LIGHTS IN THE SHADOW

by Rana Demiriz

  I had to get used to these circumstances. “Okay. I’ll be there.”

  She nodded. I called her name when she was just at the door. “Freyja?” I stopped and turned to me. I continued. “You know, I’m a history of art student. So I know fine arts, history and all kind of things like that. Also, I know more or less about mythology…”

  She rolled her eyes. For a moment, it seemed like such a human reaction. “What do you want to know?

  “It is said that you had a husband who travelled a lot and-”

  She smiled. “Legend.”

  I examined the red embroidery on her dress. “You shed golden-red tears after him because he trave-”

  Her smile got wider. “Legend.”

  “Today, I witnessed the legends come to life, and you’re telling me that these are not true?”

  She winked. “Not all legends are true.” That moment, I realized that we could be good friends if we had met under different circumstances. She continued. “Humans. They harmed us like they did everything. We were fit for palaces, not hiding in underground sanctuaries, but eventually, we had to hide. Snorri Sturluson and his book were one of the many reasons. When people interpreted everything to their likings, we were no longer required on the surface of the earth.”

  I frowned. God, she just threw away a semester’s worth of information to garbage. “I’ll remember that when I got back to school.”

  We smiled at each other, and then she left the room, so I went to the bathroom. A took a brief yet relaxing shower. I didn’t dry my hair. When I opened the closet, I ignored the dresses in different white tones because I was interested in wearing something comfortable. With the white nighty I choose, I burred myself in the white sheets.

  When I woke up, it was almost six o’clock. I had slept like a baby. I didn’t have any dreams. He had not visited me in my dreams for a long time. When I pictured him before my eyes, my heart rate went up. It must have been fear. I could bury myself in the bed and think about him for hours, but I had to get up and get ready for the feast. I slowly straightened myself up and walked towards the big closet. I examined the white dresses closely, which I ignored before. The fact that they were all white was so dull. After a while, looking at all that whiteness made my eyes ache. But in the end, I managed to choose the most suitable one for myself. The draped dress was almost reaching up to the floor. The dress had a slightly v-shaped neckline, but it was backless till the waist. It was almost too courageous for me. The dress fit to my waist to accentuate my body lines. I had to gain acceptance tonight. I saw the way those goddesses were looking at me. I wasn’t going to let them mock me this time.

  When I opened the shoe closet, I wanted to scream with joy. There were all kinds and shapes of shoes. The downside was that they were all in white. Apparently, the legends also included my shoe size. I tried a few of them. As I wasn’t sure what we were going to do tonight, I chose to wear elegant mid-high stiletto heel shoes, fit for every occasion. It took the shape of my feet when I wore it.

  When I finally sat before the grand dressing table, I had no idea what to do. As I didn’t dry my hair before I go to bed, it dried naturally and went all frizzy. Maybe I could tame it to be loose waves. I found a brush, and after a while, I won the fight. My hair was exactly as I wanted it to be. But it cost me a lot of time. I just applied eyeliner as my makeup. If I was going to be with goddesses all night long, I needed eyeliner.

  It was already seven o’clock. I was late. I wished I could just hide under my bed and never leave there, but…

  After checking myself on the huge mirror and putting the finishing touches, I got out of the room with the rhythmical rattling of my shoes. As I went downstairs, my heart was pounding loudly in my chest. This couldn’t be real. I still couldn’t believe it. I was going to a feast filled with gods and goddesses.

  I followed the music sound coming near the oval-shaped yard. I kept walking through a long corridor that had a giant wooden door in the end. The white-robed guardian standing beside the door gave me a nod and held the door handle. With a deep breath I took, the doors opened.

  What I saw in there left me speechless. The gigantic chandeliers hanging down from the high ceiling was as dashing as the French ballrooms. While the Renaissance paintings decorated the walls, the ceiling was covered in golden carvings like baroque art. There was a huge u-shaped table inside. People were waltzing in the space between the two ends of the table. The table was filled with all kinds of amazing food. The white theme was also emphasized here with golden embroideries too.

