Shattered Dreams

by Brenda Kennedy

  “Alec, please don’t take it personally; she is acting that way to let you know to treat me right.”

  I pull out into the main road and Emma comments on the country music playing low on the radio. It’s good to know she likes country music. She also fills me in on her relationship with Brooke. She tells me if it weren’t for Brooke she doesn’t think she would have survived her husband’s death. She also tells me Brooke, her husband, and their two sons moved down here to be near her. It makes me understand Brooke’s concern for her friend a little better. I make a mental note to try to ease Brooke’s concerns.

  We arrive at the very prestigious restaurant at the country club. We use valet parking, and I am happy to see Emma is still seated in the car waiting for me to get her door for her. I reach my hand in for hers and she immediately takes it.

  “Shall we?” I offer her my elbow and she takes my hand instead. I look down at her and smile. We walk into the already crowded restaurant and when I give my name to the hostess, we are immediately taken to a small two-top round table by the window. The table is white linen, with a small flickering candle and a single red rose that decorates the center. I smile and look down at Emma before pulling her chair out for her.

  “Thank you.”

  She sits gingerly down on the chair and looks out the window. I unbutton my jacket, look around the room, and sit directly across from her.

  The waiter tells us the nightly specials and Emma orders a glass of champagne to drink. I go ahead and order us a bottle of champagne to share.

  “This is an amazing view.”

  I look out the window; the sun is beginning to set. “Have you ever been here before?”

  “No, this is my first time.”

  “They have excellent food: The view is just a bonus. Is there anything you’re in the mood for?”

  “No, not really. What’s good here?” Emma asks, but she doesn’t look at the menu.

  The waiter arrives and pours the champagne into our glasses.

  “Do you like seafood?” I ask.

  “Yes, I do.”

  I order two shrimp cocktail appetizers before the waiter leaves.

  “A toast?” I ask, holding up my champagne glass.

  “Of course.”

  “To new beginnings?” I ask.

  “Perfect, to new beginnings.” We clink our glasses and take a drink of the bubbly champagne.

  “Oh, this champagne is delicious. It’s a very good brand, Alec.”

  “Thank you, I wanted to be a chef when I was younger. So, one thing I know about is food and beverages — make that two things.”

  “That’s interesting. Do you cook a lot at home?”

  “I love to cook, I just don’t have the time to cook like I used to. Plus, it’s just Rae and me, so I find eating out suits us better than me cooking at home.”

  “Well, anytime you want to cook, feel free to cook for me. I know nothing about cooking, but I do love good food.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” I tell Emma what I think is good on the menu, but I also tell her I usually order one of the specials whenever I go out.

  “Why do you do that?”

  “I do that because it gives me the opportunity to try something new and I very seldom have been disappointed.” I watch her as she lays the white linen napkin across her lap. “Have you decided what you’re having?”

  “Well, Alec, I usually always order the same thing every time I go out to a fancy restaurant, but it’s a new year and I’m going to live on the edge, so I’ll have whatever special you’re having.”

  “You really are living on the edge,” I say, laughing.

  “Since I have no idea what you’re having, it is on the edge for me.”

  “Well, Emma, I’ll try not to disappoint you.”

  The waiter brings our shrimp cocktails and I order two of the grilled salmon entrées with lemon butter, roasted red potatoes, and fresh sautéed green beans. I watch Emma the entire time I order to see her facial expression. She smiles and watches me, never giving me any idea whether she likes what I ordered or not. Once the waiter leaves, I look at her and smile. “You’re a very hard person to read.”

  “Why, thank you.”

  I ask her, “You said that you usually always order the same thing every time you go out to a fancy restaurant. What do you usually order?”

  “Shrimp cocktail, grilled salmon with lemon butter, roasted red potatoes, and fresh sautéed green beans.”

  I can’t tell if she’s joking.

  Emma

  When Max was alive, he once told me that he could read my soul just from looking into my eyes. After his death, I learned to hide my feelings. I didn’t want people to see my sadness every time they looked at me. Having a game face when other people usually wear their heart on their sleeve is a compliment.

