Holding Up the World

by Shirley Hailstock

  Thankfully, when she pushed the door open, the room was empty. It was truly a lounge. There was a small sitting room with comfortable chairs and sofas. In a separate area was a wall of lighted mirrors for people to leisurely repair any mishaps to their makeup. Lisa dropped down on one of the sofas.

  She hadn’t been there long before she heard the door open and two people come in. They didn’t pass her on their way to the stalls, but from the sound of their voices, they’d sat in front of the mirrors. Lisa didn’t listen to them until she heard her name.

  “Where is she?” one of them said.

  “It’s only a minute after eight,” the other said. “She’s not technically late yet.”

  “Can you believe dad? What does he want with this bimbo?”

  “I can’t imagine. I think he’s losing his mind.”

  “He said she worked at Braddock Pharmaceuticals.”

  “Yes, but she was fired.”

  The word caught Lisa as if she’d been punched in the stomach.

  “I know dad said downsized,” she continued, emphasizing the last word, speaking it as if it had a bad taste. “But that’s just a nice word for not doing your job.”

  “She’s black, unemployed and probably looking to latch onto someone to take care of her.”

  Anger surged through Lisa like a hot cannonball. Her body was propelled up from the chair and she quickly rounded the dividing wall.

  “You wouldn’t want to forget that I have two girls in college and an infant to steal your inheritance,” she said.

  They’re heads snapped around to stare at her. Lisa knew they saw an angry woman, but she no longer cared how they perceived her.

  “You’re...” one of them tried to say.

  “Yes,” Lisa said. “Elizabeth Russell, alias bimbo.”

  “I–” The other woman’s face washed between shades of red and white.

  “You two are a real piece of work,” Lisa interrupted. “You know nothing about me. Yet you’ve already made up your mind that I’m not good for your father. How did he produce children like you? Rhys is understanding and tolerance, open-minded. You...” she included them both in the one word, “...didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. You didn’t even wait until we were face to face to make up your minds. I came here tonight to meet you, but I don’t think I’m interested in getting to know you and I certainly don’t care what you think of me or my bimbo ways.”

  She went through the lounge door leaving them with their mouths open in surprise. She was hot. Angry, combined with insults, made sweat pour off her. Her stomach had more than butterflies in it. Adrenalin and bile combined in an explosive mixture. Lisa couldn’t remember being so angry. She needed to get out of the restaurant. The place seemed so confining. And she was in no mood to see anyone she knew in this state.

  As she passed the maitre‘d, she stopped and scribbled a note to Rhys. She asked the maitre‘d to give it to Rhys fifteen minutes after she left.

  Lisa drove home, careful not to allow her anger to gauge the weight of her foot on the accelerator. Jade wasn’t there. Lisa expected to be late, and she’d imposed upon Susan and Bill to keep the baby overnight. She was alone in the house with her thoughts of the viciousness of Rhys’s grown daughters. She hoped she had given her own children a better upbringing and that they wouldn’t prejudge a person before meeting them.

  She didn’t turn on any of the lights when she came in. There were several lights on timers, but Lisa wasn’t in any of those rooms. She sat down in the partially lighted living room. Refusing to give into tears that wanted to pour from her eyes, she thought of the conversation she and Rhys had had in this room. In the clear light of hindsight, she thought he’d been reluctant to introduce her to his daughters. Did he know they would react to her the way they had? Did his sons really have other things to do? Suddenly, she doubted the truth of what he’d told her. If they were anything like the two daughters, they may have refused to meet her.

  Lisa’s heart seemed to drop through her body and dissolve on the floor. Depression settled over her like an ice blanket. She loved Rhys. She hadn’t intended to fall in love with him, but it was too late for that now. She wanted his family to like her. She’d taken care with her appearance, fretted over their opinion. She knew what they thought of her now. If she’d gone straight to the dinner table, she never would have heard their candid conversation. They didn’t like her and it was too late to change their opinions. She was aware of hard that could be. And she wouldn’t try.

