Letting Go (A Mitchell Family Series)

by Unknown

  I finished my drink and got up for a second one. Ty managed to get himself standin’ “This fucking metal in my leg is giving me Hell.”

  I grabbed his glass and filled them both. “I hope you are right about Savanna.” After taking a few big gulps, I looked over at my cousin. “Her favorite color is blue. Not light blue. Not dark blue. Just a medium blue.”

  Ty shook his head. “You do realize you sound like a teenager?”

  “I aint never felt this way Ty. I know in the pit of my stomach that she is it. Maybe the timing is bad, but she is the girl for me.”

  “Want me to call her?” Ty asked.

  “Hell no! You did enough. She wanted to leave because of some shit you told her. Thanks for that, you little prick.”

  He started laughin’, “You deserved as much. If we are being honest here, you were a shitty cousin.”

  “I tried to resist cuz. I swear I did.”

  He picked up his paddle and started playing his game again. “I bet you did. How long did it take her to get to you?”

  “About twenty four hours.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how long she made me wait to have sex with her? You lucky son of a bitch.”

  I shook my head and laughed. Finally, I picked up a paddle and played football with my cousin, as if nothing had happened between us.

  Chapter 31

  Savanna

  Walking away from Colt was not what I pictured myself doing. I wanted to come home for a few reasons. The first being that Colt and Ty needed to work things out. If I told them that is why I left it never would have worked, but I had a feeling that by tomorrow, they would at least be on speaking terms. The second reason I left was because I wanted some time alone to think about everything. Colt and I had spent pretty much the past seven weeks together. The first month we were hot and heavy as much as we could be, but the past two weeks were focused on Ty. When I thought that Colt didn’t want me, it was the hardest for me to deal with. I felt empty inside and I knew that no matter how much I tried, Ty could never fill the void. By some miracle, Colt was just as in love with me as I was him.

  After Ty found out, well everything had been crazy since. I just wanted some me time. I need to talk to my mother. My parents weren’t the richest people. They barely made ends meet and I knew that their one wish for me was that I would graduate college. My mom also knew how I felt about Colt. After the shortest engagement in history, I figured I should sit down and tell her what all was going on.

  When I got into the house, I broke down and started crying in the foyer. My mother came running out of the kitchen and managed to sit me on the steps. “What is wrong Van?”

  “Oh Mom, everything is a mess.” I cried. “Ty and I are over. He has been cheating on me since we were first going out. I gave him back the ring and everything.”

  My mother sat beside me. She stroked my hair and held me close to her. “I am so sorry he hurt you honey.”

  I shook my head. “That isn’t the worst part Mom. It isn’t the worst by a long shot.”

  She pushed the hair out of my face. “What’s wrong honey? What happened?”

  “It’s Colt. He loves me. Ty knows. They won’t stop fighting. I just can’t take it anymore.” I admitted.

  “Well, after Ty confessed to cheating, I would imagine you made your mind up who you want to be with?” She asked.

  “Actually, I made my mind up right after I said yes to Ty. I saw him with a bunch of girls and got upset. I went running during the storm and ran into Colt. He told me the truth about how he felt. I had been so stupid to not know.”

  “Oh honey. Forgive me, but I am really confused. Are you upset because of Ty? Did Colt say he couldn’t be with you?”

  “No Mom. Colt wants me to be with him. He wants me to move home with him this fall.” I explained.

  My mother stopped rubbing my back. When I looked up, she was looking straight and rubbing her face, something she did when she was thinking.

  “Mom, I told him I can’t go. I have to finish school. This is my only chance. I have to stay.”

  She shook her head and started to tear up. “Van, the past year has been horrible for you. I can’t imagine everything that you have gone through. We didn’t even know if Ty was going to make it. Now, it turns out he wasn’t the guy we all thought he was. I just want you to know that when you first told me about Colt, I saw a sparkle in your eye that I had never seen before. He does something to you. I never thought I would ever say this, but you are my daughter and you being happy is more important to me than any kind of diploma. If you want to be with Colt, then give him a chance. If you don’t then I know you will regret it.”

