Holding Up the World

by Shirley Hailstock

“I’ll see you then.”

  She replaced the phone.

  “It’s right,” Susan said. “You’ll see.” The smile on her face was wide. She scooped up another cinnamon roll and took a healthy bite.

  “I hope so, Susan.”

  Chapter 11

  But Lisa saw Rhys before Thanksgiving. He came by her house that night. He didn’t call, only rang the doorbell. When she opened the door, he stepped inside and took her in his arms.

  “I’m not going away,” he said. “We have to come to some kind of agreement, because I need you in my life. I don’t care what my kids or the rest of the world think, we love each other and we need to be together.”

  Lisa drew him forward, pushing the door closed and turning the lock. He didn’t have to pull her into his arms. She went willingly. She’d missed him more than she thought it was possible to miss another human being. His mouth took hers in a hunger borne of separation. She’d spent sleepless nights thinking of him, remembering the way his body had joined with hers, wondering how she could possibly go on without him.

  Julianna had created a hole in Lisa’s life. Rhys’s absence increased the gulf to the size of the Grand Canyon.

  She was back in his arms. And she couldn’t be happier. His body totally aligned with hers. She could feel every part of him and every part felt better than she could remember. She wanted to explore the wonder and newness of loving him again. His mouth grew harder on hers. Her lips opened allowing him inside. She liked his taste, liked the way they fit together. She couldn’t believe that she’d turned him away, that she’d thought she could go on without the feel of his arms around her, his mouth on hers, his body worshiping hers.

  “Have you checked on Jade?” he asked, his mouth sliding off hers and his lips settling on her neck.

  “Just before the bell rang. She’s sleeping.”

  Lisa could hardly speak. Her body was being seared. Her skin was on fire and she could feel a deep longing in her belly. She wanted Rhys right her and now.

  Taking his hand, she drew him up the stairs and into her bedroom. In moments they were undressed and he was lowering her to the bed.

  “I missed you,” Rhys said, his voice thick with controlled emotion.

  “Not as much as I missed you,” she returned, her voice just as thick though not as controlled. She went into his arms again, his hands circled her bare skin. His fingers moved over her back and down her sides. With each touch, each millimeter of exposed skin, fire trailed an erogenous path.

  Their prior separation made Lisa want to keep touching him, continue to run her hands over his body, reveling in the feel of him, the tautness of his muscles and the strength of arms that were gentle enough to hold her with the same delicacy as he held Jade.

  Rhys rolled her over and entered her. The breach of his entrance excited her with the announcement of a pleasure to sweet that her eyes rolled in her head at the nature of their coupling. With an easy rhythm they began the dance of life. Her body moved with his, knowing the pattern, knowing the song, but not knowing the pleasure, unaware of the heights to which the two of them could soar, unaware of the deep, primal, fundamental rapture that two people could find in each other.

  They gave, took, joined, released, loved. Life wouldn’t be the same ever again for Lisa. She knew the moment Rhys opened the door that nothing she had ever experience could come close to the way he made her feel. And she liked it, loved the way her body moved, the way she released herself into his care, without trying to hold anything back. And that knowledge that he gave to her what she needed.

  She moaned as joy grew inside her, increasing by degrees, climbing like mercury on a desert-hot day. She knew it continue like this. Her body felt better and better as Rhys increased the super ride he was taking her on. Soon they would explode off the earth, propelled into outer space by the force of the rocket fuel of their combined bodies.

  She heard his sounds, the unfathomable depth of aboriginal language that spoke to her as only she could understand. And then they burst through a barrier into a dimension of existence where they were the only in habitants. Everything ceased to exist, the world stopped, absolutely nothing moved except their pulsating bodies, where pleasure had a physical form and color and where only lovers are admitted.

  Lisa stayed, holding Rhys, keeping them in that ecstasy zone until they either fell back to earth or died. They collapsed together on the sheets. Ragged breath was forced from their bodies. The air was full of their sounds. Their hearts thundered together as their chests rose and fell in unison.

