Losing Chelsea (Saving Bliss #2)

by Rachael Brownell

  Losing Chelsea

  A Saving Bliss Novella

  Rachael Brownell

  Copyright © 2017 by Rachael Brownell

  Cover design by Emily Wittig Designs & Photography

  Interior design by Classic Interior Design

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  About the Author

  Also by Rachael Brownell

  1

  At sixteen years old, I fell in love with her. Her being two years younger than me wasn’t an issue. The fact she was in middle school and I was in high school didn’t bother me. She was the most amazing person I knew, and she got me. She understood me. She loved me for the person I was, flaws and all.

  Once she finally admitted she felt the same way, her dreams became my dreams. My goals became her goals. We knew what we wanted our futures to look like, and they included each other.

  The problem was, she was off limits. She was my best friend’s little sister.

  You don’t go there.

  Hands to yourself.

  Touch her and die.

  Owen didn’t mess around either. If anyone even looked at her wrong, he was in their face letting them know. She was the one thing that mattered most to him in this world. The only thing. He didn’t give a shit about himself. His life revolved around Chelsea.

  Because of that, she was always around.

  He couldn’t blame us for the feelings we were having–feelings that blossomed over the years. There was a time I thought of her like a little sister, too. She stopped being annoying somewhere along the way and became a friend. She grew into a mature teenager. Being around her all the time, it took me a minute to notice, but once I realized what had happened, I fell. Hard.

  I did the best I could to keep my feelings hidden from everyone, including myself. I dated other girls. Threw myself into relationships that I didn’t want to be in. Made sure to bring them around so it appeared I wasn’t interested in Chelsea. It felt like I was fooling everyone but her.

  She saw how I looked at her. She felt it. My stares lingered a little too long. I flipped like a switch whenever she was around other guys. It didn’t matter if they weren’t interested in her or vice versa. They had her attention, and I didn’t.

  I fought it for as long as I could. My resolve to be a great friend, even though I was denying myself what I wanted, was strong. Until one summer. It summer changed everything. For both of us.

  After we graduated, Owen asked me to keep an eye on Chelsea for the summer. I was sticking around for a year to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Owen, on the other hand, thought he was in love and followed some chick across the country. She was headed to California to be an actress. In his mind, he thought he was going to help her make it happen.

  It didn’t take long for things to change between us. Without the fear of Owen catching us, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her deeply the first time we were alone. My fear was that she would push me away and tell Owen, and he would rush home to beat my ass. Not that I couldn’t hold my own in a fight.

  Instead of pushing me away, she pulled me closer, deepening our kiss.

  I had waited two years to make my move, and it was worth every painful moment.

  With Owen gone for three months, we made the most of every minute. Aside from avoiding her father, life was great. There wasn’t much to do in the tiny town we lived in, but we found a way to make every day a new adventure. It wasn’t until Owen decided to come home early, unannounced, that things came to an abrupt halt.

  Legally, I was considered an adult and she wasn’t. If Owen were a prick, he could have filed charges against me. When he found us together, even though our clothes were still on, his temper blew.

  We’d been friends since second grade. I’d seen him angry before, irate even, but this was beyond that. His glares were murderous. His words hurt me in a way nothing else ever had to that point. Chelsea… she cried. She didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t physically hurting us, but he wasverbally abusing the both of us.

  Just like their father.

  It was the first time I had ever seen her that scared of anyone other than her father.

  The moment Owen realized it, he shut down. He knew what he had done. It hadn’t been his intention, but it had happened regardless. That was the first time I had ever seen him cry.

  Of course, she forgave him. They were each other’s world. I was a part of it, but more of a spectator when it came to the two of them. Even with their age difference, they were inseparable. I envied that. As an only child, I didn’t have that bond with anyone. Being a part of their world gave me a glimpse into what it felt like.

  Right up until the moment Owen decided I didn’t deserve to be part of it anymore.

  Months went by without a word from either of them. I did what I could to give them space, to let them work it out. Instead of finding a job, I focused on finding ways to see Chelsea, even if she wasn’t able to see me. That’s when I realized what I wanted to do with my life.

  Once the dust settled, I called Owen. He hung up on me four times before yelling into the phone for me to stop calling. Of course, I called him back immediately. He needed to hear what I had to say. He needed to know how I felt about Chelsea. I needed him to understand.

  He didn’t want to listen.

  So I went with Plan B. I called her, hoping that maybe she would be able to get through to him. If there was any chance for us to be together one day, I needed her to fight for it. She had to stand up for what she wanted. That started with being honest with her brother.

  Thankfully, it went better than I expected.

  She was at my house a few hours later. Tears stained her face, but I later found out they were tears of joy. He let her say what she needed to say. He didn’t approve, but he wanted her to be happy. I made her happy.