  “How did you know that Dad was the one?”

  She shrugged. “He gave me you.”

  I pushed her shoulder. “That isn’t funny.”

  “Okay. I guess imagining my life without him makes me feel like I can’t breathe. We have had tough times, but always managed to stay together. Relationships are hard work honey, I doesn’t matter how old you are.”

  “Even though I met Colt when I was around ten, we have only been together for a little over a month. I just don’t want to rush into something that I am unsure of.”

  My mother put her hand on my knee. “This past year has been the worst of your life. I am just wondering if you wouldn’t be better going to another school. Nobody is telling you that you have to quit. Half of your tuition is through federal grants. Most are transferrable. I am not saying you should or shouldn’t leave, but sometimes starting somewhere fresh can make life a while lot easier.”

  I leaned my head on her shoulder. “Sometimes, I feel like you are trying to get rid of me.”

  “Savanna, you act like it is far away. Kentucky is only a car ride away. It can’t be more then a five hours drive to that farm.”

  “It is just all happening so fast. I mean, I want to hate Ty for all the years he lied to me, but I just can’t. I want to tell Colt that I want to be with him, but I am so afraid of change. I just don’t know.”

  I got up and walked up the steps to my room. I just wanted to be alone for a little while and think about everything.

  My bedroom was just how I left it. The bed was always made. Posters of scholars filled my walls and books covered the shelves. I sat down on my bed and looked around. I had dedicated every moment of my life to one certain goal and after just the small amount of time I had spent with Colt, none of this seemed right anymore.

  My phone continued to ring and vibrate until it finally died. I didn’t bother charging it, because there wasn’t anyone I wanted to talk to right now. Ty and Colt were probably still beating each other to a pulp. I didn’t blame either of them for having hard feelings. Colt and I had jumped into something with no regard for what it would do to anyone else, mostly because we never thought it would become something so serious.

  Ty really did a number on me. When I sat back and thought about it, I hated myself for not realizing what a cheater he was. He always seemed to love me, but now I wondered if he even knew what the word meant. He clearly used his other head to do his thinking. Colt on the other hand, was almost too perfect. I didn’t deserve him, in fact, I had no idea why he loved me. Even the fact that he took the risk and slept with me that first time seemed strange.

  At any rate, I couldn’t deny the way that man made me feel. Everything made sense when we were together. He brought me out of the darkest part of my life. Maybe my mother was right? Maybe I did need to just start a new future? Doesn’t everything happen for a reason? Maybe all along I was supposed to be with Colt?”

  I woke up the next morning still laying on top of my covers and in my clothes. After a good stretch, I reached over to check my phone and remembered I let it die. I plugged it in and waited for it to power up. I had a bunch of missed calls. I started to feel bad as I dialed into my voicemail. Hearing Colt’s deep voice sent chills down my body. He didn’t say much in his first messages, but the last one was differe
nt.

  “Darlin, I have to go home. My father got hurt yesterday and is in the hospital. I tried to call you on the way to the airport. Please call me when you get this. I love you.”

  With shaky hands, I dialed Colt’s number. It went straight to voicemail.

  I tried three more times.

  Reluctantly, as I contemplated calling Ty, my phone started ringing. Thinking it was Colt, I picked it up before looking. “Hello?”

  “Hey babe, it’s me Ty. Listen Colt had to leave and you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

  “When is he coming back?”

  “I don’t know if he can. If my uncle is bad off, I imagine he won’t leave.”

  Tears started running down my face. The last thing I said to Colt was how I wasn’t going to go home with him.

  “Ty, he thinks I don’t want him. You have to help me.”

  I heard him laughing. “Seriously? Do you know how fucked up that request is?”

  “Please.”

  “He will call you when he lands.”

  “How do I get to his parents farm?”