  As Alec and I watch the sunset, he reaches over the table to hold my hand. I like holding hands with him. I get butterflies in my belly when he touches me that I haven’t had in a few years.

  Our dinner arrives and he watches me intently. I try hard not to close my eyes and savor the aroma. My mouth waters and I have to swallow. I notice that he doesn’t salt or pepper his food.

  I take a bite of my food and it is just as good as it smells.

  “This is delicious. I usually salt my food, but this is perfect just as it is,” I say.

  We finish our dinner, order coffee, and share a piece of chocolate mousse cake. Alec talks about his job with enthusiasm. He loves being a doctor and helping people. I share about my job; although I don’t love it, I do love Sara and Brea.

  Once Alec settles up the check, he stands tall, buttons up his jacket and walks over to pull my chair out for me. I stand and take his hand immediately. He intertwines our fingers together, and I hold onto his arm with my free hand. This feels so natural to be with him, to be touching him.

  “Do you need to use the little girl’s room?”

  I look at him and start laughing. “I do, but I usually call it the powder room,” I say, still laughing.

  He laughs too when he realizes what he said. “I’m sorry, Emma. I’m so used to being with Raelynn. I’m still learning, remember? The powder room is this way.”

  We walk around the corner and he lets go of my hand.

  “Just give me a minute.”

  “I’ll be here waiting.”

  I wash my hands, freshen my makeup to cover the shine on my face and check my teeth. Once I am happy with myself, I walk out expecting to have to look for Alec. To my surprise he is standing in the exact same spot as when I left. I walk over to him and take his hand in mine. “You didn’t have to wait for me; I would have found you.”

  “I know” is all he says.

  We walk outside and the valet has his car pulled around and running. I smile as he opens my door for me. I look up at him, stand on my tiptoes, and kiss him on his cheek. “Thank you,” I say before sitting on the passenger seat of his black, brand-new BMW.

  We drive home holding hands in his car while the music plays softly in the background. He drives slowly and cautiously, and I have to wonder if he drives like this all the time. He pulls up in my driveway and looks around. The porch light and the garage lights are on but inside the house is dark. My street is very brightly lit, with the help of all the street lights on it. I look over at Brooke and Brice’s house and I can see the flickering lights of the TV through the windows. Alec gets out and walks over to open my car door for me. I take his hand and try to stand tall next to him. “I may need higher heels if we go out again,” I say, looking up at him.

  “When we go out again,” he corrects, “and these are high enough. Any higher, I’ll worry about you falling.”

  Alex has that macho tone again and I get goose bumps. Why do I find that so sexy?

  I continue to hold his hand as he walks me to the front porch. He stops at the front door and smiles down at me. “You are pretty petite,” he says, laughing.

  “I know, I hate bei
ng so short.” I frown.

  “I like it. He bends down to kiss me. I stand on my tiptoes and try to get closer to him. He wraps his arms around my waist, and I wrap my arms around his neck. This kiss is more intimate than the last one. His kiss is deeper and slightly more aggressive. I kiss him back, and when I feel his tongue against my lips, I open my mouth slightly for him.

  He moans and holds me closer to him. I touch his soft hair and I pull him closer to me.

  The kiss ends, but his mouth is still touching mine. “Would you like to come in?” I whisper. My breath is labored and heavy.

  He backs away and smiles with dark eyes. “Emma, I would love to, but I won’t. Thank you for the offer.”

  I am disappointed. I’m not ready to end the evening with him. “Oh, are you sure?”

  “No, but if I want to remain a gentleman, I need to go home. Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

  I smile when I understand the meaning of his words. “Thank you. I had a wonderful evening, too. The food was delicious.”

  “House key?” he asks.

  I reach into my clutch and hand him the house key. I watch as he unlocks the door and opens it wide for me to walk through. He doesn’t come in but stands there waiting for me to lay my keys and clutch down on the table. I look at the flowers and the wrapped gift sitting on the table.

