“Hey, not a problem.”
“Stevie?”
A voice from behind made her turn around to see Connor standing there.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Dave said, getting up and leaving them alone.
“Where’s Luke?” Stevie asked, as Connor sat down next to her, clasping his hands together, and that knot of nerves she felt in her stomach so often these days rapidly returned because Connor’s arrival meant that the prospect of finally seeing her grown-up son was closer than ever now.
“He’s with…Johnny, I think it is. Is that right?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Johnny. He’s my best friend.”
“Yeah, he said. That made Luke even more star struck than he already was.”
Stevie smiled. To her he was just Johnny but to a seventeen year old fan he was obviously far more than that.
“Is he ok? Luke, I mean…is he…”
“I’m fine.”
She swung round again to see a tall and incredibly handsome young man standing there in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and jeans, with short, dark hair and piercing blue eyes that were almost a mirror image of her own.
“Luke…”
He smiled, an action that made his face instantly light up and she breathed an inner sigh of relief, letting herself smile a small smile back as he came over, sitting down on the other side of her.
“Do you want me to stay?” Connor asked his son, but Luke shook his head.
“I’ll be fine, dad.”
He had an accent that was unmistakably heavy Manchester - very Liam/Noel Gallagher - with the tiniest hint of his dad’s Southern Irish lilt.
“Ok, I’ll…I’ll go grab a coffee then.” He looked at Stevie, mouthed “Alright?” and she nodded, watching as he walked away, leaving her alone with the boy she hadn’t seen in over fifteen years – the boy that had now grown into a man. And she’d missed every second of that journey – her own doing, but that didn’t make things any easier to handle.
Luke looked at the woman sitting beside him as she turned to face him again. She was something else in person. She was stunning, there was no other word for her, and she was his mum. It was crazy! His mum was this beautiful woman with hundreds of tattoos who hung out with rock stars and that was so cool! But what would both their lives have been like if she’d stayed with him and his dad? He couldn’t help wondering, and who could blame him?
Stevie stopped fiddling with her cuff watch and looked back up at Luke. “I know…I know they’re empty words and said far too often – God knows I’ve been saying them so much lately but…I am sorry, Luke. Really. I’m so sorry. For everything.”
He looked at her, into those blue eyes that were so like his own. He could see himself in her, he really could, and that made him feel safe for some reason.
“Why did you try and kill yourself? Was it because of me?”
She felt her stomach dip as he said those words, her breath catching in her throat. They were questions he should never have had to ask her and it brought the enormity and seriousness of what it was that could have happened that day right home to her. “Oh, Jesus, Luke, no! Of course not. No!”
“Was it because of what happened with you and the Prime Minister?”
She looked down at the mention of Daniel. Thinking about him and the way it had all ended still hurt her more than she cared to admit.
“It didn’t help, let’s put it that way.” She looked back up at him. He shouldn’t have to be thinking about this, he shouldn’t have to be going through it, and all she could do now was try and explain as best she could, try and help him get his head around everything. Even though she was still trying to get her head around it all herself. “I was confused, and I was selfish, Luke. I wasn’t thinking about anyone else, just like I wasn’t thinking about you and your dad when I left you both all those years ago…I was wrong and it was stupid, taking that overdose. I shouldn’t have done it, I shouldn’t have even thought about it but at the time…it was no excuse, but I just wasn’t thinking straight.” She smiled at him, a small smile to mask the nerves she was still feeling. “But something came out of it Luke. Something good did come out of that whole crazy situation because it was a wake up call of the highest order, believe me. It opened my eyes and made me realise what’s important in life, it made me realise that there are things you can’t run away from, things you have to face up to and deal with. Sometimes things happen that just shake you back to reality and change the way everything looks…am I making sense?”
He nodded, unable to take his eyes off this woman who’d turned up back in his life after fifteen years, because he really had no memory of her as his mum. His dad had never shown him any pictures of her, there’d never been any in the house that he could remember. It was almost like he’d tried to block her out of his memory. So as far as Luke was concerned he was meeting her for the first time, and he liked this vulnerable, beautiful woman in front of him. He’d been through a lot, true, but so had she. Maybe now it was time to team up and go through the rest of it together. What was the point in trawling through the past yet again? He was tired of doing that. He’d been through it with his dad more times than he cared to remember, he’d done all the thinking he needed to do. Oh, he wasn’t saying he had everything totally worked out in his head just yet but he wanted to get there. Eventually. And he wanted to get there with the help of Stevie. He just hoped she wanted that too.
“I want to make it up to you, Luke. Oh, I know everyone says that in these situations but I mean it. I really mean it. I want to get to know you…if you’ll let me.”
He looked down at his clasped hands, kicking his heels against the wall. “Yeah. I was kind of thinking the same thing.”
He looked up and smiled at her and she felt her shoulders almost sag with a fresh wave of relief. He was the most incredible kid. Connor had done a fantastic job of bringing him up and Stevie felt tears pricking the back of her eyes at everything in his life that she’d missed. But then, would he have been the same well-mannered, level-headed young man if she’d been the mum she should have been to him?