  Their arms and legs were entwined with the covers. Their bodies still connected in the most intimate way. Lisa could live out her days in the surreal cloud of their lovemaking.

  Lisa didn’t know how long they lay that way, covered with each other, exchanging breath and feeling the friction of skin as each continually caressed the other. Finally Rhys leveled himself up on her arms and looked into her sex-drenched eyes.

  “Say you’ll marry me,” he said.

  “I’ll marry you,” she answered.

  “Say you aren’t going to Minnesota.”

  “I’m not going to Minnesota.”

  ***

  The number displayed on Rhys’s ringing cell phone was unknown to him, but he hoped it was the call he’d been waiting a week to receive.

  “Hello,” he said.

  It was her. Julianna Russell was phoning.

  “Julianna, this is Judge Russell.” He held his joy, held back the question he most wanted to ask.

  “You said I could call anytime.”

  It was nearly midnight. Rhys didn’t want to lose any time. He was fully dressed, pushing his arms in his coat as he shifted the phone from one ear to the other.

  “I meant it. Are you ready?” he asked, holding his breath.

  “Yes.” He heard her strangled cry.

  “Are you all right? I mean are you hurt?”

  “No,” she finally said. “I’m scared.”

  “It’s all right to be scared. I’m coming. Tell me where you are.”

  She gave him the same diner location where he’d bought her an open-faced turkey dinner and chocolate cake to go.

  “Stay there,” he said. “I’m on my way.”

  Rhys drove directly to the diner. He knew all kinds of horrible things could happen to young girls on the street. He tried to force mental pictures from his mind as he negotiated the long streets leading to the West Cedar Section.

  She was in the same booth at the end of the room when he got there. Relief spread through him when he saw her. It took half and hour to get from Woodbine Heights to West Cedar. She could have changed her mind in that length of time and disappeared into the darkness of the night. But she was there. He looked for signs that she might have been abused, but there were none, no swelling, no black eyes or busted lips. She was just as think and gaunt as she had been a week ago.

  He slid into the booth, not wanting to rush her. Next to her on the seat was a large black garbage bag. Instead of the coffee he’d seen her with before, she held a glass of milk.

  “That stuff you said before,” she began without a greeting. “Do you believe it’s true?”

  He nodded. “I do.” He wasn’t sure which part of the stuff he’d said that she referred to, but he believed everything he’d said during their conversation.

  “Have you talked to my mother?”

  Rhys shook his head. “I promised you I wouldn’t say anything. I haven’t.”

  “What if she really doesn’t want me?”

  “I can’t imagine that happening. So let’s only worry about that if it happens. I assure you it won’t.”

  Rhys could see the indecision on her face, the clear lines of fear in the stiffness of her body.

  “Let’s do it this way. You can’t go home tonight. It would scare your mom to much. I’ll take you to my house where you can get a good night’s sleep. I have a son there who’s in high school. Tomorrow I’ll drive you to your mother�
�s. If you decide not to go, I’ll bring you back here.”

  She weighed his promise for a while, and then nodded.

  She wasn’t dressed for the weather. Her jacket was thin and inadequate against the unforgiving Chicago wind. Quickly Rhys installed her in his car and turned up the heater. They passed the time it took to drive out of West Cedar in silence. Julianna sat erect, staring straight ahead and saying nothing. Rhys couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind, but he let her work it out without his assistance.

  He thought she might fall asleep. She looked so tired, but she stayed awake until they reached his house.

  “Would you like something to eat?” he asked when they entered the house and she dropped the huge black bag. Rhys didn’t wait for an answer. “We had spaghetti for dinner. I’ll heat some up for you.”

  He went to the kitchen, allowing her to choose to follow or not.

  “Where’s your son?” she asked when she entered the kitchen.

  “Upstairs. It is after one o’clock. He’s asleep.”

