Live By The Team (Team Fear Book 1)

by Skaggs, Cindy

  “We’re medical misfits. Medically unfit, just like the discharge papers say,” Rose shouted back, anger in every syllable. The air around him vibrated with rage. He took a deep breath and continued in measured tones. “Sure, it was the company’s fault, but we volunteered. The side effects never stopped. The fearlessness didn’t stop. With or without the drugs, we are still a danger to ourselves and others.”

  “Only if they give us whatever the fuck they gave me.” After seeing Mad Dog’s crazy eyes, Ryder had believed himself a monster. Trained by the Amy, enhanced by medical experimentation, and tested in war. He’d been afraid—the fucking irony—that he’d destroy Lauren when in fact she had saved him. His body shivered at the memory of her hand on him when he’d nearly killed Earl. When he’d nearly lost his humanity. “We’re not safe. Our families aren’t safe. Callahan was watching Lauren when I was nowhere around. She wasn’t safer without me. At some point, if I hadn’t come home, they’d have used her for leverage. What would you do if they went after your sisters?”

  A muscle twitched under Rose’s left eye. You could almost see the thoughts flipping through his brain. “Guess I don’t have the luxury of losing it today.” Rose paced the musty brown carpet for several minutes. “The only way to stop them is to figure out who they are. What they want.”

  “Now you’re talking.” Ryder clapped Rose on the shoulder. All these months, he’d tried to carry the load on his own. They worked better as a team. “See if Craft can rig a secure video conference with the rest of the team, and—”

  Lauren walked inside and held a keycard like a security badge.

  Rose straightened to his full six foot six. “You stole my key?”

  An innocent smile lifted her lips. “I need to talk to my husband and you said no.”

  “Sweetheart, I’ve got my eyes on you.”

  Lauren swallowed, her throat flexing around a large lump. Instead of a reply, she went to Rose and wrapped her arms around the big man’s waist. “Thank you for coming the other night.”

  “We’re a team, sweetheart, so I will be there every time.” Rose gave her a gentle pat before setting her away from him. He turned back to Ryder. “Fowler and I will make a food run.”

  Ryder glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. “Briefing at eighteen hundred local.”

  Rose gave a mock salute before heading out, the DO NOT DISTURB sign flapping as the door slammed closed.

  Ryder’s blood pressure skyrocketed. He hadn’t seen her since the night he’d gone crazy. The day in the barn, he’d given her a choice, but with the drugs still screwing with his mind, he didn’t know which way she’d go. The adrenaline pumping through his system was true fear. He wasn’t sure he liked it. “Give me a few minutes to clean up.”

  Lauren sidestepped into his path on the way to the shower. “I won’t let you avoid me.”

  “Would I do that?”

  “In a heartbeat,” she said, mimicking his words from the other day. The hand she placed on his chest stilled him, but inside, his heart threatened to burst through his chest wall. The ground shifted underfoot and his stomach twisted like the day he’d lost most of his Special Forces team. The clusterfuck that led him to agree join Team Fear. “I said it was your choice, I know I did, but—”

  “Stop.” She caressed his chest until her hand landed over his left pec. The ka-thunk of his uncertain heart pounded against her palm. “What are you afraid of?”

  “I—” The list was too fucking long.

  “Finish. The sentence.”

  “I hope this fear shit wears off soon.”

  Her faint smile didn’t reach her sad eyes. “That wasn’t what you were going to say.”

  “When they had you, when I got that call, fear coated my tongue and cheeks and throat.” The memory of it wouldn’t fade.

  “How is that possible?”

  “We don’t know, but we need to find out. Team Echo is out there. The company wants us gone. There’s no telling how my body will react to the dosing. I don’t know if it will fade or make me a volatile madman.”

  “You weren’t a madman.”

  “You saw me. I was a lunatic.”

  “And you walked away. You didn’t hurt me.”

  He put his hand over her cold fingers, over his heart, and made a vow. “I will protect you.”

  “Oh, baby, I know.”

  The way she used his term of endearment settled the erratic emotions beating through Ryder’s blood. Her very presence soothed the wildness.