“I never missed you, Stevie, because I didn’t know you existed, but now…now I think I would miss you, if you went away again.”
“Connor must be very proud of you,” she smiled, still feeling as if she was in the middle of some surreal dream. She’d always kidded herself she’d never wanted to be a mum because thinking that way eased the guilt slightly, but she was beginning to realise now how much she needed to do this. She couldn’t turn the clock back, but she could try and make up for the years she’d missed. Somehow.
Luke shrugged. “Dad’s just dad, y’know.”
She smiled again. “I thought it would be harder than this, for some reason. But you’ve made it all so much easier, Luke. Thank you.”
He smiled back, his whole face lighting up again. “You learn to live with what life throws at you, that’s what dad always says. Besides, my mates think it’s so cool that you’re my mum. And you’re going out with Mark Cassidy; do you know how many points that scores me with the girls?”
Stevie laughed out loud. For fifteen years she’d missed out on this boy’s life yet here beside her sat her son. And he was everything she’d ever dreamed he could be.
“Can I meet him?” Luke asked.
“Mark? Have you not seen him yet?”
Luke shook his head, sliding down from the bench they’d been sitting on. “No. Johnny’s really cool too, of course. He’s really nice, but…”
“You want to meet Mark,” Stevie smiled, standing up and running her fingers through her hair. Luke nodded.
“Ok then. Let’s go find him. And here, put this on.” She threw him a V.I.P. access-all-areas pass and he looked at it.
“Wow! Does this mean I get to hang out backstage and everything?”
“That’s exactly what it means.”
He looked at her, smiling that smile again. “Stevie? I’m really glad you came back. Even if it wasn’t your ch
oice.”
“I think I would have always come back, Luke. In the end.”
“Would you?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I would.”
And she’d never spoken a truer word. She’d tried to forget a lot of what had gone on back then but forgetting her son had been something she hadn’t been able to do. He’d always been there, at the back of her mind. She’d always wondered how he was, what he was doing – what he looked like so yes, she probably would have always come back. At some point. For him.
He smiled again. He did that a lot and she liked that. “Don’t be a normal mum though, ok? I kind of like having a mum like you. If you know what I mean.”
She laughed again, walking backwards as she led him to the backstage area where Mark and the guys would be hanging out.
“I know exactly what you mean, and don’t worry. Stevie Stone may have finally got her life together but she ain’t ever gonna be normal.”
And that suited Luke just fine.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“Daniel…the spending cuts. We have that meeting with the chancellor in an hour, have you thought anymore about what we need to discuss? And the defence minister is anxious to set up a meeting with you before next week, before you fly to Washington.”
Daniel looked up at Angus. “Sorry. I was miles away.”
“You’ve been miles away for weeks now,” Angus said, writing something down in his notebook. “You really need to pull yourself together. Samantha’s worried about you.”
“Samantha needn’t concern herself with how I’m feeling.”
“She’s your wife, Daniel. Of course she’s going to be concerned.”
“She isn’t my wife, Angus, we’re divorced. In case you’d forgotten.” Daniel got up and went over to the sideboard, pouring himself a drink.
Angus watched him. “You’ll be getting re-married soon though, won’t you?”
“Will we?” Daniel took a sip of his whisky. “And who told you that? Samantha?”
“No. I’m just assuming…is that a good idea, Daniel?”
“Don’t assume things, Angus. What happens between Samantha and I is our business, not yours. And it’s one small whisky. God knows I need it to get through a meeting with Jeffrey.”
Angus turned back to his note-writing. “He’s a good chancellor.”
“Doesn’t make him an interesting person though does it?”
Daniel sat down on the edge of the desk and Angus looked at him again. “What is wrong with you lately, Daniel? You have everything going for you. You’re still a popular P.M., you’ve still got your reputation intact, a brilliant career ahead, people respect you. And you’ve got Samantha back. You’ve got everything you could possibly want when it could all have gone so differently. You’re very lucky, Daniel. Very lucky indeed.”
Was he? Daniel finished his drink and put the glass down, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling. He had everything going for him did he? He had everything he could possibly want? Everything? No, not really. And without the one thing he really wanted everything else was fast ceasing to be important.
“I’m fine, ok?” he sighed, looking at Angus. “I’m just having a bad day.”
“Yes, well, you’ve been having quite a few of those lately.” Angus stood up, gathering his things together. “It’s time to sort yourself out, Daniel. We’re visiting Washington next week and we don’t want the President thinking you’ve lost your touch now, do we? I’ll be in Number 11. I trust we’ll see you there in an hour?”
Daniel nodded, pushing a hand through his hair, watching as Angus closed the door behind him. This office was the office he’d always dreamed of working in. This house was the house he’d always dreamed of living in. And Samantha had once been the woman he’d wanted to share all of this with, but that had been before Stevie Stone. That mixed-up, crazy Swedish rock chick had invaded his life and even though he knew forgetting her was the right thing to do, for the sake of his career, he was finding it almost impossible to do so. Trying was becoming exhausting; putting her to the back of his mind was tiring, especially when her face was everywhere now. And the fact that she was fast turning into a celebrity in her own right made everything a hundred times harder because it made it even more certain that he could never be with her if he wanted to stay Prime Minister. If he wanted to stay Prime Minister.
