LIGHTS IN THE SHADOW

by Rana Demiriz

  “I think you know the answer.” It sounded like I pitied him, and I knew I was getting on his nerves, but his eyes softened instead. I couldn’t bear the sight of him anymore. I had already given him my answer. I gripped the door handle and slammed the door shut, leaving this gorgeous creature behind.

  A loud sound of glass being shuddered came from the study room. He probably broke one of the vases. Turning a deaf ear to the noise, I got inside the bedroom and slammed the door once again without paying attention to Simon’s curious look. I leaned on the back of the door. I pushed the door with full force like it was never going to open again. I gave up and flopped down on the floor after a while. But no, this time I didn’t cry. I wasn’t going to cry. I was strong now. I could make it through this. I was going to blend in from now on. Seeing that desperate times called for desperate measure, I was going to surprise everyone. Darkness or light; both were fine with me. They were all going to see how strong I was.

  I walked towards the bathroom and found eyeliner in one of the drawers. My change was about to start.

  After half an hour, I opened the door with my fresh make-up, long brown locks, leather pants, and a black strappy blouse. Ignoring Simon and other servants’ looks -and of course, without bumping into Alejandro- I walked up to the room where we practiced sword fight this morning. At first, it was hard to walk with the high-heeled shoes, but I felt better about myself as soon as I got used to them. I made sure the clicks of my high-heeled shoes echoed confidently through the entire floor.

  The first thing I did was turning on the lights when I entered the room. Of course, a suffocating dimness was dominating the entire room. It resembled an abandoned ballet studio. Thankfully, the wall to wall mirror on the one end of the room was reflecting light. The rattle of my shoes echoed back to me on the marble floor and broke the dreadful silence.

  I looked around to find the words we had practiced with this morning. They were on the floor near the mirror. For a moment, I thought about picking up Alejandro’s sword. I could tell how heavy it was just by looking at it. While I was already having a hard time lifting my sword up with one hand, it didn’t seem like a wise idea to use Alejandro’s sword. I picked up my own. You could tell it was designed for a woman as it was a few centimeters shorter and probably a little lighter than the other sword.

  I unsheathed it. And once again, I looked at it in admiration. The ornaments on the hilt were mesmerizing. That was too much effort for a sword. It probably dated back to the sixteenth century. Because it was as old as it was spectacular. I wondered who had it before me. It must have belonged to a noblewoman. It also had a diamond on it, which I just realized.

  I guess I didn’t have the chance to examine it as closely as I did now, in the morning. A glittering diamond right above a beautiful woman figure. I was really impressed.

  I made a few moves with the sword. The starting position, the defense position, the attack position… I did everything he showed me in the morning again.

  During my last move, I turned around myself, more like a ninja -Sophia would burst into laughter if she was here to see me right now- and kneeled on the floor with my right leg. And naturally, I stretched out my left leg to the side. My sword was on the right side of my head, up above.

  When I was still holding my position, my eyes caught my own reflection in the mirror and I was amazed by what I just did. How did I do that? I saw that position only on TV.

  How could I do it so perfectly? Was it fear? Was it just sheer power? Or was it Alejandro who had been watching me with dark eyes? I didn’t know the reason why but I kicked-ass at sword fighting. Being able to do manage that position with leather clothes on and a heavy sword renewed my self-confidence. Ah, how did I look? There were three words that fit the description perfectly:

  Dark, dangerous, and seductive.

  CHAPTER 22

  The door opened behind my back, so I immediately repositioned myself from half crouching to stand up. But I didn’t turn around. I kept watching it in the mirror. Alejandro stepped inside. He didn’t have Eva with him. He was alone.

  He closed the door after him, and his eyes met mine in the mirror. While he was glaring at me dangerously, I tried to return the favor. I was trying to make him as uncomfortable as he made me, which meant a lot. “Were you practicing?”

  “Do I look like I’m busy with something else?”

  He laughed and made a snippy comment. “You’re so naïve.”