  Tears glistened in her eyes. She tucked herself into him, burrowed into his soul as her head tucked under his chin. “What are you afraid of?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Her words echoed. He was supposed to be fearless, and the assholes on Team Echo hadn’t done him any favors by dosing him with something that brought the fear alive. Losing Lauren, that was the ultimate fear. “The choice is yours, I promised to abide by your decision, but your answer—” He coughed against the lump clogging his throat. “I’m afraid you’ll go.” He wrapped his arms around her slender frame, careful not to break her. “Afraid you’ll stay.”

  Tears wet his t-shirt under the face hidden in her hair. “What does that even mean?”

  “What if they hurt you to get to me? What if I hurt you because of something they did to me?” He couldn’t live with either.

  “If I’m with you, they won’t get near me. That’s a fact. I don’t care what kind of training they’ve had. You’re fierce. And there is no way you would hurt me. Everything you’ve done since you’ve been back has been about protecting me. It’s ingrained in your DNA. No one could make it past your defenses. Not even you.”

  “I wish I could be sure.”

  “I can be sure enough for both of us. For six months, I lived without you. I won’t do it again. You’re mine.”

  His heart shifted, moving back where it belonged, and the world stopped shifting under his feet. Lauren centered him, and she was right. He’d do anything to protect her, even face his creators. “I love you.”

  For a moment, she froze, and then she wiped her wet cheek against his shirt. “It’s about damned time.”

  Ryder leaned back and tilted her chin. “What does that mean?”

  Puffy, red-rimmed eyes met his gaze. “You haven’t said it since you’ve been back.” She wiped the moisture from her face. “I wondered if what they did inhibited all emotion until you didn’t—” A hiccup interrupted her words. “Until you couldn’t love me anymore.” She levered up to press her lips softly against his. “I needed to hear those words from you, more than I knew.”

  He hadn’t wanted to give the words, because love was a promise, one he wasn’t sure he could freely give, but for Lauren, he’d try. “You know what I want more than anything right now?”

  A saucy grin sparked in her eyes. “Me?”

  He shook his head no. “Three square meals and a roof over my head.”

  “Really? I hear prison is lovely this time of year.”

  “There are worse things than prison.” Although he hoped he didn’t have to find out firsthand. “Living when half my Special Forces team died ate me up inside and sent me to Team Fear. I was willing to risk anything to never feel that loss again. Even let the researchers turn me into a killing machine.”

  “Quit. Whatever you did when you were on missions or on your last deployment, those things were authorized and for the benefit of the Army and your fellow soldiers. Since you’ve been back, you haven’t killed anyone without cause. It’s time to let the guilt go.”

  “You’re pretty smart for a girl,” he teased, knowing she’d react.

  “Shut up.” She smacked his side, and then burrowed in. They stood for long moments, soaking each other in like air. “I watched my mother grieve, and I never understood how lost she felt. How alone. I thought she’d given up. It wasn’t fair to her or myself.” Lauren ran a finger along his jaw. “I could live without you, but I don’t want to. The months you were gon
e...” Her voice choked off.

  Ryder jerked his head in agreement. The past six months had been purgatory, not knowing if he could hurt her the way Madigan had hurt Maggie, not knowing if he’d become a monster. Those things haunted him, but worse than being apart from her would be never having met her. “Fearlessness brought me to you. I can’t regret anything I did that led me to you. Without the meds, I never would have pursued you. Without Team Fear, I never would have moved to Texas. I’d never have met you.”

  “You always know what to say.” She ran one soft fingertip over his lower lip. “I love you Sergeant Ryder.”

  “I love you more, Mrs. Ryder.”

  “Think so?” Lauren stepped back and yanked off her t-shirt. She wore a bright red bra that matched her scarlet cowboy boots. “After the week I’ve had, I’m going to need a demonstration.”

  “How long have you been hiding that bra?” If he had his way, she’d never wear anything else. Her heavy breasts spilled their creamy goodness over the red lace, and the outline of her pink nipples turned his dick to flint. Hard and ready to spark. Ryder’s tongue turned to jerky. He put a finger under the waistband of her jeans and yanked her close. “You wearing matching panties?”