  I turn around and walk over to him. “Alec, thank you so much for a wonderful evening. The flowers, James’ gift, the restaurant; everything was just wonderful.”

  “Emma, you are more than welcome. I also had a wonderful evening. Would you like to go out again next weekend?”

  “Yes, I would,” I say, a little too quickly.

  He bends down to kiss me again, “I’ll call you later this week. Lock up and have a good night.”

  I kiss him back, “Ok, thank you, again.” I back up slowly, close the door, and lock it just as he has instructed me to do. I rest against the door and gently touch my lips. His kisses are so soft and sweet.

  Alec

  I slowly walk off of Emma’s porch towards my car. I wasn’t ready to end this perfect night. I made the right decision to not accept her offer and go into her house. I don’t want to move too fast with her. I definitely like her, and I like spending time with her. I drive home with a smile on my face. I think back to her staying seated in the car until I opened her door for her. I like that about her.

  I pull up to an empty house. Raelynn is staying the night with her grandparents. My street is dim with the glow of one street light illuminating the entire road. I grab a beer and sit on the rocking chair on the lanai. I have this urge to text Emma. It’s odd, but I miss her already.

  Alec: Are you asleep?

  Emma: No, I can’t sleep.

  Alec: I was thinking, I don’t want to wait a whole week to see you again.

  Emma: I don’t either.

  Alec: Good, would you like to take the kids to dinner and then to Jump and Fun tomorrow?

  Emma: Yes, James would love that.

  Alec: Is 4:00 too early?

  Emma: No, it’s perfect.

  Alec: Good; good night, and I can’t wait to see you.

  Emma: Good night, Alec. I already miss you.

  I reread our text messages with a grin on my face. I hope I’m not moving too fast for her. I like her, and I love spending time with her and James. He is such a special kid. I lock up and shower before bed. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling. I remember the feel of her soft hands and of her soft lips against mine. I remember her appreciation for good food, good champagne, and even the view at the restaurant.

  I wake up early, feeling excited. I shower and get Rae from my parents. I talk privately to my dad about Emma. He tells me I shouldn’t have any regrets about Molly and if I have feelings towards Emma, I should act on them. He also advises me to always be a gentleman and to not forget about her son. Since I have a daughter, I don’t think that it would be possible for me to forget about or exclude James.

  Raelynn and I drive the short distance to Emma and James’ house. She skips beside me up the driveway and to the front porch. Emma opens the door and smiles.

  “Hi, Raelynn, you look pretty.”

  “Hi, Miss Emma, thank you.”

  “Please come in.”

  She opens the door and Rae skips past her and into the house. I look at her and smile. “Hi, I missed you,” I say as I bend down to kiss her.

  “I missed you, too.”

  I kiss her again.

  She says, “Just give me a minute to get James’ shoes on.”

  When we all get buckled in the car, I ask where everyone would like to eat. The kids all yell, “Hungry Howie’s,” and I look at Emma.

  She doesn’t express a likeness or a dislike to the kids’ choice of eateries. Grilled salmon at the country club one day, all-you-can-eat-pizza at Hungry Howie’s another day. She really does have a good game face. Maybe being a mother makes her flexible. I pull out of the driveway and Emma reaches over for my hand. We hold hands and she intertwines our fingers. I look over at her, and she smiles at me.

  We have dinner at the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet before heading to Jump and Fun. The indoor unlimited jump house is too busy for us to talk. We watch the kids and continue to hold hands. We stand up to get a better view and she leans into me. I wrap my arm around her and she hugs me back with one arm around my waist.

  When I take her home later that night, Raelynn and James play in the bedroom while Emma and I “talk” on the couch. I lean in to kiss her and she wraps her arms around my neck. She moans and I deepen our kiss. She leans forward even more and I lift her up off the couch and set her on my lap. When she pulls on my hair and pulls me closer to her, I know she can feel my growing erection beneath her.

  “Daddy, can we take James and Miss Emma and get ice cream tomorrow?” Rae asks.

