Ecce and Old Earth tcc-2

by Jack Vance

  “Yes, I suppose so.”

  “I am sorry to say that nothing has changed, except that I am a day older. Nelda never changes, but then she dyes her hair.”

  “Ha ha!" said Nelda. “If so, why should I choose the color of dirty soapsuds?"

  Wayness could not help but be fascinated by Giljin Leepe's mouth, which was thin, wide, pink, and in constant movement: curling, hustling first up one corner and down the other, wincing and compressing, or drooping at both corners together.

  "In any case," said Giljin Leepe, “Bully Buffums remains as usual.”

  Wayness looked toward the door in the back wall, which evidently led into Mr. Buffums' private office.

  “Why is he so careful?"

  "He has nothing better to do. Mischap and Doorn runs itself, and the directors have warned Bully Buffums not to interfere, so he busies himself with his art collection.”

  Nelda interposed. "Art, did you say? I know what I call it.”

  “Bully occasionally sees an important customer; and sometimes shows his art collection if he thinks he can shock him — or her."

  “Would he oblige me, do you think, if I explained what I wanted and why?”

  "Probably not. You can try”.

  Nelda said: ''Warn the girl, at least.”

  “There isn’t much to warn against. He can of course be a bit tiresome.”

  Wayness looked dubiously toward Mr. Buffums' door. “What is ’tiresome’, and how much is a 'bit’?”

  “I betray no confidences when I mention that Bully is not always happy in the company of pretty girls. They make him feel insecure. But he has his moods."

  Nelda said: “They come on him when he eats too much rare meat.”

  “The theory is as good as any,“ said Giljin Leepe. “For a fact, Bully Buffums is unpredictable."

  Wayness again looked toward the door at the back of the room. "You may announce me. I will be as nice as I can and maybe Mr. Buffums will like me.''

  Giljin Leepe gave an uninterested nod. “Who shall I announce?"

  “I am Wayness Tamm, Assistant Secretary of the Naturalist Society.”

  The door at the back of the room had slid aside. A large man stood in the opening. He called out sharply: "What is going on, Giljin? Have you nothing better to do than entertain your friends?”

  Giljin Leepe spoke in her most neutral voice: “This is not a fiend; she represents an important client and wants a trifle of information on in regard to some dealings.”

  "'Who is the client, and what are the dealings?”

  “I am Assistant Secretary of the Naturalist Society. I am inquiring about a transaction conducted quite some time ago, by a former Secretary."

  Mr. Buffums sauntered forward: a tall plump man well into his early maturity, with a round flushed face and over-long ash-blond hair parted in the middle and combed so as to hang past his ears in the so-called 'pack-saddle' style. “Most odd!” he said. “A woman came to the office — how long ago? Ten years? Twelve years? Wanting the same information.”

  “Really!" said, Wayness. “Did she announce her name?”

  “Probably, but I have forgotten."

  “Did you give her the information?"

  Mr. Buffums raised dark eyebrows, in distinctive contrast with his ash-blond hair, and considered Wayness with round pale eyes. He said in a pedantic and somewhat nasal voice: “I consider all my dealings confidential. This is sound business policy. If you care to consult me further, you may step into my office.” Mr. Buffums turned away. Wayness looked sidewise at Giljin Leepe, and was not encouraged by her rueful shrug. Shoulders sagging, step after slow step, like a prisoner on his way to the gallows Wayness followed behind.

  Mr. Buffums slid shut the door and, selecting a thin sliver of metal on a key-ring, locked the door.

  "Old fashioned locks are best, don’t you think?” asked Mr. Buffums cheerfully.

  “I suppose so,” said Wayness. “That is, when they are needed in the first place."

  “Ah! I see what you mean! Well, perhaps I am a bit over-precise. When I conduct a business conversation, I do not care for intrusions, and I am sure that you are of the same mind. Am I right?"

  Wayness reminded herself that she must be nice to Mr. Buffums, so that he should not feel insecure. She smiled politely. “You have had far more experience than I, Mr. Buffums; undoubtedly you know best.”

  Mr. Buffums nodded. “I can see that you are a shrewd young lady, and I have no doubt but what you will be a great success."

