The Hangover

by Emma Nichols

  I just wanted to update you. I haven’t found him yet.

  ‘You okay?’ Carine asked, noticing Eva’s tension.

  Eva’s body softened a little as she read the second line of the email.

  I’m checking out a lead. You have a cousin I believe. A Sandra Adams, your father’s brother’s daughter. She’s 35 years old and lives in Cardiff. I’ll update you when I know more.

  A slight smile appeared on Eva’s face. She looked up, to respond to Carine’s voice. ‘Sorry, did you ask me something?’ she asked.

  Carine studied the transformation in Eva again. ‘No, that’s okay. As long as you’re okay?’

  ‘Sure, I’m good.’

  Eva’s response was clipped, and the contradiction with the intimacy Carine experienced with her on Christmas Day was the cause of the aching sensation gripping her chest.

  She had eventually decided to leave Eva’s house in the early evening of Boxing Day and even though they had worked together pretty much every day since, Eva had been distant, evasive even. Carine had managed to justify the coldness as Eva dealing with her grief, and she had tried to protect herself too, but her body still yearned for the touch of the woman that had transformed her own world that night. As hard as she tried to convince herself she could and should walk away, her heart wouldn’t comply. She had fallen for Eva in a way that she hadn’t with any of her previous lovers.

  ‘What are you doing tonight?’ Carine asked, her tone bordering on the desperation of a lonely woman.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Eva said. She hadn’t given it any thought. ‘Probably head to Le So What,’ she said, having pondered the question briefly. ‘What about you?’ Carine had never mentioned her partner, other than to say she was working in New York, and Eva hadn’t ventured to ask. But she was feeling inquisitive. ‘How’s Tori?’ Eva asked.

  The question sliced through Carine with the precision of a scalpel in a surgeon’s hands. She hadn’t expected Eva to ask about her partner, and her own physiological response to being asked shocked her. She didn’t want to talk about Tori, and especially not now. Not since she had been intimate with Eva. There was only one way she could think to respond. ‘Tori’s fine. We’ve split up,’ she said.

  The words jolted Eva’s attention and her eyes held Carine’s momentarily. Eva wasn’t deliberately searching for the truth, but when she found it, her stomach dropped. ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ she offered, still knowing Carine’s heart hadn’t suffered from that particular fall. She wasn’t in any place to take responsibility for Carine’s feelings for her right now, either. In fact, she never would be. The idea of Carine falling for her caused a bubble of anxiety to burst in her gut. At the same time, she owed the woman. After all, she had been there for her at a time when her life had quite literally hit the lowest point. She smiled coyly. ‘Want to come out tonight?’ she asked. She’d deal with her internal struggle at some other time. Tonight was New Year’s Eve after all, and no one should be alone for the start of a new year.

  Carine smiled, warily. She was too old to be fooled, but too entranced not to accept the offer of spending time with Eva. ‘Yes, I’d like that,’ she said.

  *

  ‘I’m glad you decided to go out tonight,’ Brigitte said, observing her daughter’s response. ‘You look gorgeous,’ she said, pulling Rosa into a hug and kissing her on the cheek. Both women carried themselves well, combining sophistication with elegance. Brigitte carried the confidence her daughter had yet to discover in herself. Rosa huffed out the air in her lungs.

  Rosa’s apparent self-assurance - that had bordered on arrogance at times - had always served her well to disguise the insecurity she felt deep down, until Eva that was. Since Eva, her self-assurance had deserted her, and she had regressed into the reserved person she was underneath it all. She sighed deeply and looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror on the wall by the front door. ‘Do you think so?’ she asked.

  ‘Of course. You look fabulous.’ Brigitte spun her around, running her eyes over the classic cut of the black dress; knee length with a dipped hem and Baroque inspired embroidery. The sling back, open toe, stiletto shoes took her height to a couple of inches taller than her mum. The glum look on her daughter’s face didn’t inspire her that her set up would work though. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.

  ‘I just can’t stop thinking about her,’ Rosa blurted.

  ‘Eva?’

  ‘Yes.’ Rosa’s eyes lowered.