  I frowned. “Naïve? I’m not a fifteen-year-old teenager.”

  “Yeah, you’re not. You’re a twenty year old teenager.”

  “Oh, bite me!” He laughed again and took a few steps towards me and then a couple of steps more and more and more… He leaned down to my hair and held one of my full curls. He examined it for a while and then put it down, getting closer to my ear.

  Our eyes met again in the mirror. Right at that moment, what I realized horrified me, making my blood run cold. Actually, with my new look, the pile of leather I was wearing, and my sword, we completed each other in a very disturbing way like two dangerous people. Like two Followers of Darkness. And like a couple. Damn it!

  He examined my face through the mirror carefully. He put his hands on my shoulders as I tried not to flinch. He got even closer to my ear. My heart was in my mouth. He was so close to me that I feared he could hear my heartbeats.

  “You’ve changed,” he whispered. His warm breath caressed my earand I lost the ability to think. I felt utterly numbed. “And I like it a lot,” he whispered.

  I had to gather myself up. I must have stood strong, and make him feel my anger and confidence in myself. “I didn’t do it to please you, Alejandro, because I don’t even care about you.”

  My words darted into his heart like poisoned arrows. At least that was what I hoped. He took his hands off me immediately. He moved away from my hair. He took two steps back. I guess he was still trying to get used to the ‘new me.’ And during that moment, I was completely aware of his absence as he stepped away from me. I was nearly cold. I tried to focus on him. He picked up his sword from the floor. He unsheathed it, and I was mesmerized once again.

  “Since you changed… I challenge you to a duel.”

  I turned to him, giving my back against the mirror. I felt frightened for a moment. His eyes held absolute determination and daring, or rather he was accepting my new bolder self and challenging me. Maybe he was testing my limits. I reminded myself of the saying, “Cowards die many times before their deaths.” Who knew, maybe he was also afraid of me even though it was a long shot.

  “I’d be honored,” I said.

  He crossed the room and took his position. I did the same.

  “You can still give up; you know,” he said.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Never,” I said, forming the word with my lips. I knew he still got me. And as you can imagine, I made the first move because my impatience had reached its limits before long. The metallic sound of steel against steel echoed through the room once again. I don’t know if it was an instinct or a reflex, but I was filled with a viscous desire to fight. The more we fought, the more intense the steel sound was. I could feel it vibrate through my bones. In a way, we became a united whole with my sword. It was like a part of me. Everything was so weird.

  And then I realized that I enjoyed doing this: The fight. Somewhere deep inside of me, I liked it. And so, I found another missing piece of my soul: Sword-dueling-fight.

  I struck at him with full force. He was drawing back with each move. He was still defending himself, and he didn’t attack me yet. I tightened my grip on the hilt to startle him. I caught him off guard for a moment. Just a second, a split second of hesitance, and I got what I needed. I dealt a final blow to his magnificent sword. An earsplitting noise came out.

  We both stared at the sword on the floor with amazement. And then our eyes met. This was the most surprised expression I have ever seen. But I was in no better condition than him. I beat the Darkness in a duel. I re
membered what he said to me in the morning. No one could ever beat him before. But now I did: Me, The Divine Being.

  God, thank you for giving me the satisfaction of proving myself.

  He bent down and picked his sword off the floor. I lowered my sword also and smiled. I was going to make fun of him so much.

  “You beat me!” he said.

  I thought he would be mad, but he seemed pleased. I was surprised once again. He was glad that I beat him.

  “Yeah, I beat you. And you’re glad that I did?”

  He examined his sword thoroughly under the light. “Yes, because you’re slowly starting to gain your Divine powers.”

  “And I’m starting to like it.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” he said and smiled widely. He smiled so rarely, and this was one of those rare moments. The sincerity of his laugh rubbed off on me. Just for a moment, I was filled with hope.

  “This is the first time I have seen you smiling like that.” Only after I blurted out the words, I realized what I just said.

