demeter’s way of getting news and keeping track of her son. Having two of the most powerful deities in the Greek pantheon owe you a major favor isn’t so bad.”

  “Back on the First World, we call it networking.”

  “Networking, huh? Not a bad analogy. Then finally, a major claimant, a so-called god of wine and vegetation. What a combination! Makes you think about the sanity of the mortals who come up with these things! Grapes and tomatoes? Grapes and cucumbers? I mean, where’s the logical connection? But I’ve met the young minor god. Respectful. Knows his betters. I can’t really blame him for the kind of divinity he got. Preceded the Greek pantheon anyway. He was of the Pelasgoi , the ancestors of the Hellenes. Though most of the Greeks here deny it
. The Ionians do have a more open mind about the ancestor story.”

  “But enough about me," said Dionysus, as he looked at Tyler. “What really happened in that cave?”

  Tyler tensed. The question was as straightforward as it can be. It will also determine the future of his relations with the god of wine. Dionysus noticed his apprehension and reluctance.

  “Young man, I know you are reluctant. With the games deities play, you should be. Especially with Athena around. But she’s not here right now. We do have to talk about what happened. We leave the deities out of this. This is important. For you. The demise of a death god, at the hands of a mortal, will raise questions and invite repercussions the likes even I couldn’t imagine nor foresee.”

  Tyler started to answer, but Dionysus held out his hand, palm outward.

  “Wait. Don’t answer yet. Think about it. We, as in me and you, have to come up with something to explain away the death god’s demise or disappearance. This is between us. Dionysus the mortal and Tyler the mage.”

  With that, Dionysus stood up and went to the window, staring at the scene outside.

  “Why are you helping me?” suddenly asked Tyler.

  Dionysus turned and smiled.

  “Good question. As I may have mentioned before, you’re learning,” said the deity as he walked back and sat on his chair.

  “You remind me of what being a mortal is. What I could have been. You saved my son based on your word alone. That’s a mortal and human trait. Only a few deities could do the same. For most, the act is going to be a part of some plan or scheme. Oh, they know what a promise is. But only a handful really understand what it means. Especially a promise without asking anything in return. Most deities can’t even begin to comprehend that concept. And you. I sense you have or will have the power to put some semblance of order in this crazy scheme of things. Those who came before and laid down what rules now govern the pantheons were more interested in the divinities not destroying the world. That’s well and good, but how about mortals? They remained as sources of existence and power. Willing cattle. And let’s not forget the playthings and pawns part of it.”

  “You trust me with that? That I can do it? What if I turn into the opposite of what you expect?”

  “Believe me, Tyler. It’s been millennia for me. You’re the best chance the human race in this world will ever get. You fail, then the game is lost. The deities are not the only ones who know how to play the Great Game. And now, mortals have a chance to take their turn at the dice.”

  “The divinities won’t like that, you know that.”

  “The phrase “won’t like” would be an extreme understatement. But who says they have to know you’re playing the game? As I said before, and I hope it did enter your slightly dense mind, bring your own game. Play by your own rules. Nobody said the rules are permanent.”

  “You would have been a dangerous trickster god.”

  “Not my line of work. All the scheming and lying, too much effort. No time to play.”

  “I didn’t know being a trickster was so much work,” Tyler laughed.

  “But it is. But trickster or not, most of these gods are the same. In the end, it’s power they're all running after. You think it’s possible? With all these pantheons around? There will always be somebody more powerful. And think about it. The reality is they’re just big fishes in a very small pond. They seem to forget that a mere three entities brought down all the pantheons in Adar. Combined pantheons at that. But then again, what can we expect? The pure divinities are just ideas given form and power by magical energy and man’s imagination. There, I said it.”

  “I already suspected as much. But surely you don’t think the deities should be done away with.”

  “Not at all. Myths and legends serve a purpose. It drives men to reach greater heights. It enables them to see their faults and strengths. A figurative mirror. In that perspective, even dark deities serve a function. That is how it should be. At least how I perceive things should be. But here on Adar, it is the reverse. Men serve myths and legends. In doing so, remain in the mud.”

  “What does your tutor think?”

  “Oh, we haven’t really talked about it. But why do you think he’s got such a fatalistic philosophy? I suspect he had thought it through a long time ago.”

  “But not all deities are rogue ideas. I met Viracocha along the way.”

  “The wandering staff god. He’s one of the few not drawn to the temptation of the circus of power in this world. There are others. But like the staff god and me, also restrained by the instinct of self-preservation. The rest would pounce on us like hyenas on a freshly killed carcass if they hear us talk like this. And talking about self-preservation, what’s your tale?”

  “Eleos killed a lot on Empusas on our way to the mountains. After he was wounded, I went to the cave. Some knowledge I was seeking was in there. While inside, Supay and his minions arrived and waited for me to come out. Thor came and they fought, but the thunder god was outmatched.”

