"That was Sarah. Jeremy's oldest sister."
"When did she get here?"
Meagan smiled in amusement. "She was here this morning, at breakfast."
"I don't remember her." Stephen grinned. "I feel the need to introduce myself."
Meagan laughed with delight as he headed out the door after Sarah.. It would be good for Sarah to get a little male attention. Who better than Stephen to give it to her. He was, after all, quite the expert on women.
Meagan felt a small tug on her skirt, and looked down to see Amy there, staring up at her. "Want to play with me?"
"I'd love to, Amy." Meagan took Amy's hand and headed outside towards the large group of boys. She noticed Cole wrestling with them, and Stephen and Sarah watching from the sidelines. Stephen was doing his best to charm Sarah, and Sarah appeared flattered by his advances.
Cole winked playfully at her before promptly being tackled by all six of the boys. Finding his way out of the pile, he shook his head to clear it. "Want to play?"
Laughing lightly, Meagan responded with a firm shake of her head, "no, I think that Amy and I should stay out of this one. We'll watch."
Sarah joined the two of them while Stephen joined the game. The morning passed with the men playing hard, but not so hard that they didn't, every once in a while, glance toward the women to make sure their efforts were being appreciated. Meagan felt like part of a large family, and it was wonderful.
A strange sense of loneliness invaded her as thoughts of her pa, and a brother she'd never get the chance to really know, passed through her mind. Meagan huddled closer to Amy. Sarah, sensing her sadness, huddled closer as well. Meagan stayed, until well after time to get lunch, watching and wishing, dreaming and hoping. Tomorrow would tell its own future. Today she had the family she'd always hoped for, and that was enough.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
It was late morning. The sun bore down relentlessly on Meagan as she scrubbed dirt and grime from a wide assortment of worn clothing. She hadn't had a chance to speak with Cole about new garments for the children, and she couldn't bear to see them in their dirty ones a moment longer. She handed yet another shirt to Sarah to rinse and hang to dry.
They'd been washing clothes for over an hour, and the huge pile was diminishing slowly. It had been a difficult task finding enough clothing to temporarily serve as replacements for such a wide variety of sizes, but with the help of some of the ranch hands families, they'd managed quite nicely. Meagan wiped her brow, stretching her weary muscles as she glanced at Sarah, who appeared equally hot and tired. "Let's rest for a few minutes."
Sarah nodded with a tired grin and followed Meagan to a small clearing, shaded by a large oak tree. Meagan allowed her gaze to travel the short distance to where the children were playing, unable to stop a small grin as she noticed their attire. Charles, a young man at the age of fourteen, appeared to be extremely uncomfortable in a pair of borrowed jeans two sizes too large and a shirt that was too small. He kept his eye on them, unable to disguise his anxiety in their finishing so he could switch his ill fitting clothes for his worn, but properly sized ones.
The other children, whose names Meagan had finally memorized, were not in much better shape. Michael, who was only thirteen actually stood taller than Charles, and no children's clothes would fit him. They'd opted for the smallest men's clothes they could find, but they were too big and he struggled to keep them on as he ran. Todd and Thad, twins of eleven, had the opposite problem as they seemed afraid to move for fear of ripping right out of their newly borrowed outfits. Amy was well covered in a frilly, lacy, concoction that had been Toby's mother's, and she stopped every few minutes to itch where the lace tickled her bare skin. Christopher refused to wear any new clothes, and Meagan had settled for a pair of long underwear to cover him. A bit hot, but workable when dealing with a stubborn eight year old. Jeremy, well, Jeremy looked adorable. His jeans fit snugly around the waist, but he was shorter than the owner, and had solved the situation by cuffing the pants at the leg. His shirt was much too large and hung to his knees. Each time he moved, the sleeves would roll down, and he'd patiently roll them up again.
It had only been two days since Cole had brought the children here, but they seemed happier. They laughed and ran and ate an impossible amount. Meagan had thoroughly enjoyed every minute of their company.