  “Are you serious right now?”

  “Ty please! I need the address.”

  “You can’t drive all that way yourself. Come pick me up. I will go with you.”

  I didn’t even question it. “I will be there in fifteen minutes.”

  I kissed my mother before running out of the house. She saw my bag packed and just shook her head smiling. She had no idea I was about to drive out of state to prove to my boyfriend that I was ready to let go of my past and have a future with him.

  When I got to the farm, Ty was standing outside waiting for me. He was now using some crazy looking cane. He hobbled in the car and leaned over to kiss my cheek. When he pulled away, he giggled. “Sorry, it’s habit.”

  “Whatever! You are here to navigate.”

  “Just to be clear. I am doing this because I owe you for being a shitty boyfriend. I want you to remember that when you are in my cousin’s arms tonight.”

  I looked over at him just before pulling off the dirt road. I couldn’t help but smile thinking about being there with Colt.

  After driving four hours, I was starving and had to stop to eat. Ty was keeping me good company. He never once attempted to change my mind about Colt. He did however ask if we could be secret fuck buddies. That was Ty though. He finally stopped when I started talking about the size of Colt’s package. He made gagging sounds for at least five miles of travel.

  When we made it to the Kentucky border, I felt something wrong as I was driving. Ty noticed it too and told me to pull over. “Looks like you got a flat babe.” He announced.

  I smacked him on the arm. “Stop calling me that! You lost that privilege, remember?”

  “Yeah, whatever. You going to get out and help me, or pout more?”

  I shook my head and got out of the car. I wasn’t even sure if I had a spare tire. We made it to the back of the car and had to remove a year’s worth of crap from the trunk to get to the spare. Ty bitched and shook his head the whole time. There was a bunch of our stuff in there. I still had some of his clothes in bags from when we would sleep out at the barn.

  “For someone that wants to move on, you sure have a bunch of my shit.”

  “Cleaning out my car was the last of my priorities you jerk!” I flipped him the finger, while he continued to dig the remaining items from the trunk. I was getting nervous as he lifted up the carpet covering where a spare tire would be.

  Thankfully, there was a tire in there. It was a donut, but it would work. “So does it need air?” I asked.

  “Probably. Did you even know you had it?” He asked.

  “Not really. I never looked for it before.”

  He shook his head. “I remember when you got this car. I went with your dad to check it out.”

  I smiled and helped him get all set up before I started putting all of the crap back in the trunk. Ty got right to work changing the tire. He even started to sing while he worked. I couldn’t help but giggle and give him funny looks. He was taunting me, trying to get me to laugh at him.

  By the time the tire was replaced, we climbed back in the car and started heading for the closest gas station to get some air in it. Due to the fact that Ty moved slower than a slug, I jumped out and insisted on doing it myself. He hopped out and said I didn’t know anything about tire pressure and would do more damage than good. Because he pissed me off, calling me incapable, I stormed into the store to get us some snacks.

  When I came back out, I handed him a root beer and a bag of his favorite chips. He smiled and opened them up right away. “Thanks babe. You always did know me best.”

  I shoved him again. “Seriously Ty, stop with the babes. Obviously, I didn’t know you enough, otherwise, I wouldn’t have been repeatedly cheated on.”

  He turned to face me while I started driving. “Van that was always my dick making those decisions. My heart always belonged to you.” His hand brushed my knee and I pulled over the car as fast as I could.

  “Don’t touch me Ty! Did you really just say that your dick made the decisions? Do you know how ridiculous you sound? You made the decisions. I was never enough for you. More than anything in this world, I hate liars and cheaters. Now, I am really trying hard not to hate you, but dammit, you deserve where you are at. How could you be so self centered. If I found out all of that stuff and didn’t have Colt, I might have just offed myself. Don’t you know how much you hurt me? How much you are still hurting me?”

