Deanna Tompkins

by Blue Mountain Passion

  Stephen dropped a rock hard biscuit onto his plate. "Aren't you going to eat?"

  Meagan flashed a dubious glance toward Stephen's plate. "No. I ate earlier."

  Stephen's eyes narrowed on her. "What did you eat?"

  Meagan wasn't fooled by Stephen's steady tone. "Your ma made a pot of beef stew for your pa. She offered some to me." Meagan rubbed her stomach. "It was delicious."

  Stephen's hopeful stare cheered Meagan up a bit. "Is there any stew left?"

  "No. I ate it all."

  His hopeful gaze deflated into a forlorn sigh. "Oh."

  Meagan turned sideways to hide her grin. "I can make you beef stew tomorrow, if you like it so well," she offered.

  Stephen slammed his fist against the table. "Meagan, we have to have a talk about this food."

  She kept her gaze averted from Stephen. She heard him approach and felt his hand clasp her shoulder. She shrugged it off and pivoted to face him. "What about my food?" she challenged with an arched brow and slight frown.

  "It's not very good, Meagan."

  Meagan did her best to appear offended. "I thought you liked it."

  "Meagan, you have to know, just by looking at it that I couldn't possibly like it."

  "I'll do better, Stephen," Meagan promised. "I've got to do the dishes now, before the food gets stuck on the plates." she made her way around Stephen's wide form, picked up his plate and exited the room. She wasn't in the mood to discuss her lack of skill in the kitchen with Stephen just now.

  Cole could arrive at any moment and she'd made a decision to tell him what she knew about her brother. She couldn't keep the information from him, not when it might mean the destruction of the McAllister's ranch. She loved this place as much as Cole.

  Meagan's stomach rebelled against the aroma of Stephen's half eaten food. Worry gnawed at her insides. Her instincts told her to confide in Cole rather than Stephen or Judd, but her mind considered her instincts insane. Cole was as unpredictable as the wind. Still, Meagan knew Cole was the one she would confide in.

  A door slammed in the distance, and Meagan dropped a cup. It shattered as it made contact with the hard wood floor. She bent to retrieve the broken glass, scolding her nerves. If she didn't stop this behavior she'd have a breakdown before she ever got a chance to talk to Cole.

  "Meagan."

  A jagged end of the glass sliced through her finger as Cole's voice echoed through the silent room. "Ouch!" Meagan sucked on her thumb as she raised her eyes to meet Cole’s.

  "Damn." Cole was by her side in seconds. He pulled her thumb from her mouth and examined it. "It's not bad."

  Meagan slipped her hand free and pumped some cool water over the cut. "I'm fine. You startled me."

  Cole tore a strip from a clean rag. "Give me your hand, Meagan."

  She turned and offered her hand to him. His long, slender fingers wrapped around her wrist as he dried her hand with the large section of rag. He dabbed at the blood that oozed from the cut, then wrapped the narrow cotton strip around her thumb and tied the ends together. Meagan scooted closer as the scent of him invaded her senses. Heat seared through her middle at his touch.

  Cole dropped her arm. "Let's walk."

  His request didn't quite sink in. "A walk?" she repeated. She wanted Cole to touch her again.

  He did. Only his grip was rough, his fingers dug into the tender skin of her upper arm. "We need to talk."

  Meagan allowed Cole to lead her from the house. Trepidation sent shivers down her spine as she stared at Cole's grim expression. What had she done now?

  Cole knew his stride was too long and fast for Meagan, but he didn't slow. He half led, half drug her down a narrow dirt road. The sun had set, but the moon was just shy of full. His eyes adjusted with ease to the darkness.

  Cole stopped and pivoted to face Meagan. The moonlight danced off her face, revealing her expressions as if it were day. She looked nervous. Cole could hear the flow of water from the creek as it splashed over rocks in the distance. Frogs croaked in rhythm to the chirp of insects that surrounded them. The sounds were little comfort to him tonight. He waved his hand toward the ground. "Sit here."

  He watched as Meagan lowered herself onto the soft, velvety cushion of overgrown grass. She smoothed her ivory dress beneath her. A slight breeze teased her moon kissed hair and sent it cascading across her shoulders in unruly curls. Cole took his place beside Meagan. He could feel the heat of her body next to his.