  ‘Then go and get her back.’ Her mother made it sound so simple.

  Rosa frowned, her head shaking from side to side. ‘It’s not that easy,’ she said.

  ‘Of course it is. If you want her, make it work. If you don’t, then let her go. Does she want to be with you?’ she asked, almost as an afterthought.

  ‘I think so.’ Rosa said.

  ‘Then what’s the problem?’

  ‘Her drinking,’ Rosa admitted. ‘Well it’s not even that. It’s the fact that she doesn’t… connect,’ she said after a moment’s thought. ‘It’s like she’s somewhere else, and not with me. She becomes distant and I can’t get close to her.’

  ‘She’s been hurt,’ Brigitte stated.

  ‘Yes. I guess so.’

  ‘Well, if anyone can help her, you can,’ Brigitte said, cupping her daughter’s face and holding her eyes with sincerity. ‘And, in the meantime,’ she started, in a more upbeat tone, ‘how about you go out there and have yourself a wonderful New Year’s Eve? You can deal with this tomorrow,’ She said, pointing a light-hearted finger towards Rosa’s chest.

  ‘Thanks mum,’ Rosa said, planting a kiss on her cheek, struck by a wave of confidence.

  The beeping of a car horn dragged them back to now. ‘That’ll be the taxi,’ Brigitte said, helping Rosa into her coat. ‘I won’t wait up,’ she shouted, as Rosa dived into the back seat, her mum’s front door taking the light, and her voice, with it.

  *

  As the taxi pulled up, Rosa spotted the short skirt and high heels that accentuated Kaye’s long legs. A light flush filtered through to her cheeks as she stepped out of the car, greeting those legs up close, before standing and giving attention to Kaye’s beaming smile.

  ‘I’m so glad you made it,’ she said excitedly.

  ‘Thanks for inviting me.’ Rosa responded. Kaye’s appreciation was apparent as she pulled Rosa into a vice grip before linking arms with her and stepping into the elegant wine bar.

  ‘I thought we’d get a drink before meeting the others at the restaurant,’ she said. Rosa nodded and followed Kaye through to the bar, noting the distinctive artwork adorning the walls. The clean lines and clinical appearance should have made the place feel cold, but it didn’t. It felt cultured, and swanky. Music played subtly in the background, and the women drinking in the bar talked at a respectful volume. Rosa’s eyes scanned the space. Classy, she mused. As her eyes landed on Kaye, she became aware that the doctor had been assessing her. ‘You like it?’ Kaye asked.

  ‘Yes, it’s an amazing space,’ Rosa responded, glancing around with approval.

  ‘White wine?’

  ‘Great thank you.’

  Kaye ordered their drinks and pointed to a vacant table. The glass topped, small round table, hosted two high stools. Sitting brought the two women into close proximity, giving a very personal feel that felt quite intimate. A young waitress, dressed in a white shirt, black jacket and tight slacks approached their table, hovering the two glasses on the tray on her hand. She lowered the tray and placed the glasses in front of the two women, smiling courteously, and wishing them a lovely evening. Rosa flushed, and Kaye chuckled.

  ‘You feel uncomfortable?’ she asked.

  ‘Um… no… yes, a little,’ she admitted. This was the kind of place she would have liked to enjoy with Eva. The thought had crossed her mind several times already, always followed up with a wave of concern as to whether that possibility would ever arise again.

  ‘Want to share?’ Kaye asked.
She lifted her glass, taking in the wine’s aroma before sipping delicately.

  Rosa wasn’t immune to the doctor. Her energy was soft, kind, and yet strong. She was also very pretty with stunning green eyes that didn’t miss a trick. Perceptive. Sensitive. Caring. And hot. There was no doubt in Rosa’s mind that Kaye Bennett would make a great lover. At least that was the message her body kept pressing into her mind. But…

  ‘It’s okay. You have someone else.’ Kaye said. The smile gave a hint of disappointment, but she seemed to take the idea in her stride too.

  ‘Her name’s Eva,’ Rosa said, encouraged by Kaye’s apparent understanding. Kaye stared at her, waiting for more information.