  “Thank you, Mr. Buffums; I am glad to hear you say so, and I will be grateful for your help."

  Mr. Buffums made a large gesture. “Of course! Why not?" He went to lean against his desk. He did not seem particularly insecure, thought Wayness; was that a good or a bad sign? He was certainly a most puzzling person, definitely of a volatile temperament, one moment cantankerous, the next arch and facetious. She looked around the office. To the left a sliding partition closed off a section of the room; to the right was a desk, chairs, table, communicator, shelves, files and other office paraphernalia. Four narrow windows overlooked a garden court.

  “You find me at a slack moment," said Mr. Buffums. “I am, if I say so myself, an able administrator, which means that the work of the company proceeds without my constant guidance. This is all to the good, since it leaves me more time for my private interests. By any chance, have you studied the philosophy of aesthetics?”

  “No, not at any length.”

  "It happens to be one of my own interests. I specialize in one of the most profound and universal aspects of the subject, even though, for one reason or another, it commands little serious or scholarly attention. I refer, of course, to erotic art."

  “Fancy that” said Wayness. "I wonder if you are acquainted with the Naturalist Society?"

  Mr. Buffums seemed not to hear. “My collection of erotic curiosa is naturally not exhaustive, but I flatter myself that its overall quality is superb. I occasionally show it to persons with an intelligent and sympathetic attitude. What of yourself?" He watched her closely.

  Wayness spoke carefully: "I have never studied the subject and, for a fact, I know next to nothing."

  Mr. Buffums interrupted her with a wave of the hand. “No matter! We will consider you an interested amateur, with many latent potentialities.”

  "I'm sure of that, but—"

  “Look." Mr. Buffums touched a switch; the partition dividing his office split, folded and disappeared, to reveal an extensive area which Mr. Buffums had converted into a sort of museum of erotic art, symbols, artifacts, adjuncts, representations, statues, statuettes, miniatures and an unclassifiable miscellaneity. Nearby stood a marble statue of a nude hero in a state of acute priapism; across the room another statue depicted a woman preoccupied with the attentions of a demon.

  Wayness glanced about the collection, her viscera squirming from time to time, but her most urgent impulse was laughter. Such a reaction would surely offend Mr. Buffums, and she carefully blanked away all expression from her face, showing only what she felt to be polite interest in the exhibits.

  Evidently this was not enough. Mr. Buffums was watching her through half-closed eyes and showing a frown of dissatisfaction. Wayness wondered where she had gone wrong. A new idea entered her mind: “Of course! He is an exhibitionist if I show shock or distress or so much as lick my lips, he will be stimulated.” She brooded a moment. “Naturally I want to be nice to Mr. Buffums and put him into a good mood.” But not in this particular way; it was beneath her dignity.

  Mr. Buffums spoke in a rather pompous voice: “In the Great Mansion of Art there are many chambers, some large, some small, some swimming in rainbow fluxes; others which reveal themselves in colors more subtle and muted and rich; others still are revealed only to the truly discriminating. I am one of those latter and my special field is erotica. I have roamed its near and far shores; I know every permutation and extravagance. “

  —

  “That is impre
ssive. In regard to my own concerns — ”

  Mr. Buffums paid no heed. "As you can see, I am cramped for space. I can give only cursory attention to the amatory musics, the postures, the provocative scents and odors." Mr. Buffums glanced at her sidewise, brushing aside a lock of the ash-blond hair which had fallen forward over his eye, and which made so striking a contrast with his dark eyebrows. ”Still, if you like, I will anoint you with a drop of what the legendary Amuille called her ’Summons to the Hunt’.”

  “I don’t think it would be convenient today,” said Wayness. She hoped that Mr. Buffums would not be put off by her evasiveness. “Perhaps some other time.”

  Mr. Buffums gave a terse nod. “Perhaps. What do you think of my collection?”

  Wayness spoke judiciously: From the limits of my own experience, it would seem exhaustive.”

  Buffums looked at her in reproach. “No more? Nothing else? Let me show you around; persons of imagination are often fascinated, or even excited.”

  Wayness smilingly shook her head. “I must not impose upon you.”