  Right in the middle of the table, Rio was sitting on a golden -I wondered if it was a real gold- chair. His seat was higher than the other chairs, which gave the impression that he was sitting on a throne. I couldn’t even pay attention to the rest of the guests as I was too busy staring at Rio. He seemed like he belonged here.

  The music stopped when I stepped in. The dancing couples stepped aside in seconds so that our eyes could meet. His green eyes were brighter under the chandelier’s light. His curls were gracefully circling his head like a halo. When I noticed his lips curled with admiration, I finally pay attention to myself. Everybody was looking at me. They were all checking me out in deep silence. My palms were sweaty. Thankfully, Rio got up before humiliating me more. I, on the other hand, was staring at him without a clue. What was next? Where was I going to sit? Besides, how would I be able to walk in high heels while everyone was watching?

  Rio motioned for me to come to him. I had to walk around the table. When I reached behind Rio’s seat, I couldn’t decide where to sit. He motioned me towards the big throne I didn’t realize before. I was surprised to see the gleaming throne next to Rio’s. I felt like an eighteenth-century queen. My first intention was to object. This was too much for me. But his eyes were determined like he wanted to remind me of the situation we were in. I sighed and sat. When I sat down, everybody in the room sat after Rio. Wait a minute; was everybody in this room a mythical god or goddess? And they waited for me to sit down?

  I got distracted when the music started again, and the rest followed quickly. They were constantly serving food and drinks on silver plates and cups. While I was drinking the delicious wine from a silver cup, I finally thought of looking at our other guests at the table. The moment I glanced through the table, I realized that I was the ugliest being in the room. The women were so beautiful that I knew most of their faces from the statues. They were all divinely beautiful and incredibly attractive. They all had long hair and white dresses. Unlike what I thought, none of them was wearing eyeliner. I was the only one. What a privilege! Who was I to compete with goddesses? Even if five of the world’s most beautiful women were gathered together, they would not replace even one of these goddesses.

  The men were all dashingly handsome. Whatever I said about the goddesses was also true for the gods. Some of them had beards, but there were young ones among them too, and some of them were waltzing on the dance floor. Wasn’t it wonderful? Mythical creatures were waltzing on the dance floor. I should have taken a picture. Yet, probably no one would believe me anyway. They would think that this was a scene from an opera. This scene reminded me of the weird dreams I had after studying mythology too much. For some reason, thinking about my own ordinary life made me smile.

  A brunette woman caught my attention. I didn't even need to mention how beautiful she was. She seemed familiar somehow. She must have been a goddess from Greek mythology. She caught me while I was looking at her. At first, she stared at me strangely, but then she smiled. She gave me a slight nod. Freyja, who had been sitting next to me, leaned in and said:“Is there something wrong?”

  I stared at the chicken on my plate. “No. I was just wondering... who she was.”

  “The brunette one?” I nodded and brought the silver cup to my lips.

  It was obvious that she was trying to keep her voice blank. "Hera."

  I almost choked on the wine I just sipped. "Hera? The jealous wife of Zeus? The one who transforms
women she was jealous of into different objects?"

  Freyja burst into laughter. “Yes, the very same Hera. So, there are legends about her jealousy then?”

  I lowered my voice to prevent her from hearing us. “So many.”

  “Believe me, what has been said about her is nothing when compared to reality. She's been making everybody's life miserable since she came."

  Our laughs mingled with the music. “Freyja?” I said and asked one of the most absurd questions of history.

  “Is Zeus here too?”

  It felt funny to ask such a thing. For some I reason, I find everything that happened so far absolutely ridiculous.

  “No,” she said hopelessly. And she continued, "He is still trying to choose a side, but I don't think he will," She lowered her voice and leaned down to my ear. She was being secretive. “He still thinks he can reign on Olympus, just like the old days.”

  I frowned. “How could Hera leave him to come here?”

  The way she was trying to cut her beef was almost like that of humans. But as I was watching her, just like the others, I realized that they couldn't be one of us no matter how much they resembled humans. They were all too elegant, too perfect, too strong but too fragile, at the same time.