  ‘We got together eight months ago and broke up three weeks and five days ago.’ Rosa screwed up her face.

  ‘Ah. You’re in love with her.’ It was a statement of fact.

  ‘That obvious?’ Rosa smiled weakly.

  ‘You probably have the number of hours down too,’ Kaye said, injecting humour into Rosa’s despairing tone.

  Rosa’s smile widened. ‘I do,’ she said. Kaye’s face was breaking into a chuckle and Rosa joined her. ‘Is it really that obvious?’ she asked.

  ‘Looks pretty clear from the outside. What happened?’ Kaye asked.

  ‘You know, the more I think about it, I’m not really sure.’

  A look of confusion came over Kaye’s face and Rosa shrugged. ‘So why did you break up?’ she asked, fascinated.

  ‘I think I expected too much of her. She’s so… infuriating. One minute she’s intensely intimate and the next I can’t get close to her at all. It’s like she has the ability to shut down to everyone, and when she does it scares the hell out of me.’

  ‘So, when she shuts down you don’t feel needed?’

  The question caused Rosa to jolt, another piece of the jigsaw dropping into place. ‘I hadn’t thought of it that way,’ she admitted, running the proposition through her mind.

  ‘Does she love you?’ Kaye asked.

  ‘Yes. I think so.’

  ‘Was she faithful to you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So, you’re scared that she might leave you. I’m guessing you ended it with her?’ Kaye was nodding to herself, answering the questions in her own mind as she watched Rosa still working through her memories.

  ‘What makes you say that?’ Rosa asked.

  ‘Your fear. Looks a lot like you’re protecting yourself. At least this way, you’re in control, eh?’ Kaye’s tone was light hearted, but the point being made struck like an arrow hitting the bullseye.

  Rosa wanted to argue the point, but something deep down resonated. Had she created the issue with Eva to avoid being hurt? Christ, she had been hurting enough these last weeks. She took in a deep breath and released it slowly, feeling a slight shift in the tension in her shoulders. She picked up her glass and took a sip of the chilled wine, her mind running on overdrive. ‘Thank you,’ she said, bringing her focus back to the intense, dark-green eyes across the table.

  ‘Happy to help,’ Kaye responded, a satisfied smile lighting up her face.

  ‘Shall we go and party then?’ Rosa asked, after a brief moment of adjustment and another sip at her wine. She felt as if something had lifted, and she had never been more convinced about what she needed to do. Now though, she would allow herself the freedom to enjoy the evening.

  ‘Let’s.’ Kaye finished the last of her wine and the two women headed out to celebrate the coming New Year.

  *

  ‘Hi.’ Simone smiled warmly as she approached the bar to greet Eva. She had a soft spot for the scraggy blonde hair and silver-blue eyes. She didn’t recognise the tall blonde escort on her arm though. ‘What can I get you ladies?’ she asked.

  ‘I’ll have a scotch please,’ the tall blonde responded.

  ‘Simone, this is Carine; Carine, Simone,’ Eva introduced them, her eyes busily scanning the room. ‘I’ll have…’

  ‘Sauvignon?’ Simone asked, turning her back to the two women.

  ‘A regular then?’

  ‘It used to be. Then I discovered Girleze, but since…’ her thoughts gripped her attention, and her stomach. ‘In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been hanging out here again.’ She tried to sound grounded in her words, whilst feeling anything but.

  ‘Is everything sorted for Wednesday?’ Carine asked.

  Simone placed the drinks on the bar. ‘Have a great night,’ she said. Both women nodded, collected their drinks, and hunted down a seat in the newly renovated comfy area.