  “Trust that muscle brain to try to fight a death god using his brawns and lightning. Brute force never works against those beings. I’m sorry, go on.”

  “I was excited and wanted to see the fight and came out of the cave. As the thunder god was in dire straits, I tried to help with a magical blast. Didn’t work. Then Supay retaliated with a blow. Threw me back into the cave. He was really mad. Blamed me for the dead Empusas and said I made him break his promise to Echidna.”

  “Wait. Echidna? You sure you heard that right? And by the way, you were a doofus for coming out of the cave.”

  “I admit that was a stupid move but the thunder god would have died without my distraction. Regarding Echidna, of course, I did. He even repeated it when he entered the cave. Anyway, he threw the thunder away. Like a doll, I should say. Then he came for me. He really held a grudge. Mentioned making him look like a fool among other deities. He did admit trying to abduct me back in Skaney.”

  “How were you able to defeat him?”

  Tyler stopped and thought about telling Dionysus. But confessing to the deity would also reveal his ability to handle Elder energies and knowledge. The god noticed his hesitant demeanor.

  “No matter, young mage. Keep it a secret. On second thought, that would be best. But Echidna’s involvement and the mention of other deities make this matter much more complicated and a lot bigger than a death god’s grudge or a war of conquest by a divine oaf. It does give us some leeway and a possible way out of your predicament.”

  “How?”

  “I know that cave. Deities died trying to enter it. As Viracocha may have told you, the pantheons who tried entering it thought of getting a mortal to enter. Only they couldn’t agree on which mortal so they left the cave as it is. I assume you disposed of the guardians, too.”

  Tyler nodded.

  “Let’s just say you ran into the cave. The barrier allowed you in. As you hid inside, Supay attacked the barrier. Short version, whatever is inside killed him, but Supay’s actions collapsed the cave. As the cave was collapsing, you used the stone of Hermes to come back. There are no witnesses anyway. From what you told me, Supay wouldn’t have found you except for those Empusas. At least, we have some bones to throw at Athena for her to gnaw on. If you didn’t understand that last part, that’s the involvement of Echidna and the existence of other deities in some sort of conspiracy.”

  “But the cave entrance was initially blocked. How do we explain that?”

  “Way ahead of you, boy. You removed the boulders blocking the cave using one of the rune stones Hephaestus gave me. He uses it in his work. Or his people do. As far as I know, it explodes. Removes rock. That's what I was told. As to why I have them, same reason why I have assassins. But I was reserving them for that blasted Empusa mother.”

  Tyler gave the deity an incredulous look.

  “Hey, I can hold a grudge too!”

  “I noticed,” replied Tyler, with an amused smile.

  “Now, I hav
e to talk to Athena and provide our version of events,” said Dionysus, standing up. “I’ll be back. Meanwhile, rest and recover. Your resistance to the healing spell really puzzles me. First time I had to do it thrice in a row. But duty calls.”

  With that, the deity disappeared. Tyler looked around. It was a room with no door. Oh shit. But I trust I am not a prisoner. Maybe.

  “Guys?”

  “We’re here, Elder,” replied Hal.

  “Good, you’re back. Upgraded, I assume?” asked Tyler.

  “Yes, Elder. I appreciate the assistance of X. She made sure I didn’t miss any of the required subroutines.”

  “Let’s make this simple. Otherwise, we’re all going to be confused. When I say “guys," that means both of you. In other instances, I will refer to you by name. Unless I say otherwise, be in observer mode and keep the defensive fields on. Now, where exactly are we?”

  The two remained silent. I am a doofus. I didn’t specify who gets to answer.

  “Feel free to answer, both of you. Settle the protocol among yourselves.”

  “It appears we are in a pocket dimension. A very small pocket dimension,” replied Hal.

  “Can Dionysus replicate this?”

  “We believe so, Elder. Little energy is required. The knowledge to create it is what matters. Though such ability is still beyond your capabilities,” said X.

  “It’s a useful ability. A private space. Which reminds me. X, can you teach me those two spells, the repelling field and the ability to crush objects.”

  “Transferring data now, Elder.”

  “Thanks, X. Will review them later. For now, please bring up the Elder research list. I haven’t been able to check the other two. The first one did save our asses. Barely.”

  “Bringing it up now. Permission to comment, Elder?” asked X.

  “Please do, X. As Hal should have informed you by now, I am not adverse to helpful comments and feedback. Unlike a sarcastic AI we all know.”

  Hal kept quiet. It must be Tyler’s imagination, but he could swear he heard a snicker in the background.

  "There are other research subjects available, Elder. Though they are still not accessible to you now, will you permit me to alert you when any becomes open for your review?"