Turning back toward Sarah, Meagan couldn't help the twinge of envy that gripped her. Sarah looked beautiful in Bethany's dresses, leaving her feeling rather dour in her borrowed work clothes. Meagan pictured herself in the finest of silks while cooking and cleaning all day. It was a highly impractical thought.
"I feel terrible, Meagan."
Meagan focused once again on Sarah. "You should have told me sooner. I never would have allowed you to help if I'd known you weren't feeling well."
"Oh, no." Sarah shook her head. "I'm not ill."
Meagan relaxed and teased, "good. I was beginning to feel like an ogre."
Sarah smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She leaned her head against the trunk of the tree and allowed her weary muscles to relax. "Life isn't always what we dream it will be, is it?"
Sarah's words caused Meagan to stop and think. "No, I suppose it isn't." Meagan reclined out on the ground, hands clasped behind her head. She gazed across the expanse of blue sky and allowed her mind to wander. She'd never had many dreams. In fact, she could only recall one, and it certainly hadn't turned out like she'd hoped. Falling in love with Cole had caused her nothing but grief. "I think," Meagan stated, more to herself than to Sarah, "that dreams are a waste of time."
"I think they give you hope," Sarah argued.
"Hope for what?" Meagan asked, turning on her side to face Sarah.
"Hope that what you have now will become something better. Hope that life will turn in your favor someday."
Meagan contemplated Sarah's words. "Hope just causes unnecessary pain. I think it's better to take what you have and make the best of it, because it might be all you ever get."
Meagan watched Sarah's face crumple, and sat up. "Sarah, I'm sorry." Meagan moved closer to her new friend. "You were trying to tell me something, and I was so busy imposing my point of view that I wasn't being a very good listener."
Sarah shrugged, her expression forlorn. "It's okay."
"No, it's not," Meagan insisted. "I don't know much about being a friend, Sarah. In fact," Meagan confessed, "I've never even had a real friend before I came here. Now I have Anne, and I hope you'll consider me a friend as well."
Sarah smiled. "I'd like that."
"Good." Meagan returned her smile. "Now, tell me what's bothering you."
"It's all this." Sarah confided, spreading her arms wide.
"What do you mean, all this?" Meagan asked, puzzled.
"It's living here, being given food. It's all the time and energy you and the others are giving to take care of my family." Sarah sighed. "You're all being very kind, and generous, but I've been brought up not to accept charity and..."
"This isn't charity, Sarah."
"Oh Meagan," Sarah hurried to explain, "I know you're doing all this because you care. Everybody cares. But facts are facts. You're doing this because I can't care for my family alone. That's charity, and it isn't right."
"Nonsense." Meagan wouldn't allow Sarah to blame herself for this situation. "You're not those children's mother, Sarah, but you've had to act like one. That's what isn't fair."
"I haven't minded."
"Of course you have," Meagan disputed, hoping she wasn't crossing the line of friendship. "How could you not?"
"I love them all dearly, and.."
Meagan shook her head sadly as she interrupted her friend. "I know you do, and you're terrific with them. But, Sarah, they're not your children."
Sarah buried her face in her hands, her shoulders convulsing with silent sobs. Meagan realized her words sunk deep, but she wasn't sorry she'd spoken them. "You were never given a choice, Sarah. Your ma and pa decided to h
ave eight children. Now you're left with caring for them. You have to resent that, at least a little."
Sarah raised tear filled eyes, "I've cared for them since I was thirteen. I never thought about being angry, or having a choice."
"I'm not sure you had a choice," Meagan conceded, "but that doesn't make it easy, or okay."
"I know they're not mine, Meagan." Sarah's hands fluttered uselessly by her side. "But what am I to do?"
Meagan leaned forward and rested her chin in her hands. "It's time you started living your own life."
"I can't desert them, Meagan. I won't," Sarah stated with conviction before adding in a much gentler tone, "but I do live a different life, Meagan. In my dreams, I do."
Meagan realized in that instant why Sarah's dreams were so important to her. It was her only escape. "What do you dream, Sarah?"
A rosy flush crept up Sarah's neck and rested in her cheeks as she bowed her head. "I've never told anyone about my dreams, before."