  Eva threw her coat over the arm of the chair, and lowered herself into the soft seat. The cushions embraced her body, encouraging the air out from her lungs. Suddenly, she felt tired. Drained. ‘I guess so,’ she said after a moment of reconciling the nauseous feeling that accompanied any thoughts of her mum’s funeral service. She’d tried to bury her head, get lost in finding her father, but there was no escape. She had to face the fact, because it would be facing her on Wednesday morning at 10.30. ‘I’ve invited the only people I know and put a note in the local newspaper. It’s a cremation, with drinks in the bistro. Frank is closing the place for the day and doing the catering. I can’t think of anything else.’ She reeled off the actions on her mental tick list, sobered by it, conflicted by the fact that it was New Year’s Eve and should be a time of celebration. All she felt like doing was running away. But, then for the most part that’s all she ever felt like doing. She stared across at Carine, trying to find another feeling. Nothing came. Yes, Carine was a beautiful woman: strong, alluring, smart, caring. Yes, sex had been something else too. As Eva reflected on their night together, she felt reassured that her body sparked with interest but more than a little disgusted with herself for satisfying her needs with a woman that wasn’t Rosa. Looking into the dark blue eyes across from her, she knew they were not the eyes that held her heart. Those eyes were brown: dark chocolate brown. Her hair was long, wavy and dark. Her skin was tanned, and her Italian features gave her a stately appearance. Her heart was warm, and her vulnerability touched Eva more deeply than anyone had. She was not the woman with the blue eyes, now staring seductively into her own blue eyes.

  Eva felt the gapping space in her chest, its weight pressing down heavily, causing her stomach to turn. She took a long swig of her wine, needing the distraction, needing to numb the pain that consumed her every waking hour. She stood and walked to the bar. When she returned she was carrying an ice bucket with a bottle and a second glass. Carine didn’t say no. The sombre expression on Eva’s face was there for a very different reason.

  ‘Will you continue to run the business for me?’ Eva asked, aware that she hadn’t formalised her earlier proposition. ‘There’s something I’m going to need to do, after the funeral,’ she said. She was already talking more slowly, needing to concentrate harder to articulate her thoughts without allowing the negative emotional cocktail to come to the surface.

  ‘Of course.’ Carine’s smile carried a sense of relief. She had planned to be around a while longer when she signed the contract with Rowena, and even though she didn’t doubt her ability to attract another job, she had already invested a lot in formulating plans for the future of the agency. She enjoyed working there, and with Eva around life was also more interesting.

  ‘Thanks.’ Eva said, without expanding the conversation. Carine knew better than to ask. She would, when the time was right. ‘I need the loo,’ Eva said, pulling herself out of the warmth of the soft chair.

  Standing waiting outside the toilet, Eva automatically studied the screen of her mobile. No messages. Not that she seriously expected any messages, at least not from the one person she wanted to hear from. Her ears registered the click of the latch and a woman exited the booth. Eva stepped forward without glancing up. The brief bodily contact brought her eyes up from her phone. The short dark-haired woman, staring back at her, sent a chill down her spine.

  ‘Well look at what the cat dragged in.’

  The words s
eemed unjust, but the repugnant look in Dee’s dark eyes caused Eva’s stomach to lurch. ‘Dee.’ Eva could barely get the name out of her suddenly parched mouth.

  Dee moved into Eva’s personal space. This wasn’t a lover about to land a kiss though. Dee’s face was contorted, her teeth clenched, her skin pulled tightly across her face. She was breathing fire. ‘You fucking lousy bitch.’

  ‘I…’ Eva started to speak, backing off to avoid the spit flying from Dee’s angry words.

  ‘You fucking what?’ Dee had her hands on her hips and even though she was a lot shorter than Eva, she looked vicious. Eva’s heart was thumping through her chest. A woman exited another cubical at pace and another entered the toilets, spotted the scene and retracted her steps. Eva was alone, with Dee.

  ‘I didn’t mean to hurt her.’ Eva pushed the words out, trying to hold her balance in defiance of the alcohol, and now the shock, that threatened her stability.

  ‘You’re nothing but a fucking drunk. I don’t know what she sees in you. Fucking stay away from Rosa or else.’ The threat was spelt out clearly, but Eva hadn’t expected the punch that landed squarely on her jaw. Unable to control the fall, she hit the concrete floor, with a heavy thud.

  ‘Fucking hell Dee.’ She groaned at the searing pain in her head, which had collided with the side of the hand drier on her way down. She pressed at the tender spot and came away with blood on her hand.