  Our friendship was on the rocks, but it wouldn’t be that way forever. At least I kept telling myself that. Instead of avoiding Owen, I made sure he saw us together. I wanted him to see how much I loved her. I felt like I needed to prove to him that she was safe with me. That I was good enough. That she wasn’t just another girl that I was trying to get in bed.

  I made that reputation for myself when I was trying to avoid my feelings for Chelsea. Now I had to prove I wasn’t really that person. I was better than that. I needed Owen to believe it if he was ever going to accept us being together.

  It took months of throwing our relationship in his face for him to finally admit he was wrong. A sense of relief washed over me as things started to go back to the way they always had been between us. Everything was going to be fine. Life was as it should be.

  Then I got the call.

  During the dark months I was without Chelsea, I had filled out an application for school. Only, to get the schooling I needed, I was going a unique route. The Air Force was offering to pay for everything and give me training. Now, I needed to keep my end of the agreement and fulfill my contract.

  The devastation on Chelsea’s face when I told her almost broke me. She knew it meant we would be apart. I was
leaving her, but I was also coming back. And when I did, she and I were going to be together forever. I promised her that.

  Turning to the one person she always counted on, Owen did something that surprised us both. He enlisted with me. I never understood why. He didn’t like to be told what to do. Never took direction well. He had his own way of doing things that made sense to him.

  It didn’t matter. We were doing this. Together. Brothers.

  We left for boot camp at different times. This gave Chelsea time to adjust to life without us. She hated it. Every time I spoke to her, she was crying. It wasn’t until Owen graduated from boot camp that I found out the real reason why.

  I knew her father was verbally abusive to Owen. I knew he was an alcoholic. He had never once laid a hand on Chelsea. He had never been anything but kind and loving toward her. She was his angel. She was the last reminder he had of his wife. Chelsea was a mirror image of her mother.

  Over the years, it was Owen he focused all his anger at. He blamed him for the death of his wife. Owen wanted a baby brother or sister. Owen begged until his mother caved. Once Owen was gone, there was no one left to take his anger out on. Except Chelsea.

  When I found out what happened, I rushed home to be by her side. She needed me. Owen needed me. They needed someone to help them. That’s where my parents came in. They really stepped up that day, taking Chelsea in. They’d always loved her like a daughter, but this was a big step. They were becoming her guardians. It was now their job to keep her safe.

  Until I was out.

  With Owen’s blessing, I proposed to Chelsea before I left again. I wanted her to know I was always here for her. That when I returned, we were going to be together. My love for her was not bound by time or distance. She held my heart, and I wanted to know I held hers.

  We promised to love each other for the rest of our lives that night. If she had agreed, I would have married her right then. I could have taken her back with me if we had. I should have. Leaving felt wrong, but it wasn’t my choice. I had extended my trip as much as I was allowed. My time with her was up for now.

  David Hudson was a dangerous man. He was unpredictable. He was conniving. It took him all of two weeks to convince Chelsea to talk to him. He promised my parents he wouldn’t drink. He promised them they would go straight to the restaurant and back. Chelsea promised to call if she needed them.

  That call never came.

  The phone call they received was from the local sheriff.

  The phone call I received hours later was one I’ll never forget.

  He took her from me. He stole her future–our future–in the blink of an eye. Without warning, I went from happily in love with my new fiancée to heartbroken and devastated. My love for her has never faded. Neither has the pain I feel in my chest every time I think about her.

  2

  She’s here with me. I can feel it. I can feel her. I always do when I visit. It’s as if she waits for me. There are days like today that I love feeling her with me. In the beginning, I was so angry I hated it. I hated feeling like she was watching me, loving me, even though she wasn’t with me. All I could focus on was my anger. Now, I focus on her love, how I can still feel it in my heart.

  A few more steps and I’m standing in the same spot as every other time I visit. Dropping to my knees, I brush my hand across her headstone, pushing the fallen leaves aside, revealing only her name. A few more swipes and it’s clear. Tracing each letter with my pointer finger, I say her name aloud.

  Chelsea Ann Hudson

  Loving daughter, sister, and friend

  Daughter. David was an abusive asshole and an alcoholic. He’s the reason she’s gone, and he doesn’t deserve any recognition. It should be him buried here, not her. She should be wrapped in my arms with my ring on her finger. She deserved so much better than the hand she was dealt, and I was prepared to give her that life. A life with me protecting her from people like her father. Showing her what it meant to be loved by another with all their heart.

  He stole her from me.

  He stole that life from her.