"Tell me, Sarah," Meagan encouraged. “Maybe together we can make a few of them come true."
Startled eyes met Meagan's. "Oh, no. I dream to help me through the hard days. I don't expect them to happen. Not really."
"What good are they, then?"
"What?"
"What good are dreams, if you can't make them come true?" Meagan repeated impatiently.
Sarah's brows drew together as she contemplated that question. "I don't know, Meagan. I never thought about it like that before."
"Well you should. Now, tell me what you dream about."
"I dream," Sarah began timidly, "of quiet." She smiled impishly as she continued, "quiet, quiet, quiet." Her voice grew stronger with each word. "I dream of having a room of my own, of going on a walk all by myself. I dream of food, more food than I could possibly eat, all of it prepared by someone else." Her eyes turned a shade darker as she continued, "I dream of having my mother back. I dream of pa changing, loving us all again."
Meagan felt tears prick at her eyes, and realized they were for herself as much as for Sarah. She'd been alone her entire life, had dreamed of noise, and laughter, and family. But she, too, had dreamed of having a mother, and wished with all her heart her pa was still alive, loving her. "Go on," Meagan encouraged, "what else do you dream about?"
"I dream of falling in love." Sarah crossed her arms in front of her and shut her eyes. A tiny smile played on her lips. "I dream that a man will fall hopelessly, helplessly in love with me, and that I'll love him so deeply that my thoughts are only of him. He'll be handsome, of course. Rich, too. He'll be kind, gentle, and he'll love his children. He'll never hit them or tell them they're worthless. He'll provide for us, and in turn I'll make him the happiest man alive." Sarah opened her eyes and giggled impishly, "I think I just got a little carried away."
"I don't." Meagan thought Sarah, and her dreams, were wonderful. "I think you deserve all that, and much more."
"They're only silly dreams."
"I'm not so sure." Meagan's mind was working hard as ideas began to take shape. "I take back what I said about dreams. I don't think they're a waste of time at all."
"You don't?"
"No, I don't." Meagan smiled happily. "In fact, I think that someday many of your dreams will come true."
"I don't see how, Meagan." Sarah sighed, standing and stretching. "I think we'd better return to reality and finish this laundry.
Meagan stood and followed Sarah, her mind whirling. Dreams were to give you goals, and now that she knew Sarah's, she was going to help them come true. Sarah would find her man, and he would love her completely. In fact, Meagan thought happily, I already know who that man is. Stephen was perfect for Sarah. Meagan picked up another pair of pants, but her mind was far from her chore as she planned Sarah's future.
Another hour passed, and Meagan stood, arching her back, grateful that the last of the clothes were hanging to dry. She wasn't sure she could have done even one more piece. Tilting her neck from side to side, she relaxed her shoulders, allowing the tension to drain from her. Tipping her head back, she shut her eyes against the blinding rays of the sun. A shadow fell across her, and she opened her eyes to find Cole beside her, his eyes filled with excitement.
"Guess what."
Forcing her sore muscles to support her head once again, Meagan stared suspiciously at him. "What?"
"I have a surprise for you."
"A surprise?” Meagan suddenly felt a bit less weary. “What is it?"
Cole shook his head with a wry grin. "If I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"
"Where is it?" Meagan peeked around him, first one way then the other. She saw nothing out of the ordinary. As rare as surprises were to her, so was the anticipation, and she was finding she didn't handle that part well at all.
Cole grabbed her by her shoulders. "Stop squirming. You're not going to see a thing, because your surprise isn't here."
"Well, then," Meagan stated with a frustrated stomp of her foot, "where is it?"
Cole turned his attention away from her and towards her friend. "Sarah, I'm taking Meagan into town. We'll be gone the rest of the day."
Sarah turned questioning eyes toward Meagan.
Meagan shrugged, a huge smile on her face as she silently mouthed, "I don't know." She was practically jumping out of her skin.
"Do you think you and Ma can get supper without Meagan tonight?"
"I know we can," Sarah answered, returning Meagan's eager smile with one of her own.