  He slowly set the bag of chips down and lowered his head. I had raised my voice and even though he had secrets, he did know me. He knew I’d had enough of his games. “Van, I’m so sorry. You’re right. I never thought about what it would do to you. I can spend my while life trying to get your forgiveness, but it will never happen will it?”

  “I loved you so much Ty. God, when you were in that hospital it was Hell. I wanted to take everything back and have the future that we always talked about. I wanted to love you forever. There was never anyone else for me. When we broke up, I never even talked to another guy. I just wanted to focus on school, I never really left our commitment.” I turned off the car and faced him. My eyes started filling with tears and I hated that he was seeing me cry over him. “If Colt hadn’t come into my life, I don’t know what I would have done if Heather or someone else told me the truth. I tried to consider learning it any other way than I did that night when we were all drinking, but none would have been any easier. You shattered me. Even though I already knew my relationship with Colt was what I wanted, hearing the truth about you, well it hurt just the same. All those years, you lied to me. I was never enough. Why couldn’t you just let me go? Why did you keep me if you needed more?”

  He hesitated before answering. I felt his hands reach up and touch my cheek. For that moment, I didn’t make him stop. He brushed away my tears. “Because I couldn’t imagine you being with anyone else. I didn’t want anyone else to have you.”

  “It’s not fair Ty. What you did was wrong.”

  “I know it. I just couldn’t share you. I wanted to only want you Van. I swear I tried to be good. I just can’t do it.” He reached over and pulled me across the seat, into his chest. “I swear to you that I love you. I have only ever loved you Van. I never would have divorced you. I would have given you all the kids you wanted. I would have given you everything.”

  I shook my head and pulled away. “I believe you would have, but what I really wanted was to be the only one for you. That is all I ever wanted.”

  He looked away. “I know babe. I know.”

  I didn’t correct him. I felt his pain in his voice. He knew he screwed up. He knew I was never going to be his again. It was enough punishment. Me being with Colt was the constant reminder that would haunt him forever.

  I reached over and played with his hair. “I forgive you Ty, but only because I know you seeing me with Colt is torture. I feel bad for that, as stupid as it is. Every other woman woul
d want revenge, but I can’t be like that. I just want to move forward.”

  Before I could speak or move out of the way, Ty leaned over and kissed me. He grabbed the back of my head and held me there against his lips. There was no tongue or some kind of romantic attempts, it was just a kiss. When he pulled away, he looked right into my eyes. “Saying good bye to you hurts me so much. I try to be tough, but you make me want to never cheat again. I am such a fucking idiot. I had to lose you to realize that you are all I want. I don’t want to see you with him.” He turned to look out the window and hit the side of my car with his fist. “Dammit!”

  As much as I wanted to see Colt, I needed to be here for Ty. I couldn’t just ignore his feelings, even if he was a total asshole. “Are you okay?”

  I reached over and grabbed his shoulder. He immediately pulled away. “Just don’t. My life is ruined. I can’t play football. I lost my license. I am being sued and I lost you. What the fuck do I have to live for?”

  He started crying.

  After I tried to grab him again, he got out of the car and leaned against it as he just let go. I gave him a couple minutes before I climbed out. He tried to wipe away the tears as I approached. I didn’t hesitate as I reached both of my arms around his and put my head against his chest. I didn’t say a word. There was nothing I could say. I couldn’t change anything for him and I wasn’t going to lie and give him false hope. We were over. He lost his ability and was in trouble with the law. He made those choices himself. I couldn’t fix him.

  When he finally put his arms around me, I knew he was at least calming down. He kissed the top of my head. “I am never going to find someone as good as you. I fucked up so bad.”

  I looked up at him. “There is someone out there for you Ty. When you find her, you will know. You won’t want to imagine your life without her and you won’t ever want to be with anyone else.”

  “I already felt that way, but I let her go.” He said sadly.

  Our faces were about six inches apart. I could feel him breathing. His hands cupped the side of my face. I couldn’t look at him so I closed my eyes.