  "I know your Pa's dead." Cole intended his words to shock a reaction from Meagan. It worked.

  A choked sob escaped from lips that quivered. Meagan clutched her hands together in an effort to disguise their trembling and turned her head sideways to hide the tears that welled in her eyes and spilled over onto pale cheeks. Surprised by her own reaction, she said nothing. She felt a great sense of relief, and sadness, at the same time. She didn’t have to keep the secret anymore. She could now mourn her pa’s death.

  "Why, Meagan?" Cole's voice broke as a lump formed in his throat. He fought the urge to gather Meagan to him and comfort her. "Why did you lie?"

  Meagan struggled to stand, but her skirts hampered her progress. Cole reached out and wrapped his fingers around her wrist. She stilled. Silent sobs racked her body.

  Cole hardened his heart against her pain. He wouldn't allow himself to be vulnerable to her deceit. No woman would have that much control over him again. He gripped her shoulders and forced her to face him. He shook her hard. "Tell me why you lied."

  Meagan's teeth clattered against each other from the force of his attack. Cole felt her go limp. She made no effort to escape, or protect herself. Her emerald eyes were pools of anguish, and fear. Fear of him.

  Cole dropped his arms to his side. Images flashed through his mind. Images of Sam's pale, frightened face. Sam hadn't fought either. She'd died with the belief that he hated her.

  Cole couldn't think. Meagan's face and Sam's blended into one. He buried his face in his hands as his anger vanished to be replaced by deep, gut wrenching pain which threatened to tear him apart.

  "Cole, please don't. I never meant to hurt you."

  Meagan's plea penetrated his dazed mind, and Cole raised tortured eyes to stare into her pale, tear stained face. She reached out to him, but dropped her hand to her lap before she touched him.

  Cole wanted to understand. He needed to understand. "Tell me, Meagan," he pleaded. "Tell me why you lied about your pa."

  Meagan blinked away her tears. "I was afraid."

  Cole studied her with a mixture of confusion and concern. "Afraid of what? Were you afraid of me, Meagan?"

  "No." Her voice shook with such intensity it was difficult to understand her. "I was afraid of being alone." Tears flooded her eyes. She gulped in a deep breath of fresh night air. "I knew you'd hate me once you found out what I'd done."

  Cole felt the color drain from his face. "What did you do, Meagan?" So much rested on Meagan's answer.

  "You won't understand."

  "Try me." His words constricted in his throat. "It's imperative you help me understand this, Meagan."

  With a tiny nod, Meagan straightened her back and raised her chin a fraction. Her voice was much calmer. "I think I'd better start from the beginning."

  Cole didn't speak. He was ready to listen.

  "My mother died when I was born. All I have of her is a picture." Meagan tugged on a chain that was fastened around her neck. A locket peeked out from the neckline of her dress. She grasped it in her hand. Her fingers toyed with it as she continued.

  "I grew up with Ma's brother, and his wife. I was a burden to my Uncle. He was always angry, and abusive. I was afraid of him. Every time my aunt would pay attention to me or try to teach me anything, my Uncle would hit her."

  Fury swept through Cole. Meagan stared straight ahead, deep in her own thoughts. She didn't seem to notice his reaction.

  "I grew up with little companionship. Any friends I tried to make were frightened away by my Uncle. He died wh
en I was twelve. I was happier, and I felt safe, but my aunt could no longer afford to support me, so she told me about Pa."

  Meagan was as still as a statue. Only her lips moved as she spoke of her life.

  "Turns out Pa never knew about me. He'd loved Ma, and had wanted to marry her, but she was already married. Her husband was abusive and Ma was afraid to leave him. I guess when she found out she was pregnant with me, her fear was too great for her to bear. She disappeared, left my pa, her two children and her husband behind. No one saw her again until she contacted my Uncle a few days before I was born."

  "Tony, my half-brother, can't remember much about Ma. She disappeared when he was only four. His sister, my half-sister, died several years ago and Tony’s pa died about a year ago. I never even met my sister."