  ***

  The doorbell woke her. Lisa’s heart lurched. For a moment she was disoriented. But the fact that it was night and the doorbell was ringing insistently penetrated her brain.

  “Julianna!” she cried. Fear’s cold hand gripped her heart and squeezed it. Glancing at the digital dial on her clock radio, she read 3:10 am. Lisa couldn’t move. She knew who it was. She’d dreaded it for over two years. Finally they were here to tell her her daughter was in trouble, or dead.

  Lisa put her hand on her breasts, regulating the hummingbird winds fluttering of her heartbeat. She kicked her legs from under the covers and grabbed the robe that lay across the chair near the bed. Running to the hall, she stopped at the top of the steps. Through the opaque glass of the front door, she could see the outline of a man in uniform. Paralyzed with fear she couldn’t move. Yet her legs were so rubbery, she didn’t think they would hold her upright. Her mouth was as dry as a hundred year old riverbed.

  The bell rang again, startling her. She started down the stairs, holding the robe up so she wouldn’t trip herself. The door yo-yoed back and forth, getting closer and farther away at the same time. Her hand closed around the doorknob and Lisa peered through the cut glass.

  The man on her doorstep turned. Lisa saw he wasn’t wearing a uniform. Then she recognized Rhys. Relief went through her like lightning, making her even weaker than the fear had done. This time her legs did buckle. She pulled the door inward at the same time.

  Rhys caught her as she nearly sat down.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I thought...” She stopped. “It’s the middle...” Her voice was gone. “Julianna...”

  “Oh, I forgot,” he said compassionately. Helping her, they went into the living room and he installed her on the sofa. Then he left her and went to the kitchen. Returning he pushed a glass of orange juice in her hand. “Drink it,” he ordered.

  Lisa did as she was told, draining the glass until it was empty. Rhys took it when she finished. “More?” he asked.

  She shook her head.

  “Lisa, I’m sorry. I forgot about your fear for Julianna.”

  “It’s all right,” she said, but her heart was beating wildly and she could hardly breathe. She took in great gulps of air, but didn’t feel she was getting any oxygen.

  “No, it’s not.” Rhys put his hand over her mouth and nose. “Breathe,” he said. “You’re going to hyperventilate.” For several moments they stood that way while she calmed down. Rhys moved his hand. “I’m sorry for the late hour. I probably woke Jade.”

  “She’s not here. I left her with Susan and Bill for the night.” She let it hang in the air that she’d expected a different ending to the evening than the one she’d gotten.

  He sat on the sofa opposite her. “I would have come right from the restaurant, but my daughter-in-law went into labor. The baby was born tonight.”

  For a moment Lisa could only think of Julianna and Jade.

  “It’s a boy,” Rhys told her.

  “You’re a grandfather,” Lisa said more to herself than him. “How’s your daughter-in-law?”

  “Everyone is fine. I left them at the hospital.” His tone was almost dismissive. “I wanted to talk to you. My daughters told me what happened earlier tonight in the ladies room. I could hardly believe what they told me.”

  Lisa stiffened. She was sure they not only white-washed the story, but the two women probably came away as pristine as sheets during a January white
sale.

  “Rhys, they only reinforced what I’ve known all along. They’re a microcosm of the rest of the world. This is how people are going to see us. It’s something to be concerned about.”

  “I don’t believe that’s true. I’m ashamed of them. Their mother and I never raised them to be prejudiced and prejudging.”

  “I’ve had some time to think about what they said, too. It wasn’t so much against me that they spoke, but in defense of you.”

  “Why would they need to defend me?”

  “Rhys, you’re their father. I’m an outsider. And I’m not the chosen one.”

  “There is no chosen one.”

  “Of course there is. It’s whomever they would approve of, someone they know, someone who’s been in your world for a while. Me, I’m someone who walked in and usurped your attention from them.”