  She cocked her head to the side. “Only one way to find out, soldier.”

  “Challenge accepted.” Ryder stripped off her jeans before she had time to object. She stood there in matching bra and panties, and the cowboy boots that had caught his attention that first night. Pale skin, soft curves, and a whole lot of Texas attitude. His erection pressed painfully against the zipper of his jeans. He ran a hand down her midline, from the center diamond in her bra to the silk bow on her panties. The muscles under his rough fingers twitched at his touch. “Baby, you’re gorgeous.”

  “You’re overdressed.” She ran a hand up his chest, around his shoulder and down his arms. She moaned as her hands explored. “Want help with that?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but tunneled her hands under the cotton of his shirt, the moves a slow striptease. Her hands explored him like he’d hidden the keys to the universe on his person and she was on the hunt. Removing his shirt was secondary to driving him to an early grave. She circled his back before lowering her hands into the waistband of his jeans, her fingertips teasing. “You have such a nice ass.” She kneaded the skin, digging into the muscles. Ryder’s hips jerked. With great attention to detail—like she loved the job—she pressed and teased and explored her way around the waistband until she unsnapped the first button. Rather than unzip, she pressed the palm of her hand down the seam of his jeans. His hips jerked harder, his cock jumping and pressing against her hand, the denim stretched over his erection.

  Ryder’s eyes rolled back at the pleasure of her touch. The zipper was tattooing his cock. The erotic pain demanded Lauren’s lush heat. Ryder tunneled his hands in her silky hair and yanked until the angle opened her to him. He ached for her, a craving beyond hunger. Fire snapped in her eyes as she held his gaze, and then she reached down to unzip him, one tooth at a time. Each tick brushed cool air over the tip of his erection, the contrast in temperature adding to the desire. When she reached the bottom, she gripped him in her warm hand, wrapped her fingers around his cock and stroked him. His thighs trembled and it was perfectly clear he wasn’t going to last long.

  “You make me feel strong. I love that you empower me, that you challenge my ideas and force me to think and to feel. I love that you trust me and brought me into your team. They’re your family, and I love them for bringing you back to me.”

  “Thank you.” His voice was husky, tight with emotion. Her words sewed him back together, connecting the separate pieces of his soul. He slipped his hand behind her neck and gripped her. He stared down into her midnight blue eyes. “Team Fear is my family, but you’re my life. You are the most determined person I know, and the most fragile. I wanted to protect you. Keep you separate from the bad in my life, even if it meant keeping myself apart from the team or apart from you. I wanted one unspoiled thing. I didn’t trust you to see the whole me, but I do now. Baby, you can handle anything.”

  “We can handle anything. We’re a team. Team Ryder.”

  “You kill me.” The soft kiss quickly flashed to desire. She fought for control, and it was one more thing he loved about her. She reached between them and stroked his erection, nearly bringing him to his knees. Ryder pulled back.

  She looked up at him through wet lashes. “I love the feel of you. Hard and velvet smooth.” She licked her lips, her gaze an inferno as she tightened her grip. With her free hand, she shoved his jeans down his thighs and then grabbed his balls. They tightened so much he wanted to thrust into her grip and spill right there.

  Hell no. If she kept at it, he’d last all of six seconds. “My turn.”

  He turned and dropped her on the bed, shedding his jeans as he walked towards her. A low burn settled in his groin, so he squeezed the tip to hold it off. He crawled over her, settling his groin on her lap, letting his weight settle on her lower lips. Her moisture coated his shaft as he tilted his hips and stroked through her folds.

  “Ryder,” she moaned, her tone a demand.

  “Not yet.” The pleasure of touching her, of her moans and sighs, he needed to explore with her. He nipped and sucked the pink buds of her nipples through the red lace until they pebbled as hard as any stone. “I love tasting you, touching you.” But he wanted more. He tasted the sweet skin down her midline. The soft flesh was smooth cream next to the red satin. She sucked in a breath as he fingered the edge of her panties.

  He used his shoulders to spread her legs. She tensed as he settled low, his breath warming her flesh and increasing the pulse beating through her thigh. The tip of a finger slipped under the elastic and barely brushed the light hair between her legs. She tensed, her inner thighs clenched against him. “We’re just getting started,” he promised.