"I'm a filthy mess," Meagan exclaimed with distress. "I'll have to get cleaned up before we go." She headed off, tossing a quick glance over her shoulder. "I'll be ready in thirty minutes, maybe less," before disappearing from sight.
Cole watched her leave, then turned towards Sarah. "She's something, isn't she."
"She certainly is." Sarah smiled a knowing smile. "You're like her a lot, don't you?"
Cole grinned, "you could tell, ha?"
"I could tell."
Cole flashed a crooked, boyish grin her way. "Who wouldn't like Meagan."
"Who indeed?" Sarah smiled before wandering away.
Cole was still deep in thought when Meagan hurried toward him, a grin still lighting up her face.
"You look terrific."
Glowing from his compliment, Meagan ran a hand over the forest green dress she was wearing. It was the nicest of the ones Anne had given her. "I was hoping you'd think so," she confessed, not caring a whit how he interpreted her statement.
"I definitely think so." He quirked an eyebrow at her, "are you ready to go?"
Meagan realized as she nodded her consent, that Cole’s face was more relaxed and his eyes had lost that haunted look. He seemed happy as he offered her his arm, and she grasped it warmly. "I'm ready."
His large hands circled her waist as he assisted her onto the single seat of the buckboard. She watched his every move as he walked around the rear of the wagon and took his place beside her. They rode in silence for several minutes.
Meagan's stomach was flip flopping as each bounce of the wagon brought her in contact with Cole's thigh. A deep, warm sensation flowed through her, and she shifted slightly to relieve the tingling, surprised when Cole's hand wrapped warmly around hers, urging her closer. Meagan shuddered involuntarily at the contact, wondering how a simple touch from him could elicit such extreme emotions.
"Are you cold?" Cole turned a worried glance her way.
"No," Meagan hastened to assure him, suddenly embarrassed by her reaction. He was, after all, only holding her hand. "I'm fine. Perfect, in fact."
"You certainly are."
Meagan blushed and chose not to comment on the twisting of her words. "Can't you give me a little, tiny hint of what my surprise is?" she pleaded, hoping to keep her mind from the dangerous path it was on. Cole hit a hole in the road, sending her flying against him.
His voice shook slightly as he responded, "No. You'll just have to wait until we get into town."
M
eagan turned concerned eyes towards him. "Are you okay?"
"Right now," Cole stated truthfully, "I think I could use some ice cold water."
"Oh." Meagan puzzled over his words for several seconds. "I guess we could stop by the stream and get you some."
"It would only be a temporary solution."
"Maybe not if you got a big enough drink," Meagan assured him.
Loud, bellowing laughter filled the air. "Meagan, honey, I don't think you're quite understanding my predicament."
Frustrated, Meagan declared hotly, "well, if I don't understand, then maybe you should be a bit clearer. After all, when someone says they want cold water,"
"Never mind, Meagan." Cole grinned, tightening his grip. "What ails me is something I'll fix, soon."
"Oh." She thought about that. "Well, if I can help, be sure to let me know."
Laughter once again rang loud in her ears.
Anger flashed in her eyes as she punched him in the arm. "Stop laughing at me."
He didn't even pretend to be wounded. His arms drew back as he pulled on the reins. "We're here."
His announcement distracted her from her anger, and a slight chill coursed through her as the warmth of his hand left hers. Meagan found herself wishing that the drive to town had been longer. Even when he angered her, she enjoyed his company.
"Come on, Meagan."
Cole was already below her, waiting to assist her from the buckboard. Meagan lowered herself into his arms, coloring slightly as he exerted pressure to her lower back, causing her body to slide along his. She glanced around as her feet touched the ground, hoping no one had noticed his bold gesture.
"You're surprise is in here."
Meagan followed him into the mercantile, through shelves of tobacco products, flour, sugar, and preserves.
"This way, Meagan."
She wound her way around fishing gear, boots, saddles and hats into a small room filled with a vast assortment of materials, women's underthings, shoes, partially finished dresses, and a small dressing room. Puzzled, Meagan asked, "you want me to sew something for you?"
Cole grinned. "I thought you might be interested in making a few extra dollars. If you sew the way you claim you can, you could make some good money."
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