  “I don't know. I guess she ran away. No one talks about these kinds of things and that's the right thing to do.”

  She was right. Besides, nothing I had just said was normal. I was about to lose my mind. I needed treatment. I was not far from going all nuts. Freyja called for Hera.

  Hera stopped talking and turned towards us with her magnificent beauty.

  “I would be honored,” said Hera. I smiled and slightly nodded. Right at that moment, the orchestra took a pause to start a new song. Suddenly, the room was filled with the distinct humming of people talking.

  “Meeting you is very...” I said.

  “Yes?” she asked curiously and then got up and slowly walked towards us.

  “Interesting,” I said, without being sure if that was the right thing to say. I was frightened to see her walking towards me.

  “Actually, it's also interesting to meet you. We didn't expect you to be... like this,” she said after a pause.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Let's say... Uninformed.” Ah, she didn't like me then. I was annoyed. How jealous exactly Hera was? I bet that was the jealousy talking.

  Just then, I realized she had a peacock feather sewn on her collar. She also had a few of them in her hair attached to her bun. "Interesting choice of accessories," I said implicatively.

  “The peacock feathers are my symbol,” she said, touching her bun. She smiled and pulled out one of the feathers from her hair and handed it to me. I think I needed to accept that. I may not be a goddess, but I was aware of the social conventions. I took the feather, but I couldn't decide what to do with it. Hera said, “You can attach it to your dress,” like she understood my struggle.

  “How? I don't have any needles or thread,” I said.

  She laughed. I nearly had a temporary hearing loss.

  “You are really uninformed. Just rub it along your dress.” When I rubbed the feather along my collar, it stood there perfectly like it was sewn, just like she said. I tried to act like I wasn't surprised.

  I flinched with the sound of silver clashing each other. Rio was tapping his cup with his knife. The room went silent as the orchestra stopped playing. Everyone sat.

  Rio stood up and raised his cup. "I'm raising my cup to The Divine Being who joined us today," he turned towards me. “Mia, my love! You are going to be our salvation.” With that certain word, murmurs filled the air. But Rio turned to the room and kept on his speech. “She is also the new Mistress of the Light and my equal. Insulting her means insulting me. An insult upon her is upon me; so is a favor. Gods and Goddesses! The people who choose the walk righteous path of Light! Dote upon her because you are responsible for her.”

  There were grumblings and objections in the room.

  "First, she needs to prove if she is worthy of being the Mistress of the Light," said a woman. I didn't know who she was, but apparently, Rio did.

  “I know you are the one who said that, Eris. Your title is well deserved. Besides, it's none of your business. These are all personal matters. Any other objections?” Silence in the room. "Then we drink in honor of the new Mistress of the Light, The Divine Being!"

  Everyone repeated after Rio and said, “to the Divine Being” and drank their wine. I, on the other hand, was holding on to my cup tightly with a red face. I squeezed my cup so tight that my knuckles turned white. I had to keep smiling because everybody was looking at me. I leaned into Rio. “How much longer do I need to put up with this?”

  He smiled reassuringly at some of the suspicious eyes around us. “We need to make the first dance, but then we can skip the rest of the night.” His smile widened. “It will be tolerated,” I looked at him wearily as he smiled suggestively. I sighed, and I leaned my head against the golden throne. Rio got up and offered me his hand. “Would you like to dance, my love?” he said with a tone everybody could hear.

  I took his hand gratefully. I was grateful that we could leave after the dance. There was a tense atmosphere in the room, and apparently, nobody liked me.