  Sister. Owen is partially to blame as well. He doesn’t deserve recognition either in my mind. He convinced me she would be fine, promised me even. I wanted to believe him, too. How naive I was. I should have listened to my gut. Then he took off when he got the news, without even telling me. He knew I would try and stop him. He wasn’t rushing home to save her, she was already gone. He was rushing home to avenge her death. He served his time for the choices he made. It took us a long time, but we’re finally back to the way we once were, but it’s still there. The blame.

  Friend. I guess that’s where I fit in. I was more than that, though. She was more than that to me. She always had been. She was my best friend. My soulmate. My future and the best parts of my past. She was my everything. Until she wasn’t.

  My title, fiancée, may not be mentioned on her headstone, but my ring was on her finger when they lowered her into the ground. The moment they began throwing dirt over her casket, my heart stopped beating. It was buried with Chelsea that day, six years ago.

  I will never love another woman.

  Not like I loved Chelsea.

  The vibration of my phone against my leg startles me. It’s eerily quiet here today. I’ve visited her every single week since I came home after getting out of the Air Force. It’s never been this quiet before. Someone has always been around, paying their respects to their loved ones.

  Not today.

  Today, I find myself alone in the cemetery, feeling empty and alone on the inside as well.

  Owen. Damn him. What the hell does he want?

  “Hello?” I say, standing and turning my back to Chelsea’s grave. If this turns ugly, I don’t want her to witness it.

  “Hey, Jay.” Bliss’ voice brings a smile to my face. I’d talk to her any day over Owen.

  Sure, we’ve mended our friendship, but it would never have happened without her. Not to mention, he pissed me off yesterday when he called.

  “Bliss,” I reply excitedly. I don’t want her to think I’m upset with her because her husband is an asshole. “What’s up?”

  “Oh, you know. Calling you because the two of you are being childish again. I get to play middle-woman in your relationship. Like always.”

  “Not always,” I defend. “Once, maybe twice. And no one asked you to get in the middle of this. If he would stop making outrageous suggestions, I would stop calling him an asshole and hanging up on him.”

  There. If she’s going to take his side, then she can suck on that.

  “Okay, then. This wasn’t the way this conversation was supposed to go. I’m going to hang up now, call you back in an hour, and expect you to be nicer to me. I’m unable to fly down there right now and kick yours, but if I have to make the trip, I will. And I won’t be happy when I get there. Understood?”

  Leave it to Bliss to put things in perspective. Damn, she’s amazing. Owen is a lucky son of a bitch.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good. Talk to you soon.”

  Taking a deep breath, I turn to face Chelsea once more.

  “She’s great. I hope you can see that. She makes your brother happy and keeps his ass in line. Something neither of us was able to do.”

  Deep breath in, exhale. Saying it out loud makes it real, but I can do this.

  “Owen wants to set me up on a date with someone. He thinks it’s time I move on. I tried to explain I wasn’t ready, but he doesn’t understand. Just because he’s happy, he thinks he can make me happy, too. Like, dating and sex are the answer to all my problems. They’re not, by the way. The only way I could ever be happy would be to have you by my side again. Since that’s not possible, I’ll gladly live my boring, mundane life alone.”

  I’m not sure why I pause. It’s not like she’s going to answer me. I’m sure she would if she could. Chelsea always had an opinion on everything, especially when it came to the girls I dated. It used to make me laugh. I would te
ase her that she was jealous. At first, I was kidding. Then, I realized she was jealous. That was an eye-opening moment for me.

  Being the horny teenager I was back then, I only dated girls I knew would put out. Funny thing is, I never slept with them. Not even one. That’s why my relationships were short-lived. I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. I barely even liked any of them.

  Shaking my head, I push away those memories. I push away the memories of every time Chelsea gave me disapproving look. Every time she gave me a look of disappointment in my choices.

  Knowing that I don’t want to be here still when Bliss calls back, I say my goodbyes, kissing the tips of my fingers and placing them on her headstone. Looking over my shoulder only once as I drive away, a single tear escapes. Every time. I don’t even notice it’s happened until it lands on the top of my lip. I like to think that it’s Chelsea’s way of sending me a kiss in return so I don’t wipe it away. Instead, I straighten my shoulders and focus on the drive ahead of me.

  I’ll be back next week.

  The motions will be the same.

  The conversation will be one sided as it always is.

  It’ll end as it has for the past year, with one single tear as I drive away.

  3

  “I’m not going to pressure you into this, but I want you to know I think it’s a good idea,” Bliss says.

  She’s been trying to convince me to meet this girl for over a week now. I laughed about it yesterday when I told Chelsea. I imagined her laughing, too. It kept me from considering the idea.

  When I don’t reply, she continues. “Keep in mind, I know exactly what you went through. I went through the same thing when I thought I lost Owen. I was working on mending my heart when he walked back into my life.”