  “It wasn’t that way at all and you know it.”

  “Of course, I do. But they don’t.”

  “I thought that was what tonight was about. But before we had a chance, everything fell apart.”

  Lisa knew it was falling apart, more than just tonight. Her breathing was back in control, but there was a huge weight around her heart.

  “Rhys, tonight opened my eyes wider than they had been before. I think you’re daughters are right. There’s too much of a difference between us. If we continue to see each other, it will destroy your relationship with your daughters. I can’t have that happen.”

  He started to say something, but she stopped him. “I know exactly how fragile that relationship can be.” Lisa thought of Julianna. She’d give anything to have a loving relationship with her missing child. She couldn’t be the wedge between Rhys and his family.

  “I love you,” Rhys said.

  Lisa had been on a roll. His words stopped her.

  “Don’t you love me too?”

  “Yes, I do,” she admitted. “But love is not enough,” she went on. “We’re no longer young, embarking on a life together. We’re not going to have children and carve out a life of our own. We come together with baggage, children, past histories. If that doesn’t mesh, at least to the point of tolerability, no relationship can work.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want to see me any more?”

  Lisa couldn’t say it. The weight around her heart had doubled in strength. “I’ve been offered a job. It’s in Minnesota for a pharmaceutical device company.”

  “And you accepted it?”

  “Not yet, but I think it would be for the best.” Her words held a double meaning. Both of them knew it.

  Rhys sat across from her without speaking for a long time. Then he got up and walked out. The door closed with a click, not a slam. He was gone. Lisa hadn’t thought their parting would be that quick. That final. Or that her heart could hurt that much.

  Chapter 10

  For the first time in his career, Rhys had to force himself to concentrate while he sat on the bench. The law had always excited him. It had been his solace during the worse times of his life. He thought he’d never feel anything close to the love he’d felt for his wife. He still loved her, would always reserve a corner of his heart for the wonderful years they’d had together. But Lisa consumed him. She was a survivor. She wouldn’t be put down.

  When Jade had been thrust upon her, she hadn’t shirked her responsibility. At a point in her life when she should be enjoying herself, looking after her needs, she’d taken the task of raising another child, pouring love on that child, going through all the heartfelt joys and heartbreak that children could inflict on parents.

  Then a job she’d worked at for years evaporated, but instead of wallowing in self-pity, she immediately went into survivor mode and along the way garnered the respect of the community. Rhys had no doubt that she’d soon be back on track at another company and they’d be glad to get her. How could Rhys not want this woman in his life? The answer was, he did.

  And he was going to make sure that happened.

  ***

  Julianna Russell was surprisingly easy to find. Rhys hired a private investigator and gave him the sketchy details that Lisa had told him. Within a couple of days, Rhys knew where Julianna lived and where she worked. He’d told the investigator not to approach her, but to give him the details. Rhys had had them for two days and not acted on them.

  She wasn’t on the street, but the neighborhood she was in was one of the worse. As Rhys sat in his chamber, he struggled with encroaching upon both Julianna and her mother’s right to privacy. Julianna was an adult. If she wanted to be found, all she needed to do was pick up a phone.

  She was a runaway and often they were more scared of going home than remaining on a destructive path. Rhys had seen and heard it from many young girls in his court. They were too young to understand the impact of their decisions when they made them. And once they embarked upon a road, they didn’t know how to get off of it or how to get back to where they started. This was why they ended up in his court.

  Rhys checked the state criminal records and Julianna Russell had no record. That was a relief. He wouldn’t need to pull any strings to get her released to him or have to give Lisa more bad news. When she’d come to the door the other night, frightened that he was a policeman come to tell her something awful, he could have kicked himself for not remembering her greatest fear.

  A knock on his chamber door had him looking up from the folder in front of him. Rita’s head poked around the wooden portal, followed quickly by Kathryn’s.