  She relaxed back, her hips settling into the soft mattress. He took his time, teasing the slim fabric encasing her mound. When she arched into him with a catch of her breath, Ryder pulled the fabric from her skin and tossed it across the room. Moisture glistened and he couldn’t stop himself. He settled into a rhythm of long, deep strokes of his tongue until her thighs started to shake. His fingers opened her, spread her wider before slowly slipping two fingers into her.

  Lauren gasped and tossed her head back, tunneling into the mattress with her head and feet and arching into him. Unintelligible words tumbled from her mouth.

  “So fucking sexy. I love watching you. Does this feel good?”

  The muscles along her abdomen fluttered. “Yes. God, yes.” She held her breath as she arched into his hand.

  The hunger in her voice made his dick flex, wanting in on the action. “I want you on my tongue.” He adjusted the rhythm and she shot off the mattress, her feet bracing and lifting her higher. Her internal muscles clenched around his finger. “Come for me, beautiful.” He sucked her clit and she exploded, the orgasm pulling a scream from her lips.

  He brought her down slowly, enjoying her pleasure. Her taste, her whimpers.

  She rasped his name before reaching down to stroke him. Ryder closed his eyes at the delicious torture of her touch. She felt fucking fantastic. “I’m not going to last.” He wanted her too much to go slow. A smirk lifted his lips before he flipped her onto her hands and knees. He nudged her legs apart before slamming home.

  Lauren’s heart raced. Ryder was his badass self again; unarmed but dangerous as hell. If she had use of her hands, she’d fan herself. The man was sexy as hell. Her legs shook as Ryder’s hips slammed into her. She was fully open, fully exposed, so full of need, she couldn’t process anything but the slide of him through her sensitive flesh. He’d taken over her body, his pleasure feeding hers. Every thrust brushed raw nerve endings, sending her body back on a steady climb to an impossible climax. She pressed back to take him deeper.

  His voice, whiskey rough, called her name before a big hand pressed her shoulders into the mattress
. The angle gave him all control and he used it. His hips slammed against her ass, his hands gripping her sides and held her where he wanted her, the grip bruising and notching up the need.

  The bed shifted from his frantic moves. Lauren dropped her head at the same time Ryder tilted her hips. The shift brought the head of his dick against a spot so sensitive, she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Each thrust excited the nerves. The orgasm spiraled from where they were joined. Ryder gave a muffled shout, jerking inside her as he came. He continued to thrust through both their orgasms. Finally, he collapsed on her back, both their bodies spent.

  They lay there, the bed twisted forty-five degrees from the wall, panting for breath. Finally, Ryder slid to his side and pulled her into his heated flesh. He nuzzled her neck, sending aftershocks through her body. “I need a shower before the briefing.”

  Lauren nodded, her eyes drooping. An hour ago, she’d been certain Ryder was kicking her out of his life; that he’d sneak off after the detox and disappear for good. Instead, he’d given her two of the best orgasms of her life. Better yet, he’d said he loved her. The words meant everything. “I talked to Crawford earlier today. He agreed to let me finish my dissertation long distance.”

  “Finally learned to sweet talk the old man?” Ryder’s chest rose and fell against her back.

  Lauren wiggled back to find the sweet spot. When she reached it, Ryder wrapped an arm around her waist, linking them. “I threatened to quit the program.” Crawford had had an apoplectic fit across the phone line.

  “You what?” Ryder leaned up on an elbow. “You’re too close to the finish line.”

  “I’m not letting you leave me again.” In the past few days, her priorities had shifted. Rose and the rest of the team said it wasn’t safe to go back to the campus as long as Team Echo knew where she was. The ranch was out as well. She could finish her degree anywhere. For that matter, she could teach with her master’s degree if she had to. She wasn’t getting left behind. It’s not like she had much pride left. She’d been kidnapped, beaten, threatened, and had her house turned into a morgue before exploding in what Rose called a blaze of fucking glory. Only one thing mattered. She twisted onto her back to look up at Ryder.