He got up and walked over to the window, looking outside. She was never going to go away. He was never going to be able to forget her. He could try but it was never going to happen.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, leaning back against the window. Stevie Stone, the most incredible, unforgettable woman he was ever likely to meet. So just how much was Daniel Madison prepared to give up to win her back?
***
Johnny sat on the sofa in Mark’s L.A. living room, strumming away on his guitar as Stevie sat opposite him, scrolling down the music on her iPod, absent-mindedly singing along to the song Johnny was playing. The sun streamed through the wall of window’s that lined one side of the room in a house that more than screamed rock star pad and for the first time in what felt like months, Stevie felt relaxed. She felt happy.
She’d had a great time with Luke when he’d been over in L.A. and she missed him like crazy now he was back in Manchester. She felt like they were just starting to get to know one another and saying goodbye so soon had been hard. Harder than she’d thought. He’d had the time of his life back stage at the gig as Stevie had showed him just what it was that went on behind the scenes, what it was that she did in this job that she loved, and when she’d let him run out on stage with her when she’d set up Mark’s microphone and checked the guitar amps his face had lit up! He was a natural. He’d loved the buzz just as much as she had when she’d first started doing this and he hadn’t been able to stop talking about it for ages afterwards.
In the days that had followed, her and Mark had taken him around L.A., showed him the sights, then – along with Connor and Johnny – they’d moved on to Las Vegas for a couple of days before Connor and Luke had had to return home. Stevie missed them both. Connor was one in a million, a wonderful man who’d dealt with this whole episode in a way she’d never imagined he would. She didn’t deserve him as a friend but she was so grateful that’s what he’d become, for the sake of Luke if nothing else. She knew he’d almost lost his job because he’d refused to write anything sensationalistic about their relationship and her past, so he’d now gone freelance, which he was loving. He was getting work from places he’d only ever dreamed of before, although he was still receiving offers of large sums of money from one or two publications to expose the truth about her relationship with Daniel Madison. But that was never going to happen. What had gone on between her and a man she still cared very much about was never going to be spoken of in public the way people wanted it to be and the longer things went on the more people began to realise that. But it didn’t mean it was ever going to go away completely. It probably never would. She was always going to be connected to Daniel now, but she needed to concentrate on moving forward, and with Connor and Luke back in her life, and Mark by her side, she was finally starting to do that.
She couldn’t say that things were perfect between her and Luke. Not yet. It wasn’t a situation that could be fixed overnight. It was going to take a lot of time and who knew how their relationship would finally pan out, but he was an amazing kid and she really hoped things would work out because she wanted to see more of him, wanted to spend more time with him, but she wasn’t going to force him. The ball would always be in his court, everything would happen on his terms, but if he wanted her around then that’s where she’d be. She wasn’t going to let him down again. She’d promised him that, and she’d meant it.
“I’m going back to London in a day or two; you know that, don’t you?” Johnny asked, looking at Stevie.
She looked up from her iPod. “Yeah. I know.”
“And you’re staying here, are you?”
She crossed her legs up underneath her, putting her iPod to one side and clasping her hands together in her lap. “Yeah. I’m staying here. For a bit longer, anyway. What’s the problem?”
“There isn’t one. I just want to make sure you’re happy, that’s all. You scared me Stevie. What happened, I thought I’d…”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Johnny. Please. It’s over.”
He lay his guitar down against the sofa and sat forward. “So, are you? Happy?”
“Yeah, I’m happy. Look, I know things have changed between us but…Mark, I…I want to give it a real go, Johnny. Me and him, it just feels right, y’know? So things have had to change.”
“Not for him they haven’t. Just for me.” Johnny stopped for a second, aware he was starting to sound like a petulant child and he didn’t want that. He wanted Stevie to be happy, even if it did feel like a part of her was being taken away from him. “So, I take it there’s no more running to me whenever he pisses you off?”
“He won’t piss me off.”
“Mark will always piss you off, Stevie, believe me. He may have changed but there hasn’t been a fucking miracle.” He sat back, picking up the bottle of beer from the table beside him, taking a long swig.
Stevie watched him, aware that he felt he was being pushed to the side because of her relationship with Mark but that wasn’t the case. Ok, the days of sleeping with him just to get back at Mark, they were over. But the friendship wasn’t. Everyone was going through a learning curve and Johnny was just going to have to get used to it.
“You’ll always be my best friend, Johnny.”
He looked at her and smiled. He knew that. He just wished he could have been more. “Yeah. You better believe that, kiddo. So, you decided what you gonna do when you get back to London?”
She shrugged, playing with the laces on her boots. “No idea, to be honest. Adam, my agent, he says there are more than a dozen modelling contracts on his table – which I still find strange seeing as I’m thirty-four years old – a book deal, two recording contracts…it’s mad really because all I know how to do is roadie. I’ve never sung, never written anything…”
See You at the Show Page 29