  “No imposition whatever I find it hard to restrain my enthusiasm.” He went to a table. "For instance, these articles here, so common, so ordinary, so often misunderstood."

  Wayness glanced down at the table. She searched for something to say, since Mr. Buffums clearly expected an intelligent comment. “I don’t quite see how anyone could misunderstand. They seem most assertive.”

  "'Yes, possibly so. They lack all subtlety and they do not dissemble. Perhaps that is there charm. Did you say something?"

  "Nothing of consequence.”

  “They are what best might be called 'folk art’," said Mr. Buffums. “They pervade every era of history, and all classes of society, and serve many functions: puberty rituals, voodoo curses, fertility rites, buffoonery and pranks, and other more workaday purposes. The best are carved from wood. They come in all sizes, colors and degrees of tumescence.”

  Mr. Buffums waited for Wayness comment. She said cautiously: "I don’t think I would call such things 'folk art'."

  “Oh? What would you call them?"

  Wayness hesitated. "Now that I think about it, 'folk art' is as good a name as any."

  "Just so. These raffish little articles often do yeoman service for folk who must be considered aesthetic vulgarians. At such times thongs or straps are inserted through these holes to make them fit — “ Mr. Buffums took up one of the objects and, smiling modestly, held it against himself " — in this fashion. What do you think of it?”

  Wayness examined him critically. “It does not go well with your complexion. The pink one yonder would suit you better. It is larger and more conspicuous but is probably in better taste."

  Frowning, Mr. Buffums put the article aside and turned petulantly. Wayness saw that she had annoyed him despite all efforts to be tactful.

  Mr. Buffums took a few quick steps toward his desk, then halted and swung about. “Well then, Miss Whatever-your-name."

  “I am Wayness Tamm, and I am here on behalf of the Naturalist Society.”

  Mr. Buffums arched his dark eyebrows high. "Is this a joke? To my clear understanding the Naturalist Society is defunct."

  “The local chapter is somewhat inactive,” Wayness admitted. “However, there are plans to renew the Society. For this reason we are trying to trace certain records which were consigned to Mischap and Doorn by the then Secretary, Frons Nisfit. If you could inform us about these documents, we would be most grateful.”

  Mr. Buffums went to lean against his desk. “That is all very well, but for seven generations we have nurtured a reputation for confidentiality which affects each transaction, large or small. Nothing has changed. We cannot risk any conduct which might involve us in litigation.”

  “But there is no reason for such concern Nisfit was authorized to dispose of Society assets and certainly no one questions Mischap and Doorn's conduct.”

  “That is gratifying news,” said Mr. Buffums wryly.

  “As I mentioned, we are only trying to recover some of the Society memorabilia."

  Mr. Buffums gave his head a slow shake. “These objects will now have been scattered far and wide; at least, such is my opinion.”

  “That is the worst case," said Wayness. "It is just possible that everything is in the hands of a single collector."

  “Your arguments are persuasive," said Mr. Buffums.

  Wayness could not contain a gush of optimistic emotion. “Oh, I hope so! I do indeed!"

  Mr. Buffums leaned back, smiling his faint smile. “How badly do you want this information?”

  Wayness’ heart sank. She staled into Buffums amused face. She said: “I came all the way to Sancelade to speak with you, if that is what you mean.”

  “Not quite. What I mean is this. If I do a favor for you, then you must do a favor for me. Is that not fair?"

  “I’m not sure. What kind of favor do you have in mind?"

  “I must explain that I am by way of an amateur dramatist, of not inconsiderable skill, if I say so myself. Already I have several nice little pieces to my credit.”

  "So then? “

  “At the moment I am creating a pastiche of various elements which when merged, scored and edited will generate a most delicious mood. Now then. There is a certain short sequence which so far has resisted my ingenuity. I think you can help me with it.

  "Oh? What must I do?"

  “It is simple enough. I take my theme from an old myth. The nymph Eilione falls in love with a statue portraying the hero Leausalas and tries to bring the marble image to life through the fervor of her caresses. Yonder you will notice a marble statue which will serve well enough for a rehearsal. Ignore its priapic condition. Optimally, Leausalas should first seem relaxed, to be gradually aroused by Eilione's attentions. No doubt I will find a way to deal with the problem. In the end, Eilione is encouraged — but enough for the moment. We will begin with the first sequence. If we are agreed, you may disrobe on the dais yonder, while I use the camera."