  Rhys put a microwavable plate in the microwave and within minutes took out a piping hot meal. He added a glass of orange juice and sat down with her. She didn’t eat as she had the previous week, but she cleared the plate and glass.

  “This is my son’s room. His name is Eric. My room is over there and yours is here.” He opened the door to the guess room. It had a queen-size bed with off-white walls and dark red and gold bedding. “There’s a bathroom through that door. Towels are in a cabinet inside.” He indicated the far end of the room. “You look tired. If you take a bath, don’t fall asleep in the tub.”

  Julianna nodded and stepped across the threshold and dropped her garbage bag. “I would like a shower.”

  “The room is yours.” Rhys smiled and she returned it. It was the first one of the night. “Is there anything more you need?”

  She shook her head.

  “Good night then. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Goodnight,” she said.

  “The door also locks,” Rhys told her. He demonstrated how to lock and unlock it. “I know we’re strangers to you. You might feel safer locking the door.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for helping me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Rhys almost couldn’t get the words out. Not since his pro-bono days had he felt such a sense of accomplishment. He knew it could all fall apart in the morning. He could wake up to find her gone, taking the equivalent of his silver with her. But he didn’t think so. Lisa had raised this child, instilling in her honest and fair play.

  Of course, she’d been on the street for three years and the lessons learned there could redefine anyone’s past teachings. He hoped he was right about her. That she would go home in the morning and that the sadness Rhys saw in Lisa’s eyes would be forever gone. Maybe this act of reunion could help them.

  He wasn’t making Julianna’s return or his part in bringing her home a condition for a resumption of their relationship. That was something that he and Lisa had to work out for themselves. But if one solution aided the other, he wouldn’t discount its use.

  ***

  The young woman who came down to breakfast the next day looked nothing like the one who’d sat in the diner the night before. It was Saturday and they ate later in the morning than on weekdays. Rhys cooked hot cakes with warm syrup and bacon and eggs. Eric didn’t often join him, preferring to sleep long into the afternoon, but he was only steps behind Julianna as she walked into the kitchen.

  “Good morning,” he said. “You look well rested this morning.”

  She smiled, a happy smile.

  “Did you meet Eric?”

  “On the stairs,” Eric said. “We don’t often find women guests in the house.” He looked at Rhys. “In fact, I believe you’re the first.”

  Julianna looked at Rhys and he imperceptibly shook his head, indicating that Eric didn’t know her history. He could see her relief.

  “I’m going home today,” she said.

  “I wasn’t running you out. Just saying it’s unusual to find a female here who isn’t one of my sisters.”

  Rhys put food on the table and they all sat down.

  “I have to eat and run,” Eric announced, biting into his bacon. “I’m meeting some friends at school. You wanna come?” Eric said. Rhys was glad he invited her, but equally glad of her answer.

  “I have to go home,” she said.

  “So how come you spent the night here?”

  “I needed a place to sleep and your dad offered me a bed.”

  Eric looked at his father. Julianna did too. “She’s Lisa’s daughter,” he explained. “They needed some space, but Julianna is better now.”

  “Are you still seeing her, dad?” Eric asked. “I thought the two of you had broken up.”

  “Could we not talk about this now?”

  Eric shrugged and continued to eat enthusiastically. A phone rang and Rhys recognized it as his song’s cellular. Eric reached for it and took a cryptic call. He shoveled the rest of his food in his mouth, took his empty plate to the sink and with a quick good bye was gone.

  “He’s always like that,” Rhys explained. “I think when he reached puberty the hormones that entered his body had speed in them. He’d been a blur ever since.”

  “I was like that too,” she said.

  “How do you feel this morning?”

  “Much better. I took a long bath and slept better than I can ever remember sleeping. I made up the bed and cleaned the bathtub.”

  “I wasn’t asking for that reason. I want you to be comfortable.”

  “Did you and my mother really go out together?” She changed the subject.

  He nodded.

  “And now you’re not?”