  His smile reflected in his voice.“This is the first time I have seen you smiling, too.”

  And I continued to talk without thinking.“You should smile more often; it looks good on you.” And for the first time, he smiled differently. The right corner of his mouth lifted up. A crooked smile? Alejandro?

  “Stop trying to impress me, Alejandro,” I said, but I was laughing, too.

  “It’s only fair that I use my deadly charm on you while you have such an effect on me.”

  I burst into laughter. “Deadly charm?”

  He was also laughing out loud.“Most women can’t resist it.”

  I raised an eyebrow.“Is that so?”

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t seem to work on you,” he said, only half in jest.

  Actually, it works much better than you think. “I’m not one of those girls, did you forget?” I was still laughing.

  “Ah, that’s right. You’re The Divine Being.”

  “Yeah, I’m the ‘chosen one’.”

  He laughed. “Yes, you’re obviously very special.”

  We laughed a little more, and then we both got serious. “Can we have another duel?” This time I was the one who asked because I wanted to relive the irresistible satisfaction of defeating him once more. He must have realized that because he laughed. He put his free hand on his heart. “No, I can’t stand another defeat.”

  “Oh, come on! Just let me beat you again.”

  He paused like he had an idea. “You have already beaten me. You should duel with someone you didn’t defeat before.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He leered at me.“Eva!” he shouted towards the door. Eva? Was I going to duel with Eva? Damn it!

  Eva opened the door and stepped into the room without making Alejandro ask once more. What was she doing? Was she waiting outside the door this whole time? She was constantly interfering with everything like a stubborn weed. “Did you ask for me?”

  “Yes, Eva. I’m so glad to share the news with you first!”

  They exchanged a sincere smile. Why was Alejandro acting so close to her? Suddenly a strange feeling bloomed inside me, which I couldn’t suppress. What, who me? Nope.

  “I’m listening, master.” She was so pleased with herself yet she did everything to hide it. She should better keep it that way.

  “Mia gained one of her talents!” said Alejandro, proudly. I smiled.

  Eva seemed pale, but then she gathered herself up and put on a fake smile.“I’m very happy for her.”

  “Thank you,” I said, imitating her smile back. Alejandro looked at us like he was surprised. There was an uncomfortable silence in the dim room.

  “Yes. She has just defeated me in a duel.” Eva was so surprised that her mouth fell open. I had to press my lips together, not to laugh.

  “Yeah, I pretty much reacted the same way,” said Alejandro. Then, Eva realized that she looked ridiculous. She closed her mouth and tried to pull herself together.

  “And what can I do for you?” she asked Alejandro.

  “I want you to duel with her? Can you do that?”

  Eva seemed pleased with that offer because Alejandro believed in her and thought she could beat me.“Yes, sure.”

  Right at that moment, the fear found its way back to me because fighting Eva would be like going against the world heavyweight boxing champion without proper training.

  “Works for me,” I said, trying to look eager. Only God knew how successful I was going to be. I was just about to cross the room when Alejandro grabbed me by the wrist.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Aren't we going to duel?” I said confusedly.

  He smirked again.“No, you won't be duelling here.” I gave him questioning eyes, but he preferred explaining the situation to Eva. No, I wasn't jealous at all. “The duel is going to be on the roof. Go inform the others. I want everyone to witness this.”

  “What?” I protested. But Eva ignored me and went to inform ‘the others.’

  “I want everyone to watch you duel, Mia.”

  “I'm not a lion in an arena, Alejandro, and neither is Eva.”

  He didn't seem convinced. “Eva seems to be okay with this.”

  “But I'm not. Besides, Eva would do anything to get on your good side.”

  His lips curled up. “Why don't you like Eva?” His question made me hesitate for a moment.

  “Well, it's not like I hate her, but I'm not exactly fond of her either.”

  My political answer made him scowl slightly. Right then, Eva stepped in, so it was the end of the discussion. “Everyone is gathered on the roof, master.”