  Wayness tried to speak, but Mr. Buffums paid no heed. He pointed. “Just step up on the dais and slowly remove your clothes. You will quickly become accustomed to the camera. When you are nude, I will issue further instructions. The camera is ready; let us begin the sequence."

  Wayness stood stiff and still. She had long been aware that during her quest options of this sort, or even more basic, might be offered her, and she had never precisely defined how far she would go before feeling impelled to draw back. In this case, she found Mr. Buffums offensive and not at all amusing, her response came promptly: "I'm sorry, Mr. Buffums. I would like to be a great actress and dance in the nude, but my mother and father would disapprove, and of course there is no more to be said."

  Mr. Buffums tossed his head, so that his long pale hair flew back. He made an angry sound. “Tschah, but are we not the haughty one? Well then, just so, and let it be! I wish you no misfortune; but I cannot abide vapidity. Leave me, please; you have wasted enough of my time!" He strode to the door, unlocked it and slid it aside. “Our Miss Leepe will show you out." He called through the doorway: “Miss Leepe, this young woman is leaving; I will not see her again, at any time.” Mr. Buffums retreated; the door slid shut with a thud.

  “Wayness marched into the outer office, teeth clenched.

  She stopped by Giljin Leepe's desk, looked back over her shoulder, started to speak, but thought better of it. Giljin Leepe made an airy gesture. “Say anything you like; you won’t hurt our feelings. Everyone who knows Bully Buffums wants to kick him at least three times a day.”

  “I'm so furious I can't think of anything.”

  Giljin Leepe put on a wise expression. “The interview did not go well?”

  Wayness shook her head. “Not at all well. He showed me his art collection, and hinted that he might give me the information I wanted, but first I must dance in the nude. I guess I did everything wrong. When I told him that I was not a good dancer he became surly and sent me away.”
<
br />   “There is no such thing as a typical interview with Bully Buffums,” said Giljin Leepe. “Each is unique, and everyone comes away marveling at Bully's behavior.”

  Nelda spoke from her table across the room. “He is almost certainly impotent.”

  "Naturally, neither Nelda nor I can cite any direct evidence," said Giljin Leepe.

  Wayness heaved a deep sigh and stared bleakly back toward Mr. Buffums' office. "I've probably made a serious mistake. I can't afford to be squeamish. Still, I don’t know whether I could bear to disrobe in front of that man or not. It makes me squirm just to look at him.”

  Giljin Leepe surveyed Wayness with bright inquisitive eyes. “Would you do so if there was no other way of getting your information?”

  “I suppose so,” said Wayness. “After all, jumping around in my bare skin for a few minutes would not kill me." She paused. “I am not sure it would end there. I suspect that he wanted me to, well, make love to a statue.”

  “And there you would draw the line?"

  Wayness hunched her shoulders. “I don’t know. Five minutes? Ten minutes? It’s what bad dreams are made of. There must be another way.”

  "I know the statue,” said Giljin Leepe. “It is even a handsome statue. If I wanted to look at it again, I could do so easily." She pulled open the top drawer of her desk. “I I've here the key to Bully's office. He thinks he lost it.”

  “Notice it has a black tip — not that you are at all interested.”

  She glanced at a clock. “Nelda and I will be leaving in about half an hour. Bully usually leaves shortly afterwards.”

  Wayness nodded. “This, of course, is of no interest to me.”

  “Of course not. What were you trying to learn from Bully Buffums?”

  Wayness explained what she needed to know.

  “Forty years ago? That would be in Bully's CONN.A files, under the code 'OB' for old business. Then 'N', for 'Naturalist.' It should not be hard to find. Now then,“ Giljin Leepe rose to her feet. “I am about to visit the lavatory. Nelda, as you see, has her back turned and is absorbed in her work. When I return, I will assume that you have left the premises — though I must point out that if you were standing in the shadows at the back of the bookcase yonder, I would notice nothing. So now, I will bid you goodbye and good luck.”