  Meagan smeared her tears with the back of her hand. She released a harsh laugh. "I lived this life. I've never cried about it. Not once."

  Cole traced a tear on Meagan's cheek with his fingertip. "I think you should have, Meagan. I think you need to cry." His heart ached for her. He cupped a hand around her waist and pulled her close. She relaxed against him.

  "When I found out about pa, I wrote to him. I was afraid he wouldn't want me. When he invited me to live with him, I was so excited. I left the very day I got that letter. My aunt was afraid to travel, so I went alone."

  Cole felt Meagan withdraw from him. She wrapped her arms around herself and curled her legs into her stomach. She began a slow, rocking motion. Cole reached out to her, but she flinched away.

  "I left with the clothes on my back, enough money for the stage and a few days supply of food. I didn't know anyone. I was only thirteen. I relied on the kindness of strangers, but they weren't always kind."

  Cole had a strong urge to grab Meagan and force her to stop rocking, but didn't. "What happened, Meagan?"

  She rocked harder, faster. "One day I was the only passenger on the stage. I think the driver had been drinking. We were about ten miles from the next stop when he hit a large rock. The wheel broke. I got out of the stage and sat under the shade of a tree while I waited for him to fix it. Before I knew what he intended, he approached me and pinned me beneath him. He tore at my clothes."

  "Oh, God, Meagan." Cole felt her horror as if it were his own. Her fingers dug deep trenches in the grass. She continued as if he'd never spoken.

  "I fought him. I kicked and scratched and screamed. I managed to slip out from under him, and I ran." She sobbed. "I ran, and ran, and ran until I was so exhausted I couldn't run anymore. I collapsed to the ground, and lay there." Meagan stared at him with dazed eyes. "I just lay there. I couldn't move."

  Cole could find no words to comfort her. He struggled to hide his rage and fought to keep his voice steady. "I'm so sorry, Meagan." It wasn't enough. No words were enough to heal the pain Meagan had suffered.

  "I haven't thought of this for so long." She brushed grass stained fingers through her hair. "I made it to the next town on foot. Several days later, I saw my Pa for the first time in my life."

  Cole felt the tenseness drain from his body as Meagan stopped rocking.

  "Things were better than I'd dreamed possible. Pa was everything I'd hoped he'd be. He taught me all he knew about the ranching business. He drank too much, but when he was sober he worked harder than any man I know. When he wasn't, he relied on me. I made him proud." Meagan faced him with confidence. "I'm good at ranching, you know."

  Cole smiled at her upturned face. "I know."

  "One day I woke up earlier than usual. Pa had gone into town the night before, and I didn't expect him back for a day or two. I headed outside to get some work done. That's when I found him. Pa was lying on the ground by the barn, his head in a puddle of blood. He was so pale, and cold. I had no idea how long he'd been outside. I figured he'd fallen from his horse, but I couldn't find his mare anywhere. It was then I heard him moan."

  Cole was surprised by Meagan's revelation. Her pa had been alive when she found him.

  "I knew I had to get him inside. I half carried, half drug him into the house.

  "Why didn't you get someone to help you?"

  Meagan shrugged. "I don't know. All I could think about was getting him inside. I didn't think about getting help."

  "What happened then?"

  "He died. Not five minutes later, he died in my arms." Her voice was hollow, her expression blank.

  "Did he say anything? Tell you what happened?"

  "No."

  Cole leaned against her back, his breath in her ear. "Meagan, I know this is difficult for you. I need to know why you didn't tell me about your Pa."

  Meagan withdrew. "I already told you. I was afraid."

  "Of what?"

  "Of everything." Meagan flung her arms wide. "Of being alone, broke, in a strange place with no roof over my head." Meagan's shoulders slumped as if burdened by a weight so heavy she couldn't carry it any longer. "I had nowhere to go. No rancher in his right mind would hire a woman to do a cowboy's job and I'm not much good at anything a lady does. You know how well I cook."

  Cole couldn't contain his smile at her last statement. "Meagan, did you think we'd just throw you out."

  She looked at him. "What else could you do?"

  Her sincere, innocent eyes melted the last of his doubts. Meagan truly believed they would have abandoned her, left her to fend for herself.