  “What are you two doing here?” he said, rising and coming to meet them. As had been their custom since childhood, whether angry or not, they kissed each others cheeks.

  “Dad,” Kathryn said. “We’re so sorry for what happened in the restaurant. We didn’t mean half of what we said. And never would have said it if we’d known she was in the same room.”

  “We’re really concerned about you,” Rita added.

  “Actually, we don’t want you to be angry with us. If you like this woman–”

  “Lisa,” he supplied.

  “Lisa,” Kathryn continued. “If you want us to meet her, we’re willing.”

  He kissed his daughter’s cheek. “Thank you,” he said, then went to Rita and kissed hers too. “Unfortunately, she’s decided we shouldn’t see each other any more.”

  Both women’s mouths dropped open.

  “Because of us?” Rita asked.

  “Not entirely. She said you were a microcosm of how the world would view us.”

  “Dad, that’s not true. We see interracial couples all the time.”

  “This seems like an about face from the way you felt the day of the baby shower.”

  Both woman look embarrassed. After a moment Kathryn spoke. “We were a little thrown,” she said. “You’ve never seemed...interested in any woman. Suddenly we discovered you were seeing someone and none of us knew anything about it or her.”

  “I know you don’t have to tell us your business, Dad,” Rita said. “We don’t always tell you when we begin relationships. Unfortunately, we didn’t stop to think that you had the same rights we do.”

  “It’s a moot point now,” Rhys said. He forgave his daughters. They were his children and no matter how angry they made him, he still loved them.

  “Do you think if we...if we went to see her?” Rita bit her bottom lip.

  Rhys smiled at her. He shook his head. “I’m old enough to fight my own battles.”

  “I feel so bad,” Kathryn said. “She’s probably blaming you for what we did.”

  “She’s not like that. She didn’t even blame you.” He watched the surprise looks on their faces. They had thoroughly misjudged Lisa and Lisa’s reaction had only made him love her more. “She’s concern about causing a riff within our family. She’s also concerned about the difference in our races. It took me a while to even get her to go out with me.”

  “She said she had a child. A baby.”

  “She does.” They hadn’t brought that up before today
. “The baby’s name is Jade and she’d five months old now.”

  “How old is she?”

  “You shouldn’t ask a woman’s age,” he teased. “The child is her daughter’s. She’d got three girls, two in college and one a runaway.” Rhys related the story of Jade and Lisa’s missing daughter. His girls listened carefully and said nothing.

  “Dad,” Kathryn began. “I hate to say this, but do you want to take on all that strife?”

  “A black woman with an infant, a runaway daughter, two simultaneous college tuition payments and being unemployed? Is that what you mean?”

  Kathryn wisely did not answer.

  ***

  Rhys couldn’t have been more conspicuous if he’d shown up with a full complement of uniformed policemen. He wore jeans, sneakers and golf shirt. But his white face showed up as brightly as a light bulb in the primarily black section of Chicago.

  The address he’d been given to find Julianna came up empty. She wasn’t there and no one he met would tell him anything about her. He could tell they thought he was either the police or someone connected with them. Technically he was. He was a judge, but he wasn’t there in the capacity of law enforcement. He was there to try and reunite a family. If he couldn’t fix his own, maybe he could help mend the link between Lisa and Julianna.

  Rhys tried to pull the photo he’d seen of Julianna into focus. He wondered what to do now. There was her job, but Rhys didn’t want to confront her there, if she was still there. He had no idea how she would react to him approaching her, but he had no recourse. From the manager he found out she already left for the day. Rhys felt as if his timing was a couple of days off. Then the manager said she often goes to the diner up the street after work.

  He found her there. She sat alone in the booth near the back with a cup of coffee and a magazine in front of her. It amazed him how much she looked like Lisa. He went to the booth and sat down across from her. Julianna looked up. She visibly stiffened, pulling her hands back from the table and putting them in her lap.

  “What do you want?” she asked. Her voice was strong, but he knew the bravado was fake.