  Emma startles and jumps off my lap and falls to the ground. I can’t stand to help her because of being compromised.

  Raelynn covers her mouth and takes off running down the hallway and into James’ room. “James, my daddy was kissing your momma,” she yells, “and they have cooties.”

  I look down at Emma and she is laughing. I laugh, too. I reach my hand out for hers and she readily takes it. She stands and brushes off her dress and sits back down beside me. “You do understand why I couldn’t stand to help you, don’t you?”

  She smiles. “Yes, we don’t need to traumatize our children with that!” she says, pointing at my crotch.

  “As soon as I get myself under control, we’ll leave. It’ll go down a lot quicker if you aren’t in the same room with me.” I wink.

  Emma leans in and kisses me. “I’ll go and smooth things over with the kids and you take care of that.”

  Emma leaves the room, and I can hear her talking to the kids about germs and cooties. I try to focus my thoughts on anything but Emma. After a few minutes, I am able to walk down the hall and into James’ room.

  Emma, James, and Raelynn are all sitting on James’ bed. I lean into the doorway and listen to her as she tries to explain to the kids that when you really like someone it’s all right to kiss them. I walk further into the room and say, “And we do not have cooties.”

  The kids giggle and Emma looks back at me. “Come on, Rae, it’s time for us to head home.”

  “Ok, daddy, but is James going to be my brother?”

  I think about that and I’m not sure how to answer that question. Emma stands up and says, “Not today, he isn’t.”

  Raelynn, James, and then Emma walk out of the bedroom.

  “Good save, Ms. Greyson.”

  “No thanks to you, Mr. Collins.”

  We all walk to the door and I stand there and look at Emma. “It’s getting harder and harder to leave you.”

  She leans her small body into mine. “I know. I hate when our time together comes to an end.”

  “I have work tomorrow, but I’ll see you Tuesday at taekwondo?”

  “Yes, we’ll be th
ere.”

  “Would you like to take the kids to dinner afterwards? Raelynn doesn’t usually have time to eat dinner before her class,” I add, because I don’t want her to think I’m moving too fast or something.

  “Ok, taekwondo and dinner it is. I’ll ride with Brooke and you can bring us home afterwards if that’s ok.”

  “Sounds perfect. I’ll see you both on Tuesday.”

  The next couple months go by quickly. I see Emma and James at taekwondo two nights a week and I also see them every day that we don’t have taekwondo. Today I am picking them up so Emma and I can go to dinner alone. Rae is at Molly’s parents’ house for the night. I am taking James to Max’s parents’ home, also for the night. Emma told me they are still very much a part of her life and that will never change. I am man enough to respect that. I know Max isn’t a threat to my relationship with Emma. I just hope Max’s parents don’t see me as a threat.

  Emma, James, and I are in the car outside of Max’s parents’ house.

  “Just give me a minute,” she says, as she lets go of my hand that she was holding.

  I look over and smile at her beautiful flawless face. “I’ll get your door for you.” I get out of my car and stand tall. I feel like I am being watched, although I don’t see anyone. I button up my jacket and walk to the other side of the car. I open James’ door for him first and help him out of his booster seat. “James, wait here for your momma.”

  “All right, Alec.”

  I open Emma’s door and offer her my hand. She smiles and takes it. She stands and straightens her dress. “Would you like to come in and meet them?” she asks, and I can’t read the expression on her face. I have no idea if she is saying that to be nice or if I should really meet them.

  “Yes, I think I would. If I were them, I would want to meet the guy dating my son’s wife.” She looks at me with a smile, and I say, “Wait, that didn’t come out like I wanted it to.”

  “No, it didn’t, but I know what you meant.” She holds James’ hand and she also holds my hand like she always does. “Come on, they will love you.”

  “I doubt that,” I whisper and walk to the front door with her. The door opens before we get off the cobblestone sidewalk. An attractive older couple is standing in the doorway. James runs up to them and hugs them immediately before turning back to hug his mother goodbye.