  "Meagan, Pa knew what a help you were around the place. Hell, you've been doing Tom's job for months, and no one was the wiser. Why didn't you confess your situation once we brought you here?"

  Meagan sat motionless. Her hands fluttered in her lap.

  "Why, Meagan?"

  "I didn't want you to hate me."

  Her voice was timid, frightened. Cole toyed with her hair. "Come here, Meagan."

  She shifted closer.

  "No. I mean, come here."

  He raised his arms and she slipped into them. "You are the bravest, strongest woman I've ever met. You make me proud."

  Her voice raised an octave in surprise. "I do?"

  "You do. You've been strong all your life. You're a survivor, Meagan. You have a place on our ranch for as long as you want to be here. I promise you that."

  Cole felt her relax against him. "I want to protect you, Meagan. I want to promise that only good things will happen to you from now on, but I can't make those kinds of promises."

  "I don't want promises. I don't need promises." Meagan tilted her head and stared up at him. "I just don't want you to hate me."

  Desire raged through Cole as he lowered his gaze to her lips. "Meagan, the last thing I feel right now is hate."

  Cole claimed her lips with the hunger of a man starved. Desire leapt like burning flames through his loins as the warmth of her skin touched his. He drug her against him until he could feel the racing of her heart. She was warm, yielding. He teased her with whisper soft movements of his tongue until she parted her lips and allowed him inside. He explored the recesses of her mouth with wild abandon.

  It wasn't enough. He needed this woman more than he'd ever needed another. Her skin was soft, smooth, inviting. In a motion as natural as breathing he unfastened the buttons of her dress and slipped it from her milky white shoulders. A thin, cotton chemise was all that separated him from Meagan's bare flesh. He caressed the smooth planes of her back, then cupped her ribs in his palms. His thumbs reached higher. He could feel the roundness of her breasts.

  Meagan jerked from his embrace. Her chest heaved with each breath she took. "No, Cole." Wild emerald eyes reflected her need, but she kept her distance. "I thought I loved you once, and you broke my heart. I can't let you do it again."

  "Damn," Cole took several large gulps of air as he struggled to control his desire. He watched Meagan pull on her dress and fumble with the buttons. He shouldn't have let this happen.

  Meagan had just relived the experience of her father's death. The last thing he'd meant to do was take advantage of her vulnerability. He wanted her. More than
any woman before, he wanted her. But not this way. His eyes burned with his need as he watched the gap in her dress close. She was so damn beautiful.

  "Meagan, look at me." When she refused, he reached for her.

  She pulled away. "Don't Cole. Leave me be."

  "I won't do that Meagan. We need to talk."

  "There's nothing to say."

  "Meagan, there's so much that hasn't been said. You've been through a lot tonight. I never meant for this to happen. Not now, not like this."

  "Why did it, Cole?"

  "God, Meagan." Cole's voice was heavy with desire, even to his own ears. "You're a beautiful, desirable woman. I want you so much, it hurts."

  Meagan knew she couldn't allow Cole's advances. Not until she knew. "That day, on my birthday..." Meagan felt him tense and paused.

  "Meagan, that was a long time ago."

  "It seems like yesterday to me. What you said that day hurt me."

  "I know." Cole rubbed his temples. "I can't recall the words I spoke to you that day, Meagan."

  Meagan stiffened and blood pounded in her head as she absorbed his statement. How could he forget the words that had destroyed her life? How cruel was he to be able to tear someone's heart out and then not remember how he'd done it? She slapped him, hard, across the cheek. Her aim was perfect. The resounding noise and sharp sideways jerk of his head made her feel much better.

  A swift shadow of anger swept across Cole's face. He touched three fingers to his burning cheek. He stood frozen, his only movement, his lips. "Why did you do that?"

  Meagan felt sick to her stomach and spun away. She wrapped her arms around her middle and swayed back and forth in an unconscious movement.

  Cole moved up behind her. "Don't do that, Meagan."

  She couldn't stop. Cole wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. She didn't protest, but still rocked.

  "I loved a woman once, Meagan."

  Meagan felt the breath rush from her lungs at Cole's words. After all this time, he was finally ready to confide in her.