  “Everyone?” I asked. I was freaked out. How did it go down so quickly? Was there going to be both gods and goddesses of darkness on the roof? Was Athena going to attend?

  They both ignored my question. We took the elevator in complete silence. The elevator ride, which lasted forever before, took us three seconds: Getting in, waiting, and getting off the elevator. Eva got off first, and a huge storm of applause came from the crowd. I took a step back, and Alejandro held my hand.

  “Why do you want everyone to witness my death?” I whispered to his ear.

  “Because I’m sure you’ll survive. I trust you.”

  “Ah, thanks,” I said sarcastically. He let go of my hand as we stepped off the elevator. Once again, I felt lonely. I unintentionally held tighter to my sword's hilt on my left hand, perhaps as moral support.

  I was shocked by the crowd. The roof was jammed with people. How did they manage to gather up in only five minutes? I couldn’t recognize all of the gods and goddesses as it was dark, but I spotted her right away. Athena was standing elegantly on the front row. Even just seeing her made me want to run back to the elevator, but then I reminded myself that ‘to live is an act of courage,’ and I adapted it according to my current situation: To fight is an act of courage.

  And today, I felt courageous.

  Alejandro directed me to the right end of the open space in the middle. While I was walking that way, Eva stood right across me. Alejandro walked towards the middle of the open space or, in other words - the arena.

  “Dear gods and goddesses; the faithful servants of Darkness, The Divine Being may have acquired one of her talents. We are all gathered here to test her skills. The Divine Being will duel with my loyal servant; the undefeated sword master Eva in your presence, and you will all witness this.”

  I saw a couple of indistinct gestures among the crowd. I guess Alejandro’s speech was over. He stepped aside from the center. I was left alone with Eva, whose eyes flamed with anger. Some vague whispers rose up from the crowd. I heard someone said, “She has no chance,” and another said, “I bet my money on Eva.” Another one said, “What a pity! She was such a beautiful girl.” The whispers melted into the night in the summer breeze. It was hard to ignore.

  Come on, do your best, Mia; I said to myself.

  Eva acted impatiently.
She made the first move. Everyone held their breath as our swords clashed for the first time. Everybody was watching us closely, but I had to direct my attention to Eva. Okay, please don’t panic, I thought. The sound of our swords was less notable outside. I was sure it would be much more disturbing if we were down in the ballet studio.

  Suddenly all of my fears melted away. Once again, we became one with my sword. My sword was almost like a limb. It was a part of my body. It weighed almost nothing on my hands. I realized I screamed every time I made a move, and so did Eva. We weren’t fighting in silence. Aside from the clash of our swords, our screams echoed through the night.

  There was a moment when our swords interlocked in the air. Even though I used my whole strength on her, she still managed to stand still. She had muscles in her arms, which I didn’t have. Our eyes met once again in that brief moment of locking our swords together. I could read her anger in her eyes. She was hot with anger. And for a moment, I caught my own reflection in her eyes. I looked angry, too. Thank God.

  “No one could ever stand her for so long,” I heard another whisper.

  I didn’t know why, but it encouraged me. I clung to my sword with all my strength. In fact, I held on to it so tight that I thought the hilt of my sword could turn into dust any moment, but it didn’t. My sword still served me well.

  Eva staggered a few steps back. A surprised “Oooh,” sound rose from the crowd, and everybody held their breath.

  I smiled and attacked Eva again. I was dealing blows to her one after another. I stopped being defensive. This was my last chance. If she got back her strength, she could defeat me because I was so tired. My sword felt heavy in my hands, and my legs started to ache.

  “How amazing, isn’t it?” I heard Alejandro whispered.

  Yeah, sure, I’m amazing. Tell me about it.

  But he had faith in me. He knew I would succeed. I gathered all my strengths and focused on my sword hand; with my final blow, Eva fell down on the floor with her sword. However, she managed to deal a blow right before she fell, so I also collapsed on the floor seconds after her. But as she was the first to fall, I technically defeated her. Murmurs came out of the crowd.