  When we reached the middle of the room, we stood facing each other. He bowed, and I did a low curtsy. And after that, we started to dance while everyone was watching us. Waltzing was the least of my worries. I had learned it for our high school graduation and apparently, I was pretty good at it. At first, dancing with Rio was almost boring. Maybe it was because I was too tense to enjoy it. But then, when I stopped counting my steps and let myself relax in his arms, I found myself enjoying the moment as I let him take the lead. With each turn, the train of my gown was lifting off and almost enveloping us like a fairytale moment. I was nearly lost in that magical moment, pretending to be somebody I was not or not yet met. More gods and goddesses were dancing around us now, and we weren’t the only ones that had been dancing around anymore. Occasionally, Rio’s grip on my waist was getting tighter, causing me to recover myself. Most of his moves shoved possessiveness. It was impossible to ignore that. I, on the other hand, was smiling, I guess. I was dancing with the biggest lie in this room. That made me hesitate for a moment, causing us to disconnect. When I felt like I couldn’t bear it anymore, I leaned into him.

  “Please, let’s just get out of here. I want to know who I really am.” He seemed unhappy about it, but he nodded anyway. We danced our way through the room. Everyone was caught up in the magic of the moment so much that they didn’t pay attention to us. Just when Rio opened the door to get out, Egeria appeared behind him. Why was she acting like she was glued to him? Why was she there whenever I look around?

  “Are you leaving?” Her tone was so sarcastic that I could nearly feel her voice like needles on my skin.

  “Yes,” Rio answered her plainly.

  “Very well. Do you wish me to evacuate the room?”

  “No need. I don’t want our departure to spoil the night for everyone while they are having so much fun.”

  “Are you going there?” she said with the same attitude. Rio nodded in a frustrated way. “Do you wish me to come along?” she asked.

  “You might actually be useful,” Rio said. No matter where we were going, I didn’t want her to come along.

  “Can Freyja come with us too?” I asked.

  Rio smiled approvingly at the fact that I was making new friends. I guess he took it as a sign that I was finally trying to fit in.

  “Sure, if you like,” Egeria’s smile was cold and unwilling. Freyja appeared behind us as soon as she heard her name. And we left the room to head towards the unknown.

  After walking down a long white corridor, a door opened by itself as if someone pushed it somehow. I noticed that no one was guarding the room, unlike the others. That made things even creepier. There was a dark staircase behind the door. In contrast to the sanctuary's whiten
ess, this staircase resembled archaeological remains, just like the ones under El Cristo De La Luz, but this staircase was more ancient. I had a moment of dejavu when the torches flared up by themselves as if someone pushed a button. I couldn’t help but shivered. I was impressed by these ‘mind powers’ for any reason whatsoever.

  I nervously walked down the corridor lit up by the torches. I was following Rio and Egeria with Freyja. As if Freyja sensed my nervousness, she whispered into my ear, but I was sure Rio and Egeria could still hear us. “Thank you so much for the honor.”

  “Honor?” I asked unbelievingly. She just smiled.

  We reached a large room before I could realize what was happening. The room was bright enough, thanks to the torches. There was a golden platform in the middle of the room with a huge lightning symbol engraved on it. There was a golden throne right across the room, decorated with countless diamonds and rubies. Golden lions were roaring on each side. And there was a statue of a golden bird right on top of the throne: A phoenix. The emeralds in its eyes were gleaming under the torch fire. There were many words and symbols on the wall, all in Latin. As Latin was one of my favorite lessons, I could remember every word that I learned. I was confident when it comes to Latin.

  I unintentionally walked towards the golden throne. It was so beautiful that I was drawn to it. When I closed the distance between the throne and myself, I noticed the writing engraved on it: Manus Dei. It meant The Hand of God. While I was examining the details, Rio called my name. I walked towards the wall which they were standing by. I saw what he was pointing at; A giant lightning symbol, the same symbol engraved on the platform. More importantly, it was the same symbol in my medallion. It said ‘Casus Belli’ inside the lightning, which meant Cause of War. Who, me?

  I gulped loudly. There were many other words written around the symbol. There was written “Hoc signovinces” right on top of the lightning. What it meant was: In this sign, you will conquer.

  There were many different writings unrelated to each other. ‘Aleaiacta est. Ad victoriam. Audaces Fortuna Juvat. Diem perdidi. Dies irae. Felix culpa. Ad vitamæternam’ was written in a row. I read it out loud.