  “We have issues to work out. The same as you have issues that need resolving.”

  “I understand.”

  Rhys believed her.

  For a long while they ate in silence. She didn’t eat fast, but she cleaned her plate. His heart went out to her. He finished his food too, but he’d never gone hungry in his life. He knew she valued food. That she foraged for it and eaten the dregs of what other people threw out.

  She’d inflicted a lot of the hard knocks on herself and it had changed her. No one would survive on the streets with without learning the ropes. It was a school of experience.

  “Are you ready to go home?”

  Indecision skittered across her face, but she nodded.

  “It won’t be as hard as you think,” Rhys assured her.

  He could tell she didn’t believe him. Even though she smiled and nodded. Rhys knew Lisa loved her. The two women just needed to get together. After that their love for each other would solve their problems. Each had gone through the crisis of separation for three years. He couldn’t believe that bringing them together could do anything but exorcise the demons that tortured them both.

  He’d find out for sure this morning.

  ***

  “I trust you to stay here,” Rhys told Julianna as he exited his car in Lisa’s driveway. “If you want to run,” he paused. “Now is the time.”

  “I’m not going to run,” she said. “And I’m not going to steal from her. Or lie to her,” she added.

  He was sure her intentions were good, but he needed her to stay put while he went inside and let Lisa know her daughter was back. He hadn’t known Julianna long enough to be sure she was as good as her word. But innately he trusted her. She’d been on the run a long time. But Rhys thought she was ready to give up the life she thought she wanted and return to the people who loved her.

  He knew he couldn’t be sure of anything. People disappointed those who trusted them all the time. If Julianna ran, he’d be really disappointed. He liked the young woman and thought she had gone through a lot of hard knocks in a short time, but she had an inner strength. Like her mother, she would survive.

  And it was likely he’d have to make up a story as to why
he was at Lisa’s house, unannounced and uninvited. He wouldn’t put Lisa through another trauma by telling her Julianna had been here and left without seeing her.

  He opened the car door and got out. He hoped everything would go well. Lisa wanted her child home and safe. He wanted Lisa to be happy. And Julianna appeared to want to come home too. Rhys felt good as he approached the doorbell.

  If he could only fix his own family. But he remembered the old adage about the carpenter’s children having no shoes. The judge’s children pre-judged.

  ***

  “Rhys!” Lisa was so glad to see him she nearly jumped into his arms. He came through the door and pushed it closed. Lisa hadn’t seen him in so long that she gave way to her emotions and flung herself into his arms, kissing him. He kissed her back, but she felt something was different.

  Pushing back she looked into his face. The expression there told her something wasn’t right. “What’s wrong?” she asked, stepping back.

  Immediately her heart hurt. She noted the seriousness of his face. She was so in love with this man, that she could feel his pain. She wanted to ease it. Wanted to do something to remove the darkness of his eyes.

  “Is it the baby? Has anything happened to him?”

  “It’s nothing like that. The baby is fine,” Rhys said. “I think you should sit down. I have something to tell you.”

  “What,” she insisted. “You’re scaring me.”

  Before he spoke Lisa heard the single word. It zigzagged through her like a hallow-point bullet. No organ was left unaffected. “Mom.”

  Lisa’s heart stopped, her breathing ceased, the world no longer revolved. Then, with the suddenness of an upstarting merry-go-round, it spun out of control. Julianna wasn’t there. But she couldn’t be there. Lisa’s brain processed the information, but it didn’t understand it. She blinked, fought to focus on whatever was in the place where the apparition stood.

  Then she knew it. She was sure. Her daughter was here. She was standing in front of her. Lisa tried to move, tried to reach for Julianna, but her brain was to busy trying to make sense of what she was seeing that the miles of synapses there couldn’t find a connection to her arms and legs. Paralyzed in place, tears sprang to her eyes. Years of memory burst through her mind. Lisa wanted to pull her into arms and cradle her, count her fingers and toes as if she were a newborn.